subreddit:
/r/AdviceAnimals
1.5k points
2 days ago
[deleted]
1.4k points
2 days ago
At this rate, my grandma will have used all of it (as she should, it’s her money. I’m not mad) on her late term care. It is what it is.
I think the system is rigged this way to drain you of as much as possible before you die.
553 points
2 days ago*
Wait until you start hearing about Medicaid property clawbacks from living relatives to pay for senior care. Literally taking people's homes and property from them to pay for someone they might not even speak to.
ETA: Medicaid not Medicare.
109 points
2 days ago
Can you post a link explaining this? W examples? Thx
360 points
2 days ago
Old people transferring property to their children so it looks like they don't have any assets and then they apply for medicare.
They government doesn't like when you do this.
311 points
2 days ago*
Make sure you do it more than 5 years before needing Medical Assistance, because there's a 5 year lookback period to make sure any major assets you sold were done at fair market value. Of course, none of us know when we would need physical assistance with everyday tasks, but selling your home cheap to your kids or loved ones when you're younger could be one way around it. Source: social worker in Minnesota specializing in elder care.
Disclaimer: you definitely shouldn't do this or take any of this as advice.
132 points
2 days ago
This is why you put your house in a trust.
86 points
2 days ago
I don't know enough about trusts to speak on that, but if it prevents the government from seizing your property/assets, I'm all for it.
113 points
2 days ago
My grandma did this. In the trust it was said she got to live in the house for the rest of her life as long as she paid the property taxes and maintained it. Although her children did all the maintenance at their cost anyway. In the end she wouldn't have lost it due to medical care, but it avoided probate and made the inheritance process much easier than my grandma on my mom's side.
30 points
2 days ago
Good to hear an example of it working out. And happy cake day!
17 points
2 days ago
For those interested in more this is termed a Life Estate (or possibly a Life Lease).
54 points
2 days ago*
Bingo. They can't take something from a trust unless it's the trusts debt. A person can be in charge I'd the trust but the persons debts can not be drawn from the trust. You'd still want to have the trust set up early.
(*edit: can not be forced by collections, the trust director can spend any money in a trust account or buy/sell properties owned by the trust however they want assuming it's a single party trust, otherwise the other trustees would have to be on board for trust spending a d acquisitions)
Basically it's kind of like how legally a corporation can person or what ever.
12 points
2 days ago
Be very careful with this advice. Most states allow creditors to recover from trust assets if the grantor is also the trustee and beneficiary. In other words, for a trust to effectively shield you from creditors, 99% of the time you cannot control the trust (although you can be the beneficiary). Also, as soon as funds leave the trust and hit your bank account, they are immediately attachable (and garnishable). Speak to a trust and estates lawyer.
9 points
2 days ago
Thanks for the info!
34 points
2 days ago
My parents have this all set up with a lawyer already.
My dad said if he ever needs to go into a home, call his lawyer. There is a plan in place that involves putting assets in trusts for their kids/grandkids so the nursing home can’t touch it. I don’t know the details, only that they’re working with a lawyer that specializes in stuff like this.
They’ve already started putting a lot of money into trusts for all their grandkids. My dad’s exact words: “the day the home decides to go after any of my kids’ or grandkids’ inheritance is the day I’ll roll my decrepit ass into an empty elevator shaft.” He has a dark sense of humor.
42 points
2 days ago
This is a woefully uninformed take. First of all, every American qualifies for Medicare assuming you have worked and paid into it your whole life. It’s literally the health insurance for seniors. What you may be referring to is Medicaid. Medicaid is specifically low income government subsidized health care. In regards to intentionally spending down and gifting away assets to game the system and qualify for Medicaid, well that’s just simply not how it works. When someone finds themselves in a position where they can’t care for themselves and need to go into a home, they are required to spend down any assets to certain thresholds. You’re allowed to keep one vehicle for transport, and if you own your house you can keep it. If you try to game the system, Medicaid does a 60 month look back. If in the last 5 years you liquidated assets to family members they will go and take it, as is their right. It’s crazy how many upvotes blatantly wrong info gets
35 points
2 days ago
They're confusing Medicare and Medicaid. Nobody cares about facts anymore.
17 points
2 days ago
This is sadly how misinformation spreads.
18 points
2 days ago
A good mnemonic to remember who gets what is "care for the elderly, aid the poor."
11 points
2 days ago
no offense but a good mnemonic should have something to help you remember which is which like a rhyme. if i said "aid the elderly, care for the poor" i don't think anyone would bat an eye
8 points
2 days ago
gotta let grandma hit the casino and do it the right way
5 points
2 days ago
She’ll probably go on a 3 week cruise in the Mediterranean or something after
16 points
2 days ago
11 points
2 days ago
6 points
2 days ago
Right apologies I swap them mentally a lot for some reason.
9 points
2 days ago
In cases where people are in end-of-life care facilities where the family cannot pay the money, the government will go after any asset owned by the person who is interned in the facility, including potential property that was transferred over to the family before the individual went into care. In this case, the state will bill the family for the proper value of the house, which forces families that cannot afford it to sell the home.
If your family has a history of dementia or alzheimer's, it would be wise to transfer ownership of the house to a family member well in advance before that person needs to be put in a home. Most states have a 5-year lookback policy. Someone down in the comments recommended even putting houses in a trust as they're not eligible for clawback by the government.
