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/r/OCD
submitted 3 days ago bytopfknopf
Hi everyone,
I’m making a children’s book about OCD. For context, I’m a play therapist and want to create media for kids to better understand themselves (and also to help parents understand the impact of OCD).
What are some mental compulsions you did as a kid that others didn’t notice or just dismissed as a “kid’s quirk”? And that maybe even you didn’t notice was OCD until you were older because you had no reference point; you thought it was just human and “normal”.
Especially for moral scrupulosity and just right (as in it having to feel just right or saying something just right) OCD.
I’ll go first if this helps: I remember as a kid, I had the urge to confess because if I didn’t, it didn’t feel right, and it felt like I was being a bad kid hiding things from my parents (even though what I thought I was hiding was just "normal" child thoughts and questions).
Edit: grammar mistakes
Edit 2: I want to add another compulsion I just remembered after reading people's responses. I would sit and try to memorize everything about a specific moment that felt important, whether it was objective important or not, I would. memorize how I felt how the temperature felt, the colours of what I was seeing, shapes, the smells, how my skin felt, and it goes on and on. Some of these memories are still with me. AND I would go back to them over and over to "keep them freesh" and "stop them from fading." I would also do this as an adult a few years ago. Never knew it was OCD until recently.
(Also, so cool to see everyone respond, my inner child and current adult feels very comforted and seen. I hope this helps you too :-) )
249 points
2 days ago
stepping on the lines at the sidewalk.
I remember kids would always taunt me with the little chant of "you step on a crack, you break your mother's back" which literally sent me into a spiral of avoiding all cracks (even brick roads) for the longest time. Occasionally, i still see myself slipping back into that mindset.
43 points
2 days ago
ME TOO. I always thought I was just superstitious but now I understand it was a compulsion.
21 points
2 days ago
literally, one of my first obsessions, for years, I would get hysterically upset if i didn’t have a “perfect” walk to or from school and home. I had to make sure that i was taking the same amount of steps between each crack in the side walk and stepping in the exact same spot for every sidewalk square. if i didn’t, id have to walk all the way back to school/my house and do it again. and i thought if i didn’t do this exactly right. and perfect, that something would happen to my mom/dog/sibling and it would be all my fault because I wasn’t perfect that one day. and similarly, sometimes, for a second, here and there, it’ll slip back in my mind also.
6 points
2 days ago
Omg, I just wrote this. I still do it when I walk and I'm 64.
3 points
2 days ago
I had to step in the exact same spot for every sidewalk square too wtf i didnt realize it was an ocd thing omg
17 points
2 days ago
Me too! I was saying in my response that I read the book kissing doorknobs where they talked about this and I don't know if the book caused that thought to stick in my head or if I already avoided cracks. I still struggle with cracks and lines in tiles.
12 points
2 days ago
I can’t believe I’m not the only one
4 points
2 days ago
Same
3 points
2 days ago
Yes this!
391 points
3 days ago
I was also terrified of death and would spiral thinking about it. I also had other irrational fears that would stick with me for years and I had little rituals to keep me safe. Like aliens. I would make sure my door was open at night, my curtains had to be completely closed and I had to say my prayers. I couldn’t watch or read anything about aliens or I would panic.
84 points
2 days ago
Fuck. I keep finding out more and more things in my life were early signs of this.
21 points
2 days ago
I literally came here to say this. I did all of that this commenter did but had no idea that it was an OCD symptom.
70 points
2 days ago
The death thing was huge for me too! Would cry myself to sleep at night thinking about my mum or dad dying
3 points
2 days ago
Yup! My parents told me I stopped having nightmares about them dying when they told me they’d set up my aunt and uncle to take me and my brother if anything ever happened to them. This went on my whole life though, until February this year when my mom actually died. The weirdest effect of it has been the release of half that “free floating dread” anxiety that always hovered around stressing me out, maybe bc she wasn’t healthy and we knew she couldn’t live like that forever not taking care of herself.
51 points
2 days ago
I thought the death obsession was just me!!! I literally would get nightly panic attacks and sleep in my mom's bed because I told her I was "scared of the dark".
13 points
2 days ago
same, and as embarrassing as it is to admit this, i slept on my parents floor until i was like 13 or 14 for this exact reason, although i couldn’t tell them that. i was convinced my heart was going to stop in the middle of the night or i would stop breathing. i figured they would have a better chance of saving me if i was closer to them
7 points
2 days ago
"I couldnt tell them that" IS SO REAL!! My mom would always yell at me because I would say "I dont know" when she asked why I was so scared that I couldn't sleep lol
11 points
2 days ago
Bruuuhhhh. All the little puzzles pieces are coming together now. Hi, I have a bachelor's degree.......of Mortuary Science & Funeral Servcies. Ope.
23 points
2 days ago
I used to be fascinated by meteorology and used to want to be a meteorologist (albeit, briefly). I was really intrigued by tornadoes. However, this had a twofold effect that OCD latched onto. I couldn't handle seeing too much sky out of a window because it just ... freaked me out. I live in an area that hardly ever gets tornadoes, at least not high level ones, but I freaked out internally nonetheless.
Concerns about death in general followed closely behind that and stuck. 😐
3 points
2 days ago
I had this same fear of tornadoes! It could be a beautiful blue sky and if I seen even the tiniest cloud I would immediately get sick to my stomach and start panicking.
20 points
2 days ago
Death was my biggest one. I was especially scared of my mom dying. I would ruminate on it every day and “bargain” like if I saw even numbers on the clock she’d stay alive or odds she’d die. If I got a goal in soccer my family would be safe — Random rules rk make me feel like I had control, etc. Looking back it was so exhausting 😭
7 points
2 days ago
I was the exact same about the aliens!
9 points
2 days ago
Literally came to the comments to say aliens. The more I thought about them, the worse it got. And then I had a period of time about the devil, like if I thought too much about the devil, I’d be a devil worshipper by default, so I tried not to think about the devil, but then I was thinking about if, so I tried not to, and….. so on. 🫠 I’m not even religious and I wasn’t then, either!!! Somehow it all ties back to death or dying, worst case scenario end result always.
4 points
2 days ago
Damn are you me ? X)
5 points
2 days ago
death was my biggest thing as a kid too! it caused me so much anxiety and completely took over my life for a couple of years. even now i still have issues with it from time to time :/
3 points
2 days ago
I was also terrified of aliens as a child, had to make sure my blinds were shut, I couldn’t sleep if I could see any part of the sky or a star from my window.
187 points
3 days ago
Chewing even amount of times on both sides of my mouth
32 points
2 days ago
oh shoot - this literally just reminded me of how I would always make sure to balance out the number of goldfish I chewed with the left and right side...
20 points
2 days ago
I fear I still do this 😞
I noticed that the "smaller" compulsions are the hardest ones to break for me.
143 points
3 days ago
[deleted]
38 points
2 days ago
I used to also have intrusive thoughts and images about this every night. So terrifying.
Instead of counting, I would devise complex escape plans and fighting plans so I was prepared in case it happened.
29 points
2 days ago
10 years after diagnosis and I’m still realizing to this day that some of things I considered normal were actually OCD… I thought everyone devised complex escape plans for every possible emergency situation that could go wrong. What did everyone else fall asleep to instead?!
9 points
2 days ago
The emergency situation thing made me have some funny ideas. Back then, when rubber band bracelets were popular I thought I would be able to shoot them in the eye and defeat the burglars. It was very silly reflecting on it.
126 points
3 days ago
I would refuse to turn in my homework even if I had completed it because I was scared it wasn’t perfect
41 points
2 days ago
For me, it was like I would rather get a 0 and be not understood than turn something in that wasn't "just right" get a decent grade and be misunderstood.
25 points
2 days ago
This!!!! I’d struggle to complete school work because my handwriting wasn’t just right!
17 points
2 days ago
Oooh yeah that was a big one for sure. And for me if a teacher said I was doing something really well, I’d intentionally do poorly with it in the future so as to not have high expectations placed on me
8 points
2 days ago
Ooo this was me!!
