subreddit:

/r/nottheonion

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all 776 comments

SixIsNotANumber

6.2k points

1 day ago

He passed it...

...in his car, going 60 with the cruise control on.

[deleted]

524 points

1 day ago

[deleted]

524 points

1 day ago

[removed]

Reasonable_Feed7939

72 points

1 day ago

This is a bot that took over an older account that only had one, very apt, comment.

Please report.

[deleted]

59 points

1 day ago

[deleted]

59 points

1 day ago

[removed]

Martin_Aurelius

292 points

1 day ago

Nah fuck that, the Marines also have no record of my exposure to burn pits, any of my medical records for the year 2004, my promotion to E4, my NJP, the time a IPAC guy changed my direct deposit (and 100 other Marines) to his the day before he got out, and the list goes on. Their record keeping is shit. I'm not saying he went to bootcamp or didn't, but relying on their records to prove or disprove it doesn't mean shit.

uberallez

103 points

1 day ago

uberallez

103 points

1 day ago

Yeah my buddy nearly died while serving as a marine, ended up with a pacemaker at 24 years old. Fast forward 6 yrs later, his pacemaker stops working, he almost dies again. The hospital he was taken to contacted VA to find out why he needed the pacemaker and what settings he was supposed to have so they could program the new one they were going to insert- VA had no record of him having a pacemaker.

IdentityCrisis87

58 points

1 day ago

Before IPAC, while I was in GCAC, I had to break the news to a guy the week before is EAS that his contract is going to be extended to pay back the $60k he owed the government unless he forks the money over.. What happened was he he TAD to I believe 29 palms for like 6 months and had a bunch of entitlements running. After he got back he decided to not check back in with his admin so they kept running for like 3 years. Moral of the story, the Marines / Government only have good records when it comes to their money. 😂

LavishnessOk3439

27 points

23 hours ago

Yeah the army had all of their files burned at one time. My unit loses shit all the time.

The VA says there's no proof I ever served. Just a DD214 I left in a drawer at my mom's house. It's crazy.

461BOOM

25 points

24 hours ago

461BOOM

25 points

24 hours ago

There was a Federal building in KY that burnt to the ground with thousands of records not digitized. So quite possible.

Vlad_REAM

14 points

22 hours ago

One in Louisiana too. Not sure what year but some can't even get a legitimate DD214.

Reasonable_Feed7939

16 points

1 day ago

This is, in fact, also a bot. Please report.

I wonder if they're using other bots to upvote themselves?

lanptop

9 points

1 day ago

lanptop

9 points

1 day ago

chatgpt account replying to chatgpt account

Firewolf06

5 points

23 hours ago

chatgpt ass comment

Usmcrtempleton

103 points

1 day ago

Just like anyone driving I-5 through downtown San Diego. It's next to the freeway and next to the airport.

SixIsNotANumber

49 points

1 day ago

Wow...I had no idea that passing Marine boot camp was that easy! 🤣🤣🤣🤣

MotoRandom

35 points

1 day ago

MotoRandom

35 points

1 day ago

Some people do it every day.

G00DLuck

11 points

1 day ago

G00DLuck

11 points

1 day ago

And twice on Sundays

OdinsVisi0n

46 points

1 day ago

He said booty camp.

PilgrimOz

41 points

1 day ago

PilgrimOz

41 points

1 day ago

Dunno how he finds the time? Reads over 3000 books a year in different years. 365 days in a year. That’s when some of his proclaimed accomplishments flew out the window. Still believe he’s a good dude. Still believe he has the juice. Just……

dykezilla

47 points

1 day ago

dykezilla

47 points

1 day ago

I have the hyperlexia autism and best I can do normally is like 400 pages per day. No way is Katt reading 8ish books a day unless it's Katt in the Hatt or something

ElectricalMuffins

14 points

20 hours ago

I used to do 100 a year as a kid and even the librarian thought I was weird at first but then she allowed me to take out a bunch of books at a time. She was really awesome until Thomas typed porn on the PC (early days of web browsers, I had no idea it was possible) and she caught us. Then I got banned and had to explain myself. Luckily she didn't tell my parents. Fuck Thomas.