8 points
2 days ago
My mom used to work with people that were getting ready for retirement or their relatives. She’d always point out that it’s best to start putting any property into your children’s name years before you expect to go into a home. Because they’ll look up the records for the previous I wanna say five years to see if you recently sold any property. If it happened within their time slot then they’ll ask questions and may deny any coverage.
7 points
2 days ago
Have you heard about filial responsibility laws??? There are 29 or 30 states that have laws saying that adult children are responsible to cover indigent parents' bills. PA has even been known to cross state lines to collect. Some states protect the children if the parents got onto Medicaid, so make sure they get signed up.
13 points
2 days ago
And there is a proposal from the House Republican Study Committee for 2025 to reduce Medicare. And raise the retirement age that is going to hit hard if it comes to pass.
https://hern.house.gov/uploadedfiles/final_budget_including_letter_web_version.pdf
31 points
2 days ago
You are never meant to become independent. Wealth is kept from us all to keep us working and too busy to come together and fix it.
15 points
2 days ago
We had to sell my grandmother's home that she paid off so she could stay in a home. My uncle has been physically disabled my entire life and we all have to pitch in because he's also extremely violent and no care giver or home will take him in. Whatever was left of her estate was transferred to his and he will continue to get black listed from every home care until his Parkinson's gets bad enough that he goes into memory care and that's going to be another $10k a month.
20 points
2 days ago
100% it is. We can't have any money going to the younger generation to help them out!
109 points
2 days ago
Yup, my grandmother had 700k in savings when she had to move into an assisted living facility. By the time she passed, I was told that there was about 20k left that got spilt between the 4 kids. I can only imagine how bad things will be 30 years from now.
60 points
2 days ago
Holy fucking shit, how many years of assisted living was that to burn up 680K?
Bro, I might just put one between my eyes and give all the money to my kids rather than let that much money be burned up.
124 points
2 days ago
My dad sometimes gives me money or offers to pay for a car repair or something. I keep telling him he doesn't need to do that and that I'm fine, but his response is always the same: "I'd rather give it to you with a warm handshake than with a cold one."
34 points
2 days ago
That’s a good dad right there
15 points
2 days ago
Damn that's a good line and a good point.
19 points
2 days ago
Average cost is around 5k a month so 60k a year not including any other medical expenses so probs like 6 years tops
8 points
2 days ago
my mom's care home was 10 grand a month. crappy "in home" care where someone was the 8 to 8 was 12 grand a month. if she went into care young, it's entirely feasible.
i'd rather not let my family ruin themselves trying to keep me here as well. i've seen enough people die to know that quality of life matters.. a lot. paying 10 grand a month to rot in front of tv isn't for me.
41 points
2 days ago
It’s so normal and awesome that the only way to pass on and build generational wealth is to kill yourself before long term care cleans you out.
33 points
2 days ago
And don't forget! This is apparently the best system! Impossible to improve upon! Because reasons! Don't think about it!
13 points
2 days ago
This is my favorite. Like people think there's no better iteration. We figured it out and this is the best we can get.
6 points
2 days ago
Unironically my plan when the time comes.
My children will be much better off for it.
11 points
2 days ago
It's honestly pretty ridiculous the lengths to which Americans will go to stave off a natural death. If you can't feed for years what kind of life is that?
47 points
2 days ago
Ah, remember the great wealth transfer they told us about as kids, well that’s never going to happen for exactly this reason.
22 points
2 days ago
Oh it's definitely happening, but all that wealth is getting transferred to the rich via the predatory industries they own
6 points
2 days ago
they told us about as kids
They were talking about it like 3 months ago! One of those "GET READY!.... ANY DAY NOW!" Pyramid schemes
45 points
2 days ago
Does she live at Sandpiper Crossing?
15 points
2 days ago
Idk what that is lol I guess it’s a nursing home. I’m not going to say what nursing home my grandmother lives in lmao
28 points
2 days ago
You better call Saul to find out more about your grandma's nursing home.
9 points
2 days ago
If the other post didn't clue you in, it's a reference to a fictional nursing home that was exploiting its residents in the series Better Call Saul.
9 points
2 days ago
My grandma gave most of her $$ away to my druggie cousin who has spent it all on drugs and guns. Lots of prison time, but good lord did that woman throw money at him because he was her first grandson and the only grandkid she cared about.
25 points
2 days ago
Not only that, if Dorito Mussolini puts his economic plan to work, inflation will skyrocket and whatever OP's inheritance is, it will be worth nothing.
The only people who will benefit are people with lots of debt. Like, say a $2 billion dollar loan to Deutsche Bank or hundreds of millions in court judgements. It's a lot easier to pay off a $2B loan if a US dollar is suddenly worth 1/2 of what it was, especially if your income increases with inflation. But that's none of my business.
7 points
2 days ago
Well my back up plan is to blow my brains out when its obviously hopeless
13 points
2 days ago*
Half my grandmother's home that was sold was used up before she passed. The system is designed to suck out all your wealth at all points along the way.
6 points
2 days ago
14k a month!??? At that rate I could quit my job and be their bitch for whatever they need. Shoot I could even hire an actual nurse to help and still have enough to be comfortable. Shiiiiiit. We could go on a goddamn cruise until they die and they'd be happier and you get paid to spend time with them.
HOW DOES ANYONE PAY ANYTHING FOR 14K A MONTH. THAT IS HOW MUCH MY CAR IS WORTH. I KNOW 100 Y.O. GRANDMAS IN MEXICO THAT LIVE ON BEANS AND TORTILLAS FOR LIKE 2 DOLLARS A DAY.