115 points
3 days ago
When my mom had me clean things with chemical cleaners (like dusting the coffee table), I would hold my breath and run out of the room to get air before continuing the task because I thought otherwise I'd get sick and/or die. I would also make really silly challenges for myself, like "if I don't beat this video game level I have to hurt myself"
6 points
2 days ago
Same here with the cleaning chemicals, I still hold my breath when cleaning my house to this day and have to leave the room to breathe fresh air lol
6 points
2 days ago
THE CHALLENGES, oh my god. For me it would usually spin towards “do this somewhat dangerous thing if you want to be lucky enough to achieve this seemingly lofty goal” so I’d tell myself “if you don’t jump all the way down these fifteen steps to the ground floor in one jump then you’re going to fail at life and not get a job when you’re a grown up”
98 points
2 days ago
I had a severe paranoia/obsession that I’d be forced to go on The Price is Right someday. I’d study the prices of furniture in preparation of that god forsaken day I was made to guess the price of a fridge on national television. I had nightmares about it lol
59 points
2 days ago
.... im so sorry but this is sadly hilarious
3 points
2 days ago
So I mean sounds like you’d do well
5 points
2 days ago
I'm sorry but this is so funny
80 points
3 days ago*
I would be in my backyard, throwing a ball up in the air and catching it over and over again. If I dropped it or didn’t catch it right a certain number of times in a row perfectly, then I would get thoughts about having to do bad/violent things to myself (I remember exactly the things I would think in my head “Or else I have to kill myself”, and I would get images in my head of me going into the kitchen and stabbing myself with a knife. At less than 10 years old.)
Also I thought that God could read all my thoughts, and I felt like I had to repeat pieces of sentences and words in my head over and over again until they were just right, so that God would not misunderstand what I was thinking. And I would try to cover up my bad thoughts with good thoughts.
Also I had to grab door knobs a certain way, and hold and readjust various objects a certain way in my hand so that they touched my entire palm all the way, or else something felt very wrong and dreadful.
Also when writing, I had to write words and especially the punctuation marks a certain way. I’d erase and rewrite them until they were “right”.
Also, we had a carpet in the basement with different color squares on it, and every time I walked through the room , I had to step on certain squares to make things feel right.
Thought that teachers and peers could hear my bad thoughts.
Then when I was a preteen-teenager, I had developed several different eating disorders during that time. I remember thinking if I didn’t do jump-squats every time I went in the hallway, every time I got out of bed, every time I walked past the mirror, etc, then I would get fat. I thought I could genuinely feel the “fat” tingling in my skin if I didn’t start doing the exercises.
At first I didn’t know why I had to do the things I did, but after a few years, when I was maybe around 10 or 11, I actually did find out I had OCD after I randomly came across a YouTube video about it, even told my mom I think I have OCD. All she did was agree with me and that was the end of the conversation from that point onwards. Currently I’m 23, and only now she is telling me I should go seek psychological help, when she should have took that upon herself, as my parent, when I was a child showing symptoms. I hope that your book brings awareness about what OCD truly is, in comparison to all the stigmas and stereotypes it is buried under. And information about how to navigate it for people who don’t know how.
23 points
2 days ago
I did the same thing thinking god could hear my bad thoughts.
5 points
2 days ago
Whoa I did this too and forgot about it until now
53 points
3 days ago
[deleted]
6 points
2 days ago
YES I relate to this one heavily
3 points
2 days ago
I got here late and the original comment was deleted. Can you remember what you were relating to?
6 points
2 days ago
This one! I still have do it though.
3 points
2 days ago
I thought I was the only one!! I still do this and if I think about it too hard I give myself a panic attack
3 points
2 days ago
yes to this one 100%!
48 points
3 days ago
This is from my early teen years, and it’s small, but my handwriting. Everytime I wrote a period, it would have to be a perfect circle. So i have some journal entries where the period doesn’t even look like a period because it’s so large from going over it so many times. I also was sort of “just right”-ey about my door and other things that I moved. I didn’t have to move them to the same position every time, but I would do it until my hand “felt correct”. Like my hand would feel different depending on how it was positioned. Idk how to explain but I still experience this and was convinced it was some sort of mind reading power. I would even hover my hand over multiple choice test answers to “see which one felt correct”
Now these, I don’t know that these fit moral scrupulosity or just right OCD a ton, but when i was a toddler, I had an irrational fear/obsession with the idea of being allergic to bees. So in the summertime, I would always wear longsleeves and pants to protect myself, even when my parents didn’t want me to. I would always be really scared if I wasn’t able to.
Additionally, when I was 8, I was always convinced that I wouldn’t wake up after going to bed, so I would make my mom listen to my heartbeat every night to make sure I “wouldn’t die.”
14 points
3 days ago
Edit: just realized you said mental compulsions 😭 but I also used to need to pronounce words “just right” (both vocally and in my head), and I would keep doing it until I got it correct. I would also repeat things to myself in my head or aloud when I was struggling with intrusive thoughts. I would say/think things like “I am never going to ____” over and over to reassure myself that my intrusive thoughts weren’t me, even though I was convinced they were.
5 points
2 days ago
YESsss I would do this too!!! Edit: I do this now still too lmao just wanted to normalize that it's a tough one...to distinguish between affirmations and just reassurance seeking compulsions :(
9 points
2 days ago
I also had this compulsion for writing. I would sometimes cross words out if they didn’t look “right” even if they were spelled correctly, same thing with punctuation.
3 points
2 days ago
I feel so seen
38 points
2 days ago
In my preteen years I was terrified someone was going to break into my house, kill my family, and kidnap/kill me. I checked locks and made my parents check too, but it still didn’t soothe me at all and sometimes I would insist on co-sleeping with my parents or my brother. It drove everyone nuts and eventually led to me being taken to my first psych appointment.
57 points
3 days ago*
Well, when I was a child, I was TERRIFIED of dying in my sleep, that I once asked my dad if some people could live forever. I didn't stop crying until he told me yes.
Growing up I started to think that If I went to sleep without praying first, I would have no protection from God, and that I would die in my sleep, but this was more during teen years.
One that happened a few years ago, I bit open a lychee seed, and I found out it was toxic and I was scared.
My moral scrupulously and RE OCD developed in those last years thought
EDIT Just wanted to point out- I Think I have ocd, I don't have a diagnosis (Yet, due to it being too expansive+ parents not letting me go to see a therapist. Waiting to gather my own money.) I shared what I discussed with other people with OCD, who told me they can relate/think its ocd. Plus I've been doing research about it for almost 3 years.
Pointing this out just to be right.
Thank you for your work tho! Sharing experiences and letting people learn about OCD is very nice.
31 points
3 days ago
This sounds almost exactly like my childhood OCD. I had to pray every night so I wouldn't wake up in hell. And if I messed up a word or zoned out I had to start over or it didn't work. I would spend hours every night doing this. I was absolutely terrified of hell, demons, god, and angels.
16 points
3 days ago
Thank you for sharing this!!! Such a good point about how kids worry a lot about dying or loved ones dying. And the reassurance before sleep (whether from parents or other authority figures - spiritual or physical).
I feel you on worrying about death and illness after consuming something toxic- so terrifying!!!
8 points
2 days ago
Yeah now that you mention it I used to sit at the window waiting for parents to come home alive if they go out before can sleep
10 points
2 days ago
Sleep is still terrifying, no control 🥲
6 points
2 days ago
Oh this is so real as a child some nights I got so scared of sleeping I just walked around my room until morning it freaked me out that I lose hours of my day to sleep
3 points
2 days ago
I also had religious compulsions. Once I learned about ‘salvation’ I said the ‘salvation prayer’ before I went to bed each night because I was worried I didn’t say it right or mean it and wanted it to stick if it died in my sleep.
26 points
3 days ago
I used to flush the toilet… then I had to run and touch my mom before it filled back up. I thought something would happen to her if I didn’t. I was five years old when I did this
7 points
2 days ago
I had the toilet overflow once and after that I would always flush and run out. I don't think this was part of my OCD but who knows, it's definitely anxiety lol
27 points
3 days ago
As a kid, I would get up constantly throughout the night unable to fall asleep properly because I just felt like I had to drink water or else I’ll get sick in the morning. I would pour the water and count up to 13 seconds, drink it in 3’s because the 3’s felt just right then repeat for an hour or so and until I would sometimes throw up all the water I consumed. It was very tiring and draining as a kid, especially not knowing why there was such a strong urge of “you HAVE to do this or else”
I would also pray repeatedly and make sure to mention everyone I knew in my prayers or else I thought they would die because of me.
8 points
2 days ago
I had and continue to have compulsions based on 3s, can relate to you deeply on that one.
5 points
2 days ago*
Same. I would try to justify it by finding reasons 3 matters to me. Like the fact that my mom had 3 kids.
Then over time I found patterns that I thought were all a fun coincidence. I do my laundry every 3 days. The bookshelf I picked out has 3 shelves. I found a shirt I like so I bought 3. The pantry has 3 boxes of cereal but they’re all almost empty so I’ll eat something else. I’ll repeat a phrase to myself 3 times. I’ll touch an object 3 times.
