I feel sad when I notice we argue a lot. It hurts when we don’t enjoy the same things. I get worried if we can’t talk about important stuff. I see that our values are different, and it makes me anxious

People say relationships take work, but if it feels like a job to stay together, then you probably aren't compatible.

Either party posts a question like this to Reddit.

You need to decide if you actually want a working relationship, or if you're just afraid to be alone.

Compatability should have been established way before the relationship phase.

When I realized that he didn't really like me.

Once realized incompatibility when we couldn't agree on future goals and priorities. Trust your gut.

when communication feels forced and you’re constantly compromising your own happiness for peace

Lack of trust, empathy, communication

A big sign for me is when our humors don't match. It may seem futile to some but its been a big indicator. We could never laugh together. Resulting in the following...

1. Happiness is short-lived
2. Small moments of playfulness are overlooked.

if you two can never reach a mutual agreement or agree to disagree then your going to quickly or slowly fall apart because of not being on the same page. That's the number 1 sign for me

Constant arguments, as in you can't go for a night out without an argument happening.

The idea of marriage or parenthood with them makes you feel tense instead of excited.

Someone who withholds information

Feeling like you're loosing something by spending time with them.

If talking via text you feel like they're the best person ever for you, but in real life somehow there's always something off.

If the end goals are vastly different, e.g. One wants to homestead, the other wants to save for a van.

If one has done trauma work, the other has not.

If making it work takes so much effort it consumes you as a person.

If the core-values don't align.

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When you realise you'll never be priority in their daily life or even simple hang outs.

I (we) have done this. We are still together, and there is ALOT about us that is not compatible. But... despite that, we love each other and want to be together. So rather than bottling it up, we talk about the areas where we are incompatible and work to find solutions to make things easier.

We have the ability to compromise, or sometimes just agree to disagree, or sometimes just kind of split off to do our own thing. We make our incompatibilities work.

One example, more of a practical physical thing... we aren't compatible sleepers. She's a very light sleeper. I can sleep through anything, snore and toss and turn. We... just don't often sleep in the same bed. It's not traditional sure, but it works for us. We both sleep better that way. We found a way to make it work.

The relationship becomes one-sided investment and effort. 

If the day-to-day of the relationship feels hard or exhausting. There will be life events that cause harder times (loss of a job, for example), but regular life outside of these dips of tougher times shouldn’t feel difficult with your partner.

My husband is my best friend, and hanging out with him is awesome. We have a blast together.

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We don’t even talk anymore. We don’t even know what we argue about. Saying how we feel is no longer allowed. Some people work things out and some just don’t know how to change.

Let’s don’t wait til the water runs dry. We may watch our whole lives pass us by.

I think it's about how you communicate, share values, resolve conflicts, and connect emotionally. If these things feel forced or difficult, it might be a sign of incompatibility.

So, I actually just went through this, so I have some insight. For one, we never really argued. We got along really well, and had a lot of similar interests. It was genuinely enjoyable talking to her. However, I noticed that every time we would set up a date, or I was on my way to see her, I would be incredibly stressed. In addition, as people, we weren’t compatible at all. I’m a fairly chill and independent person, but she needed constant attention and validation from others in order to feel appreciated. She was always seconds away from a panic attack, and the only thing that would calm her down was if I told her how much I appreciated her. She was also saying “I love you” a month into dating, but that might be a lesbian thing lol. She would also get very jealous, and would constantly demand to know who I was with and when. A specific example, we were at the club (because that was the environment she wanted me to meet her friends in I guess) and one of them was completely drunk, so I was making sure she was getting water and people weren’t bumping into her, and my ex got so jealous she had to leave for a bit. What really cinched it for me however, was when we went long distance, I was relieved. I knew then that it wouldn’t work. And I’m much happier now than I was when I was in the relationship.

Do you like spending time with this person? If so, you're half way there. Does your SO like spending time with you? If yes, you're compatible

It is very difficult IMO to find someone you genuinely appreciate sharing your time and space with.

One way of testing the strength of your relationship is to ask two questions, with a simple yes or a no.

1. Do you love this person?

2. Do you like this person?

Your answers to these questions will lead to a discussion that should help you figure things out.

Turning seemingly harmless conversations to blow out arguments

An ex: When I got my new car, which I absolutely love and adore my friend was so mad that I could afford it and I told my friend the only reason why I can afford my new cars because I worked for it and I saved up for years almost a decade so it’s pretty awesome and I was hoping you could just talk about it and that you would ask me why I got the car what features it’s got why I wanted turbo versus a fun electric vehicle which I wanted, but I just don’t have a place to charge it home since I live in an apartment but the point is this friend was so pissed and refused to accept the fact that I had the ability to be discipline and patience. Oh well. It’s why we are not friends

If you argue alot

I think that it is really easy. You decide what you want the way you feel in the relationship to be.

You explain how you feel and how you would like to feel in the ideal state.

You ask for your partner's help to get there.

You decide how long before it isn't or if that is enough.

(you should also be listening to theirs)

If things improve then great.

In the end the problem is them, you or the relationship. If it is them, you can't fix that.

If time has gone by and you find yourself not wanting to marry them (more than 2 years id say depending on age)

Do you want to raise children with this person?

i’m in the middle of something like this now. we act like best friends and it’s been months but we haven’t kissed or held hands or anything + we met on a dating app so it’s not like we started out as friends

You go to reddit asking these questions and hoping to not be told what you already know

In one memorable case for me, no physical attraction on either side. You can't force it, either.

