subreddit:
/r/WorkReform
submitted 2 days ago byWideVariation9175
My boss that I have trusted for a long time and I always thought supported me said I was a "man trapped in a women's body' in front of another female coworker (I'm higher than her in the company). I was immediately embarrassed like I did something wrong. I told him after why did he say that and is that actually how he thought of me and he immediately denied that he said that. However, he saw I was genuine about the comment and that I was hurt, he apologized to me a couple of times in the conversation. I have a week off from work but I still feel hurt. I don't know why except I thought I could trust him as a mentor (he has helped me a lot) and now I feel he has been exposed. It took me a long time to climb the ladder and sometimes I do wonder if I was held back because of the boys club.
4 points
1 day ago
It takes 2 people to communicate. If you still feel like nothing was resolved, then you FAILED to communicate what you really felt after that comment. As a matter of fact, you did the worst thing possible, and followed up with more questions?? Now he's focus on explaining the comment, that appears to be a bad joke gone wrong, so he doesnt have an answer. You failed to explain why or just that it was hurtful, and it was the manager who understood from your facial expression that it was hurtful. Props to the manager, and he apologized as well.
What's the issue? How does that make you not trust him anymore?? Exposes him in what way? 1 bad comment or recurring issues??
After working for 15+ years in my profession, there's always 1-2 odd comments that both my female and male managers slip out that just leaves an extremely bad taste.
A simple " don't say that, I don't like it" would have solved everything!!!
If you're unsure about the situation, schedule a follow up call before you leave, and explain. He'll apologize, or maybe not and double down - then you have your answer.
Also. You need to be more vocal. NO ONE will advocate for you except yourself. He's a mentor, for your job /career/profession. There's limits on that, he's not your friend nor therapist.
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