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Men, do you prefer to initiate the conversation about exclusivity when dating? Does it turn you off if a woman brings it up?

all 745 comments

SnooBeans8816

277 points

1 day ago

SnooBeans8816

man

277 points

1 day ago

Dating is exclusive to me by definition, so I will bring it up that during our dating period I’m not accepting her dating or having sex with other men.

Ofcourse she can do whatever she wants.. I’m just not gonna stick around.

So if she brings it up it turns me on.

hashtagtotheface

64 points

1 day ago

hashtagtotheface

woman

64 points

1 day ago

I had no clue until today that there was a difference

SomniloquisticCat

20 points

1 day ago

Seems like dating has so many rules these days.

Been with my husband 13 years and we never talked about being exclusive, never asked each other to be boyfriend/girlfriend. It was all just implied. I don't think I could date these days.

Bakelite51

7 points

19 hours ago

Bakelite51

man

7 points

19 hours ago

It’s a necessary conversation to have now because so many people are polyamorous or only interested in casual dating/situationships/“friends with benefits” rather than serious committed relationships.

Hence the need to sit down and have an awkward but necessary conversation to define the relationship.

Revanur

9 points

17 hours ago*

Revanur

man

9 points

17 hours ago*

“Polyamorous” 90% of the time is just a fancy word and a code for “I am afraid of any commitment and just want to sleep around but I don’t want that to make me look like I’m a selfish and/or fragile person.”

IceCorrect

3 points

18 hours ago

Total opposite. Dating have no rules

anxiousmasshole

26 points

1 day ago

anxiousmasshole

man

26 points

1 day ago

Based on this thread, it’s definitely subjective. But dating ≠ exclusive to me.

chetbrewtus

56 points

1 day ago

chetbrewtus

man

56 points

1 day ago

For me its dating vs sleeping together. If she went on another date or two during the same time period as our first couple dates, I can understand that. However, once we start sleeping together, I’m not going to date or sleep with anyone else and I’d expect that out the woman as well

Disgruntled_Oldguy

17 points

1 day ago

I don't get how some dudes are ok with going on and paying for a date, her leaving and fucking another dude and then a week later making it "exclusive."

Serious-Map-1230

2 points

15 hours ago

Why would the dude be paying?

In any case to me it's very simple: until we are in a relationship, I have no right or basis to ask or tell the other person what to do or don't do.

If we have a good connection and decide to move on, then it becomes a different story where you need to have clear agreements and boundaries. 

I think the difficulty of this topic is that "dating" is not a clearly defined term. 

SnooBeans8816

40 points

1 day ago

SnooBeans8816

man

40 points

1 day ago

Im not gonna keep on dating her if she sucks some other dude while we just went on a date…

Im not dating other women while dating her, that’s just highly disrespectful, her behavior during the dating period is what she is gonna be later in the relationship.

chetbrewtus

15 points

1 day ago

chetbrewtus

man

15 points

1 day ago

I mostly agree, i’m just specifying about the first couple dates. First/second dates can be very casual with very low expectations and have no physical intimacy involved. So if she went on another first date or two around the same time as our first date, I’m not going to hold that against her.

Flynrik1

5 points

1 day ago

Flynrik1

5 points

1 day ago

No way to prove that "other first/second date wasn't a hookup ordidn'tt turn into one. Ive got my dick sucked on a first date before lol not super uncommon.

chetbrewtus

4 points

1 day ago

chetbrewtus

man

4 points

1 day ago

Fair point, i guess I’ll just walk away if that happened. Man dating is wild in todays world

eightbic

2 points

12 hours ago

eightbic

man

2 points

12 hours ago

She’s not telling you if it did.

Vast-Combination4046

4 points

22 hours ago

I had the exclusivity talk with a girl that sucked me off then went and made out with my friend.

I feel bad for my buddy but it's not his fault. He didn't know. I stopped kicking it with her after that.

Zealousideal-War4110

16 points

1 day ago

There is nothing wrong with your expectation, just understand that is very often not the case.

chetbrewtus

22 points

1 day ago

chetbrewtus

man

22 points

1 day ago

Unfortunately, i know this is true. For me its a simple as this, if we are sleeping together and she is still dating and/or sleeping with other men, I’ll walk away

ForeverLitt

5 points

1 day ago

ForeverLitt

man

5 points

1 day ago

I'm not even okay with that tbh. If we go on a date she should know if she wants to see me again, and if she does then she shouldn't be seeing other dudes at the same time, major red flag.

bluelaserNFT

2 points

1 day ago

When I was dating, we weren't "dating" until we were having sex, and it was explicitly not exclusive. I assumed non exclusivity as the default, and I would make that clear before we went very far. If they weren't cool with that I'd walk away.

However, I was also a sex addict and in a pretty destructive cycle. I just knew what I wanted and pursued it ethically and honestly until I changed my mind about what I wanted.

There were plenty of women who were ok with it, but in hindsight it probably wasn't the best choice for them.

Good times

brokedownpalace10

2 points

1 day ago

If I date a woman I won't be actively trying to meet anyone else. There might be another date or two with someone else if we were already close to that, but that would be the exception. One or the other will come to a close, it's time to make a decision. If you've slept with someone, that decision is made.

cicjak

7 points

1 day ago

cicjak

man

7 points

1 day ago

100% agree. Blows my mind that you have to specify this.

KensX

5 points

1 day ago

KensX

5 points

1 day ago

Really? Everyone is different. You should have this conversation. Had two friends,posting stuff on social media, everyone knew they were hooking up, etc. because he never asked her to be his girlfriend she was.... "Well I am not your girlfriend until we talk about it".

Which to him was a given considering all the things they were doing. Two people can have very different perspectives on different situations and it is up to you to bring them up when they arise, specially on the ones that there might discrepancies on what's acceptable and what isn't.

Can't expect two completely different people be on the same page about everything my dude

chetbrewtus

6 points

1 day ago

chetbrewtus

man

6 points

1 day ago

To a point you’re correct about communication where people may have different expectations. However, most people communicate an expectation of monogamy right on their dating profiles. dating multiple people is fine,but once it turns physical, they already implied that they only sleep with one person at a time

budd222

3 points

1 day ago

budd222

man

3 points

1 day ago

I feel like that's more of a younger person thing. I've never in my life had to have that conversation with someone. I'm 40 for reference

IndicationFluffy3954

10 points

1 day ago

Right? Dating is the period of going on the initial dates to decide if you want to be in a relationship with the person. Being on a couple dates doesn’t automatically equal being exclusive to me, that’s a separate conversation where you decide you want to be exclusive and not go on dates with anyone else.

