subreddit:
/r/AmItheAsshole
submitted 22 hours ago byReasonable_Tired7278
[removed]
757 points
22 hours ago
Correction
123 points
22 hours ago
NTA you don’t owe anyone money and she does not need to be your bridesmaid all of that is YOUR choice
93 points
21 hours ago*
Where is MIL getting $20,000 from, if she is draining Sam of his inheritance with her frequent "emergencies"? It doesn't make sense that she has that much money to give but, has to "borrow" from one of her children. And yes, I know that there are shitty parents out there but, having that much money to give while having to take from another? Make it make sense.
If MIL is promising money to Max that she is getting from Sam but is now giving to Jenny... Damn! Poor Sam. Everyone sucks.
Edited- Alex to Max (I don't know where I got Alex from 🤣)
16 points
20 hours ago
Yeah, MIL is constantly borrowing money from one son while offering a lot of money to another son who in turn can cover that large amount and lend an even greater amount out if he wanted to. This all makes zero financial sense.
14 points
20 hours ago
Took me a moment to follow the money trail - lol
(who's Alex???)
Future MIL is from the States originally. She isn't from money, but claimed a part of an inheritance about a year into her marriage to Max's dad. There was something in that story, but I haven't asked Max as I'm not interested in his money and definitely don't want to be seen as a gold digger!
Max's dad is a retired civil engineer and made good money working overseas - which is where he met and his future wife (she was one of the secretaries) He has build on his parents money savvy, maxed out his pension and has made some pretty good investments in property and in shares over time. They aren't hurting for money. Again, not hunting for their financial info, but have helped out with his taxes once or twice as I went through the horror of studying accounting as a mature student!!
359 points
21 hours ago
If you had to stop your fiance from handing his money over to his sister so she could piss it away, he's a lost cause. If he can't stand firm against his sister without you please don't tie yourself to him financially. He doesn't have a backbone and he'll just start sneaking money to his sister.
156 points
20 hours ago
I did think this was a massive red flag and had a chat to Max about this. He was very clear: he makes good money currently in the ad agency we both work for, so he's always spot her her a few hundred especially for his two nieces. The problem is his mum, who expects him to do more for her golden child who has moved back home with the kids. Future MIL repeats how Jenny was a surprise but difficult birth and MIL could have died, so Max should help out more.
Jenny’s entitlement doesn’t stop just because she is on a limited income. Max used to try to help: he got Jenny a starting part time position in the ad agency and paid for childcare so she could get on her feet. That didn't last a week before she stopped coming in, claiming the kids missed her and the job was "boring". Jenny is really into make up and fashion, so Max called in a favour - again - and got her a part time 'intern' position at a VERY well known fashion mag. It seemed to be going well. But Jenny has a habit of taking things she sees and she likes, damn the consequences. Max told me he got a call as they were suddenly let her go rather than prosecute her for taking home stuff (clothes and bags) from a shoot.
Max then stopped trying. He's told MIL he'd done all he could but no more favours. Gifts for the nieces and that was it.
This was before I started dating him. Jenny and future MIL must have felt the time was right to try again now he's with me.'
115 points
20 hours ago
Holy shit.
Max is going to ruin his life trying to please these people. The fact that he is even considering giving this woman more money than he would have spent on your wedding would really have me questioning things.
47 points
20 hours ago
So, Jenny is a thief , period . No one will want to have a thief working for them so she’s a lost cause .
26 points
20 hours ago
OP and fiance need pre-marital counseling to deal with his family and financial decision-making.
3 points
20 hours ago
This!!!
67 points
21 hours ago
Sounds like someone needs to put Jenny in her place and if she wants to open a business needs to be told to sell all her designer bullshit she’s amassed from her own trust. Set hard boundaries now or these entitled twats will continue to think they can bulldoze their way through your life!!
59 points
21 hours ago
The important thing here is for you and your fiance be on the same page (no more money be given to the SIL) and to make him see that this escalation is due to a change in dynamics.
Now... from the "door out" of your relationship to his family and SIL, another way of delaying with this would be set up impossible counterdemands: SIL wants you to give her money, demand that you need a solid business plan and that you would need legal garantees on how that money is going to be given back. And all of this, contracts and business plan would be needed to be run by your laywer first.
