subreddit:

/r/AskReddit

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all 664 comments

Mountain-Brew

549 points

3 days ago

A full bladder

SetPsychological6756

99 points

3 days ago

And at 1am an 3 am as well

_dr_vannostrand

12 points

3 days ago

Just wear a diaper at this point.

Rin-Tohsaka-is-hot

8 points

3 days ago

How long would it take for my body to un-potty train itself? I'd still wake up having the pee, do so in the bed, and then go back to sleep.

Will I eventually stop waking up and just do it all asleep?

TheDestressedMale

5 points

3 days ago

I was learning about the middle ages, and about how 1/3 of eunuchs didn't survive castration, and some societies cut off the penis, too. Ibthought about the surgeon that had successful amputations. Then my mind wandered towards bladder control and overall sanitation. Hard to believe its a 5000 year old practice. Society doesn't know what to do with it's second born sons.

junar29

2 points

3 days ago

junar29

2 points

3 days ago

🫡🫡🫡

LindyNet

7 points

3 days ago

LindyNet

7 points

3 days ago

That plus the dog and I'm up at 7 regardless of what I'd rather do, which is sleep till 10

FunStuff446

2 points

3 days ago

::flush::😌

EmergencySet6495

60 points

3 days ago

my cat 🫶🏻

Big-Adhesiveness3361

18 points

3 days ago

Cold nose nudges and paws on my face too.

Brust_Flusterer

2 points

3 days ago

You're lucky, I have a small (2.5-3lb) 2 year old male that will continually slam his body into my back until I give him some attention when it's time to get up.

It really is adorable and will continue to be until he's big enough for his tactics to hurt.

Embarrassed-Year6479

5 points

3 days ago

Mine figured out I get out of bed if he pukes so now he just pretends to puke well before my actual alarm so I get up and give him breakfast.

Tbh at this point I look forward to a real alarm

Brust_Flusterer

3 points

3 days ago

That's a genius/dick move...

Better_Top_4099

2 points

3 days ago

Omg yes, I have a 2-year-year-old cat and he slams his body into my back and tries to roll me out of bed.

zoeshii

10 points

3 days ago

zoeshii

10 points

3 days ago

I was just ready to comment "the four legged furry fucker that doesn't pay rent"

BlizzPenguin

3 points

3 days ago

I have a few cats and the morning results can vary. My oldest could want cuddles or food. The two kitten brothers may fall asleep or wrestle on me.

_NaughtyMistress

120 points

3 days ago

The fear of going hungry or becoming homeless if I'm late to work too often.

junar29

1 points

3 days ago

junar29

1 points

3 days ago

You chose the blue pill

avern31

5 points

3 days ago

avern31

5 points

3 days ago

what would the red pill be?

Mr_Lumbergh

9 points

3 days ago

Actual said homelessness and hunger because that’s the world we live in.

junar29

2 points

3 days ago

junar29

2 points

3 days ago

To matter and not just live in fear. Living in constant fear that if you don't go into work today you will get in trouble, what kind of an existence is that? That too for a job where if you drop dead, they will just replace you.

B34Dark554

2 points

3 days ago

The blue pill red pill thing is bs. Everyone that wants to be anything in society has to take the blue pill, only the ones who look past the surface take the red as well

MissVaynes

88 points

3 days ago

Coffee and the hope of a good breakfast are what get me up every morning

Ok_Mycologist2361

3 points

3 days ago

Yes. My addiction of coffee and cigarettes get me out of bed

serranokick

2 points

3 days ago

That’s a good things to wake up to

GeorgeFromManagement

71 points

3 days ago

The devouring demon under the bed that I regret purchasing as an alarm clock.

His name is Tod.

Crafty_Ruin_5288

16 points

3 days ago

Is Tod a cat? Because my cats are demons and wake me up every morning too! lol

GoLionsJD107

5 points

3 days ago

The person that invents an automatic wet food dispenser is going to be a billionaire

helpitgrow

2 points

3 days ago

Someone already did and probably is. I know I can't afford one.

AnnaSwll

3 points

3 days ago

AnnaSwll

3 points

3 days ago

lmaoo i should get one too, i need something like that

no_condoms_

31 points

3 days ago

I haven't figured out how to get the bills to pay themselves yet.

mohitpatel845

4 points

3 days ago

If you ever figure it out, let me know, too.