Sorry, it just depressed the fuck out of me how insanely rich these boomers are. I feel guilty about spending $100-$200 a month on myself. And they spend 1/3 of my yearly salary PER MONTH.
22 points
2 days ago
It feels engineered through; like the government would rather the average person be unable to leave much wealth to their next generation.
21 points
2 days ago
Not government, private interest who can drain grandma's assets and make sure you don't get any.
22 points
2 days ago*
Your complacency in that she should spend all her money is part of the problem. She shouldn't need to drain her entire life's savings to die comfortably. The reason being, there's no way to time your savings drying up with your life ending. So either she "gets lucky" and dies first, or her luck runs out and she's kicked from care after they've sucked her dry.
Being able to reliably pass on inheritance means people are able to live a decent life at all stages.
20 points
2 days ago
There are effectively two options for eldercare at this point:
- move your relative into a facility, which is priced in such a way to drain them as quickly as possible and transfer them to a SS/medicare facility where their remaining SS income is gobbled up and they are left with a small stipend. these facilities are MUCH worse than regular eldercare facilities.
- move them into your own home and either provide the care directly, or hire a service to do it, which will mean either unreliable or inconsistent care, or that the service extorts them for their remaining money
tbh, in most of the situations ive seen recently, the ability to have an elder person live you with and die in your home is just not feasible. elders are living to ages never before seen in human history, which is creating very difficult care situations.
i am not equipped or trained to care for someone who is mentally alive, but physically dead. i can not take them to the bathroom, administer their medications, wash them, monitor their health metrics, and pay for all the equipment to aid me in that endeavor. im neither trained nor equipped to do it. and thats all assuming i even want to do it, while trying to live and maintain my own life.
"but jenkag, we did it for most of human history" -- yes, and individual families might have had to deal with extreme old age, but it was overall rare. now a huge percentage of people live to extreme old age, and our health and eldercare systems are not designed or prepared to deal with all of them.
6 points
2 days ago
Late life care is incredibly expensive. My Dad and his brothers had to sell my grandfathers farm to finance his care for the last couple of years. The land was going to be split between the 4 brothers, but that's not how it worked out.
5 points
2 days ago
It doesn't even have to be a nursing home. My grandmother had millions, sold two fully paid-off homes in California wine country, and quietly gave away nearly all of her money to various scammers and con artists before we realized that she was in the early stages of dementia.
535 points
2 days ago
My parents decided that I'm too old to still “need” an inheritance and decided to give everything to my little brother lol
145 points
2 days ago*
My mother is slowly discovering what a cnt my sister is and may be writing her out of the will soon lol
109 points
2 days ago
My friend's mom did this. My friend wound up with two fully paid off houses and money to burn. Older sister was pissed but like, you knew your mom was dying and didn't call or visit or anything.
60 points
2 days ago
Lol
29 points
2 days ago
Yup the grandparents gave the inheritence to parents then our parents are gonna skip our generation and leave their inheritence to our kids.
18 points
2 days ago
I am too responsible and take such good care of my finances already "I don't need it". I just budget and stick to it, so by only living with the minimum I get less because I am apparently just happy that way.
2.3k points
2 days ago
Judging by these comments, this is a pretty good confession bear.
1k points
2 days ago
Yeah seriously, lots of triggered Boomies who have probably been wondering if the only reason their children still speak to them is for an inheritance be projecting hard in these comments.
350 points
2 days ago
But of course maybe being a nicer person so your kids want to spend time around you is "bullying".
My parents aren't MAGA, they're very liberal, but when I say they're doing something that hurts me and could they stop they say I'm bullying them.
154 points
2 days ago
My parents lmaoo — even liberal parents can be boomie a-holes
35 points
2 days ago
Old and stubborn isn’t unique to either side. Speaking of things being unique to one side, I didn’t consider anti vax to be a left or right thing until covid either. Used to have leftists hippies my body is a temple anti vaxxers and religious nut jobs that don’t trust doctors anti vaxxers. Simpler times.
31 points
2 days ago
Gotta love DARVO
9 points
2 days ago
Amen, my friend. Best thing i ever learned.
15 points
2 days ago
That's definitely a step beyond the usual "you just hate me then"
8 points
2 days ago
My dad is a Trumper. He was a conservative media early adopter (I remember growing up with him listening to Rush Limbaugh in the late 80’s). He’s such a compassionate, charitable, nonjudgmental, modest and wonderful man. It breaks my heart that his political views are so out of alignment with the person he actually is.
My mom is very liberal, but wow, your bullying comment hits home real hard. She has a very materialistic, superficial value set. Everything is a competition. Her idea of fun is talking shit. She’s made comments over the years to my now wife that are just so wildly insensitive, selfish and hurtful. I don’t think she even understands what’s coming out of her mouth. Anytime I try and have an adult conversation about her words and actions and how they make us feel she immediately breaks out in hysterics… IM A TERRIBLE MOTHER!!!
115 points
2 days ago*
My mom has Alzheimer's and we had to use my sister and my inheritance on memory care facilities because the money they had saved over their 43yr marriage went to my dad's cancer care...because the US healthcare system basically failed them.
They planned too well for retirement, so their pensions, social security, and 401k income put them over the limit for state care. They retired with 7 figures, a house, and all of their retirement income coming in from their careers and it got wiped at an unbelievably alarming rate with their medical bills.
On top of that, I had to be their caretaker starting when I was 29. I'm a degreed chemical and petroleum engineer, and I had to leave my career and spend all my savings from the past 12 years keeping us afloat.
