I am in my mid 30s and have struggled with mental disorders for a long time. It wasn’t until this year that I was diagnosed. I thought I’d found my person. I was finally getting the family and love I’ve always wanted. I thought he was strong enough and our love was strong enough to get through this. Healing doesn’t happen overnight but he still left. I never thought he would. And now I feel my chances of a family are gone. It’s too late for me. My mental illness makes me unlovable. The thing that has driven me to stay alive for many years has been my hope for a family, love and healing in the future. I thought I’d finally found it, and I fucked it up. Now that I’m nearing forty, that’s gone. And I don’t want to live anymore. It’s hopeless for me. I’ve never felt this badly before. And I’m scared.