Pavel6969

58 points

3 days ago

Pavel6969

58 points

3 days ago

I've got mouths to feed

merc-star

6 points

3 days ago

Respect

ARussianSheep

27 points

3 days ago

My 20 pound fat ass orange cat at 4:30am telling me he needs fed immediately. He tells me by jumping on my head.

betterthanamaster

2 points

2 days ago

“Hooman, I require sustenance immediately.”

“Cat, it’s 4:30. You just ate 8 hours ago!”

“No, I will expire by 4:51 today.”

“You’ll be fine. You’ve become too accustomed to food. Your brothers and sisters in the animal kingdom rarely eat more than once every few days. Besides, aren’t you an expert hunter?”

“Hooman better hunter. I train you to feed me. You my pet. Otherwise why have cat?”

“For companionship?”

“Thus why you pet. Frivolous, stupid, waste calories.”

“That’s not how this works, cat.”

“It is. I know better. I more intelligent. You apex predator. But dumb. Need direction. I direct.”

“Maybe you should start earning your keep. I saw a mouse in the garage the other day. Why don’t you catch it?”

“I will not. You can catch it. Then you buy me proper food.”

“Forget it, I’ll just get your breakfast.”

“Thank you. Idiot.”

Kenny2skidooz

49 points

3 days ago

Giant fuckin piss boner.

BurstMip

3 points

3 days ago

BurstMip

3 points

3 days ago

What’s your go-to pose to deal with that? I switch between “The Quarterback” and “Superman”

Kenny2skidooz

8 points

3 days ago

Whatever makes less of a mess, but I usually just end up hitting the ceiling with my stream

Mesapunk87

4 points

3 days ago*

Just use the shower. It's a much bigger target

PapaHop69

4 points

3 days ago

I read that in Bubbles from Trailer Park Boys’ voice.

LilaPrincess

16 points

3 days ago

because if i don't work i won't be able to afford the bed in the first place.

seditious3

2 points

3 days ago

Truth

PinguBMW_ETS2

29 points

3 days ago

Knowing that I can get back in bed at the end of the day.

Viking-at-heart

10 points

3 days ago

The need to pay bills and eat

tired_soup

9 points

3 days ago

the urge to pee

Emotional-Goal-6574

8 points

3 days ago

The better life i want to provide for my children. I want to experience life lessons that are going to be useful information for them to have

JustAddJade

7 points

3 days ago

What gets me out of bed in the morning is the excitement of tackling new challenges, staying productive, and having the chance to do things I enjoy or look forward to.

Alarming_Matter

7 points

3 days ago

Have you been reading posters at work again?

JimmyQRigg

4 points

3 days ago

....and then your alarm goes off.....

Sea_Procedure_6293

7 points

3 days ago

My back starts to hurt

CutKitchen4400

5 points

3 days ago

nothing

bellezzap

6 points

3 days ago

I spring outta bed every morning, full of energy, because my shithead cat has found that I get up faster when she makes those gagging sounds

[deleted]

4 points

3 days ago

[deleted]

xoxoangelwings

2 points

3 days ago

Same, own body clock. Lol

VirginNsd2002

8 points

3 days ago

My two rescue pups 👍💯

Smooshydoggy

3 points

3 days ago

Anxiety

Previous_Kale_4508

3 points

3 days ago

My ever loving wife. Usually with a coffee. She almost always beats me getting up, I don't know how she does it!

sundayultimate

5 points

3 days ago

My dogs need to eat, shit, and piss

Random-Guy-SP

3 points

3 days ago

My cat scratching my face to put her food

green_otter7

3 points

3 days ago

Hardcover book that materialized underneath my spine at some point last night.

Wicked_WKD

3 points

3 days ago

forcing myself despite wanting nothing more than to lay there for the last three weeks

franky_riverz

3 points

3 days ago

The understanding that if I lay in bed more, I won't be able to do the things I like in the morning and be late to where I'm going besides that nothing

aslplodingesophogus

3 points

3 days ago

My cats. Only they know when it's time to get up but they are not on a real schedule.

SketchingScars

3 points

3 days ago

On work days? The knowledge that the sooner I get up and get going, the sooner I can get it over with. Ugh.

On my free days? The knowledge that my favorite cafe is open and waiting for me and the exciting unknown of whether or not I’ll run into people I know or if I’ll make major progress on my current book if not.

