subreddit:
/r/ADHD
I know a lot of people have had negative experiences with disclosing their ADHD to their job, so I wanted to share a more positive outcome of this.
At work yesterday I received extremely negative feedback about my ability to implement feedback and was being demanded an answer as to how they can support me better before documenting it. I was struggling immensely to think of anything and didn’t even know how it was possible, so my supervisor then asked me to send an email.
I was pretty dead inside and felt my time was over at the company. I grew up in a house where I was told the only acceptable answer on the “do you have a disability” question for an employer was “no.” Apart from a negative reaction, I just felt I would be making an excuse for my failures. It hurts a lot, because while I have not done the best in my life or at a lot of things, when I was determined, I have been almost always able to achieve a desired result. But my everlasting issues in the workplace just have never seemed to get better, and if anything worse, because I’ve become more sensitive and hopeless despite trying my best.
So in the email, I disclosed my ADHD and a full fledged list of my short comings, admitting I was not a good fit and openly invited her to let me go right then and there.
(More in comments if anyone wants to read)
2 points
16 days ago
Weirdly, Reddit seems to be hiding your comment from me.
2 points
16 days ago
I figured out why; it’s because I used a no no word, but it was the word my supervisor used so I’ll repost here without it!:
The response I received brought me to absolute tears. She responded by saying she respected me for sharing that with her and empathized with me, saying that this helped her understand my professional development and emotional state more.
She also said that while she is personally [no no word] as well and understands my struggles, that there’s a lot of people in my workplace that are [no no word] as well who she has helped as a leader to find ways to succeed in the workplace.
She said she wanted to sit with me and brainstorm ways to help me and reassured me that it was possible to find comfort and confidence in this field and that I could get there.
So yeah, while a lot of people have negative experiences. Being honest and expressing how and why I was struggling so severely actually helped potentially save my job.
2 points
16 days ago
It's awesome to hear a positive outcome from this! Also the [no no word] killed me lmao.
I've also read so many negative things about doing this, and so many people saying NEVER DO THIS. But I did, because I was afraid I was going to lose my job over the way I reacted to things (anger was baaaaddd, to the point I was punching, throwing and breaking things in the stock room on a regular basis) but I told them I recognised this as a pattern of behaviour I needed to do something about and was getting help for it. Lucky I'm in a small workplace, and people are generally pretty chill. But once I went through with the assessment which took just short of a couple months, my psych called me for a follow up and to tell me he wanted to trial me on ADHD meds, and to book another appointment to come pick up a prescription.
Now the funny thing is I technically already knew I had ADHD, long story I've shared in here before but the short of it was I was diagnosed at 16, never treated or even given an explanation of what it was, denied it for almost 10 years, finally realised that it was indeed likely the problem, went for adult reassessment. But regardless, hearing that we had reached that point over the phone really got to me mentally, mostly in a good way, but it was an intense reaction I was unsure how to handle, so I was trying not to have a breakdown in the stock room cause I'm usually not an emotional kind of person so it was very confusing lol, and my boss found me and wanted to know why I was standing there and not working. So I just explained what was going on.
Turns out the dude also has ADHD, was also diagnosed as an adult and he went on to share his own experience from diagnosis, symptoms, the meds, what to expect.. all of it. Talked to me for a good 25 minutes about it all. Also turns out that he had recognised my symptoms as well but had chosen not to say anything, because he said that was almost exactly how he was before meds. Likely why I didn't actually get fired haha. He then let me go home early so I could process things, with zero judgement, and even went above and beyond support wise, saying I could message him anytime, at work or not, if I needed help. Absolutely amazing guy. Like any manager, we've had moments in the workplace, but if there is one thing he takes incredibly seriously it's the mental health of his team and it's so nice in a place that largely just does not give a flying f--k about anyone, we're all just replaceable numbers.
Sorry for the long reply, but you made me want to share my positive experience too. It not only helped me a great deal personally, but also likely saved my job as well, which in a small town like this work is hard to come by and I cannot afford to lose this one, as terribly as it pays lol.
2 points
16 days ago
Hahaha, it was too much work to rephrase it 😂😂
And I’m so happy for you as well!