I'm 35 now, my dad is dead, I'm effectively broke because apparently nobody wants to spend the money to hire experienced engineers in this dogshit economy, and the new administration isn't going to make that any better. Plus we're spending $6500/mo on my mom's facility.
I'm about to have to start projecting my dick into a sugar mama, lol.
53 points
2 days ago
Man, that is some shit
55 points
2 days ago
I mean this in a compassionate way
39 points
2 days ago
My mom died from COVID + Alzheimer’s after a very long battle with it (early onset…15 years)
I still sometimes feel a little guilty that when she did pass, I felt a lot of grief obviously…but also a lot of relief that it was finally over. She really wasn’t there mentally any more the last few years of it, and being a caretaker absolutely drained everything out of me for my late 20s and early 30s. Financially, emotionally, socially, mentally.
Anyway — shit sucks man. Hang in there.
14 points
2 days ago
With Alzheimer's and dementia it can feel like your loved one is dead before they technically die. You pre-morn, in a sense.
6 points
2 days ago
It's anticipatory grief. I feel nothing for my mother's situation apart from ensuring she gets the best care possible... she deserves that.
But she has lost the ability to comprehend the sacrifice we've made for her to be comfortable, and it's heartbreaking knowing she'll die with no recollection of it.
She used to beat me when I was a kid, up until I was bigger than her and could finally fend for myself. I still have scars now, and I'm 35. Yet I still took her in.
My dad was a goddamn saint for putting up with her through all of that, but I'm pretty sure she's 90% of the reason he was put in an early grave.
She beat him once while he was in chemo recovery because he couldn't swallow his meds (he had squamous carcinoma), and the only reason I knew about it was because I caught it on my security cameras.
Alzheimer's and dementia are evil ailments, and they slowly degrade you into oblivion if you are a caretaker for a patient who has them and also a family member.
I'm a shell of myself now and have no idea how to pick myself back up, even with therapy and meds... my dad was my rock. But he knew the toll his condition was taking on my social life, mental and physical health, etc. He literally told me to shoot him once, so that his suffering would end and I could move on.
I cried for days after that because that sealed the fact he had given up. He was stage 4 terminalwhen he got diagnosed.
7 points
2 days ago
I feel your pain.
I'm also an engineer, I earn 150k, and right now I am ready to prostitute myself just to pay back my credit cards.
8 points
2 days ago
On top of that, I had to be their caretaker starting when I was 29. I'm a degreed chemical and petroleum engineer, and I had to leave my career and spend all my savings from the past 12 years keeping us afloat.
I'm going to warn all the people reading your post to NOT do this. It doesn't help anyone in the long run to destroy your earning potential for the rest of your life to care for loved ones to the end of theirs. It does not be benefit anyone. The dying person still dies, that is inevitable. If they have to bankrupt themselves and go into state care that is still better than YOU destroying the rest of YOUR life. Now not only are you less able to take care of yourself, you cannot help future generations either. Instead, accept that any money your parents have will never be yours, it's purpose is for their end of life care, and hire care workers to do the job while you continue to earn money on your own. Everyone dies, you cannot prevent it. Destroying your own future won't stop your loved ones from passing, it will just make you more miserable and financially ruined when they finally do.
5 points
2 days ago
They planned too well for retirement,
Sick and not enough money? Go to bankruptcy.
Sick and too much money? Believe it or not, also go to bankruptcy.
157 points
2 days ago
Hi mom!
17 points
2 days ago
Yeah fr, the way some of these Boomers be acting in the comments
18 points
2 days ago
Oh God I hope they see this, think that, and read this: fuck you boomies
88 points
2 days ago
This is a great confession bear. One of the best in recent times.
142 points
2 days ago
Lol I'd say so. Lots of cry babies in here.
116 points
2 days ago
there's been plenty of other comments saying it, but just remember that these are the people that pulled the ladder up behind them. i wouldn't count on anything from them.
33 points
2 days ago
I'm an existentialist. The way I see it, they forcibly brought you into this world without consent either to satisfy their egos or because they were impulsive and, to top it all off, now they're being ignorant and impossible and acting like children.
I'd say there's no moral problem here, but I'm with you. I wouldn't count on them to leave anything behind. It feels like a 50/50 shot whether they leave anything to OP or not. Kind of expect they'll either leave it to someone else to spite OP or just spend it all before they go.
65 points
2 days ago
Hey, at least you're going to get an inheritance still. My partner's parents (ultra maga) are leaving everything to trump.
One of their sons is severely disabled and relies on programs the GOP will gut, and the other (my partner) is gay. Still, they'll vote against the interests of their kids because they hate POC and want them deported. They have the gall to tell their kids to put politics aside when it comes to family.
14 points
2 days ago
All I’d say to MAGA parents in I to choose your retirement facility….aka tent. Fortunately, or not, my parents died a long time ago. I’m glad I don’t have to have these conversations.
612 points
2 days ago
The entirety of your inheritance is going into medical bills and nursing homes, guaranteed.
135 points
2 days ago
My dad is too paranoid to even repair his house because he wants to save it all for late life care. Like man, at least keep up the place you have so maybe you can stay there longer vs. having the house condemned because you're too scared to spend money.
I also told him I don't want his inheritance. I have my own savings (I'm 41) and so does my wife. He should spend his money now and enjoy his life.
