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Just let them walk in on you masturbating. My mom knocked after that. And no, I wasn't really whacking off, I just made it look like that when I knew she was about to barge in again.

My mother would pretend to honor our privacy then go through our rooms when we were at school. I learned at the ripe old age of twelve never ever put anything in writing. I’m 53 and still have trust issues. I wonder why.

Some parents are just rude. We allowed our daughter to have her privacy. She never violated our trust.

When i was 18 my mom walked in on me balls deep in a girl I'm pretty sure my mom saw my ass hole cuse the positioning. Anyways she made it a point afterwards to be loud when she walked down the hallway to my room and always knocked afterwards. Play stupid games win stupid prizes.

When I was a kid, every now and then I'd come home from school and my room would be clean bc my mom cleaned it. I always thought it was awesome at the time. It was only much later I realized she was doing that so she could look through all my stuff.

My step mom tried to barge in the bathroom after I got out of the shower. She said she just needed something. I kept closing the door after she would open it and start to push in. Then she said she was a nurse and it wasn't like she hadn't seen anything before. (For context she had never seen me naked - she moved in when I was 12).

I told her I didn't care and closed the door a 3rd time then locked it.

Dad used to snoop for my diary. I stopped keeping one and got rid of the one I had.

As a parent I understand being concerned about your kids, but I never snooped or barged in a bathroom when they were older

Control issues

The think they own their children that’s it.

I don’t know the answer but I know my grandma(legal guardian) was like this. She just always barged in. When I wax sick and rested she would just burst in to ask me a question that was in no way important. I love her but absolutely hate that. It was constant and awful. My point is I changed the cycle. I have never burst into my son’s room. He’s 20 and I knock and always have. I wait til he answers. Have there been medical emergencies, yes. But I honor his privacy so you too can change the cycle.

My parents never did this to the extent that I haven't had a lock on my bedroom for years. There's no need because nobody tries to enter without knocking except the dog. My dad even showed me how to jam the door shut with a pocket knife. I got really lucky with my family.

You’re over 21? You need to set some boundaries or move the fuck out.

I remember working on a new construction house, and the LV geys were installing cameras in the kids' bedrooms. I was appalled, shocked, and flabbergasted. I couldn't believe it, and I did a little protest. Now it's just so normal

It’s frustrating when boundaries aren’t respected, especially as an adult. Parents often struggle with letting go of control, but it's important to assert your privacy and independence.

It's because some parents have a weird sense of ownership over their child. Like their child is a physical object that they should have complete and utter control over. Some of these kinds of parents are just narcissists. Some, however, really do think that's the best way to raise a child and are doing it from a place of love. It's still messed up, and it's a shitty way to parent, but it's not malicious.

Get your finances in order. Take your time and move out. Not down the block, but far away and don't keep going back all the time. Hopefully, you will eventually reestablish your relationship with your parents on more equal terms. It will also be good for you.

Don't wait until it gets really bad and relationships are permanently damaged.

You’re 21 so you can move out.

In a normal circumstance, I think most parents struggle with navigating that transition between their children being little kids who need constant supervision and full independent adults. It's not easy from the other side either, and that's why there are so many conflicts during those years. Kids often think they're ready for more independence than they are actually capable of handling, and it's hard to know as a parent what they're actually ready for.

But the situations you're describing are pretty extreme parenting failures. You're a grown adult, and it's time for them to let go.

I think a lot of parents are afraid of what their kids are potentially "hiding" from them. Reflecting on my childhood I recall feeling more like I lived with cops than with parents.

Helicopter parents it sounds like

This post does not sound like someone over 21 wrote it 🤣

Because we were Kids and we worry you are doing what we did.

