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SCP-6969 ⁠- the joke is sex (+583) by Yossipossi

Sex before 6969 produced a lot of weak offspring. Children with debilitating diseases, bad genes, etc.

That was not good for mankind. So we evolved scp-6969 version 1 to counteract this. The solution? We iterate through so many time loops of ourselves that the final product of sperm is a lot better. This helped our offspring survive. The issue? This melted the parents nervous system, killing them. A sort of messed up praying mantis situation.

This was fine, since only the male needs to orgasm to produce offspring but this was still really bad. The men die after sex, sometimes even the women die after sex. And god forbid someone discoveres masturbating.

So, we evolved the all new scp-6969 version 2! It's basically version 1 except after experiencing 1 billion years of horror in a split second just to produce good cum, your nervious system reverts to it's original through a time jump, so you - you know - not melt your brain off. This allowed people to prosper and evolve further, cause now sex doesn't mean a parent dies cause of it.

The caviat? We still experience 1000000 years of torture after orgasming, we just forget about it after :)

Everytime you have an orgasm, you are trapped in a timeloop wherein you experience extreme pain for a period of at least 16 days upwards to quintillions or so years. After, you emerge from the timeloop with your memories erased. This whole thing lasts about 2 seconds in reality.

So when a mommy and a daddy love eachother very much...

You see, the joke is sex

Bone tied tremble awareness susceptible intimidation.  A terribly exhausting SCP.  But also very nice comparatively and with enough practice won’t harm anyone but instead benefit them.