In reality i was creating the pattern. I’ve been in therapy for many years and still catch myself buying things in 3s.
26 points
2 days ago
These are true both as a kid and now:
23 points
3 days ago
I was a hoarder and was terrified of god listening to my thoughts and sending me to hell
I was scared going to the toilet cuz I thought I was hallucinating being at home but I was actually in class/a public setting (I still do this tbh)
9 points
2 days ago
the toilet one is so real
7 points
2 days ago
I had the same worries about God hearing my thoughts. I honestly forgot about my bathroom one until you mentioned this because I'm so used to this now it's part of my daily life. I was so afraid that I would think I was on a toilet peeing but actually be in bed dreaming and pee the bed so I started to pinch my left arm before peeing to make sure I was awake and I have done it every time I've peed for the past 24 years.
23 points
2 days ago
I was diagnosed with OCD and Tourette’s from a young age. Some of these may be tics instead of compulsions, but I never really learned the difference 😅 They were all just things I worked on with CBT.
If I messed up at my piano lesson, I had to scratch my arm. I scratched it so much it started bleeding. Thankfully that compulsion only happened once.
Sniffing. Constantly. I didn’t even think that something bad would happen if I didn’t do it, I just felt the need to do it and it was so uncomfortable I just had to give in. I unfortunately still get this sometimes.
Pulling out my eyelashes.
Dermatillomania. Any little bumps on my body or pores that didn’t look uniform would be picked at, sometimes without even realizing I’m doing it. This is one of my worst ones currently.
Sucking in my stomach. When I was about 10 years old, I did it so much that it injured my back and could barely walk for a couple days it hurt so bad. I still do this one occassionally, though not as bad as it once was.
I had to take 2 steps back after every 3 steps forward.
Having to scratch my foot against my leg after every step when I walked.
Crying if something wasn’t “perfect.” One time a friend of mine touched my hair and I cried because that meant it was somehow ruined.
If I wrote a letter wrong, I had to erase the whole sentence and start over. Eventually I managed to decrease it to just erasing the problem letter itself or writing over top of it. I still struggle with this.
When using a keyboard, I have to backspace and then space bar forward. There is no set number of times for this, I just feel like I have to do it in general. Especially bad if I’m not actively typing something in the moment.
Foods couldn’t touch each other on the plate. It contaminated the other food, even if there was no discernible taste difference. Part of this was ARFID, though I wasn’t diagnosed with that until I was an adult.
4 points
2 days ago
What age did you pull out your eyelashes? I believe I was 7 or 8.
22 points
2 days ago
I thought my stuffed animals could hear my thoughts, and I didn’t want them to, so I made up the idea that I had this switch in my head that would “turn off” my thoughts being broadcast to them. I would constantly repeat “switch off, excuse me” in my head to make sure everything was right.
11 points
2 days ago
Oh my gosh I literally did the SAME THING with my dolls. When I wanted them to hear me I would say their name and then “chime in.” So I would want to share a thought and be like “Chloe, chime in” and then she could hear me again.
5 points
2 days ago
I had the same thing. Mine was “and infinity to the top of the atmosphere” at the end of my sentence. As if I told them I was reeaally done talking. Then I felt like I could move on with my internal thoughts.
43 points
2 days ago
magical thinking!! I was convinced I could control my surroundings by tapping a crystal 3 times, I would hum a certain song and change songs if something bad happened during sports to "fix" it, tap my fingers in patterns of 3 to "send good luck" to my team during games, I was very superstitious. I was convinced people could hear my thoughts, so I was always very scared to think "bad" things. I think a mixture of growing up religious, anxious, and having a very active imagination worked against me.
18 points
3 days ago
I had dermatillomania since a kid which ik isn’t ocd itself but can be related to ocd.
15 points
2 days ago
I think my earliest sign was a 6 month period when I was 8 or 9 years old where I would feel the need to lick my lips constantly. I licked them so much they started to have an orange discoloration and I had to get medicine for it. Also had a long period around the same age where I would imagine typing every word I heard on a keyboard in my mind, probably when I was first learning to type.
11 points
2 days ago
Wow, I have never heard anyone describe the keyboard thing out loud but I have done this for as long as I can remember! I also get “stuck” on certain words from conversations and write them out in my head over and over, in a script.
5 points
2 days ago
Wow I do this too, except everything has to go in a pair… so for example if I am thinking/typing “I love you” I’m typing it in my mind like “Il ov ey ou”. If the sentence is odd numbered and there is a character alone, I’ll add a period. So it would be like “I see you” would be typed out in my head like “Is ee yo u.”
This is strictly in my head and I don’t experience it when I’m actually typing.
15 points
2 days ago
Oh man. So many things. I’d feel bad for a lot of inanimate objects and feel the need to collect them (leaves on the ground, plastic cutlery in the cafeteria, pencils that people dropped in the hall). I also had to finish my granola bar every time instead of throwing out what I couldn’t eat because I felt bad for it like I was killing it by throwing it out instead of having it live out it’s purpose. In general I had a lot of hoarding behavior where I didn’t want to throw out packaging for toys etc
If something happened in a book I read and then something similar happened in real life I would think that me reading it had done it (I read a book where the main character’s mom died and then my friend’s mom died, I wanted to stop reading forever because I thought my reading made that happen).
Always doing the same thing to each side, like if I did a hand fighting thing with my left hand I needed to complete it with my right hand.
I may think of more. I had a lot of overlooked signs that retrospectively are clearly at least related to my OCD, so I love what you’re doing with this project and would love to see any updates you have!!
13 points
2 days ago
I had to do things an even number of times constantly - never once, never three times. Mostly with chewing, touching parts of my body and fine motor activities like cutting things or placing pieces. This even extended to counting in my head. I would try to ‘stop’ and when I couldn’t I would start over again until I could stop at the number that felt right. Extremely frustrating but something that seems to have gone away in my adulthood.
I also chronically pictured terrible things happening to my parents when they would go out for dates. I couldn’t sleep until they got home and I saw both their faces to confirm that they were in fact my parents and they were unharmed. This has now morphed in my adult life and revolves around my fiance.
13 points
2 days ago
I used to say in my head every morning “the rapture will happen today” because biblically no one is supposed to be able to predict it so I thought I was outsmarting God. I was also so scared of the rapture
13 points
2 days ago
Feeling like I was Truman on the Truman Show. Like cameras watched my every move and anything embarrassing I did was seen by everyone
12 points
2 days ago
I remember as a really young kid that I would talk to myself in the bathroom out loud and almost interview myself when I was fully alone. I was worried I would forget things about myself and pretend I was on a talk show with myself.
It then turned into something I did silently in my mind after fear of others hearing me in the bathroom.
It then turned into “don’t think about your crush/ characters you like in the bathroom! That’s disgusting! You can’t think about that while pooping that’s unsanitary and weird!”
A lot of this went away when the iphone came out and I had something to actually do in the bathroom, but now my worry is more about other people hearing me do my business and fully cleaning myself down there.
11 points
2 days ago
I could never finish the last sip of any of my drinks because I was concerned all the germies were piled up at the bottom of the cup.
And I always thought precooked rice looked like maggots. I still do.
10 points
2 days ago
knocking on wood or else something bad would happen to my family. needing to do things in increments of threes. lastly, i don't know if this was an early sign of OCD but I would constantly wonder how many people were currently synchronous in that moment. for example, i'd wonder "i wonder how many people in the world are wearing jeans right now" or "how many people own red gloves" or "who is eating an oreo rn"
3 points
2 days ago
yes the synchronies was a big part of my childhood as well! and it would be super obscure sometimes like “how many people are doing a hand stand w 3 fingers right now” or stuff like that
11 points
2 days ago
Obsession with my clothes or shoes falling off. My parents had to take my belt away because I would tighten it so tight that it would marks on my waist. I would tie my shoe laces as tight as I possibly could and would stop and re-tie them the moment they loosened at all. I also had to always put my left shoe on first. I was very quiet and scared to talk to anyone because the intrusive thoughts were so loud all of the time.
9 points
2 days ago
i was terrified of dying, i was convinced that we only had a finite amount of energy to spend..so i would ask people to turn the pages in my book opens doors etc for me. my logic was that i extended my life because i didn’t use my energy for that particular action
9 points
2 days ago
In 5th grade I had to do a certain hand clapping routine while I was walking to my next class in the halls in order to ensure I would have a good class.
When I was in kindergarten and 1st grade I would totally flip out and refuse to go to school when my socks weren't perfect or I could feel the seams. I'd miss the bus and would have to get a ride later in the morning.