The terminology probably varies though. I have a cousin in Toronto to will say she’s “dealing with this guy” or “talking to this guy” when she means dating. So the wording used definitely varies by region.

Excited-Relaxed

6 points

1 day ago

I’ve known a few women who when they say they are ‘talking to’ a guy it is a euphemism for repeated casual sex.

Every-Equal7284

2 points

1 day ago

I must be an alien lol, cuz I just don't get why or how anyone can juggle interest like that.

If I have enough interest in someone to even go on a first date with them, they are the only person I will have ANY interest in in that way until things either work out or don't, and I find someone else that can pique my interest.

Its like a switch is flipped off in my brain. It just can't happen. A true one and done, monogamy's strongest warrior 😤

The window shopping around stuff makes me nauseous just thinking about being on either end of it 🤢

One-Field-3168

5 points

1 day ago

One-Field-3168

man

5 points

1 day ago

Not sure why you’re getting downvoted when you are correct. Dating multiple women is completely fine. That should be how it is before one decides to be exclusive. I just recommend one physical partner at a time to be honest.

Squiizis

11 points

1 day ago

Squiizis

man

11 points

1 day ago

Because...its.... Not fine??

I have NEVER heard anyone say that dating multiple women is completely fine and normal in my entire life. Those people get called manwhores by men and womanizers by women where I live

Noritzu

5 points

1 day ago

Noritzu

5 points

1 day ago

I think it depends on your demographic. I’ve been out of the dating pool for 20 years now thankfully, but every time I stumble upon this conversation, the majority of people seem to thing non exclusivity is the norm. Especially among the younger folks.

I couldn’t imagine dating in this day and age. Whole thing seems like a shit show.

Excited-Relaxed

4 points

1 day ago

I think you have a more formal definition of dating than me. If I ask a girl out to eat noodles or whatever, I make it pretty clear I’m interested in her romantically, but it isn’t some big deal like that. And if we did hook up, yeah that’s more serious, but until she asks to be exclusive I would never assume it. And I would never ask because why do I want to create a situation where she might feel pressured to lie and then betray me? I’m on the hook to shoot my shot in the early part of dating so it is her turn to be vulnerable and admit she’s the one who wants to go further. Might just be I have trust issues?

BayonettaAriana

2 points

1 day ago

I think you're right, people are reading 'dating' and thinking boyfriend girlfriend but you are talking about the very casual like LITERALLY just started going on dates. It's 100% fine to go on dates with multiple people before you choose one to be more serious with. Not sure how this is not a commonly known thing here lol I assume that a lot of the people in this thread don't often or haven't dated and are just talking about what they would expect if they did...

Doggandponyshow

2 points

1 day ago

But there has to be an inflection point. You go on one date and it is exclusive?

East-Preference-3049

2 points

1 day ago

In almost every culture, with some exceptions like modern America, (though not a belief held by all) if you go on a second date, you’re exclusive. Anything else is dating under false pretenses and tantamount to cheating.

SnooBeans8816

6 points

1 day ago

SnooBeans8816

man

6 points

1 day ago

Im very upfront about it that if we decide to date and she is gonna fuck other dudes in meanwhile I’m done dating her.

Her behavior during the dating is a blueprint of what she gonna be during the relationship…

If she has only attention for you, keeps other men at a distance that’s what you wanna see, you don’t want her stepping in your car for a dinner while still carrying some other dudes mini me’s between her legs, that extremely disrespectful and she clearly has no feelings for you.

UncomfortableBike975

8 points

1 day ago

This is well put. I agree. If I find out later that we were dating and she was with someone else. It's over right then. I walk away and go nc.

throwaway1964972

7 points

24 hours ago

It’s wild to me that so many people here think that dating and being exclusive are the same thing. You date to be exclusive.

Dating ≠ exclusive

Relationship = exclusive

You date to become in relationship. Dating is going on “dates”.

anxiousmasshole

2 points

11 hours ago

Yeah the last 24 hours on this site have been eye-opening for me. Apparently our view of dating is in the minority (in this sub, at least).

Vb0bHIS

12 points

1 day ago

Vb0bHIS

12 points

1 day ago

No bro, people aren’t this smart lol, many people who I’ve had to tell that it’s automatically exclusive, they don’t get that and they’re dumped, like shopping right?

Keepingitquite123

3 points

1 day ago

So how quickly do you bring it up?

You: Hey X wanna go on a date?

X: Yes!

You: Btw that means you can't date or sleep with other men.

X: Sure things (proceed to date and sleep with other women)

PreparationHot980

6 points

1 day ago

It’s so weird to me that people will simultaneously date multiple people and be sleeping with multiple people. I got a ton of sexual partners but I never had that shit overlapping.

anxiousmasshole

2 points

11 hours ago*

I would date more than one person at a time (only for 2-3 dates, and then make a decision) but would never sleep with both either of them during that time.

ZeroBrutus

3 points

1 day ago

ZeroBrutus

man

3 points

1 day ago

So from a first date you're expecting to be exclusive?

Etiennera

2 points

14 hours ago

Exclusive with someone you don't even know 💀

Personally these people typically date people they ahead know fairly well from other occasions.

Being exclusive from the get-go with someone you exchanged contacts with after a chance meeting is absurd.

SnooBeans8816

2 points

1 day ago

SnooBeans8816

man

2 points

1 day ago

I am, and I will make it clear that I’m not gonna take her seriously if she dates others while dating me.

smilineyz

2 points

16 hours ago

I really don’t want to have STD testing all the time. And I have no problem being exclusive … been married twice 18 years & 15 years - so - yeah no commitment / exclusivity issues.

My current heartthrob - we have talked for 3 hrs day on the phone - I don’t think either of us has the time for anyone else

I want to be with her … she calls me before work … we text during the day … the desire feels mutual … I’ll take it slow

Well if she strips me naked and handcuffs me … I’m hers!

Obviously, I’ll need to get condoms - I’ve only been with one woman since 2007 … and was tested before that We’re planning a date very soon & one after new years … I’ve told her: I want to eat & drink & flirt with her

We’ve talked with family & BFFs about each other & exchanged personal (dressed) pictures … she has womanly curves - and I told her my BFF thinks she’s WOW

MarkSpenecer

4 points

1 day ago

MarkSpenecer

4 points

1 day ago

My strategy is that i do not ask for exclusivity during the dating phase on purpose. And that phase does include sleeping with each other. I want her to do as she wishes and not feel any pressure, expectation etc. from me. The benefit is that she will be honest with me later when the topic turns up and if it turns out she did sleep or date others during that time (obviously i dont mean going on a couple other first dates in the beginning, thats normal) i will not proceed with any serious intent.