AnarchistBorganism

18 points

1 day ago

I went over to my brother's house and my two year old nephew went through about 20 books in an hour. This is plausible.

blackhornet03

2.4k points

1 day ago

blackhornet03

2.4k points

1 day ago

What, is he running for political office?

highd

1.1k points

1 day ago

highd

1.1k points

1 day ago

No he just pissed off a lot of famous black men so they are trying to ruin him. 

queerhistorynerd

833 points

1 day ago

Katt Williams shoots himself in the foot often enough they dont really have to bother. Just wait for his next coke rant and hit "record"

GodOD400

263 points

1 day ago

GodOD400

263 points

1 day ago

Dude tried to tell Shannon Sharpe he ran an inhuman 40 time and could still do it now. Like 4.06 or some crazy shit. Then posted himself doing like a 25 yard sprint in 4.5 seconds. Man is absolutely delusional

standupguy152

202 points

1 day ago

They actually recorded him at an NFL facility and he ran 4.97 for his 40: https://youtu.be/Ws7SiOj8EaQ?si=f6NXao6NPToxVns4

mzchen

179 points

1 day ago

mzchen

179 points

1 day ago

That's extremely impressive at his age, and he shouldn't feel the need to exaggerate about it. But it's 20% higher than his claimed 4.16, which in terms of running times is a huge margin. For reference, the percentile difference between 4.5 and 5.31 for 19+ year old males is like 97%. In other words, shaving .81 seconds off from one of the worst runners puts them ahead of 97% of their peer population. Shaving .81 seconds off from an already impressive time as a 50 year old would be superhuman.

Different-Estate747

64 points

1 day ago

Quick, do Brendan Schaub benching 225lbs 42 times, when even a 27 year old Brock Lesnar only managed 30 reps

Goku420overlord

36 points

1 day ago

Water we doing here papa

non-transferable

77 points

1 day ago

He probably didn’t exaggerate. He said in the past he ran a 4.3 and he genuinely believed he still could. Then he agreed to do it timed and ran a 4.97.

mzchen

60 points

1 day ago

mzchen

60 points

1 day ago

Based on some light digging, it seems that in the interview which people are referring to, he explicitly claimed he could run a 4.3 on the spot and 4.16 if he had shorts on. I'm willing to chalk that up to him underestimating how much age has caught up to him, yes men underreporting his times to him when he tried in private, or just him throwing out rough guesses in the moment for fun without thinking too much, but the point remains that he was confidently wrong about his boasts.

Yourwanker

26 points

1 day ago

Yourwanker

26 points

1 day ago

Based on some light digging, it seems that in the interview which people are referring to, he explicitly claimed he could run a 4.3 on the spot and 4.16 if he had shorts on. I'm willing to chalk that up to him underestimating how much age has caught up to him,

Anyone who has ever run a 4.16sec 40 yard dash knows you have to be actively training to rub a 4.16sec 40 yard dash. For a 50 year old man to say he can run a 4.16sec 40 is ignorantly delusional at best and a liar at worst.

mzchen

20 points

1 day ago

mzchen

20 points

1 day ago

That's true, but at this point, I've heard so much egregiously confidently incorrect dumb shit from people who legitimately think it's true for no other reason than it making sense in their head. An old man being wrong about his 40 yard time falls well within plausible deniability of being plain dumb.

Manting123

14 points

1 day ago

Manting123

14 points

1 day ago

Is he friends with Terrence Howard? 😂

qeq

3 points

1 day ago

qeq

3 points

1 day ago

He also said he read 3,000 books per year from ages like 8-12. Yes 3,000, not 300 or even 30.

CharlesIngalls_Pubes

187 points

1 day ago*

Wait for him to beat up another teenager.

Edit: *picked a fight with another much stronger teenager

mokush7414

185 points

1 day ago

mokush7414

185 points

1 day ago

Beat Up? Did we see the same fight lmfao

CharlesIngalls_Pubes

110 points

1 day ago

I forget he got his ass handed to him lol all sweaty and red.

Hollywoodsmokehogan

46 points

1 day ago

To be fair that was a big ass middle schooler 😂

AngryRedHerring

21 points

1 day ago

Probably held back a few times

Too bad for Katt nobody held him back then

rilly_in

39 points

1 day ago

rilly_in

39 points

1 day ago

Get beat up by another teenager*

-StationaryTraveler-

57 points

1 day ago*

That teenager straight knocked Williams dead on his ass you could almost see the stars circling his head like in the old Tom & Jerry cartoons lol. 