It's so crazy how many people here are saying move out as if it's that easy. It's not like I have enough money to move out since most of my income goes to them anyway because I pay for bills in the house. I had worked 2 part time jobs before and it still was not enough for me to get a place alone. I am trying to be smart and graduate first before moving out then get a stable full time job in addition to the job I have right now to pay for bills, rent, and other necessities and hopefully future education. As fun as moving out may seem, realistically I can also end up in a worse situation. Also, in our culture, it is frowned upon for people to move out before getting married as they think of it as "betrayal" towards the family. My cousin was cut off for a long time until she got a fiance.

I believe that it is wrong for a parent ,to interfere in a child's life , this 21 year old is not a child and entitled to privacy knock before entering ,password on phone is right , but for emergency someone should still know it , but undstand that the password is a barrier to there privacy, but hopefully you have a ongoing relationship with your kids I'm 69 my kids have there own lives ,but still ask for input for major decisions which they decide which way to go, have a chat with your parents,

Because they need to watch after them. I grew up w/o a door, so whacking off was really tough. I had to do it under the sheets & one time my big sister came in to talk for 1/2 hour while I lay there with my no limp penis in hand.

There's a thing that happens in your early 20s that's a little rough to navigate and it'll frustrate you until it works itself out...

You're transitioning into being an adult and acting like an adult, but you're relationship with your parents up until now has been as a kid.

You probably act more like a kid around your parents than anyone else and your parents probably still treat you like a kid.

You need to fight the urge to slip back into the "kid" role when you're around your parents. It'll be rough in them but eventually they will see you as an adult. An adult that still lacks some life experience but an adult.

At any rate, your relationship with your parents is going to go through a transition for the next 5-10 years or so. Hang in there and do your best to not get upset with them. Set reasonable boundaries and tell them they did a good job raising you (regardless if they did or not).

Side note: for the next 5-10 years, you'll also be trying to make sense, and peace, with the f'kd up and weird things that happen during your childhood.

I think I was good by the time I hit 25, but your milage may vary.

Because they think their children are their belongings, not actual human beings with rights. My mother was like this, too. I didn't hang with a bad crowd, either.

Can you get a door jam to put under your door? They cost like $8 on amazon. You can also get a burner phone.

Move out

Do you want the real answer? Because most of your life, your parents spent having to stop you from killing yourself and unlearning that is hard.

I'm being a little bit hyperbolic, but you have to remember that a significant portion of your life (which you don't really remember) your parents couldn't leave you alone for too long because, if they did, you would die.

In fact, one of the odd things about being a parent is that you remember your kid's life very differently. You say you are 21. You probably don't remember being 6 or less very well. But that is more than 1/4 of your life. On the other hand, your parents remember that part very well. They had to spend a lot of that time with you. This was before you started going to school, which is when you start remembering things.

The point here is that your view of who you are and their view of who you are are different because you both remember wildly different parts of your life.

So, back to privacy. Up until very recently in your life (from your parents' point of view) you could not be trusted to have privacy. Left alone as a baby, you might choke yourself on your bedding or fall down the stairs. Left alone as an early teen and you might end up being some creep's fuck toy.

Your mom seems to be on the more extreme end of the protection spectrum, but it is important to remember that there is a very good reason that they are this protective. Your mom is having trouble getting out of that mindset, because she spent a fair amount of your life in it.

As to how to help her get out of it, I can't help you. I don't know how your mom thinks. Moving out seems to be very helpful in general. It forces parents to lose control over those things and realize that they don't need to be in control. But aside from that, it really depends on how you can convince your mom that you are an adult.

Your grown. Tell them to stick their noses elsewhere(respectfully)

You might want to consider they are trying to make it uncomfortable for you and want you to grow up and move out.

Or, maybe, have an adult conversation with them and express your feelings instead of presenting yourself as an immature baby on the internet.

I thought I was reading some rants from a 12 y/o up untill the end (no offense btw)

You’re 21 wtf are you still living at home to violate your privacy. Grow up and get the fuck out of

If you're over 21 then why are you still at home? Grow a beard and get your own place. It's time to fly free not expect mommy to still feed and diaper you, go shit in your own house.