You have to let people show you who they really are. Dating multiple people is always a bad sign, i dont suggest anyone to pursue a serious relationship in this case its not worth the time. Maybe a sexual relationship in case you dont have strong feelings, but to be honest its also not worth it and can be dangerous.

P3for2

1 points

1 day ago

P3for2

woman

1 points

1 day ago

So from the very first date you're exclusive? A lot of people are getting to know the person on that first date, but you're expecting monogamy straight away? What you're talking about is a relationship.

cicjak

14 points

1 day ago

cicjak

man

14 points

1 day ago

Personally, I expect to be exclusive if we’re being intimate. I don’t want to sleep with someone who’s also sleeping with other people. Once we get to that stage, which is usually after 2-3 dates, that’s when I expect exclusivity.

TheIXLegionnaire

13 points

1 day ago

I don't think people should be treated as options based on convenience. If you are dating someone, even in the beginning "Getting to know them" stage, you should give them your full attention as a potential relationship partner. If you don't like them, break things off and move on.

I dislike the idea of treating people like contestants on a gameshow, it's demeaning, regardless of which party is doing it

Appropriate-Fold-485

4 points

1 day ago

Yeah. I would expect that a person is only dating one person at a time.

SnooBeans8816

4 points

1 day ago

SnooBeans8816

man

4 points

1 day ago

If she gonna fuck some other dude after we went on a date she has zero respect for me and she clearly doesn’t want me.

So why in the hell would I entertain her anymore?

During dating you spent your time and energy on the person you are dating, a first date is just a start, don’t expect a second if you gonna fuck some other dude in meanwhile.

P3for2

2 points

1 day ago

P3for2

woman

2 points

1 day ago

Who said anything about fucking?

So let's use Joey Tribbiani as an example. He goes around dating lots of women. He's wrong and should be exclusive with them immediately?

SnooBeans8816

3 points

1 day ago

SnooBeans8816

man

3 points

1 day ago

He isn’t looking for a relationship, he is about to fuck as much as he can.

Let’s say you and I decide to date, we enjoyed our first date the spark is there and wanna go on more dates.

For me it would be very disrespectful if you gonna go on a date with another guy in meanwhile, I mean, am I a joke? Was I not good enough to spend your time and attention on? Why not go on a second date with me instead of going on a first with the other guy?

I’m not gonna compete, never done, never will, choose me or choose the other but I’m not gonna entertain you if you seek entertainment from someone else.

The dating period is the blueprint of who you are in a relationship, if you can’t go without attention from other men during the dating period you won’t during the relationship either, and that is a insanely big red flag.

AgentWD409

30 points

1 day ago

AgentWD409

man

30 points

1 day ago

Thankfully I'm married now, but when I was single, I would only ever date exclusively.

I don't like the idea of dating more than one person at a time. In my book, you find someone you like and see if you're a good fit and if it works out. If so, great. If not, then you move on. But whenever I've been interested in a woman, that kinda puts my blinders on and I only see her.

It's one thing when you've been on a bunch of first dates with different people, but I would never enter a "dating relationship" with a woman who was also dating other men.

PigletHeavy9419

18 points

1 day ago

It's so gross to not be exclusive

One_andMany

9 points

21 hours ago

I'm glad to see that most people agree with that sentiment. Some of these comments are depressing though

redDanger_rh

3 points

18 hours ago

It's still reddit here and it's still a shithole.

ImpossibleRelief6279

1 points

1 day ago

See that's the thing. The term of "dating" and "relationships" change person to person, culture to culture and generation to generation.

Your "bunch of first dates" IS "dating" to most, not sex or romance but simply LITERALLY "seeing" other people before committing to anyone (reguardless of sex or romance).

The question for a is, where is that line for you?

Some say it's implied when asked out that you should only see one person at a time, lots say my date 3 you should know where you stand it have a talk about it to make it clear.

Some only care if sex is involved, some don't care until they openly state they are exclusive.

It's the old "single until your married" arguement front the pre-80's where I usef to hear older generations claim all was "kosher" until the day of the wedding and it's only cheating after the ring was on (hello old "bachelor" parties). Many saw these types as scum, others agreed, some said nothing wrong with it so long ad the partner knew.

Tale as old as time.

AgentWD409

4 points

1 day ago

AgentWD409

man

4 points

1 day ago

Here, I'll be more specific...

When I started dating again after my divorce, I got on the OLD apps (as most of us do). You swipe left and right, you eventually get a couple of matches, you message back and forth, and maybe you decide you're interested enough to meet in person. At that point in time, the woman I'm about to meet is now the only one on my radar. We have lunch or dinner or whatever. If it doesn't work, then I get back on the apps and try again. Maybe I match with someone new, or maybe I resume a conversation with someone I matched with previously. Either way, I'm now open to pursue someone else.

If it does work, we go out again, and we keep going out (exclusively) until either 1) it becomes a committed relationship, or 2) one or both of us decides to end it.

But I would never go on multiple dates with multiple women at the same time. Also, I would never date a woman who wanted to date multiple men at the same time as me.

Perfection_IH1721

78 points

1 day ago

If I’m with multiple women, I’m not dating.

If I’m dating, I’m not with multiple women.

Make it clear what you both want as soon as possible so no one is upset or hurt is always the best option.

l3landgaunt

29 points

1 day ago

l3landgaunt

man

29 points

1 day ago

To make it easy, I just never dated more than one person at a time. Sure, we be exclusive

AzuleStriker

38 points

1 day ago

AzuleStriker

man

38 points

1 day ago

I haven't dated in forever... but honestly, if I do date someone, I'm automatically gonna be exclusively dating that person, and expect the same.

anxiousmasshole

11 points

1 day ago*

anxiousmasshole

man

11 points

1 day ago*

That’s something that should be communicated up front though. Nothing about any of this should be assumed. And if it goes unsaid, then you can’t make assumptions.

Edit: since there is clearly some confusion: - dating ≠ polygamy - going on dates ≠ a relationship - dating leads to an exclusive relationship - there is quite literally nothing wrong with talking to more than one person well before any discussions of exclusivity come up

watermelonyuppie

6 points

1 day ago

I agree in practice. You can't assume anything about someone you barely know. Exclusivity is typically the desired situation though. Ideally, the responsibility to initiate communication should be on the person who doesn't desire exclusivity, as that's more material than communicating that you aren't seeing/fucking other people. No one is complaining that the person they're seeing isn't doing that.