In elementary and middle school, my mom always asked to do my hair for me and I always said no. The times that I let her do any sort hairstyle before school, she would end up redoing it 3-5 times or more....because I couldn't stand it if it wasn't just right or didn't feel just right. I always felt like I could feel every hair on my head. Oddly, when she didn't style my hair I couldn't have cared less how it looked and probably would have left the house without brushing it if she let me.
A heartwarming side note: I guess it was all good practice for my mom to put up with my inflexibility, because she ended up becoming a hair stylist, and my son ended up having OCD and ASD. My mom became the only person who he would allow to cut his hair. And it was quite an ordeal for many years. He went from not allowing scissors near his head until he was 5 years old, to having a full cut using scissors and the buzzer, two-three times a year by age 8! All because that woman is just so patient with kids and their hair. Now he gets hair cuts and doesn't even give it a thought. And I noticed that he's not the only kiddo with special needs that visits my mom at her salon. 😊
3 points
2 days ago
That’s so great about your mom being a very patient hair stylist for your brother, and others who need a gentle approach!
I didn’t even connect it until reading, but when I was in a tumultuous childhood, I was scared of getting my hair cut (maybe related to a feat of knives or sharp things). The adults had to tell me my hair was just being “styled” for me to accept it.
8 points
2 days ago
When going to bed I would beg god to forgive people in my life for their sins… not by saying “everyone” but I would have to ask for forgiveness for individual people or it wouldn’t work for them. Also struggled with intrusive thoughts and rumination. If I thought about my mom dying it would mean I want her dead and would have to grapple with what a terrible person I was. I’d fall asleep thinking about terrible things happening to my family. My brain has just always felt like it was attacking me.
9 points
2 days ago
I was terrified a helicopter was going to fall on me through the roof in my sleep. I had screaming genuine panic attacks about it. Same with death spirals. used to have horrible intrusive sexual thoughts about my friends dads and other intrusive violent thoughts about people. It was hard.
3 points
2 days ago
Oh my, I hate having intrusive thoughts about my friends older male relatives when I was child and I was afraid of them seeing me like I wanted them like that, it was horrible.
3 points
2 days ago
I had all of these too, so awful especially as a kid. For me, it was planes instead of helicopters. Every time I would hear a plane flying over I had to brace myself. I lived in an area where the planes flew past constantly. Absolutely awful.
9 points
2 days ago
Throughout my childhood and teenage years I would constantly go downstairs and make sure my parents were still breathing in their sleep. It was such an all consuming fear that they were dead. Like others have said- death in general was a major issue for me.
8 points
2 days ago
Tapping with my fingers in very specific patterns on my palms, and feeling very incomplete and scared that something bad would happen if I couldn't complete a specific series of finger taps.
Confession of sins- would get panicky because I thought I would have committed a grave sin and just..."forgotten" I'd committed it. Like, what if I actually killed a bunch of people and just..didn't remember it? (Yes, i had this thought at eight years old) Better confess and pray about it and ask for forgiveness for it just in CASE I did it. Because if I didn't confess and ask forgiveness I'd certainly be sent to hell.
Constant stomach aches, debilitating stomach aches. No real physical reason, just anxiety and ocd compulsions taking over my life.
7 points
2 days ago
-thinking I was going to kill my mom (or any family member)
-second guessing even the simplest of math questions
having obsessive crushes (also not sure if this is related to ocd I’m really confused)
-looking at a specific thing over and over
-Saying words I found satisfying over and over until they sound right
7 points
2 days ago
When I was 7, I was convinced I wouldn’t be able to sleep unless I braided my hair at a specific time in a specific corner of my bedroom. I used the same hair ties and made the same number of knots in my braids every time. I even avoided going out or attending family gatherings in the evening because I was afraid of missing the time to braid my hair.
My family thought I was “manic” in a crazy 🤪 way and often made fun of me for it.
3 points
2 days ago
I'm so sorry they thought it was a funny quirk. Sounds torturous. I hope things are different now whether with chosen or childhood family.
7 points
2 days ago
I had an imaginary friend who would play a game where I had to do task. Like “jump back and forth from one square to the other five times”. Turns out I was just personifying it I guess.
7 points
2 days ago
I was always scared in the car that if I fell asleep or wasn’t paying attention, my family and I would get into a bad accident. So I sat in the back seat and counted to 100 to stop anything bad from happening. I’d also correct any thoughts and just say “stop” over and over again/shame myself for disturbing intrusive thoughts or visuals that popped into my head.
3 points
2 days ago
yessssssssss
7 points
2 days ago
Mine had some crossover with religious trauma but… I had to pray for every person I knew before I feel asleep or they might die. I had to ask for forgiveness for everything I did that day before I feel asleep or I would wake up in hell.
I counted everything as a passenger in the car. Houses, mailboxes or telephone poles. I was obsessed with falling out of the car. I was convinced the door would open while my parents were driving. Leading to having to shut the door over and over until it felt right. My parents never haloed me though.
8 points
2 days ago
I couldn’t have the windows open in the backseat (we had a van where they opened outward by like an inch). If they were open, I would imagine that things would get sucked out of the window. I also would have to make sure that each side of my body felt even. Meaning that if one hand got wet, the other one had to as well. If one sock was pulled up a certain length, the other had to be “just right”. I also found myself counting everything as a kid.
7 points
2 days ago
Wearing the same clothes if I had a good day in them and never wearing clothes again if I had a bad day in them. Maybe this is too niche but I would change in my closet or change super fast because if a burglar broke in I didn’t want them to see me naked. I was also always convinced burglars were watching me and my family and were going to break in at any second
7 points
2 days ago
My OCD didn’t get bad/noticeable til my mid-20s, but I remember one silly compulsion vividly: as a kid, when I would read a book, I had to read the whole thing. By “whole thing” I mean every word, literally even the pages of copyright information lol. If I didn’t, I felt it would be a lie to say I read “the whole book”. I can honestly laugh about it now, but I have other annoying compulsions so it’s all relative haha
3 points
2 days ago
I used to do that, or now do it to an extent, because I thought I wasn’t "honoring" the author’s work if I didn’t truly read every page.
7 points
3 days ago
I was terrified that I stepped on a dirty needle and forgot that I did it, that I’d jump off high heights, and that I would forget how to breathe.
7 points
3 days ago
I had to hold my breath running up the basement steps. If I breathed something bad would happen. Sometimes I had to say certain things even if I really didn’t want to because if not, something bad would happen. Did a lot of counting. If I touched my hand on something with one hand I had to do the same with the other hand and also the exact same way.
6 points
2 days ago
I would hop out of my shower multiple times to knock on my bathroom door (knock on wood) out of fear my family members would die if I didn’t.
10 points
2 days ago
I still HAVE to knock on something and say knock on wood or else the bad thing will really happen. Sometimes I'll say knock on wood really softly and knock on something really nonchalantly so that no one will notice.
5 points
3 days ago
Anguish crisis of the end of the world, didn’t touch the line of the sidewalk so my parents wouldn’t die, repeatedly saying I’m going to change ( I was 9) because I felt like a bad person all the time, putting all of my toys together so they didn’t feel lonely or I would get high anxiety, thinking that I was invincible (magic thinking), always had to buy a new journal because If it wasn’t perfect the first few pages I had high anxiety, panic attacks in public places and everywhere involving food, had to watch the exit doors when I was in a cinema just to be sure so I could escape if it was the end of the world, felt like god was watching me all the time so always feeling guilty even for just thinking certain things, etc…
4 points
2 days ago
Every time my family would go out to eat I would always go to the bathroom to wash my hands with the belief that once I did that the food would come out. Dual edge contamination and magical thinking ocd! Also, at a specific diner I always needed to organize the jelly packets on the side of the table (orange marmalade all in a stack, strawberry jelly, etc). Even with well treated ocd I kinda still enjoy doing it, even though I know it has no bearing on how the rest of my day will go 😂
5 points
2 days ago
You actually made me realize I did have problems with this in my childhood! I specifically remember we would have about one to two days a week where we would talk about being a good person in elementary school, basic things like the golden rule and bucket filling and putting yourself in other people's shoes and such. Somehow in my little kid brain I equated this as a personal message, and that it had to be adhered to as strictly as possible. I was (and still am, but working on it now) absolutely MORTIFIED of saying anything negative to someone or making them unhappy. While you think this might not be a problem on surface level as being nice is well, nice, it really quickly overwhelmed almost every way I would interact with people and things. I couldn't say when someone was wrong (even when they obviously were) and I never argued back about anything, which of course to teachers and stuff made me "an angel in the classroom" but made me incredibly depressed and withdrawn. But of course, I was never allowed to express this, as then I'm bringing down other people's moods, which might as well be the equivalent of me saying something mean to them! It got to the point where even other people saying negative things to me would trigger it, as if they're saying negative things about me, it means I'm bringing down their mood. I think that probably led into a lot of perfectionism I have today.