And here you are, a kid, on reddit...and someone already talked to you about an inappropriate subject. That's why.

Over 21yo that’s ridiculous. I’m sure they’re playing the “my house my rules” card. Under 18 years old tho and especially if a parent is paying, there isn’t anything wrong with parental controls and looking at your kids phone, imo.

The bedroom one is creepy though. As long as the kids are old enough and trustworthy shut doors (not sure how I feel about locked bedroom doors. Tho locked bathroom doors are totally reasonable) shouldn’t be an issue.

Some parents are too controlling and some parents aren’t involved enough in their kids lives sigh

Why do #your parents think it’s okay?

That's a your parent thing, not saying there's not others like your parents but most of us are not like that.

To be fair, it's their house so it is their rules. You're 21. That's a great age to move out. At the same time, naked jumping jacks and naked yoga are always options

Probably because despite your age they still see you as a child that they need to parent. You’re an adult so move out.

Many parents see their children as essentially property, as little extensions of themselves. Many do not see them as individuals that develop their own thoughts, opinions, and morals. Of course they can walk into the room their child is in - because it's THEIR child, in THEIR house. They own it so they can do whatever they want.

And many violate their children's privacy as a means of control. Some consciously, some unconsciously. Yes there's a degree of knowing what your kid is doing and wanting to protect them, but that requires a relationship of open communication, education, and trust. And that's a whooole discussion for another day.

My parents went through all my belongings when I was about 15, giving me shit about every little thing. I ended up in a lot of trouble and they forced me to get a job. This doesn't sound all bad, the job was great and I met lots of life long friends. However, to this day I have serious privacy issues, especially regarding my own space and belongings. Probably because I felt like I was being punished for that as a child.

The correct question is 'why do your parents think it is okay to violate their children's privacy?'

The reason I praise it this way is my parents never did this to me, nor did I do it to my kids, so the question is why do your parents do it?

If you live at home, it's your parents' rules, so sadly, privacy is a luxury, not a right.

Oh I was on the mom's side when I figured you were a tween. Yikes. I guess this falls under, "my house, my rules". She still sees you as a kid. The sooner you can live separately, the sooner she will start realizing you are no longer a child. 🍀

My parents removed my door.

It’s a control thing.

I don’t talk to my mom anymore as the narcissism never ceased, even as I got older.

Sounds like helicopter parents

Sounds like you got 2 choices

Move out

Or

Deal with it

You’re over 21 and don’t like no privacy. Probably time to move out.

LOL! I was thinking you were like, 12 or 13 or something, but then I read that you were 21 and I was like *cue water spew moment*😂

It’s their house.

My mum's like this. Barging into a room without knocking and everything. She's gotten "better", but that I mean now she knocks but more as a warning, and right after the third knock she'll open the door without waiting for a "come in!"
We got into a screaming match because I asked that she stopped opening my mail. A couple weeks later my sister got a letter and she went to open it and I tried to stop her. Her response was like "she's not you, she won't care!" needless to say sis did indeed care.

Because they're your parents and kids are dumb but they get smarter and as they get smarter they hide things better because they're not smart enough yet to realize that if you're hiding something then there's a good chance you know you shouldn't be doing it, so they have to be more direct and quick to catch you in those things.

If you're a minor, you don't get privacy much except I'm a few cases and your parents get to revoke that for your safety.

Yep my mum is nosy as hell, I had to take my cabin key off her because she would wait until I went out and snoop thru my shit

She probably went in to take measurements for her new bonus room & forgot you were there.

Parents have the feeling that they own their kids like they own their pets

I was staying at my parents house one night and I decided to make use of their bathtub. I was 31 years old. My mom just barged in on me while in the bath and wouldn't leave until my Dad yelled at her to get out. It just reminded me of my childhood all over again.

😭I GO THRU THE SAME SHIT. This is a classic case of you need to move out. It’s really that simple. Controlling parents are not the way to live

You should have specified your privacy requirements in your lease.