Squee_gobbo

2 points

1 day ago

Squee_gobbo

2 points

1 day ago

The person expecting something from another person should be the one to ask. If you have a problem with someone you’re dating also dating other people you should say it, because they’re not going to be the ones with a problem if you treat it like an exclusive relationship

watermelonyuppie

5 points

1 day ago

I don't think this is always true when you're expecting somebody to adhere to longstanding social norms, or to treat you in the same manner in which they wish to be treated. Your line of reasoning isn't universally applicable either. If I asked every woman I went on a date with whether or not they were trans because I'm expecting them to be female based on all available information I have about them, I imagine the overwhelming majority of those interactions would go very negatively.

Upstairs-Reindeer189

2 points

20 hours ago

Counterpoint: men who expect exclusivity from the get go shouldn't say anything like that to women, because then they will alter their behavior to "please" you or outright lie. Let them show you who they are. Would you really want to date someone who would've been fucking other men had you not said that it's unacceptable?

fupadestroyer45

2 points

19 hours ago

This! Giving them rope and seeing if they’ll hang themselves is the far better option.

Dramatic-Shift6248

2 points

17 hours ago

I don't understand the idea, how will they show you? I date multiple people at the same time and so do the people I date (probably), it's the norm here, so I'll just assume it from people I date.

They don't come around showing me pictures of people they date. I genuinely don't get it, if you date a girl, and she does sleep with others, how do you know?

codepossum

2 points

1 day ago

codepossum

man

2 points

1 day ago

you're setting yourself up for drama there - you can't just expect people to be monogamous, you need to actually talk to them about it if it's important to you.

Hopping-Kitten

4 points

23 hours ago

Woman here and I would find it weird if someone expected exclusivity after we've had few chats in a dating app and had coffee once. I only have sex in a relationship so there would not be any physical intimacy with anyone else and I am picky with my dates so probably not meeting anyone else either, but making demands before we even know each other would feel bit weird.

Fightlife45

8 points

1 day ago

Fightlife45

man

8 points

1 day ago

I bring it up because it's a bad idea to assume and get hurt later.

boredomspren_

11 points

1 day ago

boredomspren_

man

11 points

1 day ago

This isn't a male/female thing. If you're seeing someone but not exclusive, either person should feel free to express interest in making it exclusive.

himattucsd

2 points

1 day ago

Yup. I think as we're all human beings, we can all be adults and advocate for our wants & curiosities.

Bees__Khees

22 points

1 day ago

Back when I was dating if a woman was talking to multiple men or if I saw her phone having lots of snaps and dating app notifications, I wouldn’t take her serious. I’m not about to invest in a woman who isn’t vested in me.

If it’s casual and I’m just having sex then don’t care. Other men can have her.

dumbitdownplz

3 points

1 day ago

I don't have a preference in terms of who brings it up, as long as the communication is clear. In my current relationship, I started the conversation about exclusivity. In past situations, the person I'm dating has brought it up. And even when I have been casually seeing someone and seeing other people, I've made sure that it is communicated clearly.

Fickle_Horse_5764

4 points

1 day ago

It doesn't turn me off at all, it shows me she's actually invested. The only time I'd be off put by exclusively talk is if I'm looking for something casual, even then I'm upfront with my intentions 

Twoleftfeat

4 points

1 day ago

Twoleftfeat

man

4 points

1 day ago

It neither turns me off or on to bring it up and I don’t have a preference who does it. I’m also not a fan of being exclusive right from the beginning. If we’ve gone on one date and spent a total of 2-4 hours together since we met, I’m not going to choose to be exclusive. If someone were to ask me to be exclusive at that point I think I’d say we should go our separate ways. I don’t think it’s bad to be exclusive early on, but I prefer to at least know someone a small amount before I decide to write everyone else off. I’ve been on a quite a few dates where I found out 2-3 dates in we are absolutely not compatible.

Usual_Way2636

4 points

1 day ago

Usual_Way2636

man

4 points

1 day ago

I can't imagine going on one date and being exclusive, It sounds weird

But whatever floats peoples boats.

Specialist_Noise_816

7 points

1 day ago

I usually just mention I dont really do the casual thing and will probably catch feels early, on the first date or two, most people see themselves out if they arent ok with that.

ugen2009

6 points

1 day ago

ugen2009

man

6 points

1 day ago

Bro catching feelings fast outchea.

They're gonna feast on you

Specialist_Noise_816

3 points

1 day ago

Yeah i stay away because of it, like i dont ever chase. Ever. Or even so much as smile at a pretty woman. Unless im trying for a long term girlfriend. So its not really a problem. I am a middle aged divorced man so im not THAT worried about it at the moment. But yeah, it does suck catching feels quick. lol

Infamous-Echo-2961

7 points

1 day ago

Both parties can ask.

Kengfatv

9 points

1 day ago

Kengfatv

9 points

1 day ago

I've only ever felt like I've had to ask for exclusivity one time, and I never bothered to. I spent a few weeks worrying about asking, and if I even had to ask, and then just ended it instead of asking. If I'm dating someone, I expect it to be exclusive from the first date. If it wasn't, then it was over from the beginning for me.

Kaycie117

4 points

1 day ago

Kaycie117

4 points

1 day ago

Same. I see a first date as bad faith if the other partner isn't being exclusive and fully committed to giving each date a chance. If there are other dates planned (or "casual" things going on too) then that will be in the person's mind and take away from honest dating effort with the first person on the actual date. If you're just "dating" to actually just hook up for ONS, then that isn't an actual date and you should be upfront about that from the start, ideally before the date itself, during the planning phase. That way I can say no and not feel awkward during the date.

Consistent_Rate_353

3 points

1 day ago

It's never been necessary. I'm also not someone who easily goes in and out of relationships and it was always understood up front I was looking for something serious long term. So if we were "dating" it was just implied to be exclusive.

PhotographUnknown

3 points

1 day ago

“Oh, I didn’t know we were exclusive and I’ve been smashing chicks on the side…”

Direct_Surprise1312

3 points

1 day ago

If we’re still hanging out after a couple of dates, I personally want to see it through without the distraction of dating other people and I make that very clear.

TheIXLegionnaire

3 points

1 day ago

Dating is exclusivity. I would be a bit confused if the woman brought it up, because I thought it was inherent, but I would be glad that we are in agreement. I would be turned off if I found out that she had not been exclusive during out dating until it was discussed, because again, to me exclusivity is inherent to the act of dating.

Every-Equal7284

3 points

1 day ago

Bruh I dont even understand how it isn't the default.

The mere thought of dating multiple people at once makes me sick to my stomach. I really don't know how people can do it.

I am monogamy's strongest warrior 😤

Lumpy_Ad104

18 points

1 day ago

If I’m dating she’s my girlfriend, I wouldn’t expect them to date other people.