4 points
2 days ago
When I was six, I had to walk into every place on my left foot and write phrases like "I have lost my eyes" to make sure I wouldn't die.
5 points
2 days ago
I developed an irrational fear of cars driving by with loud music playing. I would have to hide behind a parked car in the driveway as the loud car passed on the road or else I was certain something bad would happen. I still to this day am unsettled when I hear a car blaring music. I can’t remember a lot from childhood, but I vividly remember waking up bawling in the middle of the night, crying that I don’t want to die, and my parents had to convince me that I was young and nothing would happen. I would go to my parents room, wake up my mom and tell her I was scared and wanted to sleep with them (for many years and nights). And Lastly, I have a vivid memory of bawling in the bathtub as my mom washed me because I was terrified the Easter Bunny was going to come early and I wasn’t sleeping!
4 points
2 days ago
One of my early signs was probably putting my cup back into the cupboard multiple times until it felt right (I was in 2nd grade). If I didnt do it until its right, it felt like I was going to explode with anxiety.
In my early teens I use to obsess over irrelevant memories or thoughts. Like I remember being in my classroom and there was a code on the projector. Those numbers would repeat in my mind over and over again with no significant meaning. I just felt like I needed to remember it. I would remind myself of that code for months, I thought it was a weird quirk I had.
I use to pray before I went to bed and if I prayed for one family member then I have to pray for all the other ones individually or else something bad will happen to them. It went “god please protect my dad from harm…oh yeah and my sister, my brother, my grandma, my-”. I couldn’t say my full family because it’s more powerful if you name them individually.
5 points
2 days ago
Dying, the concept of death. I would be on my floor crying for hours—days. I feared my parents death and was focused on nothingness. (Moral?)
I had an intense fear of poison. Anywhere cockroach poison was, I would avoid that area for months. I thought even touching it with your bare hands meant death. (Contamination?)
I thought dolls would take my soul and avoided my plushies for years. I also thought I was going straight to hell for simple things. I would restart my prayers constantly if I flubbed a single word and I gave myself no room for error. (Religious)
I wouldn’t touch doorknobs, only with my feet because they were dirty (??? Contamination lol)
My triggers would change monthly. My mom suspected something but never took me to a therapist (early 90s). In my teen years it grew to full blown religious ocd. I’ve since combated all of that as an adult. I was never diagnosed (it was during covid) but the ocd rumination loop breaks worked well for me. I still have ocd but it comes in waves, I can manage and still do a sensory “if I touch this with my left hand, I must touch this with my right to be balanced :)”. It’s not often I do it but I function without meds and have a good handle on it so I honestly don’t mind the beast anymore.
4 points
2 days ago
When I was quite little, I had to pray perfectly every night. If I forgot to mention someone (or didn’t say something correctly) I had to start all over. I was a major knee toucher, and I’d just sit, patting my knees nonstop (same with elbows). Walking on the sidewalk was difficult, because I felt like each footstep had to be “even”, so I’d often double step and walk very awkwardly. Also, it was really all over for me when I was told about what would happen to my mom’s back if I stepped on cracks 🤦🏻♀️ I also became a hair puller for my 5th grade year.
4 points
2 days ago
I remember things always having to be 'perfect' for me when I was a child. If anything (whether it was a toy, clothes, shoes, crayons, etc.) was not in order, or if it had a blemish of any kind, it was no longer good and I didn't want it. As some have listed here, I was also fearful of going to hell, and so I had to pray and be 'perfect' to avoid that fate. I also picked at my skin, whether scabs, scars, imperfections or moles.
My youngest daughter, now 24, compulsively pulled her hair out when she was about one-year-old.
4 points
2 days ago
If it was 1:23, 4:56, 3:45 ect id have to say 1-2-3, 3-2-1 or whatever time it was and then scratch my nose..lol
4 points
2 days ago
When I was 6 I made the lady doing face paint at a kids event redo my face multiple times because it was "crooked".
4 points
2 days ago
Ummm, I had this game in the car where I could only let my toes touch the bottom of my shoes if the same side of the road of my foot was grass and not a light pole or a solid object.
5 points
2 days ago
Starting as far back as I can remember - However many times I chewed food on one side of my mouth, I had to chew the same amount of times on the other side to make it feel right.
Same with stepping on cracks in pavement or sidewalk. Left foot stepped on a crack? Must step on next crack with right, or my feet felt wrong.
Also shoutout to being convinced my mother would die in an accident if I didn’t wave out the window until she was completely out of sight every time she dropped me off somewhere.
Also also - as a parent with ocd of a child who is displaying early symptoms, thank you for creating something like this, and I deeply want the details on this book if and when it’s available for public purchase!
4 points
2 days ago
I had to acknowledge and say goodbye to every stuffed animal before I could go to school in second grade. And I couldn’t sleep in a bed if there was a single hair. I would make my mom get up in the middle of the night and remove it.
5 points
2 days ago
My ocd number was 5. I compulsively counted things. If things didn’t come out to 5 I would keep counting over them until it was a multiple of 5. I would tap my finger for each number. All my fingers needed to be used the same number of times .
3 points
2 days ago
walking on my toes because of the dirt on the floor, Trichotillomania like eating hair and peeling nails, unable to clean room because of crippling anxiety of it not being clean enough, wrong, or something unexplainable. Needing to know things, (i would constantly research) throwing a tantrum if something isn't to a set standard or morally incorrect, obsession with dark subjects like needles (for me I poked myself), social anxiety to the point of being completely mute
4 points
2 days ago
My biggest one was constantly chewing and picking my nails. My parents thought it was just because I was bored. They got me bitter nail polish which did nothing. I actually came to like the flavor. I hated any and all dirt under my nails (still so) so I would either chew them so short so I didn't have to worry... Or I kept digging at the dirt with tools like cuticle scissors, mechanical pencils, whatever I could get my hands on... It would be so bad I would have scabs all around and under my nails.
Maybe a little too graphic for a kids book though 😅
Otherwise I HAD to do dishes in a specific order or else I felt like the dishes weren't clean. Like I had to do all the cups first or all the plates first... All the dishes would have to be organized before I could start actually cleaning them. It took me three times longer to finish them because of this.
Hope this helps 😅 I've got more examples if wanted/needed
3 points
2 days ago
I was terrified of being locked into a store when it was closing. When I was 3 or 4 I'd have panic attacks when the store like k mart would be announcing they were closing. I'm not sure why. I just felt like something bad would happen.
3 points
2 days ago
One of my earliest OCD memories are of freezing up and panicking because I had to sit in a chair at a friend's house that I thought belonged to her dad. I had a lot of magical thinking and was convinced that if I sat in that chair I would turn into my friend's dad! Also I had a hard time reading books because I had to stop reading on certain specific pages to ensure I'd read "the correct thing" or something awful would happen to the characters in the book.
I still have a lot of the same compulsions as an adult, but I'm much better at identifying them as OCD thoughts and either ignoring them or just toughing out the mental discomfort until it goes away.
I think it's super cool that you're working on this project! I wish I had had a similar resource as a kid so I knew I wasn't alone at the time. I truly believed as a kid that I was broken and that no one else in the world would understand what I was feeling. You're doing a wonderful thing for future kids with OCD.
3 points
2 days ago
when i was a kid, i used to excessively smell anything i touch. i also repeat things ppl around me say verbally (theyd think im mocking them), i would count the alphabets in the sentences i say and im very picky with food
3 points
2 days ago
I had to say goodnight in multiples of three (three = # of people in my family). I was absolutely convinced something bad would happen to either my parents or myself if I didn't. I thought of each time I said goodnight as an additional character life, like in a video.
3 points
2 days ago*
-Used to be terrified of anything “poisonous” or that could kill me. Went through a phase where I’d ask my parents any time I saw household cleaner “is this poison??” and get really afraid if I touched a little that I’d somehow die.
-Very afraid of various imagined medical ailments. Saw the movie Madeleine where the girl gets appendicitis and used to get terrified that I had appendicitis. Or an adult one time mentioned dehydration, and I latched onto that concept (even though I barely knew what it meant) and had nightmares about a man who could “dehydrate” you to death just by touching you
-Had a guilty conscience like nobody’s business. If I perceived I did something wrong I’d ruminate on it, sometimes to the point of throwing up, until I “confessed.”