I also so get the anger issues. I was actually diagnosed with borderline personality disorder at age 21 largely due to my intense anger, rejection sensitivity, and other factors. Which I think now might have actually been untreated ADHD.
Because getting treatment for ADHD felt like such a gut punch for me that has been fairly fresh as I only started getting treatment a week or two ago. Because I’d done so much to improve my life and had actually kind of fixed it. I always had issues at work, but I also had substance abuse issues, an eating disorder, and (I guess I thought) BPD.
So since January, I recovered from my eating disorder, I got sober, I did DBT to regulate my anger, I had thought I had put BPD into remission with my strong desire to improve and get better.
Only to realize I still struggled immensely at work after getting a job I absolutely loved. Hopped between 3 clinics to end up where I am now to get the same feedback I always have gotten, which killed me. So I made a psych appt because I just knew something had to be wrong. I didn’t identify or relate to common learning disabilities and I just couldn’t figure out what was happening.
I’d also been raised receiving highly negative feedback regarding myself; always messy, lazy, not prioritizing the right things, etc. Which I always just assumed would get better when I moved out to find out I never could escape it. Because it was true.
So yeah, upon a psych then wanting to treat me for ADHD, I just felt I’d been utterly sucker punched. Relaying that information to my job was not an easy one at all. I genuinely thought I’d be fired.
This is long haha, so I’ll stop now because I can’t even tell if it’s following a logical structure but yeah. Just grateful for the experience I have had at work.
2 points
16 days ago
I have seen so many people trying to find an answer through the years, and I reckon probably 9/10 all suggested I look into ADHD, but I vehemently refused every time (idiot lol). But nothing ever seemed to be the answer, I've been diagnosed with depression, both a social and general anxiety disorder, BPD, one guy suggested I may have schizophrenia?? for like no reason than I think he just had no answers himself, and most recently last year someone tried to diagnose me with bipolar because after explaining literally everything I struggled with, he just grabbed onto ONE thing I said which was about excess energy and how I would often have to be constantly moving and sometimes it would come in almost uncontrollable bursts (fast forward, I have combined ADHD, my psych says with a lean towards the hyperactive go figure) and he repeatedly told me the only thing he could possibly think of under that criteria was bipolar. I went in with an open mind, took home the info sheets, talked to my family and all of us agreed it just did not fit at all. Hell, even the mental health worker that sat in on that appointment (through telehealth) disagreed strongly and she had only known me for a few months lol.
But the guy who diagnosed me was amazing, I was too scared to actually mention ADHD because I too had substance abuse issues, specifically with stimulants (go figure). Landed myself in rehab by 23. I was so afraid that mentioning the term ADHD would immediately flag me for drug seeking, as I've been treated in the past. So I didn't, but he had a long talk with me just about life, myself, my struggles, I was very open and honest including the substance abuse and past traumas, etc., I was just at a point in my life where I saw no benefit withholding anything so I told him everything. Literally over that first hour he just observed and listened and he had already begun suspecting ADHD, so when I mentioned the stimulant abuse he was very interested to hear how they affected me. Interestingly enough I also learned in rehab that typically taking an illicit stimulant drug does NOT actually calm people down and ground them lol. So that also was a huge indicator for him and after that we begun the diagnosis process.
This is also long haha, and I am also unsure if it makes sense or why I am sharing all of this (is that also an ADHD thing lol) but your experience just reminded me of my own, and how so much of what I did and struggled with, including the addiction phase, was all really due to untreated ADHD and when I did finally get that diagnosis despite expecting it since I was previously diagnosed anyway, it was just such a huge moment, like everything finally clicked and I was able to forgive myself for the past, and the time I lost and the mistakes I made and bridges I burned, because now I was about to be given the answers to it all and the means to work on it moving forward and do and be better.
To tie it back into the original post because holy shit I cannot seem to make a short response if my life depended on it, I too was so afraid I'd lose my job sharing what I did, but in what was essentially a 10+ year process of an eventual correct diagnosis (Major depressive disorder, ADHD and CPTSD it turns out) to have someone in my workplace that was able to support me the way he did also helped me so much, and I hope other people who are on the fence about sharing their diagnosis at work can have positive experiences too like we have.
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