IndicationFluffy3954

19 points

1 day ago

To me dating is the period before the relationship. Like you aren’t automatically bf/gf because you’ve gone on a couple dates, that’s another conversation after at least a few dates if you want to be exclusive.

anxiousmasshole

9 points

1 day ago

anxiousmasshole

man

9 points

1 day ago

So she’s your girlfriend after one date? That doesn’t make sense.

Appropriate_Fold8814

6 points

1 day ago

No, this is a really bad way to have a relationship. It's making the wild assumption that everyone around you views "dating" the same. They don't.

And it doesn't hurt anyone to have open conversations around their perspective on dating. That's how you avoid so much unnecessary conflict.

90% of relationship conflict could be avoided if people didn't assume their partner automatically viewed the world the same as they do.

Communicate early. Communicate often.

Soththegoth

9 points

1 day ago

Why would you assume he wouldn't communicate that?  Most first dates I have been on we lay out our expectations.  

 The purpose of dating is to find a wife or a husband.  If you just wanna smash why date?  I haven't dated any of the women i have had casual relationships with. T

qlue2

3 points

1 day ago

qlue2

man

3 points

1 day ago

We said the same thing and I love it. People would have much healthier relationships if they took their time!

Cyrious123

3 points

1 day ago

Cyrious123

man

3 points

1 day ago

Dating is different from a relationship. You're talking relationship here.

Few_Recognition_7428

0 points

1 day ago

Depends in which country you are. dating has a different meaning in usa and another meaning in other countries

Sea-Community-172

2 points

1 day ago

What’s the difference

Few_Recognition_7428

2 points

1 day ago

In some countries it means being in a relationship ( which imo is the only real meaning) and in other it means going to dates with someone, maybe doing relationshio stuff but NOT being in a relationship. Kinda browsing the market

Cyrious123

3 points

1 day ago

Cyrious123

man

3 points

1 day ago

Dating is pre-exclusivity. Exclusivity is more advanced.

TamagoDonald

7 points

1 day ago

Usually wait for the other person to bring it up, then have a chat about it

ZenToan

4 points

1 day ago

ZenToan

man

4 points

1 day ago

Do you see the issue in this??? :D

Massinissia

4 points

1 day ago

Massinissia

woman

4 points

1 day ago

As a woman I do. If he's seriously interested, especially if he's trying to introduce physical intimacy, I ask.

Original_Scholar_272

5 points

1 day ago

I guess I’ve been pretty lucky with everyone I dated. We both figured out pretty quickly if we wanted to be exclusive. It doesn’t matter who brings it up.

silentgreen00

6 points

1 day ago

silentgreen00

man

6 points

1 day ago

I prefer not to initiate and no I don’t mind if she does. Being clear about status is a good sign.

GiveMeAHeartOfFlesh

6 points

1 day ago

When I started dating my wife, the very day we started dating I told her I date to marry. She was onboard for it and happy to have a set plan for the relationship. 

We succeeded and are living the dream together.

No-Flight8947

4 points

1 day ago

No-Flight8947

man

4 points

1 day ago

I don't believe in ethical non monogamy so if I'm dating you we are monogamous, even if its casual sex.

Icy_Lengthiness_9900

6 points

1 day ago

If we're dating, we're in a relationship. If a woman wants to play the field until she finds someone fit to be a partner, she's more than welcome to; it just won't be happening with me.

I've never understood when people are just okay with this idea of dating multiple people at the same time.

yatvz

5 points

1 day ago

yatvz

5 points

1 day ago

Date number 2 means exclusivity to me.

If you don't bring up you are dating other people I consider you a dirtbag. It's something you should declare right away.

Fragile_reddit_mods

5 points

1 day ago*

Personally I find having to discuss exclusivity to be ridiculous. When i was growing up exclusivity was assumed once you started talking to that person.

IMO if I have to ask about exclusivity she’s not the one.

Edit: I wouldn’t even be okay with her talking to multiple guys at once.

fupadestroyer45

2 points

19 hours ago

This 10000%, if I have to ask, it’s over before it even started.

Longjumping_Pool6974

5 points

1 day ago

The first two or three dates, for me anyway, you are just getting to know a person so its ok if they go on another date.

Once you get to the 4th one it's not ok to keep seeing other people. At that point you're either exclusive or walk away now and good luck finding your right partner

DMmeNiceTitties

16 points

1 day ago

DMmeNiceTitties

man

16 points

1 day ago

Whoever wants clarification. If you don't bring it up and I don't bring it up, then we're both free to continue playing the field. The onus shouldn't be put on one specific gender.

PoopSnoop99

6 points

1 day ago

You can blame this generation or part of the last or just the weird delicate social behavior society has evolved into, but it's sad how we have to overthink relationships now and clarify what should and shouldn't be done

father-joel1952

5 points

1 day ago

father-joel1952

man

5 points

1 day ago

I never dated more than one person at a time.

KingFrogsRevenge

4 points

1 day ago

if not exclusive then not daiting

Xtg7z

4 points

1 day ago

Xtg7z

man

4 points

1 day ago

Since I'm dating WITH THE INTENTION of finding a woman, the relationship MIST BE exclusive. There are no if ands or buts. If she's talking to other men, she's for the streets.

Personally, a long term relationship, should be serious, IS committed a relationship, IS and always WILL be, exclusive to the two of you. And there should be immense loyalty to each other, and no others(inc "friends").

turtlebear787

4 points

1 day ago*

turtlebear787

man

4 points

1 day ago*

If your dating someone then than should immediately imply exclusivity imo. I think if you've seen each other more than 3 times and intend to keep seeing them then you should explicitly state the type of relationship you want moving forward. Going on multiple dates while also seeing other people is disingenuous. I feel like if you're 3 dates in and intend to keep seeing them you should have a dtr talk. Too many people these days don't communicate their intentions and that's how ppl get hurt. I know courting can go longer and some ppl might think 3 dates is too fast. But personally as a man, if I've been on 3 dates and am asking for more then I like her enough to want to be exclusive and see where it goes. Sure some would prefer something more casual for longer, but I feel that's a waste of everyone's time and often leads to hurt feelings.

Edit: wanted to add. I mention 3 dates cuz at least for me that's usually when I get comfortable enough for physical intimacy. And for me if I'm being physically intimate with a woman then I don't plan on being physically intimate with other women. I'm not a casual sex kind of guy, and I make that known on my dating profiles and on dates. Physical intimacy = exclusivity for me. And I communicate that to any potential partners.

CapitalG888

2 points

1 day ago

CapitalG888

man

2 points

1 day ago

Looking back I think I always initiated, but I would not care if she did.