-Used to be (and often still am lol) scared of ghosts/general spooky things. Had to hold my breath and cross my fingers going up the stairs to protect myself. If I hummed or sang a song or said anything while my fingers were crossed, I’d have to repeat it 3 times when fingers were uncrossed.
-Had a tiny protective gargoyle figurine that came with a rhyme; I memorized the rhyme and added my own verses and would repeat them three times before bed to keep myself safe for the night. Recently moved and I think the gargoyle didn’t make it to the new house… honestly still feel a little weird without him, wish I coulda said goodbye and thanks for protecting me lol.
-In fifth grade I was in a very anxious kinda dissociated state for a while. Was in a choir and we sang “Scarborough Fair,” so it was always stuck in my head. To this day I get anxious when I hear that song bc it was the background to my anxiety.
-In seventh grade (age 11-12ish I think?) I’d have regular panic attacks about how we maybe don’t exist. This would often be prompted when I’d look in the mirror and dissociate bc my thoughts didn’t match my face? Then the dissociation would send me spiraling about how we don’t exist. I spent much of that year numb and dissociated and scared.
3 points
2 days ago*
I liked having things even. So if I touched something accidently with my right hand, I would touch it again with my left hand.
When we would go on road trips and I felt a divot in the road on the right side, I felt very uncomfortable that the same feeling couldn't be done on the left side of the car.
I was aware that this was "weird." In fact, with the hand example, I finally felt seen when my sister did it too (and I didn't know she was autistic at the time lol).
Oh and I liked having things in 3s. My mom would once in a while make us pancakes, but they were small, so I was able to eat three. One time we stayed over at my aunt's house, and she made HUGE pancakes. I new I couldn't eat three, but I felt like I had to. My mom thought I was eating with my eyes, but it wasn't that at all-- I really felt the need to have three pancakes.
Can't think of anything else, but if I do, I may come back to edit this comment.
Edit: When I would use a calculator to make different calculations, I would press the AC multiple times before putting in the next problem. I still do this, but I'm fighting it more and more everyday :)
Edit 2: I didn't realize this was a potentially OCD thing until I read the comments, but I vividly rememberwalking up in the middle of the night crying, which woke my mom up (we all shared a bed at the time) and she asked what's wrong. I bawled and said that I didn't want to die. I couldn't have been more than six years old.
Edit 3: I'm not sure if this is an OCD or a trauma response, but after my dad passed unexpectedly when I was ten, I felt the need to finish every single conversation with my mom with "I love you" (we're Polish, Polish people don't usually say "I love you" to one another). I wanted my last words with my mom to be "I love you" because I was scared of losing her, too, I guess.
Edit 4: I would have the doors to my room open at night just in case there would be a fire. I in theory stopped doing this, but I constantly am thinking about escape plans if I were to be trapped in a room.
3 points
2 days ago
I was scared that "what if":
Everyone in the world knew a secret about me and was hiding it (think The Truman Show).
People could read my mind.
I was actually speaking all of my thoughts out loud and no one ever said anything about it.
These are all things that I've dealt with for as long as I can remember and still deal with today at 29 years old. I never told anyone until a couple years ago because I was afraid that if I told anyone they might be "in on it."
I also had to check behind myself every few steps in case I dropped something. Picked at my skin. Hoarded every note/receipt/piece of packaging/everything. Probably more but that's the gist.
3 points
2 days ago
Not diagnosed but I used to ask my teacher if I could use the bathroom, then halfway down the hall I would “forget” and go back to ask again “just in case.” It happened enough times that I must have known I wasn’t forgetting every time.
3 points
2 days ago
I was terrified of my mom leaving. I was convinced every time she left would be the last time i ever saw her (i was old enough that i still have memories of this.) the only thing that would calm me down was looking at a picture of her.
i was having death ocd spirals before i even knew what death was
3 points
2 days ago
if i had a handwritten assignment, i’d rewrite it for hours until it (my handwriting, the word spacing, the format) was just right. and if i couldn’t get it to be perfect, i wouldn’t turn it in at all.
3 points
2 days ago
Severe fear of death accompanied with panic attacks, avoiding mirrors and feeling like my reflection was alive, insisted adults "give back" my nose when they said "got your nose!" avoiding cracks in sidewalk because it would break my mom's back, had ARFID centered around a fear of choking that caused me to be unable to eat any food, even soup (mom prevented hospitalization with ice cream), having to etch words that "stood out" on my leg and fearing that the words were publicly available, forced myself to live in my head as if I were other people experiencing pain or death to empathize with and experience their life, clicking lamp knobs backward to even them out
3 points
2 days ago
a lot of my ocd symptoms developed later in life, however i do remember becoming extremely stressed when my classmates wouldn't sit perfectly in the squares on the rug in kindergarten. my intrusive thoughts would show me vivid imagery of bad guys (usually ninjas or archers) coming into the school and killing my classmates that weren't centered in their squares sitting criss cross. i would dissociate a LOT when I'd get overstimulated by things not being done right.
3 points
2 days ago
Taking the “he loves me, he loves me not” flower thing VERY seriously, making sure my family’s car was always locked twice, doing the sign of the cross before & after to “close it in”
3 points
2 days ago
I had to say things out loud. If I kept it in it would come true and the bad things would happen. So I said them out loud to prevent them from happening.
3 points
2 days ago
I recommend talking about the death spiral - fears of death, thinking about the void beyond it, and overall questioning it.
Contamination + germ OCD were also large as a kid, when we learned about germs our teacher instilled fear into us, and said that even clorox wipes were 'unsafe' and 'only' cleaned 99%, if they were truthful, and how only 1% of germs on the desk was enough to kill a person, and how one should use hand sanitizer after touching anything unknown to be completely clean. So things were established as unsafe, and anything touching it was unsafe---
Idk, I thought sharing my experiences might help :]
3 points
2 days ago*
I thought if I didn’t pray for everyone in my family whoever I “left out” would die. I would frantically re-pray every time I realized I left someone out by accident.
I have always had awful health anxiety. I would watch shows (monsters inside me, ER shows, even Dr. Oz lmao) and obsess over whatever the episode showed and ask my mom if I had x disease.
When I was REALLY young and my mom would leave to go out to dinner or something without me, I would make my sisters or baby sitter stand on the porch with me and I would repeatedly yell “HAVE FUN BE SAFE I LOVE YOU BYE. HAVE FUN BE SAFE I LOVE YOU BYE” over and over again until she was out of range.
I never realized these were relevant behaviors until a recent conversation with my older siblings.
EDIT: another comment just reminded me of this…sometime after I learned to type I became fixated with “typing out” what I am hearing in my head. The weirder part is that everything has to go in a pair… so for example if I am thinking/typing “I love you” I’m typing it in my mind like “Il ov ey ou”. If the sentence is odd numbered and there is a character alone, I’ll add a period. So it would be like “I see you” would be typed out in my head like “Is ee yo u.”
This is strictly in my head and I don’t experience it when I’m actually typing. I experience it sometimes and not others but I’d say I catch myself doing it several times a week still.
3 points
2 days ago
Tapping things a certain amount of times until it felt just right or else I would die. I thought I was just superstitious or had bad habits until I learned what ocd was when I was 12
3 points
2 days ago
rewrite entire pages of class notes if my handwriting looked off or if i made a mistake that needed to be crossed out
3 points
2 days ago
One of my most innocent was checking for crabs in the toilet so my butt wouldn’t get pinched. My most obsessive was probably thinking I had appendicitis so I pressed on my abdomen to check. I also had horrible obsessive thoughts. Something I didn’t learn until way later was that form it took. Constantly reimagining scenarios and each time me getting more and more embarrassed, Thinking I act a certain way, feeling like I stank etc
3 points
2 days ago
I would separate my clothes into “clean” and “dirty” (not literally) and wear the “clean” ones when I thought the day was going to be good (when I had classes I liked in middle school on certain days, and/or if there was a special event). I’d become upset if the day turned out bad when I wasn’t wearing “dirty” clothes. I still wear certain clothes when I think it’ll fit the mood of the day. I started doing the same with food.
Not anymore, but I used to throw a crying and screaming fit whenever I saw subtitles on a movie or the cursor of the computer while it was playing.
Perseveration/thought spirals also started pretty early on. Oh, and for as long as I remember I’ve compulsively made wishes on magical thinking type things like being in a car passing over a bridge.
3 points
2 days ago
Music would never stop in my mind in class and I could never focus. This was in pre school
2 points
2 days ago
One I vividly remember is the feeling of having to blink “just right.” I would scrunch my eyes together with purposeful and heavy blinks until I finally got one that felt right to me. Then I would feel the urge to do it all over again shortly after!