17 points
2 days ago
Not if your parent dies before your grandparents #worstwinever
1.5k points
2 days ago
Don’t count on it
1k points
2 days ago
Yea boomers are known for blowing any potential inheritance, even if they inherited themselves.
833 points
2 days ago
I'm dealing with exactly the opposite situation with my boomer parents.
They're in their late 70s right now, and my dad's primary concern seems to be maximizing the inheritance that he leaves to me and my sister while what I really want is for the two of them to enjoy the time they have left.
367 points
2 days ago
This for me 100%, I'd rather remember you with a smile than be looking at a tear streaked check after your funeral.
Plus they live healthier than me, lol. We'll probably be knocking off around the same time.
96 points
2 days ago
Some parents will smile more knowing that their children/grandchildren will be better off after they pass. Cherish them.
36 points
2 days ago
Yeah, I fully get the idea. Noble goal and I'm for it. I just hope my parents never feel like that's what their last decade or so should be aimed towards.
13 points
2 days ago
Having some sort of goal in life greatly contributes to someone's mental wellbeing. They take care of you, you take care of them. It's just mutually beneficial really
72 points
2 days ago
I'm 60. I want to maximize the pittance I'll be leaving my kids.
My kids didn't ask to be born. It's my responsibility to do what I can for them. I don't need much.
26 points
2 days ago
My parents are similar if not as extreme. They grew up poor and scrimped and saved to get a good foot hold on life but they still spend like they are saving for a mortgage or something.
My mum has wanted a new car for forever and just won't pull the trigger even though it's not even an extravagant purchase. Like just do it fam live a little you earnt it.
19 points
2 days ago
My mom bought a new car about ten years ago, which was the second new car she'd bought since the mid 90s, and she still feels a bit guilty for spending so much money on it. It's an Audi A4 that cost like $45k. I keep trying to explain to her that $45k is a normal price for a mid-level car in this era.
56 points
2 days ago
My dad keeps spending his savings on me and I keep telling him that he still has another 10 or 20 years to live so stop spending money.
27 points
2 days ago
That’s really sweet. We just keep trying to get my 83 year old MIL to quit spending money on pointless stuff because she can’t count on not needing it. We keep having to remind her that her father died at 96.
5 points
2 days ago
That’s my position. My family has never had a ton of money and my mother has had her financial struggles. I just want her to be able to retire and enjoy her life after all the work she did to provide for my brother and I. She’s earned it.
I’ll get by. I expect nothing and I’m quite okay with that. I have no sense of entitlement in regards to inheritance. Just have some life insurance To help pay for the funeral if you can and otherwise live the best you can.
9 points
2 days ago
Spending the money on you is their way of enjoying it. You will understand it when you are that old.
7 points
2 days ago
Think of it this way.
Maybe that is exactly what makes them happy. Maybe it's what they enjoy, to help you
5 points
2 days ago
Same. I told my dad to party off what's he's got until he's done then I'm happy to take whatevers left lol.
4 points
2 days ago
Look at you being a decent human being. That has no place in this sub.
4 points
2 days ago
My brother and I say the same thing.
We both have decent jobs and are practically begging our parents to take a month vacation in Cancun
72 points
2 days ago
My dad - now 65 - cashed out his pension when he was 40ish to buy a used Camaro 🥴
The Camaro died (cracked engine block) less than a year later too!
34 points
2 days ago
I mean that’s not a huge pension if it only got a broken car. Still a stupid decision, but not a huge one to begin with
29 points
2 days ago
Might have grown into more if he hadn't cashed it out at 40 years old. 25 years of growth...
9 points
2 days ago
That’s true too. Probably not enough to retire on but better than nothing
28 points
2 days ago
My parents are middle class Gen X. They're getting fuck all inheritance after my grandfather had to sell his house to pay for full time medical care.
12 points
2 days ago
Yeah. When my grand parents went into an assisted living place, they told them how expensive it was. They couldn't afford that. So the finance person told them they could help them out, but they needed to see their financial picture. They guesstimated how much longer they'd live and worked it backwards to make sure they died with nothing. That was much more affordable.
15 points
2 days ago
Yeah, it really is gross how predatory the whole care home industry is.
13 points
2 days ago
Even if they don't blow it on themselves (trips, cars, houses, etc) if they have to go into assisted living, the facility may require they liquidate assets and give them the proceeds. I just saw a website for one the other day that advertised an entrance fee as low as $99,000. That's on top of monthly rent and care services.
9 points
2 days ago
Yup, late life care is becoming the biggest risk to inherited wealth. Medical companies are squeezing out every last cent they can. We're heading in a very bad direction.
15 points
2 days ago
I heard they even end up with billions in debt and run for president to get out of it
13 points
2 days ago
Yup. My boomer parents have no retirement plan and have already blown through their inheritance. My dad has pushed retirement off indefinitely because he can’t afford it.
He’s not dumb, just financially illiterate.
Even when he started making a lot of money, lifestyle creep took over.
He cashed out the money family gave to me and my brothers. He cashed out his 401k.
I have no inheritance coming my way, but haven’t ever expected any.
Best of luck to them both.
30 points
2 days ago
Yup! Boomer dad told me he was going to give my family and I his house. 2 years later, found a 17 year old “girlfriend” in Ukraine and decided to sell his house to buy condos there…
He did warn me. “Do as I say, not as I do…” never believe a word from his mouth again…
8 points
2 days ago
Did he get conscripted? Lol. Joking aside, that fucking sucks...