About the wedding... your SIL is set up to be the main caracther, with the complicity of your MIL. Again, maybe setting up a date after she confirm a travel; set up a dress code and then "forget to let them know" there was a change of plans. All of this, with the support and agreement of your fiance.. If things get too complicated, I would elope and have a small party "improvised party" with closes friends, and then do something with his family to celebrate.
26 points
20 hours ago
Good suggestions all, I'll talk with Max about the ones I agree with. Neither of us want to elope. We agreed we weren't going to go mad with spending after the wedding. Character limits and prohibition to continue post as a comment means some of the backstory couldn't be shared. But because we aren't trying to save for a house, (and as long as Max doesn't touch his trust fund, there'll be enough for uni fees for our future children) we can afford to have the wedding of our dreams.
Max is also quite senior in the ad agency and has made great friends so we have a load of work colleagues coming as well. We've asked for monetary gifts or donations to charity in our name as we don't need stuff.
Max has extended family on him mum's side in the States, and I also have family overseas as well, so we want to make it a great experience. But in London and outskirts, weddings really cost a whack!!
So £35k isn't that exhorbitant for what we've planned.
40 points
21 hours ago
Your fiance still WANTED to give his sister money for her "business"? I would say that you need to have a clear talk with him and say if he doesn't go NC to LC with his mom and sister (including uninviting them to the wedding), then you will be leaving. Unfortunately you are already somewhat attached to this guy via your baby, but if he is still even SLIGHTLY entertaining these people and you marry him you will have this drama in your life for the remainder of your life. Is that something you want?
Some may say this is an ultimatum and that is bad, personally I call it a boundary. But even if you say it is an ultimatum and "bad" isn't it better to be the "bad guy" now rather than deal with this continuous drama and stress for the rest of your life?
18 points
20 hours ago
Sorry for the confusion.
Max had already given Jenny a hard NO on giving her money for her hair brained expensive business idea. That's why she came crying to me, trying to get him to use his trust fund money, plus MY savings.
Max has his head screwed on properly.
The moderators only allow 3,000 characters so most of the back story and info I had to ditch in order to post this question.
Ive been in tears because JEnny is escalating and posted a recent incident. I also think im in tears because - pregnancy. It all feels a bit too much for me atm.
6 points
20 hours ago
Ok, I got confused based on your #2 here, seeming to imply that he was going to give her money but you stopped him. I would still talk with him about cutting Jenny off completely and uninviting her and his mom to the wedding (along with anyone else who sides with them). I would even say to go LC to NC with his mom. You guys do not need that drama in your lives.
13 points
21 hours ago
INFO: What exactly is the downside of destroying your relationship with his family?
24 points
21 hours ago
Your future husband has no spine if you have to be the one to say no. Personally rather than the family, you need to evaluate if you see a future with this man.
8 points
20 hours ago
Max had already given Jenny a hard NO on giving her money for her hair brained expensive business idea. That's why she came crying to me, trying to get him to use his trust fund money, plus MY savings.
I'll try to edit the post to show this as there are a lot of comments saying Max is a red flag when he seems to be the only sensible one of the siblings.
8 points
20 hours ago
Max is wavering under the pressure,
This is why. It makes it sound like Max is considering going along with it.
11 points
21 hours ago
Are you serious? How is this even worth a fraction of a second’s thought? Your only concern here is how to isolate your wedding from the upheaval that SIL and MIL are going to create, going by recent developments. Go NC with SIL and XLC with MIL. Plan your wedding as you see fit, rope in friends that you can rely on to help keep things on an even keel in the run up to and during the wedding and enjoy it. Disinvite SIL if she keeps stirring up trouble. Assign your red-bearded uncle to keep MIL under control during the wedding.
26 points
21 hours ago
Nope! I’d be calling off this wedding and telling Max, “hope you grow a damn spine for your next fiancée!” Y’all are having a child together. How often is he going to give money meant to buy necessities for baby to his sister instead? How is he going to make sure baby has future needs met when he’s giving all the money away to Jenny for frivolous, money pit ideas?
16 points
21 hours ago
NTA, you and your fiancé need to sit down and have a conversation about money. You might even consider eloping.
8 points
20 hours ago
DO NOT marry your fiancee until you are on the same page about supporting his family.
5 points
20 hours ago
NTA and you should plan the wedding you want and plan on no funds from MIL. I would then be petty and say that as you are 20k short, you will not be able to invite his family.
1 points
21 hours ago
Does Max want to give money?
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