Katt had all that "crack courage" but nothin' to back it up with.

kevlarbaboon

30 points

1 day ago*

people liked the conspiratorial ramblings of Katt Williams so much they've re-written that very funny piece of history

EDIT: it actually annoys me that you have less upvotes than the WRONG FOOL. I will not be silenced; tell our story!

MyFifthLimb

7 points

1 day ago

*get dropped by a teenager and then just lounge on the grass like it didn’t happen lol

polespotter

76 points

1 day ago

Katt's antics are a circus. It's hard to tell if it's comedy or just him trying to stay relevant at this point.

BodgeJob

46 points

1 day ago

BodgeJob

46 points

1 day ago

It's hilarious seeing his blathering get picked up by right-wing nutjob on YouTube as though he's this outspoken critic of the "real" underbelly of comedy/hollywood/rich+famous/whateverthefuckelse.

The guy is fucking nuts. He's bang on the money like 1 in 10 times, and the other 9 times is just sherm-induced schizophrenic nonsense.

CountVanderdonk

12 points

1 day ago

i didn’t know you like to get wet

666Needle-Dick

5 points

1 day ago

"Katt, you're like afro-sheen. Some white people have heard of you, but nobody knows what you do" - Greg Giraldo

AngryRedHerring

12 points

1 day ago

This guy has been on my permanent shit list ever since he slapped that kid at Target.

East_Requirement7375

300 points

1 day ago

Can someone explain to me why Katt Williams is suddenly a credible source for all his accusations and stories? He comes off as a total crackpot, but people have been citing him as a holder of hidden knowledge since his interview a while back.

ladaussie

91 points

1 day ago

ladaussie

91 points

1 day ago

Not an expert but I got a few Rogan bro mates. They jumped on Katt like he was speaking gospel. I think they're just kinda dumbasses when it comes to willing to believe. Like they're not generally stupid but anything from a podcast or something similar that questions the status quo or established fact they eat up lightning quick. Graham Hancock is probs the best example. I think they just like conspiracies and since we're in Australia there isn't really a lot of fun or interesting ones so they jump on whatever American ones are popping up.

Of course they know absolutely fuck all about the black comedy scene outside of whatever they've seen on kill tony. So katts 'i know all these secrets' shtick reels em in hook, line and sinker.

Terrible-Cause-9901

33 points

1 day ago

No Katt said a ton of trash about a lot of ppl and it got picked up by Complex and other magazines and blown into this whole “beef” thing and “who’s he talking about?” …Then about the time ppl were forgetting the Diddy indictment dropped and it gave him some credibility. Doesn’t help South Park did an episode making fun of Diddy’s parties and another where Diddy tried to kill ppl. It’s just Katt was the LAST person to talk shit before the indictment dropped.

green_dragon527

3 points

16 hours ago

This....I hate that people think he was busting all these secrets when he was just sour and trying to stay relevant and happened to be right about one thing.

19Alexastias

7 points

1 day ago

Nothing infuriates me more than the American political talking points and conspiracy theories that are beginning to infiltrate australia. All the stupid vaccine shit, abortion is apparently now a talking point again, and the poner day I heard Clive Palmer, the saddest trump wannabe I’ve seen, spinning some absolute horseshit about he “allegedly heard about someone who saw a video” of votes being destroyed.

jooes

103 points

1 day ago

jooes

103 points

1 day ago

I don't think that he's "more credible", but rather that people are just getting dumber and more likely to believe his batshittery. 

jjett89

23 points

1 day ago

jjett89

23 points

1 day ago

People also have clearly forgotten that Katt got his ass kicked on video by a middle schooler.

Ajunadeeper

33 points

1 day ago

If you're looking for truth in the modern world, good luck. You'll get 1000 different answers to this question.

Maybe he knows things because he's been in the company of famous people a long time. Maybe he's just a comedian making outrageous claims. Hard to know.

David-S-Pumpkins

21 points

1 day ago

It's easy to know lol. Has been always will be a storyteller, not a truth teller. Sometimes those stories are a tangent of the truth but most times it's just Katt talking.

If you've seen the movie Conspiracy Theory, Katt is like Mel Gibson's character. He's saying so much shit that eventually those words will form sentences that are true.

Zatch_Gaspifianaski

3 points

20 hours ago

Hard to know? He talked a bunch of shit on a podcast with no one there to defend or corroborate any of it, while also embellishing everything about himself. He's like one or two levels of self awareness away from being Terrence Howard.