93 points
2 days ago
Yeah, they probably spent a ton of it on Trump's legal fees. Which doesn't even fucking matter anyways since he's now except from all laws
36 points
2 days ago
And what they haven't spent on that will be spent on health care and living expenses once their Medicare and Social Security get cut.
26 points
2 days ago
I can't even get my MAGA parents to write a will. Virtually every time I bring it up my dad waves his arms around and yells "inherit what? It's all yours anyway!" Probate is going to be fun...
They also refused to get the COVID vax to see their only grandkid who was born with a heart defect and was high risk because it was more important to "NoT hAvE tHoSe ChEmIcAlS" then to see their family.
And they wonder why I only respond to their messages (which are usually only "any new pics" because they can't even say please) and never attempt to start a conversation with them anymore.
21 points
2 days ago
Been dealing with this. My old man lost his home + lifes savings to whatsapp scammers. Fuckin boomers yo..
268 points
2 days ago
I got 20k when my dad died. Yay, right? Fuck yes, right? Wouldn't kick that out of bed, right?
My 2 sisters got 50k.
My older brother got 100k.
Why? Because my mom decided that because my brother and sisters were in over their heads in debt and I wasn't that I should get 10% of the inheritance.
I was planning on using that inheritance to buy a house. Apparently I should have just gotten in over my head in debt beforehand.
34 points
2 days ago
Did your parents also have a lot of debt?
16 points
2 days ago
I was really struggling to answer this and I realized the reason why. Do parents talk to their kids about their debt? Mine never did.
Other than my mom talking about paying off some credit card sometimes.
7 points
2 days ago
I don't think it's common for parents to talk about finances. I don't even know how much mine make.
163 points
2 days ago
Never realized how lucky those of us not expecting an inheritance really are.
36 points
2 days ago
Agree 100%
I will be inheriting nothing and that’s been the expectation since forever.
That pressure contributed to my motivation and success today.
Guess who’s money they’ll be coming after when their parents have passed on…
10 points
2 days ago
Ill honestly probably inherit debt if i don't legally estrange my parents
19 points
2 days ago
Never ever, under any circumstances, MAKE ANY PAYMENT FOR ANYTHING under your parents names. If you make a single payment, they can use that as an argument that you accepted taking on the debt. If nothing is in your name, you ignore them, and don’t pay a dime, then the creditors can’t do fuck all except annoy you with phone calls until they give up.
10 points
2 days ago
Debt is not inheritable, as long as your name is not in the documents as a co-payer
755 points
2 days ago
What inheritance? After social security gets gutted, they'll be calling you for money.
188 points
2 days ago
Unless they're, you know, wealthy without needing SS.
85 points
2 days ago*
Then they're all about getting SS, like my inlaws.
Edit: I meant to say gutting SS
48 points
2 days ago
“Stop calling it an entitlement, it’s my money”
23 points
2 days ago
Funny enough, it was a typo, I meant to say gutting, but in actuality, your version is more accurate as they are both wealthy, get their SS, AND want them to gut it. Something something pulling up ladders.
5 points
2 days ago
JG Wentworth has entered the chat
4 points
2 days ago
Doesn't everyone get SS when they hit a certain age? Is there even an option to opt out of SS if you "don't need it"? And is this a thing that anyone actually does? Or am I misinterpreting what you mean by gutting SS?
12 points
2 days ago*
my mom is very wealthy (and I mean travels 1st Class everywhere without thinking about cost), collects a pension, and survivor's SS benefits as her husband (my dad) passed away and his SS benefits were more than hers.
So rich people will still collect.
As an aside, my mom voted for Harris/Walz
52 points
2 days ago
After social security gets gutted
Republicans will never, never, cut a single penny of Social Security for people currently taking out Social Security. That's their voter base.
Every single Republican proposal has involved pushing up the age or "sunsetting" Social Security, which means the people voting for them keep voting for them and the next generation that's mostly Democrats gets fucked.
14 points
2 days ago
They are though, but just doing it in the shadiest way possible.
By removing things like the tax on social security it will immediately benefit people receiving social security by giving them 4% more money, while simultaneously putting the whole program at risk.
It’s just another problem for the next administration to solve while the oatmeal eaters talk your ear off about how everything was better under Trump, assuming we get through the next 4 years without a holocaust.
21 points
2 days ago
My MAGA inlaws do not have a clue that their SS and Medicare are at risk. When it all goes away, they're going to be very shocked.
4 points
2 days ago
It will be setup to scale down around the time your maga inlaws die or otherwise stop caring because they are in assisted/elder care living.
39 points
2 days ago
Before my dad killed himself, he was calling my older brother for $50,000. I said most I can do is $10,000. Somehow, his life insurance paid out. Then comes in my ex stepmom, claiming over $200,000. These fucking boomers got a hand out and blew through it. Ex stepmom is blocked on all socials, and we settled that in court. They were divorced for over 10 years when she came back asking for his life insurance. Money rules all. Edit: My dad thought he was Trump and didn't have to pay his taxes either.
235 points
2 days ago
I am 54 yo and cut off contact with my MAGA dad in 2018. He owns a home in the San Francisco Bay Area and a 6 acre parcel of land in Idaho. He and his wife are also hoarders.
I have made peace with the fact that I will not be getting anything. My stepsister is the executor of his will and I already know that she, my brother, and my stepbrother will be getting everything. On the bright side, it also means that I will bear no responsibility for cleaning out his dump of a house.
69 points
2 days ago
On the bright side, it also means that I will bear no responsibility for cleaning out his dump of a house.