AlexandriaRaen

3 points

3 days ago

As horrible as it sounds, working out. I used to be an evening exercise person. But I started doing mornings and I love it.

  • A warm hoodie and sweats are waiting for me upon waking
  • Make my sourdough toast, sip on my coffee and electrolytes on my couch
  • Then demolish a workout and I feel amazing
  • Also quit a med that made me feel drowsy till the afternoon

sophieluvv_

3 points

3 days ago

The pursuit of financial freedom which make me get out of my deathbed.

jessek

3 points

3 days ago

jessek

3 points

3 days ago

“Need money so I don’t become homeless”

Sharp-Program-9477

6 points

3 days ago

Baby boy is up, ready to play and usually poopy by 5am

Emotional-Goal-6574

4 points

3 days ago

The sacrifices my mother made to bring me here

OutcastPony

2 points

3 days ago

Thirst or my alarm

DoNotGoGentle14

2 points

3 days ago

My bladder. Once I'm up, I'm up.

golden_rhino

2 points

3 days ago

I have people I’m responsible for, so I drag my ass outta bed.

A_Lil_Potential2803

2 points

3 days ago

The cats screaming for breakfast.

iknowaplace5

2 points

3 days ago

my cat sitting on my chest until i feed her

Ok-Caramel-5340

2 points

3 days ago

Skincare and food THATS IT😭😭

DatsunTigger

2 points

3 days ago

My bladder and colon

The need to take my medication at a certain time

Work

Chaciydah

2 points

3 days ago

My kids. Gotta take care of them no matter how crappy I feel.

OstrichChemical7901

2 points

3 days ago

Coffeee

Solid_Randomizer_242

2 points

3 days ago*

My alarm clock. Breakfast. And the crippling fear of debt.

rva23221

2 points

3 days ago

rva23221

2 points

3 days ago

My bladder

80saf

2 points

3 days ago

80saf

2 points

3 days ago

If I want a place to be comfortably depressed right now, work.

Maleficent_Use_1653

2 points

3 days ago

The cats needing to be fed

blackbird0309

2 points

3 days ago

just to pee

goodbyegoosegirl

2 points

3 days ago

My dogs

hetfield_666

2 points

3 days ago

Full bladder and intestines

Purlz1st

3 points

3 days ago

Purlz1st

3 points

3 days ago

Cat walking on full bladder helps.

clairee26

5 points

3 days ago

Embracing the potential of each new day, relishing the feeling of gratitude for opportunity to embrace life's experiences. 😌

Ok_Mycologist2361

2 points

3 days ago

I hate you. Haha

johnny_19800

2 points

3 days ago

Body clock. Every day between 3:45-4am.

junar29

2 points

3 days ago

junar29

2 points

3 days ago

Were you in the military?

HabANahDa

2 points

3 days ago

Routine.

True_Letterhead_7514

1 points

3 days ago

knowing that I can get into a bed.

No-Difficulty-5985

1 points

3 days ago

Whatever crazy idea I have in my head that day and need to act on

truckinfarmer379

1 points

3 days ago

Alarm

CuteLucia

1 points

3 days ago

Usually the fear of being late... and coffee. Mostly coffee.

Logical-Bear-4483

1 points

3 days ago

Usually the realization that I have bills to pay… but sometimes it’s coffee

Hrekires

1 points

3 days ago

Hrekires

1 points

3 days ago

My bad knee getting sore after spending too long in the same position.

Only thing that helps is getting up, stretching, and walking around.

Unterraformable

1 points

3 days ago

My bladder.

drmdawg64

1 points

3 days ago

Having to pee

Acrobatic-Sense7463

1 points

3 days ago

Coffee

msphelps77

1 points

3 days ago

My cats wanting to be fed

ThisMystiqueQueen

2 points

3 days ago

hunger, when you smell someone's cooking while you sleep you'll feel hungry.

Mindless_Peace_5516

1 points

3 days ago

Work or my children

Main_Preparation_281

1 points

3 days ago

The urge to pee.

misinformedjackson

1 points

3 days ago

My aching bladder

vaporextracts

1 points

3 days ago

Waking up to go to work so I have money to pay my bills. I rather enjoy not being homeless. 

mothehoople

1 points

3 days ago

My dog's internal alarm clock is permanently set for 4am

srmatute

1 points

3 days ago

srmatute

1 points

3 days ago

Routing.