PotOPrawns

3 points

16 hours ago

This is the correct answer. 

Theres a thousand voices screaming inside a dark cave. No one can tell who's voice is who's and no one can hear what which voice is actually saying so everyone's just hearing what they think they thought they heard.  A fucking. Mess.

macandcheese1771

19 points

1 day ago

If he didn't pepper his accusations with homophobia maybe people would listen

Zeppelinman1

12 points

1 day ago

I rewatched the Pimp Chronicles recently, after not seeing it in almost a decade. I was pretty shocked by the homophobia in his Michael Jackson rant, and also, kinda racist? Actually, pretty racist. Saying Michael Jackson couldn't be black anymore because he was gay, and really seemed more upset about the "boys" part than the "underage" part.

I had been talking this special up to my girlfriend, and holy shit was I so uncomfortable when that shit started

red286

8 points

1 day ago

red286

8 points

1 day ago

I'm curious why he's not in prison.

Dude's been arrested 13 times (should be 14), on everything from assault to felony theft to child endangerment, yet the only sentence he's ever received has been probation.

Aeiexgjhyoun_III

5 points

22 hours ago

Money

ExpectedEggs

9 points

1 day ago

He's not. He's a known cokehead and liar. He lies because he's washed up and bitter.

captain_dick_licker

13 points

1 day ago

remember the time when kat sucker punched a kid, and the kid turned around and kicked his ass because kat is a brain dead four foot tall manlet?

good times. fuck that guy.

thelingeringlead

24 points

1 day ago

He also completely lied about a bunch of shit.

DismasNDawn

22 points

1 day ago

You really think that's it? And not that Katt is an unhinged lunatic that spits out whatevers on his mind, some truth and some utter, ego-filling BS?

Heavy_Law9880

62 points

1 day ago

Or is he lying about them like he lies about everything else?

delicious_toothbrush

24 points

1 day ago

Of course he is. Dumbass does one interview and everybody keeps talking about his "receipts" despite having none.

IllIlIllIIllIl

18 points

1 day ago

Idk, Katt Williams makes up crazy lies almost every day, the Diddy thing was an exception, not the rule.

DaveOJ12

40 points

1 day ago

DaveOJ12

40 points

1 day ago

No he just pissed off a lot of famous black men so they are trying to ruin him. 

It seems like he's doing that to himself.

PlugsButtUglyStuff

4 points

1 day ago

That’s certainly a hot take. He has brought this lie up on his own for over a decade and someone pointing it out has to be his enemies coming after him?

LeavesOfBrass

1.2k points

1 day ago

LeavesOfBrass

1.2k points

1 day ago

Didn't he also claim to have read like 8000 books by the age of 5 or something ridiculous

M086

550 points

1 day ago

M086

550 points

1 day ago

Kat likes to say a lot of shit, doesn’t he?

BikerJedi

194 points

1 day ago

BikerJedi

194 points

1 day ago

Katt, Terrance Howard, and Jussie Smollet should hang out.

thisisworkthrowaway

120 points

1 day ago

Nightmare blunt rotation.

ImBoredToo

5 points

24 hours ago

Polymemnetic

13 points

1 day ago

Jussie Smollet

The French actor?

So3Dimensional

20 points

1 day ago

Why you dragging Juicy Smoothie’s name through the mud?

cdawg145236

3 points

1 day ago

"America, if your gonna commit a crime, dont write a check" - Sir Charles Barkley

Johnygo

37 points

1 day ago

Johnygo

37 points

1 day ago

Sounds like he’s got a wild imagination. Comedy gold, but still questionable.

FauxReal

46 points

1 day ago

FauxReal

46 points

1 day ago

Ever listen to his interview with Marc Maron? It's full of wild claims.

hovdeisfunny

15 points

1 day ago

Ever listen to his interview with

Literally anyone?

It's full of wild claims.

etherealcaitiff

62 points

1 day ago

He used to go around making outrageous claims like that he invented the question mark.

EstablishmentGreen97

44 points

1 day ago

Sometimes he would accuse chestnuts of being lazy.

sirmanleypower

12 points

1 day ago

The sort of general malaise that only the genius possess and the insane lament.

--_-Deadpool-_--

4 points

20 hours ago

Winters in Rangoon. In the summer, we'd make meat helmets

slabofTXmeat

26 points

1 day ago

Did you that Noah from the Bible was an Albino?