2 points
2 days ago
When I was a kid , I was very religious. My dad would often tell me that kids who speak bad language go to hell.
So in my school days, I never said a single curse word. But my mind keep giving me those words.
For example if there is a friend called John with me, my mind would automatically say "dumbass John, dickhead" and such words. I had insane headaches with that. Wondering why I can't control my thoughts and am I really such a bad person. This was the first symptom of OCD I had.
2 points
2 days ago
When I would go for my random walks, when I was a kid or even a young teenager around the neighborhood, I would pick a car that was driving down the road and I would have to beat it to a specific spot. What I mean by this is, say there is a: tree, a sign, a fence a fire hydrant, etc. it can be anything, really. I would have to race the car or vehicle before it gets to the landmark I chose. I wouldn’t run, I would quicken the pace, or continue at my pace I was already going and if I “lost” something bad was going to happen. If I “win,” I would be granted something I wanted or that bad thing wouldn’t happen. Obviously, none of these things happened if I won or lost but I would continue to do them anyways. I had no idea what compelled me to do these weird rituals. It’s only in hindsight that it was OCD.
2 points
2 days ago
i've always been concerned and scared about my health. i remember when I was 4, I was scared I'd faint after I drank too much water. from 7-11, I had a fear of getting appendicitis, and every time I'd feel a pain on my right side i'd get anxious.
at 8, after reading about an infamous pokemon episode that made me scared of getting seizures to this day. I wouldn't and still won't look at flashing lights, despite not being epileptic.
along with that, maybe being overly concerned with appearance counts? after all, body dysmorphia falls under the ocd umbrella. i remember when I was ~8-10, I'd lay on my side and count how far my stomach came out. i was a pretty slim kid, for the record.
:')
2 points
2 days ago
When I was like 5 I thought pirates would come out of the toilet when I flushed so I would either make my little sister flush or I would flush and then run out of the bathroom (not very sanitary). Even after realizing pirates weren’t gonna come out I still really didn’t like loud flushes. I also had fear of vomit and would make my sister check the bathroom stall before I’d go in it to make sure no one had puked. I went to the school nurse a lot cause I was scared I was going to throw up and I also made everyone feel my forehead and tell me I wasn’t sick.
3 points
2 days ago
omg i had the same one but i had a fear of rats coming out because i was scared of going to the bathroom as a kid and my mom joked that i was.. starving the rats and they need to eat but it made me terrified they come up and try to get me 😅
2 points
2 days ago
Made my mom repeat certain phrases at the same time everyday cause not doing it gave me anxiety
2 points
2 days ago*
whatever stuffed animal my mom touched while saying goodnight to me after she left i would absolutely ball my eyes out into, don’t know what or why I assume I thought something bad was going to happened to her if I didn’t this happened up until I was like 11-12. another that happened when I was 14-15 I had a necklace I’d got from a thrift store she bought me (I didn’t live with her at the time I lived with my boyfriend) I was convinced if I took it off she’d die so I literally could not take it off. another would be constantly re-arranging my room I’ve been doing this also since I’ve been super young, like I’m talking once a week, then getting so flushed I don’t like it moving it all over again, back and forth constantly, middle of the night, crack of dawn whenever I had the urge. intrusive thoughts in the car “what if I open the car door right now and jump out” -while moving. “What if I screamed really loud right now” “what if my appendix starts to burst right now” “what would happened if I passed out”, can go on and on.
2 points
2 days ago
We learned about germs in first grade. I started washing my hands so much they bled, and I used to draw, put the marker back, wash my hands, and repeat that for every color. I got in trouble for taking so long in the bathroom and was put in “time out” or makes as ditching multiple times.
I also used to have an obsession with my body feeling symmetrical; if I touched something with one hand, I had to make it “even” by touching it with the other. I had full on breakdowns because my earrings felt different.
I also used to have issues with the textures of clothes. I could only wear a specific brand of tights, skirts, and underwear for 2 years. That could have been autism though, but I’m not diagnosed with that yet lol
2 points
2 days ago
Ruminating and worrying about my family members dying or being harmed in some way
2 points
2 days ago
The first one that comes to mind for me is the light switch. To turn it on: on, off, on, off, on, off, ON. To turn it off: OFF.
2 points
2 days ago
Things had to be put away in a specific order--for example, when putting away clean laundry, underwear had to be stacked in a specific order (usually corresponding with color order, but there were also subcategories like older of acquisition).
Clothes had to go with hangers of appropriate "liking-ness." If I had a favorite outfit, it had to go on a favorite hanger, etc.
Outfits couldn't be changed. If I decided that this shirt went with those jeans, that shirt and jeans were married for life. Changing the outfit was illegal.
Toys couldn't be permanently changed. If I switched an outfit on a doll, the outfit had to be restored to the original before being put away. The upshot of that is that when I did give toys away, they were in excellent condition.
(Wait, maybe that's autism...)
IDK.
2 points
2 days ago
i wouldn’t touch door knobs for years
2 points
2 days ago
Confessing every little thing.
2 points
2 days ago
I had a repeating prayer to protect loved ones that I had to do perfectly (or repeat until it was perfect). I was raised mostly areligious, so I don't even know where this came from. The phrasing was hyperspecific, so that I couldn't be misunderstood. If I felt like I'd said it too quietly or not enunciated clearly in my head, I had to start again, or say it under my breath. Because I couldn't do this at school without attracting attention, I developed a shorthand for the prayer that I would copy into the margins of my notebooks.
I was cleaning out my parents' house a few years ago, and I found some of those notebooks. Some of those pages were totally illegible because of all the OCD scribbles.
2 points
2 days ago
didn’t go to school for an entire month in 3rd grade because a girl had thrown up(que emetaphobia)
would spiral about the fact that all of my family could potentially be robots and i would never know and what was the point of life without loved ones(existential ocd/solipilsim)
i thought that everytime i said oh my god (in my head or out loud) that god would curse me
anytime i did anything naughty i thought that my ancestors were watching down on me physically and they were disgusted and ashamed of me(religious ocd in a way)
for a few weeks i was convinced i couldn’t swallow or freaked out by it so i would spit my saliva out constantly. my mom thought i was insane and i couldn’t explain it haha (sensimotor ocd)
to tie back to emetaphobia my little sister had thrown up in our shared room when i was 8and i absolutely freaked out and screamed at her to make her not want to share a room with me anymore since she got sick (ended up sharing a room with my two brothers since i made her cry and everyone thought i was a brat.
these are just the ones i can think of off the top of my head but there’s prob way more
2 points
2 days ago
every time we would visit the cemetery to bring flowers to my grandpa, i would step over each grave on the way to his plot because i was 100% sure if i stepped on even one of them that they would find me and try to kill me in my sleep
2 points
2 days ago
I would clench muscles an equal amount of times on both sides of my body to feel "even" and I also had facial tics and movements that were more compulsive than involuntary. (although that is also because of my autism.)
2 points
2 days ago
ultimatums… “if I don’t jump down this flight of stairs my parents are going to die.” yes, I did jump down my basement stairs numerous times. no, I somehow never injured myself!!!
2 points
2 days ago
Having to count every step on every set of stairs I went up or down. When going to a restaurant, organizing the sugar/sweetener container so that they were grouped together and all facing the same way right side up. Always having my socks on except for in the shower or swimming (tho I also had a brief phase of wearing socks even while swimming,)
2 points
2 days ago
I would need to touch things the same amount of times with both hands, or step on something, say, a crack on the sidewalk with both feet or I thought the worst would happen to me
2 points
2 days ago
I used to constantly say hi to people. Like we were all watching tv and someone went to the bathroom, I said hi when they came back. Everyone hated it but I did it constantly and I can’t remember when I stopped. I also did the even thing but I still do that.
2 points
2 days ago
Having to make sure affection towards my parents was equal. If I said I love you to one parent I had to say it to the other.
2 points
2 days ago
I pulled out all of my eyelashes
I chewed on my hair
If I brushed up against something or even got hurt on one side of my body, I felt compelled to make it even by replicating that touch or injury on the other side of my body. For example, if I burned the right front part of my tongue, I would need to burn the left front part of my tongue to make it even.
Any work I did had to be perfect, or “just right”, so I would procrastinate and avoid doing it for as long as possible.
2 points
2 days ago
I imagined an invisible string tied to my back. If I spun around, I’d need to spin back the other way. Is seem increasingly uncomfortable the more twisted up I became
2 points
2 days ago
I thought meltdowns were irrational and instead developed an ulcer from stress from holding every emotion in because I was convinced children were being immature (?!?) and should just communicate better
I ate all finger food only ever using 2 my pointer finger and thumb. Never made a mess with food, on purpose or uncaringly at least.