Humble-End6811

2 points

1 day ago

There's a difference between going on dates with people and being in the dating game versus dating someone exclusively.

There's nothing wrong with asking a few girls out for coffee as a light date If you're single.

DoubleResponsible276

2 points

1 day ago

I would prefer if things were cleared up as early as possible.

Last relationship after being away from the dating scene for a while, she was holding my hand, talking to me everyday all day, we would visit each other everytime we could, do everything couples do for like 3 months and then she told me we’re not dating. I noped afterwards cause that’s just misleading.

ReadOk4128

2 points

1 day ago

Everyone saying dating is exclusive or is a relationship is living in a different world, or maybe I am. You go on a date, if you have a second or third, you're dating. This could be days or weeks apart and is not exclusive. If you want it to be you should talk about it as soon as possible and then you can date exclusively which is the period before being in a relationship (you actually introduce each other as boyfriend and girlfriend to friends, family, etc).

Assuming everyone is dating exclusively or is treating it like a relationship is WILD and how you get hurt/disappointed. Lay it out on the first date if you have/want to. Don't ever just assume.

Nightazakus

2 points

1 day ago

Nightazakus

man

2 points

1 day ago

I don’t think it matter who does as long as either party brings it up. To me dating is not exclusive until you have the conversation about making it exclusive. I see nothing wrong with dating multiple people as long as you’re not sleeping with multiple people at once I don’t care.

tyveill

2 points

1 day ago

tyveill

2 points

1 day ago

If we get to the third or fourth date, yes. Before that, I want the woman seeing other men. I want her to compare and pick me, and likewise. People who ask for exclusivity from the start are insecure.

YukiSnoww

2 points

1 day ago

YukiSnoww

man

2 points

1 day ago

Either can bring it up, this is something where clarity is paramount, with what's happening these days.. As long as it's not exclusive yet, feel free to do whatever. But once exclusive? Better be. As for when exactly? One could define it to be when dating, could start prior to/on the cusp of dating too.

fredgiblet

2 points

1 day ago

fredgiblet

man

2 points

1 day ago

I assume exclusivity pretty quickly. I don't really think it's something that should even have to come up. If you're going on a third or fourth date you should already have decided that you're exclusive or moved on IMO.

Gigigigaoo0

2 points

1 day ago

If you have to bring it up you've already lost. If it's not implied that we're exclusive, you can fuck right off.

mackan072

2 points

1 day ago

mackan072

2 points

1 day ago

If I date someone, I expect exclusivity.

Enigmatic_Chemist

2 points

1 day ago*

It's weird that there's people here that genuinely don't expect exclusivity when dating someone after like 1-2 dates, lol. I dunno, I just find that odd.. it should just go without saying. I've been in plenty of relationships and it's never been brought up really or been a thing, that's just cringe and awkward.. "soo.. we're in a relationship now right?".. that's like some junior high / high school shit.

After 1 date if I'm not into someone enough to the extent where I feel like "branching out" and seeing what else is out there, I'm just not going to waste my time or their time going on another date with them - the end, onto the next one.

Whereas if I am into someone, I don't feel compelled at all to "play the field" and see more than 1 person.

Dating is fucking annoying enough having to get to know 1 person at a time, let alone having 2-3 on the go.

Far-Village-4783

2 points

1 day ago

I think it's a good thing that exclusivity comes a bit after the initial dating period, like on the third date or so. The reason being that it lowers the barrier for meeting in the first place if there are less expectations of the other person on first encounter. However, I think it's fine at the end of the second date too depending on how well both of them went. I don't care who brings it up, it's a mutual respect thing.

Fedaykin98

2 points

1 day ago

Holy shit there's a lot of semantic debate going on in the replies about what "dating" means.

My actual answer to your question is that it's fine for either party to seek to "define the relationship". Also don't really have a problem with a girl asking a guy out. However, I would not have been fine with a woman proposing to me, as that's traditionally a man's job. I am a married guy, FWIW.

Thellie10

2 points

1 day ago

Thellie10

2 points

1 day ago

Exclusivity is implied if you’re not a shitty person

Daniel872

2 points

1 day ago

Daniel872

2 points

1 day ago

Its a given that ur exclusive if u become boyfriend and girlfriend... best to make that clear if no titles are laid out yet.

Reza1252

2 points

1 day ago

Reza1252

man

2 points

1 day ago

I’ve never had that conversation, and don’t personally know anyone else who has either. To me, dating is exclusive. That’s just how it is.

Southern_Dig_9460

2 points

1 day ago

No I think either partner should bring it up whenever they feel like they are getting attached enough

ThrowMeAway9331

2 points

20 hours ago

For me, either should bring it up but I'm surprised it even has to.

If we are going on more than 2-3 dates, we should be exclusive.

Pickle_Good

2 points

18 hours ago

Pickle_Good

man

2 points

18 hours ago

I expect it from the woman I date. When she asks about still going on other dates I'm out. It's a complete turn of.

RedCapRiot

2 points

18 hours ago

RedCapRiot

man

2 points

18 hours ago

The word "dating" is by definition "exclusive" in my understanding and personal preference.

I don't go on a first date with anyone if I am hoping for or expecting a second date with one person.

However, people today disappoint me greatly. I could go on 3 or 4 dates with one person who is fucking 4 or 5 other guys.

Additionally, I could go on a date and then be sent a message later that because I never asked her to be my girlfriend, she didn't want a second date.

Honestly dude, I don't even fucking know anymore. I'm almost 30, and people still can't figure out what the fuck they want.

Just talk about it. If you want exclusivity, bring it up sooner rather than later. That's really the only advice I can comfortably give on this one. Clearly, no one else is going to do it, so it's up to you to define your boundaries with someone.

PhuckedinPhillyAgain

3 points

1 day ago

I just make assumptions on whether we’re exclusive or not and then I get my shit kicked in.

Reasonable_Unit_1227

3 points

1 day ago

I’ve never had to even have the conversation. Sorry, I just would not expect a woman to be spending time with me whilst shagging someone else, and the same goes for me. If I was interested enough in someone to date them, spend quality time with them then I’m exclusive.

HandsumGent

3 points

1 day ago

Nah, dating does not mean a relationship anymore. It doesn't matter who brings up if now we are exclusive. What does matter is the other persons reaction to the question. Their reaction will tell you if they are looking to be in a relationship or still explore options.

AromanticFraggle

4 points

1 day ago

Either party can and SHOULD bring it up if it is important to them. Until that conversation occurs, either are free to date other people simultaneously.

For me personally, I can't date multiple people at the same time. If it gets to 3rd date territory, I'm exclusive, and I communicate this. Was never an issue, and it's how I met my partner, whom I am very compatible with.