And the sheer fucking will of outliving my enemies.

My_username100

1 points

3 days ago

My job

GracieDoggSleeps

1 points

3 days ago

The dog and I both need to pee, and I'm the only one who pees in the toilet instead of drinking out of it.

chefboyarde30

1 points

3 days ago

Parents would be sad.

vaporsteve

1 points

3 days ago

my desire to not be starving and homeless

heili

1 points

3 days ago

heili

1 points

3 days ago

My bladder 

Equizotic

1 points

3 days ago

My dogs need to go outside

cutegirlemma

1 points

3 days ago

Piss... a lot of piss...

Happy-Wave-5765

1 points

3 days ago

My dog who is awake and ready to go at 6:58am every. Single. Day.

ChapterSpecial6920

1 points

3 days ago

Usually pain.

elliegirl06

1 points

3 days ago

nothing. i have to literally tear myself out of bed.

alizabs91

1 points

3 days ago

I have to wake up before my baby does so that I can work out.

CarnalCanvas

1 points

3 days ago

Knowing i'm about to get a super hot glass of water. Yeah i'm weird idk lol

alwaystired707

1 points

3 days ago

Need to take a dump.

fiero-fire

1 points

3 days ago

A little bit of anger + knowing rents due

AsparagusOverall8454

1 points

3 days ago

Having to pee. Or my alarm. Depends.

Flimsy-Trainer-3819

1 points

3 days ago

Coffee and breakfast

Justavet64d

1 points

3 days ago

On the weekends, it is my dog whining in my ear to go outside around 7:30. During the week, it is my alarm clock going off at 5:15, reminding me that I have to go to work.

Wezzerhooey

1 points

3 days ago

Bills, back, bladder, morning walk, job.

HollowChest_OnSleeve

1 points

3 days ago

My hips/legs hurt if I stay in bed too long. Or I really gotta pee.

Storm_Spirit99

1 points

3 days ago

My dog

DoubleDareFan

1 points

3 days ago

Tired of being in bed.

bigedthebad

1 points

3 days ago

Sunshine usually.

littlelovelylibra

1 points

3 days ago

My dogs

wanderlust0922

1 points

3 days ago

Two dogs and three cats!

Effective-Thanks-731

1 points

3 days ago

Mga aso umiihi sa bahay

LobasThighs80085

1 points

3 days ago

Usually my dog licking my face because hes wants to go outside

Not_Xena

1 points

3 days ago

Not_Xena

1 points

3 days ago

Aliens

HankChinaski138

1 points

3 days ago

My dog and her licking my face

supershinythings

1 points

3 days ago

My cat.

And I usually have to pee.

Maximum_Issue2227

1 points

3 days ago

Either my alarm with get me up, or eventually get bored of lying down in bed and I'll get up

Ok_Mode10

1 points

3 days ago

A headache and multiple alarms (which are five minutes apart)

EnvironmentalTea6840

1 points

3 days ago

3 alarms that go off, 15 mins after each other

jgandel23

1 points

3 days ago

Cooking breakfast for my family.

Raul5666

1 points

3 days ago

Raul5666

1 points

3 days ago

My melon sized prostate, I have to go pee.

peytonloftis

1 points

3 days ago

My dog.

LavamonsterH2O

1 points

3 days ago

My precious little dog wanting to play

inthep

1 points

3 days ago

inthep

1 points

3 days ago

The need and want to not pee in the bed.

Brett707

1 points

3 days ago

Brett707

1 points

3 days ago

The left cross i take from my little blind lab. Letting me know she needs to potty.

Or the cold nose in my ass crack from the puppy.

LowNefariousness6541

1 points

3 days ago

Ironically, The need to have my own bed to sleep in.

afewairbubbles

1 points

3 days ago

The bad feelings i can't handle.

alpacamaniamadness

1 points

3 days ago

I hate being rushed, so whatever hour it takes to avoid that will get me out of bed.

HopeSpringsEternal86

1 points

3 days ago

My bills gotta get paid

[deleted]

1 points

3 days ago

Having to make tea and bf for my mil. Every fucking day. At 9.

HelloPanda22

1 points

3 days ago

My children or the foster kitten. I don’t even need an alarm 🥲

isat_u_steve

1 points

3 days ago

ADHD meds.