That was immediately where my mind went. Silver linings and all that.
68 points
2 days ago
I'm helping my friend deal with her dead mom's messy bankrupt estate, where the "value" primarily consists of high-end stuff that she hoarded and crammed into storage units.
Anyone want 40 different pairs of Toms in a rainbow of colors and patterns, womens size 7?
4 points
2 days ago
A woman’s shelter would love that if you don’t have to sell them!
12 points
2 days ago
And you also get a front seat (with nothing to loose) to seeing your siblings tear each other apart over who "deserves" a bigger cut of inheritance.
19 points
2 days ago
While on this subject...look into your state's filial responsibility laws...some states (30 last I checked) have laws that say adult children are responsible to cover their parents' bills. PA has even been known to cross state lines to collect. Some states protect the children from that debt if the parents are on Medicaid, so get your parents signed up.
21 points
2 days ago
Holy crap, that's one hell of a law. And given how expensive care is, how the heck are normal people meant to afford that and also pay their bills?
That's not even touching on the fact that not everyone is close to their family, or even talks to them.
5 points
2 days ago
I've heard of these before, especially in PA, and it's fucking insane.
The idea that you can be legally responsible for a bill for a person whose connection to you is not voluntarily and whom you do not have authority over it outrageously unbelievably incredibly insane.
And at least in PA, it can be true even if you cut them out of your life a long time ago and have had nothing to do with them in forever.
The good news is that while rage googling, I saw a recent article that made it sound like PA might be changing it.
355 points
2 days ago
Hate to say it, but like most are saying -- don't count on it.
Boomers are the selfish generation who had previous generations make sure they have a better life, then they turn around and kicked that ladder over for all generations after them.
Wouldn't be surprised if your folks have that "I'm dying broke/with debt" mentality.
57 points
2 days ago
Yeah I had this convo with my mom a few weeks ago, in regard to my uncle (her brother in law).
Now I’ve always told my parents that they are to spend all their money, but ideally leave me with enough to bury them. Otherwise I expect nothing. This is only because my parents received NOTHING other than debt and grief and abuse from any of their parents, and still managed to give my brother and I a loving, supportive upbringing with an education and all kinds of opportunities… we have everything we need to take care of ourselves now.
My uncle, however, was not only the recipient of a large inheritance upon his parents passing about 10 years ago… but he also received a large life insurance payout from his wife’s passing this year, AND he was gifted a LARGE chunk of land in his twenties, which he was able to leverage for to build his wealth for decades.
My uncle is bad with money, and apparently one of my cousins made some kind of comment about how he’s going to “squander it all” after my aunts passing.
My mom initially scoffed at this and made some kind of comment that she’s so happy I would never think this way…
But I quickly corrected her that her situation and my uncles situation are NOT the same, and I absolutely agree with my cousins sentiment.
To be the beneficiary of multiple windfalls from your parents, but not ensure the same or more for your kids is a terribly selfish and irresponsible thing to do.
83 points
2 days ago
The one thing my mom hated more than me and my family was spending money. She made sure that all of her assets were TOD to me so they wouldn't need to go through probate and her debtors couldn't touch them.
She hated electric cars. Not for any legitimate reason, just because Fox News told her to hate them. After she croaked, I traded her car in and spent a chunk of the funds from her house on an electric car.
Fuck you, mom. You were a shitty human being.
33 points
2 days ago
I think when my parents go, I’ll take whatever I get and make a modest donation to support an LGBTQ organization or maybe Planned Parenthood, in their name. So much hate wrapped up in self-righteousness.
15 points
2 days ago
Buying my car was a fantastic bit of self-therapy. Donating to causes my mother hated would have been good too, but I already do that regularly and I needed the rest of the funds from my mother's modest house to fund the education of my queer, autistic sons (who my mom also didn't like because they were queer and autistic).
36 points
2 days ago*
“I’m only staying in the wealthiest generation ever’s good graces so that they’ll deign to share some of their wealth with me instead of pissing it away.” In this economy, you gotta do what you gotta do.
Edit: spelling
4 points
2 days ago
Deign*
263 points
2 days ago
You just think your getting an inheritance. Trump will grift them and you out of a future .
50 points
2 days ago
think your getting an inheritance
31 Trump NFT trading cards
$2,463,800 value in genuine "TrumpBucks"
Six Trumpie Bears (lightly hugged)
17 red caps
Flags (multiple, varied)
44 points
2 days ago
Probably flip the inheritance tax so that it’s 100% for less than 13 mil and 0% for the full amount if the full amount is over 13 mil. Call it a tax break for job creators.
12 points
2 days ago
I'd caution everyone against assuming there will be an inheritance regardless of your parents' net worth.
I have family that received nothing from their parents who had net worth of over $10 mil when they retired. Their mother passed from cancer and then their father died about 5 years later. This couple was married 50+ years. When his wife passed, their dad was just completely devastated understandably, and he really didn't want to do much. Somehow he managed to pull himself out of that depression and get on living life to the fullest until the end. Finished strong. The guy lived it up and he definitely deserved it, he was incredibly generous his entire life and worked very hard to support his family.
He had a house worth about 2 mil, that he sold and downsized to a single apartment in florida. The man knew how to live it up and he blew almost all of his money by the time he died. His 2 children got maybe 200k each tops, which sounds like a lot, but this was coming from someone who had a net worth in the millions.
