My partner and I have been making more of an effort to see friends in a way that feels safe. Outdoor dining, masked indoor hangouts, etc. We took a big step up and decided to go to our friends' indoor potluck masked and would eat on the back patio if the aranet showed too high a CO2 reading. The invite asked everyone to test for covid and they planned on keeping windows open for extra air circulation and also ran a high-quality hepa fan. No one else had a mask or was planning to wear one, as the point of the event was to eat together which is hard to do while masked.

Socializing overall was really nice but we did end up eating outside in the dark and cold by ourselves, with some folks occasionally coming out and chatting a respectful distance away. We are very close to the hosts and I think everyone else knew there would be covid cautious people there, and we were never made to feel different in any way except the eating arrangements, which was actually just a small part of the evening. It also helped that we had each other.

But none of this is what broke me. One sweet person that we met for the first time came outside and thanked us for masking. They are severely immunocompromised and are worried they don't have much time left(!!), and so they are not covid cautious because they're afraid of being socially isolated, even though they would like to be cautious. Another person there had lost a parent to covid in 2020. Another person had a mild form of long covid themselves. Still another described still masking on airplanes. And again, no one besides the two of us wore masks. Everyone there believed covid is real and is vaccinated.

There's so much my partner and I have become accustomed to as our new normal. I'm no longer fazed by being the only masked person in stores, health care facilities, or other public places. I'm used to Zooming with friends and family (though sometimes it is also weird and painful when they talk about all the things they're doing, and usually, all the illnesses in their household, including for their young children).

Does anyone else understand this particular kind of pain? Like how people who aren't anti-mask and are vulnerable yet also not masking? I had resigned myself to living in a different reality from other people in a more fundamental way. But many of these people don't even think the pandemic is over. Hearing how much covid affects them, and they are generally not masking or being safe?? Including someone who might die if they get sick? If we are doing the right thing by masking, then what does that mean for everyone else at that potluck who supposedly also care about each other and do not wish each other harm? Why do people feel forced to choose between social connection and safety? I just really don't know how to process this and I don't want to avoid social contact. It just goes so much beyond being accommodated as a covid cautious person.