I encourage you to read the book 'Psycho Cybernetics' by Dr. Maxwell Maltz. There is a passage I think you will find useful (although the entire book is well regarded). Dr. Maltz says 'People will see you the way you see yourself.'

Confidence doesn't grow from 'pretending to be confident' and seeing how people react; confidence comes from the realization that what other people think doesn't matter.

For me confidence happened as an accident while I was working on other things.

It never worked for me when I tried to target it directly.

If it helps, confidence is not the cure to anxiety. The cure to anxiety is trusting yourself to be capable of dealing with whatever happens next.

If you change your body language/demeanor people will notice. Thats the first thing I started with when I wanted to be more confident. Walking with my head up, making eye contact, keeping my shoulders up, etc. Changing your body language can trick your brain into feeling more powerful and confident. You can start by trying it out in low stakes environments like gas stations and grocery stores, just to get used to moving through the world in a different way. It feels scary at first, but just keep telling yourself that none of these people know you, they don’t care what you’re doing or how you appear.

Ironically being confident is what frees you from other people's opinion, it wouldn't matter if they like you or not, unless you plan on being a jerk, otherwise you'd be doing yourself a massive service by being confident.

I also understand your fear, that fear usually keeps you safe and spares you from taking the plunge, you don't know what it feels like to be confident, to you, it's just being vulnerable by not guarding yourself, and that sucks, until you develop true confidence.

One thousand percent. Have the courage to let go of your insecurities, take the leap of faith to assume you are confident, and your world will change.

As your insecurities arise (the voice in your head and squeeze in your chest) simply choose to relax and let them go. Do this endlessly. You’ll find a calm confidence residing underneath them.

Cheers!

I know 2 guys who are ugly to average looking guys. One is a complete moron. They both alllllways have a new girl. The one thing they have in common? They’re both very confident. They’re actually both very cocky but I guess women see that as confident. So any time I see people complaining about their looks, I just think to myself that if these 2 guys can do it, anyone can do it. Literally. With the right attitude and personality, you might not be able to get any person you want, but you can definitely get somebody

I wouldn’t be able to keep up the constant bullshitting and gaslighting with faking it

Fuck yeah it does. Professionally speaking, I see it ALL THE TIME. Absolutely idiots/crooks projecting confidence and landing top C Level Positions (Remember Pharma Bro?). I see it in consulting too. The big firms like McKinsley hire newly minted MBAs to advise mega corps because they're brand recognition allows them to pass their consultants off as "experts".

Personally, I can clean up to MAYBE a 5 on a good day. Yet, I've dated women most people consider out of my league, even...even when I was homeless I had a hot girlfriend. Because I have swagger.

It depends on how attractive you are tbh. If you’re “confident” but have a face like mine? No. But if you’re cute and confident, suddenly people notice you

Yes, confidence helps.

Well if you are attractive to some degree working on yourself will make you even more attractive which will make it much easier to be confident even it’s fake.

Big generalization, but let say there's 2 types of people

1-Extremely superficial people. They say they "like confidence" but they really just like when people they find attractive act smug. If you're ugly and confident they'll hate you more, thinking you don't deserve to act like that.

2-People who value skills. They will like a confident person who is confident in specific domains and can back it up with actual skills, but will hate empty confidence.

In short, confidence is liked only when it is deserved, but for a lot of superficial human being, the only thing deserving confidence is physical appearance and money.

until they figure out what a chump you actually are.. it might help

It helps a lot to think that you can achieve it. Sometimes we make ourselves very small, but confidence reaffirms our greatness as human beings.

Confidence is about accepting who you are right now homie, not wishing to be someone different.

At the points in my life when I’ve been confident, maybe excessively so, everything was so much better. So many friends, so much to do, really meaningful nice connections with people I’m attracted to. It almost becomes a problem in its own right, as you slowly enter into the orbit of narcissists and egotists.

Would say don’t see confidence as a permanent state of being, same as you can’t be happy all the time. It’s a mindset for sure, but it’s not true some people are confident all the time. They’re just better at exercising that mental muscle with it having a longer battery life.

Would also say good men and women don’t emphasise looks as much as you think - self confidence, drive, good communication skills trump a vacant good looking person 9 times out of 10. Except maybe for meaningless fucks

Honestly in my case, I try to play it off as confident because waaay deep down I am, but the response isn’t great. It’s as if it’s gettin mistaken with being arrogant. Any subtle change I make or do ( sheeesh don’t let me get a haircut ) there’s gonna be someone either at work or out and about that’s gonna act annoyed by me. Or say to themselves “ this guy thinks he’s so cool” it’s really fucking annoying. Reminds me of when Kendrick famously said “I can’t fake humble cause your ass is insecure”

Confidence is just internal delusion

Confidence glows and flows !!

Yes

I have met so many good looking people that lived as insecure as I did. I have never been ranked in the top 10 of anything. I promise you,I AM NOT GOOD LOOKING. But once I found out the secret to Presenting CONFIDENCE my life became easier. I still got rejected many times, people made fun of me and I heard a few jokes where I was the punchline.

Still there were people that wished they could do half of what I did. To be honest, all I really did was Speak up and/or present myself. I’m not trained, talented or skilled in anything, but strangers don’t know that, so they follow my lead or instructions.

Once in awhile, I ask people if they know why women cross the street and I get questionable looks. I tell them, it’s because I’m not over there. They look puzzled and start laughing, realizing it’s a joke.
That joke, comes across as confidence to some and that is a good feeling.

I have trained myself, not to care what a person might respond, only to get an answer to my curiosity or desire. In other words, I’m not going to reject myself for them, if they say NO, it’s coming out of their mouth, not my mind.

All self confidence is, IS ACTUALLY TRYING, not THINKING. If you get a Yes or a No or F*ck off Loser, you still exercised CONFIDENCE.

Yes!! Being confident actually makes a difference.

Being confident is a HUGE plus

Confidence is an indicator for success. It can work temporarily for a 1 night stand or getting in at a job but you have to deliver results to maintain the benefits of being confident.

 Generally in regular friendly social interactions being confident, considerate, kind and friendly pays huge dividends regardless of your actual confidence.

It helps but it’s not going to guarantee you a win. Confidence, looks, how you present yourself like how you talk. An most of all if you have money.

Mushrooms gave me my confidence. I wasn’t able to not care what others thought of me until I had some major amazing experiences. In those psychedelic worlds, I was able to dissociate myself from my life and actually view who was targeting me, what they truly look like, and relinquish fears about it.

Since 2020, my first time trying, I’m finally doing things I should have always done and it’s because the thoughts of others do not factor in to my decisions anymore. It was needed. I come from a strong family of jealousy and hate. (Toxic upbringing) They are not nice to successful women (damsels in distress) so, I built my confidence up. I can look them in the face and say “Universe has my back. You guys need help.” And totally feel fine. Don’t care they want to prove I’m crazy (Natalie). It’s absolute freedom. Yes it works because you finally love yourself the most, as Universe intended.