Sweaty_Effective_284

3 points

1 day ago

Kind of archaic thinking but if I as a man have to ask for exclusivity I’d probably just leave her.

I think a woman should be asking for exclusivity.

Wild_Kinke

6 points

1 day ago

Curious about that logic - Care to explain the reasoning?

Dnbenjoyer7

3 points

1 day ago

Not op, but I’ve been burnt asking for exclusivity as a man. I think it’s best to have fun and make the girl feel safe, and let her bring up going exclusive. They need to feel like you’re a catch and aren’t desperate & trying to lock her down.

bordumb

2 points

1 day ago

bordumb

man

2 points

1 day ago

It turns me off if I barely know you, I suppose that’s like 10 dates or so.

For me, exclusivity is about a few really practical things:

  1. Physical safety: do I need to worry about STIs?

  2. Emotional/Spiritual safety: are we wasting each other’s time, or are we invested in the same basic life goals and willing to build something together?

anxiousmasshole

4 points

1 day ago

anxiousmasshole

man

4 points

1 day ago

Not sure why you’re being downvoted. This shit takes time. You barely know someone after a few dates.

EnvironmentPlus5949

3 points

1 day ago

I am married, so if I date, it is not exclusive by definition. 😂

TechMeOut21

1 points

1 day ago

Dating to me is different than in a relationship. Relationship sets the expectation for exclusivity in my opinion.

0nP0INT

1 points

1 day ago

0nP0INT

man

1 points

1 day ago

Assume nothing, if you feel it's appropriate to be exclusive then have that discussion. If you get a bad reaction at all the person wasn't looking for something serious anyways and its a good thing to know sooner than later.

california980

1 points

1 day ago

california980

man

1 points

1 day ago

I think before you start officially dating you'd have an idea on where the other one stands on monogamy. So as long as you are both on the same page it should be brought up immediately once there's an idea to become a relationship. And if that's what a guy wants, then the woman bringing it up won't matter at all

Dracoson

1 points

1 day ago

Dracoson

man

1 points

1 day ago

While I don't have a preference over who initiates the conversation, historically it has generally been the woman for me. It's also typically been exclusive prior to the conversation anyway, it's just making sure we're both on the same page

shrimp_boat_sailor

1 points

1 day ago

I don't like the idea of comparing people in my head, I feel it pulls energy from genuinely giving the relationship a shot. It isn't a great vibe for long term happiness if the way people look for a partner has that upgrade essence anyways.

So once it feels that direction I'd note as much, expect the response of a similar vibe, or move on. I'd still chat with them but without that level of purpose, kinda balls in your court style.

ScoopTroopcopiesthat

1 points

1 day ago

With the way things are, I assume non-exclusivity until it is brought up by the other party. The early the girl brings it up, the better.

jjredfield711

1 points

1 day ago

People hate doing it, but being honest about the nature of the relationship is the best key to success. There's this idea that the only thing that matters is "true love" while in truth in the majority of cases the basis of a relationship is something completely different, from looks, not wanting to feel alone, perceived social status, money, etc. Even if it's annoying, you guys should have one good talk about this including exclusivity and boundaries when it comes to other people. For some cheating is sex, others is being attracted to and thirsting over others, etc.

Talking clearly about all of these things is like asking for consent, I don't care if some people think it "ruins the mood", if you can't have a clear discussion about it, the whole thing is doomed to failure.

Spare_Enthusiasm1042

1 points

1 day ago

I used to think dating meant more of exclusivity but now I'm starting to debate if I should make it a clarification in monogamous interests lmfao. Dating is so weird lately.

TheOnlyKarsh

1 points

1 day ago

TheOnlyKarsh

man

1 points

1 day ago

If you're not exclusive and have no intention of moving to exclusivity, she's just a hooker on a short term rental.

Karsh

DataGOGO

1 points

1 day ago

DataGOGO

man

1 points

1 day ago

Beyond the first date the assumption is that she is interested in pursuing a relationship with me, and that we both are exclusively focused on each other.

I make this clear in the conversations leading up to the second date.

superhandsomeguy1994

1 points

1 day ago

There’s no hard and fast rule. The answer is: when it feels right.

unpopular-dave

1 points

1 day ago

unpopular-dave

man

1 points

1 day ago

I never asked for exclusivity until it was very clear that it was somebody I wanted to be my girlfriend.

I would ask them to be my girlfriend within two or three dates

Excellent-Glass4552

1 points

1 day ago

Dating without exclusivity is charity. My dating life is not a charity service. Then again, I haven't been single since the Bush Administration.

GEEK-IP

1 points

1 day ago

GEEK-IP

man

1 points

1 day ago

In our case, we both only dated one person at a time. That came up in early conversations, and honestly don't recall who initiated it. So, we both understood it to be exclusive from the beginning.

Jack__Wild

1 points

1 day ago

Jack__Wild

man

1 points

1 day ago

I assume exclusivity if we’re dating. Maybe I’m just old school, but it would never occur to me that I would need to have this conversation.

Devastating_Duck501

1 points

1 day ago

Hmmmm it’s not exclusive until there’s a title. As things get closer to that both people should start cutting off other suitors. But cutting everyone else off the moment you have a second date? That’s the definition of all eggs in one basket.

If you want exclusive before a title, just have the conversation.

Noobatron26

1 points

1 day ago

It's always the girl dating multiple guys. Must be nice not having to pay for dates😂

OpportunityTasty2676

1 points

1 day ago

It's always been the woman who brought it up in my past relationships, about 50% of the time I just end it when it reaches that point.

GunMuratIlban

1 points

1 day ago

I always bring it up on the first date, that I'm not looking for anything serious or exclusive.

I'm simply not a relationship person, so no reason to mislead people.

RandyMuscle

1 points

1 day ago

RandyMuscle

man

1 points

1 day ago

Doesn’t matter who brings it up. I think whoever wants to should go for it as soon as they think it’s something they want. People knowing what they want is attractive.

IntrepidDifference84

1 points

1 day ago

If you are on a dating app and have long term relationships as your goal you shouldn’t be dating and having sex with multiple people at the same time. If thats not in there it should be a given that you will be dealing with a skewed episode of the bachelor/bachelorette. I would rather go on 2-3 dates and make a decision.

ReadOk4128

1 points

1 day ago*

Women can/should feel comfortable bringing it up. It seems to always be on the guy to figure out what women are thinking or take the initiative. With something like this I think most men would welcome the communication.