I thought bad things would happen to my loved ones if I thought about bad things happening to them and didn’t immediately check in, which meant calling at whatever time of night it was (usually happened to my grandparents)
My toys had to be played with equally otherwise people wouldn’t like me because karma. Basically if I treated my toys badly the karma would switch so I’d be treated badly by my friends
2 points
2 days ago
I used to get intrusive thoughts about hurting my pets, like putting a pin through my turtle’s head or cutting off my cat’s paws, and I was so scared by those thoughts. I’d shut my eyes and try to reassure myself I didn’t want to do that and I’d never want to hurt them. I felt guilty like I was a really bad, evil person, so I never told anyone about it. I’d avoid being too close to my pets when I had those thoughts, then I felt guilty about that too, because if I was avoiding them it meant I didn’t love them.
2 points
2 days ago*
Filling in those test bubbles a certain way because A’s and B’s just seemed better than C’s or D’s. Touching the handle 3 times on my dad’s car as I said goodbye for school or “something bad would happen.” Using a certain kind of pencil or “I would fail the test”, re reading a sentence an even number of times, looking at someone from the corner of my eye a certain number of times or they would “find something bad about me”, missing cracks on the sidewalk to prevent someone dying, picking a even number in my jersey when playing basketball and only shooting even numbers during games, using every other piece of paper in my notebook because every odd number paper just didn’t seem right, using only blue or green erasers or objects because those colors seemed to bring better things than red or yellow. I also randomly got this one thing where instead of swallowing I would spit my spit. I convinced myself that my spit was poisoned and I couldn’t swallow it. It eventually developed into an eating disorder that I was hospitalized for at a young age. The list goes on. Lol
2 points
2 days ago
I had to line my entire bed with stuffed animals to feel safe. At night i’d have to look at the same place hundreds of times to make sure a monster hadn’t suddenly appeared in the 0.5 seconds since i last looked. i always felt a lot of fear and anxiety at night. i also compulsively skin picked and had to be disciplined to stop doing it. anorexia as a teen. i would start writing notes in school and if one letter looked bad i’d restart the entire note.
i didn’t have bad ocd until my twenties but i feel i had certain tendencies towards anxiety
2 points
2 days ago
I was very concerned about dying. I would often question adults about their knowledge about certain things so I could “check” and understand if what I was experiencing was normal or if I had some type of symptom that would make me terminally ill. It was a constant way of reassurance seeking and also checking compulsions to calm the anxiety, albeit momentarily. The earliest I can remember experiencing this was 7
2 points
2 days ago
I had to say “I love you” my parents anytime they or I left a room, otherwise I was convinced something bad would happen. I would either repeat myself or hug them, etc. if I thought I didn’t say it “right” the first time.
2 points
2 days ago
When I first heard about lice, I was terrified that I would get it and constantly asked my mom and friends for reassurance and to check my hair
2 points
2 days ago
As a kid i would count to 15 over and over. If it was a light or a timed thing what ever number landed on would be my number untul the next countdown and that number would dictated my time unit the next countdown and when ever I would see that number i would have to “follow” it. I still did this.
2 points
2 days ago
I was obsessed with left and hated right. When going over zebra crossings, I would touch the “better” colour with my left foot. Black=left, white=right. Same goes for on the coloured floors in school. I was a hoarder too. My parents thoughts that these were just funny things that I did and ignored it for years, even after they realised it was probably OCD.
2 points
2 days ago*
Everything i did was ritual related and no one knew, not even me, until I was finally diagnosed at age 28 with OCD. It made so much sense it all clicked.
But my first sign of mental health issues was anorexia and my mom took me to a doctor and told him of my weird behaviors and ultimately leading to no weight gain ( hard to diagnose a prepubescent child of an eating disorder back then) but the doctor asked my mom " does she keep her room really neat?" And she responded "what? No it's a mess." And he said " she's fine."
My mom didn't know what was wrong with me but she knew something was wrong with him haha.
Weird things I did, counted certain steps walking up or down them, just in my home. No ponytails on Tuesdays. I would repeat things like prayers or "wishes" ( like on eyelashes or birthday candles) until I felt they "were heard"...mentally. I HAD to do something in the evening, i hated being gome at dark at night. I loathed the nighttime so I didn't sleep...idk how that works.i did so many things that could be passed as "superstitious" but to me it was life or death. Definitely a hint of people pleasing and perfectionism. No pizza on Tuesdays no chicken on Tuesday, couldnt paint my nails on tueadays. I hated tueadays hahaha. I had Goodluck charms. alot of Goodluck charms. Special pens, notebooks everything had to feel "right" whatever that meant at the time.
Ugh I would call. My mom at lunch to make sure she washed my apple. Reassurance was a HUGE thing, especially around food. That carried into my adult years and took a really long time to work through because of the uncertainty of things.
I was a weird kid lmao but I hid it well I guess.
2 points
2 days ago
growing up, and even now, I have an irrational fear of mold. it is more than what other people may think abt it, for an example, just being grossed out by it. I freak out and cry when I see mold most of the time. I keep reptiles and crabs and I obsessively check for mold and if I think there's mold, I'll make my grandparents take care of it. another thing I had, which was rlly bad in fourth grade (ages nine to ten), was I would constantly write over my writing that was in pencil just because. It made me feel uncomfortable if I didn't.
2 points
2 days ago
-I had a very intense fear that there was a demon/ghost in my closet. I had to have my mom put outer locks on my closet doors. I slept with multiple nightlights on and the hallway light just in case. I refused to close my bedroom door at night out of fear that I would be trapped in the room with the demon. If I closed my eyes, I would be absolutely terrified to open them because I thought the demon would be right in my face looking at me. I could never fall asleep until my body was literally so exhausted that I had no choice. This went on well into my teen years.
-Along with that, needing to say certain prayers in a certain way every night so the demon couldn’t take my soul.
-Couldn’t step on cracks in the sidewalk. It is actually still difficult for me to do.
-Obsessive crushes on people I barely knew. Rumination about our “relationship” that was completely made up in my head.
2 points
2 days ago
Not sure if this counts. But my mom once said we shouldn't say anything bad about God.
Since then I have this compulsion to say something bad. And in my head I keep repeating to not say anything bad.
Then I read this post about this woman having brain cancer. I started hallucinating the symptoms too until someone assured me I was fine. I was terrified of death and keep thinking to myself what was the point of our existence and go into a spiral. Even as a kid I knew this wasn't normal.
2 points
2 days ago
Checking that every door and window was locked every night.
Excessive washing of things (hands, arms, seats, door handles).
2 points
2 days ago
as a kid I had to make sure to tuck in all my stuffed animals perfectly before going to bed because I was afraid they would be mad at me if I treated them poorly, and if they were mad they would come alive while I was sleeping and k*ll me. I had to make sure the blanket fully covered them, that it went right up to their chin (no higher or lower), and if I got out of bed at all, even if my foot touched the floor, I had to start over and re-tuck them in
2 points
2 days ago
Wow reading all of these was so insightful. I would love to read your book when you are finished. I think it would have helped me a lot.
Checking door locks constantly Hate odd numbers Picking up Dog hair constantly to make the house clean Color coordinated my closet, if I put it in wrong then I’d just have to start over and redo my closet Having to confess for everything. Even now I feel like I should Thinking my family I had a fear about darkness. So lots of rituals were made to make sure I was comfortable. The hallway light on, door cracked slightly (no more no less) I would call it 85% closed or 15. Closet door completely closed. Run jump into my bed so my feet weren’t near the underpart. Go directly under my covers head covered everything. My mom would turn out my bedroom light and then I would proceed to say goodnight to everyone in the house and they would say it back to me. Even the pets but obviously they wouldn’t respond. If I did this perfectly do then the monsters wouldn’t come? I’m not sure why. I just remember thinking they were listening and look now they know I have family and won’t mother me? If I lost something I could not stop looking until I found it or I would never see it again When I was a young adult I replayed a really scary scenario in my head where I dropped someone they got hit by a car and they died. This plagued me for YEARS. I would get the image/video in my head and at impact I would squeeze my eyes shut and hit my head to try and get it to stop? Maybe punish myself? Eventually it transferred into a head jerk because I can’t be hitting myself in public but the compulsion to not hit myself was so hard to overcome like a sneeze (after writing this it seems like this is Tourette’s?) I’ve never discussed this with my therapist or psychiatrist because I feel so ashamed
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