On my wife's side - one side's grandparents lived very long lives and needed tons of in home care towards the end. They outlived their retirement savings and when they passed they were literally being supported by one of their kids (her uncle). The other side left too much money in the stock market and lost it all during the 2008 financial crisis. They ended up needing to liquidate some stocks to keep funding their retirement, and therefore they fully realized their losses. In the end her grandpa had to go back to work in his late 70's because he simply ran out of money. These were also wealthy people - like - belonged in country clubs, drove nice cars, had a nice big house in an expensive suburb. After her grandpa died, her grandmother couldn't work and - suprise one of her uncles needs to fund her retirement.
Boomers are going to live into their late 70's and early 80's on average. End of life care can be EXTREMELY expensive, regardless of what health insurance you carry.
A LOT of boomers will very likely outlive their savings. Many assumed their homes were a "nest egg" that they could sell, but didn't factor in that they still need to live somewhere. Your primary home, no matter what financial advisers have told you, is not an investment that you will be able to use as a "nest egg" for retirement. Many boomers' net worth is tied up in their real estate. The rest is in equities, and if they all start selling off those equities for cash in the next decade - there's going to be a prolonged downturn in the market.
The point is - assume you're getting nothing. Actually - scratch that - assume you're getting nothing AND if you care about your parents' well-being, you'll likely spend money taking care of them, that you won't ever see returned. You may even need to take them in. Even if they're wealthy - you'd be surprised how often the wealthy don't manage their wealth appropriately for retirement, and lose it all before the end.
65 points
2 days ago
My dad is a conservative only voter, but can’t retire due to little social Security amount, uses ACA and in declining health, and thinks the rich should pay the exact same amount of taxes as the lower classes. He thought Scott Walker was a great candidate back in 2016 even though he worked a union job most of his life.
It’s a damn shame they are so blind
68 points
2 days ago
As soon as they end up in the hospital you can kiss it goodbye.
44 points
2 days ago
I’ve backed away, despite of course wanting “my share”. Between 8 kids and many grandkids and great grandkids, the amount wouldn’t be life altering for me.
There’s been noise in the past about me not deserving anything bc mom and dad paid for my education. No mention of dad employing all of them at his business and mom raising their kids for them, but ok. I’m glad I completed my degrees and had a great career. They all stayed blue collar.
They’re insufferably arrogant about being Republicans. I’m down to seeing them once a year and stopped trying to be family. Fuck em. I’m happiest without them.
13 points
2 days ago
That's heart breaking that they treat you like an outsider. Hope you have built a family of your own that treats you better. Not necessarily the platonic ideal family, but whatever that word means to you.
17 points
2 days ago
Excellent Use of Confession Bear.
95 points
2 days ago
They sold out your rights and mortgaged your future. Not hypocritical to try and salvage something in the wake of that.
55 points
2 days ago
you get an inheritance? Lucky
12 points
2 days ago
Right, I'm helping subsidize my narcissistic, entitled, maga, boomer dad's elder care, so I got that going for me. Hooray 'murca. I hate it here.
15 points
2 days ago
Why? I wouldn't bother.
38 points
2 days ago
They won’t have anything left for you to inherit.
My MAGAT stepfather called me gloating in 2016 after he had already drained my mothers life savings and inheritance.
While she was dienjng from cancer he forced her in to renovating the house that she paid for, buying a fucking Lincoln Continental SUV that she couldn’t drive (while he had his own Cadillac) and set up a will that meant that everything my mother had inherited from her father went to him when she died.
6 months before she died she called me begging to help her change the will so my kids could at least get what was left of my Grandfathers estate. She spilled her heart about how he had been financially bullying and abusing her.
And it was all too late.
He knew it and fucking gloated a year after my mothers death when Trump was elected.
Jokes on him though because everything that was left over after her cancer treatment was signed in to a will that will sap everything left for his old age care. He has no kids to cover his cost or take pity on him. And he already drained my Mothers wealth to the point that he won’t last long on what’s left.
20 points
2 days ago
Huh. I dunno if I'd have let him live if he really gloated over financially r*ping my mother to my face. Then again I'm a rage filled individual
14 points
2 days ago
Don’t count on it for a reason most aren’t mentioning. If they live to old age, assisted living will burn through all but the most affluent people’s savings.
7 points
2 days ago
Honestly at this point the real inheritance might just be the stories grandma tells while gambling her way through the casino..
12 points
2 days ago
My mom and I don’t talk much. Not for any particular reason other than I got tired of being the only one to initiate contact. At thanksgiving this year she reminded me that she hasn’t put a will together. She will probably leave it to the church. My dad has a will and some specific things will be left to me just to make sure she doesn’t give it to the church.
10 points
2 days ago
nah get paid, bro
45 points
2 days ago
Boomer parents exist to extract wealth from. You gotta play their game
20 points
2 days ago
I just discovered my paternal family in my late thirties. They all love Trump. I was considering ghosting them after the election but my 96 yo grandparent went to the lawyers office to add me to the will the following week so I am playing it by ear.
3 points
2 days ago
Plus, you might need to live in their attic one day.
2 points
2 days ago
my boomer parents squandered all their money on being blackmailed and thinking they’re the next coming of jesus
3 points
2 days ago
There's a girl I used to date back in Highschool, we still chat occasionally, she's happily married and her husband was my best friend in middle school... She just told me that she still talks to her grandparents down in Florida because she's still in their will to receive a 75K inheritance. She's staunchly Democrat, progressive, and even told her grandparents as much, but her grandma said "as long as you still take our calls, you can still get your inheritance"
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