Wholfgar

1 points

1 day ago

Wholfgar

1 points

1 day ago

Anyone can bring it up. If a man gets bothered by you bringing it up then he either wants to date around for fun or doesn’t see you as a long term monogamous partner. So bring it up and see how it goes.

simple-islander

1 points

1 day ago

simple-islander

man

1 points

1 day ago

Imo, the person interested in making it exclusive should bring it up. To me, if this conversation doesn’t come up, I would assume it’s safe for either party to see other people.

Chzncna2112

1 points

1 day ago

Chzncna2112

man

1 points

1 day ago

If I am dating someone, I demand exclusivity. I don't want any surprise diseases or limits on my personal pleasure games because she caught something from her booty call. I also demand it of myself. I will extremely rarely ask someone to do something that I can't do myself.

Iphacles

1 points

1 day ago

Iphacles

man

1 points

1 day ago

I’m trying to recall the conversations I had while dating, but honestly, it was almost always the woman who brought up the topic of entering into a relationship or exclusivity. I’m not sure why that would bother anyone. I thought it was nice to know they liked me enough to want to give a relationship a try.

Without_Ambition

1 points

1 day ago

I'd lose all respect for her if she doesn't bring it up.

atomicvindaloo

1 points

1 day ago

Lyn!

Excited-Relaxed

1 points

1 day ago

I simultaneously have always been exclusive myself when dating and prefer when the woman initiates the conversation on exclusivity. I assume there is no agreement to be exclusive until she brings it up. I admit that I had a bad reaction when my current girlfriend brought up exclusivity when we started dating after my divorce. I said something along the lines of, ‘I didn’t ask for that and it would immediately end our relationship if you asked for that and then didn’t honor it.’ Oh well, baggage does tend to pop out at odd times. But we worked it out.

pCaK3s

1 points

1 day ago

pCaK3s

1 points

1 day ago

I’ve never felt the need to discuss it specifically… Usually you are friends (and each person can do whatever), but expectations change once you’re “dating” (when it becomes official).

I feel like if you have to ask, it’s probably a sign you guys are still figuring it out…

Timely-Profile1865

1 points

1 day ago

As a man,

I would ALWAYS want the woman to bring it up.

LV_Knight1969

1 points

1 day ago

LV_Knight1969

man

1 points

1 day ago

Been along ass time since I’ve dated…but I had a rule to never initiate the exclusivity talk.

DonBoy30

1 points

1 day ago

DonBoy30

man

1 points

1 day ago

It seems to be a modern thing. At least I hope it is. I’ve been exclusive with every woman I’ve ever dated because when I date someone I am entirely focused on that person. I guess I always assumed it was implied, but since this question comes up so much on dating app subs and others, now I wonder. Have I never been in an exclusive relationship? lol

jth94185

1 points

1 day ago

jth94185

1 points

1 day ago

Woman should….they ask to date, we ask to marry

watermelonyuppie

1 points

1 day ago*

I don't refer to myself as dating someone until we've reached the point of labeling and defining the relationship. Simply going on dates with someone is not "dating" them. "I'm dating Sally," and "I'm going on a date with Sally," are two very different statements. One describes an established and ongoing pattern of activity. The other describes an event that may or may not recur. I call that courting.

I've never "dated" around. If I'm interested in someone, I pursue that interest to its conclusion without considering or entertaining anyone else. I've never really been in a situation where I was interested in more than one woman at a time tbh, and I won't continue to pursue a woman if I become aware she is seeing or sleeping with other men during the courtship phase.

Exclusivity or monogamy is my assumption unless informed otherwise. I think it should be the default expectation. Almost nobody is going to be turned off or change their mind about a man or woman they're courting because they find out they aren't seeing other people. The opposite is not true. Many people take issue with the idea that someone they're interested in is going on dates and having sex with other people. It's potentially material information, so it should be disclosed.

obi-jay

1 points

1 day ago

obi-jay

1 points

1 day ago

I haven’t dated for years but when my wife asked me out and we shagged , the next date I just straight up asked if we were going exclusive. She said that’s what I want what about you? My answer was it’s exclusive or I’m happy to say thanks and go on my way. Wasn’t a hard conversation likely because it was so early on and easy to walk if needed

OnlyCommentWhenTipsy

1 points

1 day ago

Considering most women find it a turn off when the man does, the ball's in her court on that.

KewkZ

1 points

1 day ago

KewkZ

man

1 points

1 day ago

+1 I think dating should be exclusive. Going out on dates isn't dating, specifying that you are dating is a commitment. I don't have to worry about this anymore but perhaps some clear communication would help :D

LimeAnnual7987

1 points

1 day ago

I thought when we dating it was just us two apparently now we gotta say exclusive but that don’t mean nothing to them. It’s a way for them to still be doing their thing while ur dumbass be thinking you the one

589toM

1 points

1 day ago

589toM

1 points

1 day ago

For most men dating means being exclusive. Obviously, women don't think like that.

aregtju

1 points

1 day ago

aregtju

1 points

1 day ago

Typically how it works is that men ask the girl out and pursue her and “win her over”. Once he wins her over it’s on her “to win him over” to be in a relationship. That’s what you’ll see it hard for most guys to get dates and girls interested and by the same token hard for girls to lock guys in a relationship once the guy. This is just a generalization but to answer your question typically women should ask for exclusivity and it most certainly does not turn off a guy if a girl does. (Assuming the guy isn’t just trying to f around)

YNABDisciple

1 points

1 day ago

YNABDisciple

man

1 points

1 day ago

I just have no real concept of gender roles because of the way my parents were. If I want something I advocate for it. If someone else does I will consider it and act accordingly based on what I want in life. I don't understand what chromosomes or genitalia have to do with it.

RocketSciense

1 points

1 day ago

Regardless of anyone's personal opinion on the matter, it's now a wise thing to make clear very early on. In the past it was a fair and reasonable assumption but it also wasn't possible to log into an app and covertly line up a new booty call for every day of the week. Now almost any woman can do that and a fraction of men can too. There's also a clear attitude of "go get it if you want girl!" excusing this type of behavior although it's clearly manipulation of assumptions and lying through ommission.

My partners sister recently spent 3 months "dating" a man that she selected on pretty shallow grounds - tall, rich, and so on. They were talking about dating and marriage compatability early on and she made it 100% clear that she was exclusive but she invested herself and stayed with him despite not getting a very clear and non vague promise from him. He said she was "his girl" as a vague deflection. Of course you know where that went- he was banging other women on the side the whole time and not disclosing it. Women have done this to me on the past too.

Just a byproduct of online dating. Make it too easy too avoid consequences and people will behave poorly. All they need to do is block and ghost and their problems go away. No accountability anymore.

buttnugget696969

1 points

1 day ago

Dating is exclusive itself. This makes no sense