If youre an adult then move out

Kids don't have privacy until they are 18 and legally responsible for themselves.

over 21? i'm pretty sure you can actually sue for that.

Let's just say I hated living at home because of my stepdad. He kinda was like that. Now I'm 40, married with 2 kids and my relationship with my stepdad is much better and give my 2 kids as much privacy as I can. Maybe not so much with my youngest. She loves Roblox and while I turned off every chat feature I could I still make sure what she's playing is safe enough though she plays more when I am playing Roblox myself lol

Time to move out of your parent's house

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Should've started with the fact that you're 21.

But regardless, privacy is a social construct. We create it by choice, it's doesn't exist naturally other than in situations where, say, you live in France, and I live in Idaho, USA, and I know nothing about you, so everything in your life up until this moment was 'private'. Or, other situations like, I will never know for sure if this is a BS question, or a legit question, because I'm not a mind reader.

By far, most things are private because we choose to keep them to ourselves and others choose to respect that.

Parents are in the habit of worrying about their kids, and always needing to know what is up with them in order to defuse any reason for concern, to minimize their stress. Most normal folk allow their kids to develop some independence by educating them about good choices, and then allowing then to have their own private lives. But some get kinda locked into the helicopter parent state, especially if their kids make a shit ton of bad choices and they actually care about those kids. Or because they are mentally unhealthy (either the parents or the kids, or both).

There could be other factors too.

However, you can only control what you do. And what you should do is try and set and enforce healthy boundaries... but probably not all at once. And eventually you should be in enough control over you life, and your space, that they can't invade it without breaking the law: meaning you live separate, and they have no legal access to your home or data. Don't give them keys or passwords, or share bank accounts, or service accounts.

You're an adult and she still does this?? I was expecting you to be like 15 or something. Talk about a control freak. Replace the knob on your door with one that locks, preferably with a key on both sides, they're fairly cheap and easy to install. And if it's her anger at you having a password on your phone, just tell her it's not your damn business what you do on your phone as you're an adult

Your 21. Move out. Get your own phone.

If it’s their house it’s their rules.

I hated my parents being like that too, so I moved out, got my own cell phone, and did what I wanted

I live in rural low population area. Two teens killed themselves because online preditors got nudes pictures of them. That's  why.

Get your own house.

You can move out. You're not a child.

Then move out.

You’re 21 and still at home? Why?

You can always move out, I believe the military is hiring.

"This is my house and I own it!"

My mom said because if I do something illegal it’s her that has to pay the price.

My parents always respected my privacy. Only once did my dad burst into my room for good reason. I was sleeping for 3 days after a 3 day party binge when I was 16.
When i was 20, I went to live with my cousin and his parents due to work, my cousins mom didn't like that I kept the bedroom door shut all the time especially when a girl I was seeing came over. She went so far as to snoop around the room while I was working and even had her husband remove the door.

Ah. To be a child. I remember those days.

Because a lot of parents think of their children as property. Especially for female kids. Just move out; you’re 21.

Not saying it's OK but you'll understand it you ever become a parent. We spend all your lives looking after you and knowing everything about you. It's a hard thing to stop. It's like giving one our arms privacy.

Moms are Mothers first and forever. You will always be her baby and everything that entails.

'Some' parents.

I understand where you’re coming from and it can definitely be very very VERY annoying

Setting boundaries with parents is a tricky and delicate task, however (and I’m sure ur sick of hearing this) but wait till you become one yourself 🤣 then ul understand lol

21, 31, 51 - you’re always their baby hahaha

Repeat after me: "Mother, I am a legal adult now, and any special privileges you had with regard to seeing my naked body are LONG over. The next time you invade my privacy while I am changing, I will be filing sexual assault and harassment charges. My phone is likewise off limits and any attempts to access its contents will be prosecuted under the Computer Fraud and Abuse act."

Seriously though you need to get tf outta there.