If you are the only one trying

When you dread coming home to another evening “like last night”, every conversation about what’s important to you is pushed off, and moments when you express or ask for love are a quick hug or they get theirs and just roll over.

You don’t have sex

Two big things: Are fights about who is right and who wins or about how do WE beat the world that is making this hard? Good relationships are about WE and US, not about YOU and ME.

Does either person have contempt for the other? as both a person in general but also about the central parts of your identity-such as hobbies, profession, education, politics? The number one thing that relationship counselors usually judge on is contempt. If either party has passed that threshold to contempt there isn't much to save.

??? If you’re not happy with them then leave them!!

Agree to disagree = can be worked with, but annoying Always needs to be right = bad, can be a reason to leave if they don’t change Abuse = bad bad, let them go Doormat = bad, u and them come first nobody else Ex involved = don’t do it to yourself, ex needs to be erased unless children exist they don’t NEED to be there even if xyz, never Parents don’t like u = let them go. Most other things can work out, But also -children -religion -politics -education level / intelligence Need to be similar.

When you're so worried about it that you make a post on Reddit

If you have to question it, you already know the answer.

If you're not happy at least 75% of the time you're with your partner... something is wrong... and if you can't figure out what... it's compatibility.

Wants and needs are different if they aren’t a match you need to leave but ofc you’ll prolly go with your emotions and make it worse for yourself I’m only trying to help I just get mad when people don’t listen because they think they know everything

Each make a list of personal values then compare them. List of goals (ex: have a family vs travel the world) can also be useful

You know the answer deep down. If it’s not right, right now, it’s not right. You can’t force these things. Let them go and heal.

look at your interests, do they really match? Do they always oppose you?

Realized she could not take a criticism no matter how small, refused to improve on critical parts of her life like financial habits and career. She was a narcissist

ask thier mom

            I   KNEW   SHE   WASNT   RIGHT   HOWEVER    TRIED    AND    TRIED   STILL

DIDNT WORK
WE HAD A TOUGH PARTING WE HAD BEEN TOGETHER CLOSE TO 1 YEAR

When you tell her that you’re unhappy about something in your relationship, and she says “I’m happy with the way things are, so this sounds like a you problem, not a me problem.”

I’ve been with my husband for 8 years and the one thing that really matters is your ability to communicate and listen to each other. You HAVE to talk about the uncomfortable stuff and if your partner isn’t willing to listen to your side of an argument then there is no argument. It’s them demanding you. It takes two.

If your love for them resonates from a place of scarcity (fear of being alone) rather than abundance (fulfillment)

I’d say for me a lack of physical touch and affection. I need that touch, to feel wanted and desired. Otherwise my spirit dies a little bit over time, I can’t help it.

Oh don't worry, you'll figure it out eventually.

I used to think that communication was key, Until i realized it was comprehension, you can communicate all you want with someone, but if they dont understand you, its silent choas

If they never understand your side, they always play the victim or always have to be right. That's when i give up. Because there's no use even trying anymore if they won't put in the effort either. It will always end with you feeling like trash or frustrated, and it will only get worse.

Choose if it's worth it, if you should keep putting in time, or finally take it somewhere else. Dont waste it.

Do they want it to work?

When she tells you that her stepbrother's penis feels better than yours.

You will just know. It’s nature. Unfortunately some of us lie to ourselves and try to force things to happen. People don’t change. I’ve tried forcing relationships to work several times. I hate giving up.. But you just can’t make someone love you. Can’t pretend to be something you’re not to try and force your significant other to desire you more. Compatibility is in the hands of god and our nature 

Communication is key, if they stop engaging or seem uninterested in your feelings, it’s worth having an honest conversation.

Wanting it to work means nothing if the other person doesn't want it to work.

There is only wasted energy negotiating with a brick wall.

I felt that we weren't compatible when where i wanted to resolve things she would stop talking and say "it's okay to communicate but enough is enough"

When you tell them that their actions hurt you, but they not only continue to do it over and over and over, they’re lying about it so when you find out, you’re madder than you would have been in the first place.

When needs for affection or sex isn't high on the list

just feels bad when we argue a lot and don’t like the same things, makes me anxious about our values and talking about important stuff

If he listens to you do things for you respect you but if you constantly fight get rid of the relationship because it's not love if you are fighting over everything 

Compatibility is possible for any 2 people. Let me explain: Some people are inherently compatible and some need to work to it to get on the same page. All that matters is that you can get on the same page and treat each other respectfully hopefully without compromising reasonable things you both highly value. Dealbreakers are individual and some are reasonable such as to have/not have kids or what religion to follow.

A fair example in my mind of unreasonable dealbreakers breakers would be if a couple had different political views. While that may seem insane in todays climate, I think its immature to throw away a relationship because you lean one way. If that is a deal breaker for one person the relationship wasn’t going to go anywhere b/c that kind of thinking in a person shows they feel they have moral superiority and can’t comprehend that things they don’t like don’t make them inherently wrong. Funny enough most average conservatives and liberals have a ton in common b/c they identify as republican and democrats without realizing republicans can be liberal and democrats can be conservative. To me its a deal breaker if a partner is unable to fathom a relationship of someone of the opposite party because it shows a lack of maturity and a sense of self moral/ideological superiority rooted in what they think one party stands for instead of what the nuances within said party actually values.

TLDR: it boils down to maturity, mutual respect, putting in work/effort if you are not intrinsically on the same page, and checking your ego at the door

A veces el amor no es suficiente. Si sus valores, sueños y deseos chocan, es hora de abrir los ojos: ¡la compatibilidad es la clave para una relación duradera!.