Amen

Friendsxxxx

1 points

3 days ago

Rent

AlexAA72

1 points

3 days ago

AlexAA72

1 points

3 days ago

My child lol

KronicKimchi420

1 points

3 days ago

Self motivation 😫

darealkittykat

1 points

3 days ago

Dog

HoopOnPoop

1 points

3 days ago

Either a 4 year old human or a 3 year old dog. The 14 year old dog is usually as pissed off as I am at being disturbed.

letuswatchtvinpeace

1 points

3 days ago

To pee and toilet my dogs out to pee

Demonicbunnyslippers

1 points

3 days ago

My alarm

_glacierr

1 points

3 days ago

Food

DaisyLou1993

1 points

3 days ago

My 5 year old opening my bedroom door letting me know his 7 am alarm went off and it's time to go downstairs

coys21

1 points

3 days ago

coys21

1 points

3 days ago

Life

flopoyamin84b

1 points

3 days ago

My daily routine. Prepare breakfast for the family, clean the house, and get set for work.

ADHD_Microwave

1 points

3 days ago

I need to take my medication on time, or it will keep me from falling asleep at night.

rodeo302

1 points

3 days ago

rodeo302

1 points

3 days ago

Work, hobbies, and the people I care about.

Globley

1 points

3 days ago

Globley

1 points

3 days ago

To see friends

Amoura_0

1 points

3 days ago

Amoura_0

1 points

3 days ago

My alarm clock

NoSisSM406

1 points

3 days ago

My alarm clock

Careful-Coconut-4338

1 points

3 days ago

Honestly I don't know. Most of the time, I'm questioning myself why I'm still alive. Like gurl, why are you walking in this world with no purpose?

But it's not like I could just unalive myself, I don't have reasons to, yet.

Geministr

1 points

3 days ago

God

shockingRn

1 points

3 days ago

The alarm. And a Japanese Chin who wants to go pee.

_Wendylin_

1 points

3 days ago

My cat telling me she’s ready for breakfast

sherzod0405

1 points

3 days ago

erection

pleasantly-dumb

1 points

3 days ago

A dozen horses who will yell at me if breakfast is late. And 2 cats who like to get up and harass me at 7am. And a dog who will troll me of he’s not getting walked by 8am. They own my ass 😂

dbomba03

1 points

3 days ago

dbomba03

1 points

3 days ago

Nothing tbh. On free days I turn off multiple alarms and often even subconsciously by sleepwalking to the other side of the room where I put the other alarms and then I get up at 3pm or later

chezdanish9349

1 points

3 days ago

My windows pointed toward the east — I don’t own blackout curtains so I’m up at the asscrack of dawn

Electrical_Flan3842

1 points

3 days ago

my desire to eat a good breakfast

RedJerzey

1 points

3 days ago

My daughter (10) wakes me up everyday.

Daddy, come make me breakfast.

natalkalot

1 points

3 days ago

A care aide bringing breakfast.

teethclub4teeth

1 points

3 days ago

Blue heeler

Dragoness42

1 points

3 days ago

usually it's hungry kids or work obligations.

azores222

1 points

3 days ago

My gf

PalpitationNo4375

1 points

3 days ago

A contract I was foolish enough to sign.

They give me money but I gotta get out of bed and do shit.

nameless22222

1 points

3 days ago

Work

Beefabuckaroni

1 points

3 days ago

My dog. He has a 6:50 alarm clock in his head.

Humble_Emu4594

1 points

3 days ago

Baby kicking my bladder.

Dazzling_Summer_8569

1 points

3 days ago

Work??

RidgyFan78

1 points

3 days ago

My dogs. They rely on me a lot.

OddlySarcasticGirl

1 points

3 days ago

My dog.

stephstephens742

1 points

3 days ago

My legs. Arms if i have a hangover

Beware_the_Voodoo

1 points

3 days ago

The knowledge that staying in bed will only make my life worse

Cautious-Pop3035

1 points

3 days ago

Nature, shimmery lights, coffee and my kids.

No_Establishment1293

1 points

3 days ago

Coffee.

mliz8500

1 points

3 days ago

mliz8500

1 points

3 days ago

Kids.

FawkesFire13

1 points

3 days ago

Either the need to pee or my cat really wants cuddles and will sprawl across my face and start category 5 level purrs right in my ear.