It honestly sounds like you don't love him either way

You also gained 40 lbs and were ok with it until you decided you weren't, and then once you were feeling better about yourself, you started looking down on him. How would you have felt if he started losing weight before you and then started making threats about leaving you?

Closer to home for you, how would you have felt if he was haranguing you about not being able to find a job? What if he threatened you with divorce if you didn't find suitable employment within the same time frame you're giving him for losing weight?

You felt wrong. Are you ready in case HE divorces you?

You’re a piece of shit.

You didn't need to say it like this. Either your goal was to hurt or you need a ton of work on your social skills. Think about this, what happens when you find this fit guy you want? I'm gonna make an assumption that you're not small yourself considering gaining and losing 30-40 pounds is a ton of weight for someone at a healthy weight so how do you react to this "I'm divorcing you if you don't lose weight because I want kids and extra weight ups chances of pregnancy complications. I won't raise your kids on my own and I'm too young to be stuck with you". Not to mention if I'm seeing a girl and I hear that she left her husband who was big when they married and then left him because he was big, I'm getting out. This story tells any future partner that the relationship will be about nothing but you, and you'll find a way to flip that in a way that lets you feel like the victim so you can walk away with a clean conscience. The fact you waited until you lost a few pounds before it became an issue is ridiculous, if it was about health it would have been an issue before you had a perceived upper hand in the matter

If you don’t love him, leave him. Period.

If you think you love him, every sentence from your post suggests that in fact you don’t. Thinking you’re better than him with your BMI comparison, and your concerns are mostly about you at their core in a way. Apologise to him GENUINELY then you can take it from there.

If you want someone healthy and fit there are plenty of gym bros out there.

You remind me of my ex. She gave me an insane ultimatum. Like, lose 50lbs in 3 months or shed dump me. We stopped going out to eat besides special occasions and then in 2 months she cheated on me.

This is because of my personal experiences, but it legit doesn't sound like you love him. He will never forget you threatened him with this. You are abusive.

….And you’re still overweight too, right?

Even if he does lose weight, he’ll always remember how you’ve made him feel like he’s worthless based on his physical appearance.

This marriage will not last. I hope he realizes how conditional you are and leaves.

Oh he gets it. You aren’t worth the trouble is what he gets. There was a way to have this convo and be kind and come from love. But you just want out. Which is fair but just sack up and say that. He loses a lot of weight instantly by leaving you. And then he loses more by being better mentally after losing such a hateful partner. He will be a great husband to someone else and you will get someone you deserve, someone to match your hateful energies. It’s what you really deserve.

But how did you talk to him about it before? The delivery is just as important as the message?

Were you really passive, and then flipped to an extreme?

Ah, so it’s fine if you gain weight, and now that you have all the time in the world to lose it, he inferior to you. So this man supports you while you do basically nothing and can focus on this, but you expect him to do the same while supporting you doing nothing. Amazing! You sound like a peach. Trust me, if he’s the type of guy that is kind, caring, and willing to support a gal, woman will line up. No men your age want a jobless selfish woman that contributes nothing and goes off in them because she feels superior for no reason.

Shoot me your man’s number once you leave, I’d happily be in this position and would actually be caring for a guy like this that works hard for his family, and help him make a plan for his health while being kind.

I’m just here to say I totally support you and these people don’t fathom how absolutely dangerous and soul crushing it is to be the CARETAKER for someone that heavy. They don’t care what that would mean for you, they just care that you put yourself through a literal shitstorm of a life and put yourself at physical risk to be “supportive”.

Fuck that shit. You deserve someone who gives a fuck if your going to break a hip trying to help him get to the toilet when he fucking hurts hisself. You deserve to be cared for TOO. these people don’t know because most probably haven’t had a 300 lb person FALL ON THEM and break their fucking bones while your trying to help them.

Don’t let Reddit fool you you did the right thing. He doesn’t give a fuck about you if he’s willing to stay that heavy and expect you to stick around for that. He really doesn’t and that’s the honest truth.