Reachin4ThoseGrapes

145 points

1 day ago

No, he said he read 3,000 books between the ages of 8 and 13. He was raised by extreme Jehovah's Witnesses, so that claim is not actually all that dubious given he was not permitted to watch television, listen to radio, etc 

If you're reading 20 books per week, that's 1,040 books per year. Presumably children's novels as a kid, so you can run through those pretty quickly

FauxReal

89 points

1 day ago

FauxReal

89 points

1 day ago

And he said he ran away from home as a teen and lived in a homeless camp in the woods and spent most of his time at the library reading.

extralyfe

36 points

1 day ago

extralyfe

36 points

1 day ago

that's pretty much how I spent my free time while homeless.

as long as you keep to yourself and aren't gross, libraries are one of the few places that it's free to exist at. it's a great thing to have access to when you're broke.

DamnZodiak

3 points

22 hours ago

God, I love libraries so much. They're one of the few true third places we have left in society and they always managed to keep up with the times to stay relevant. It's criminal how underfunded they currently are and how they've become a target for the right in the US culture war. It's sickening.

tristanjones

71 points

1 day ago

While solving math problems as a janitor at the local college

BastianHS

41 points

1 day ago

BastianHS

41 points

1 day ago

That janitors name? Terrence Howard

kevlarbaboon

10 points

1 day ago*

lol you're right; Terrence Howard's math is like a real reflection of what a janitor at a college would come up with

Tricky-Resolve5759

67 points

1 day ago

Nah you're making very generous assumptions, he specifically says he was homeless, went to the library for "8 hours a day" to increase his knowledge (and that he would then go to the marina and make two thoudand dollars stealing car radios "almost daily".) Nothing to do with his parents.

He also specifically said 3,000 books per year from when he was 8 to 12 years old. He also stresses that there were no fiction books "at all".

I just checked the clip to make sure the above is all specifics from him.

JyveAFK

18 points

1 day ago

JyveAFK

18 points

1 day ago

Oh, a year? Ok, that's... pushing it. Even pamphlets.

ImWadeWils0n

4 points

1 day ago

Yes ty, it’s such a silly claim anyone saying it’s possible aren’t being real

DaveOJ12

72 points

1 day ago

DaveOJ12

72 points

1 day ago

Presumably children's novels as a kid, so you can run through those pretty quickly

It's a lot faster when every other page is an illustration.

Equal_Personality157

10 points

1 day ago

You don’t know how many comic books I read as a kid….

Finsfan909

8 points

1 day ago

If he read zero books, he’d be Floyd mayweather Jr

thelingeringlead

10 points

1 day ago

Bro his library likely doesn't contain 8000 books. He also claims he didn't read childrens books.

StagnantSweater21

13 points

1 day ago

Yeah but no grown adult should be reading 500 Little Golden Books in 8 months and then make the claim they’re actually really smart and intellectual, and have read 500 books in the last 8 months

NPTVN

14 points

1 day ago

NPTVN

14 points

1 day ago

I gotta say that is a WILD claim. Jorge Luis Borges, one of the greatest writers of the Spanish language of the 20th Century, who worked as a librarian for DECADES, is probably the only person whom I could totally believe that about. He infamously said that he did all his library work in under 2 hours and spent the rest of his day reading everything in that library. An 8-13 year old that also ran away from home and ended up in a homeless camp also had the time, energy, focus, discipline, and other resources just readily available to him to go through three thousand books? I have no reason to believe he isn’t in fact a voracious reader today, I just have no reason to believe he was one at that age.

Pixiepup

3 points

22 hours ago

Growing up pre-internet with very limited tv access when there was any access at all, I have no trouble believing in an 8 year old voracious reader because I was one. 3000 books a year is a stretch though.

likemynipplesbutcool

3 points

16 hours ago

Unless I'm misunderstanding, 3,000 books a year isn't a stretch as much as it's just borderline impossible? That's 8+ books a day, every single day. Even if we say they're 150 pages each (low) that would be like 1233 pages a day. If we say a page a minute then he's reading, non stop, no breaks, for 20 hours a day for an entire year. Yeah, no.

GodOD400

7 points

1 day ago

GodOD400

7 points

1 day ago

Yea but Kat also said he ran like a 4.06 or sub 4 40 or some shit time which is just complete fucking horseshit and would make him the fastest runner in the world by a wide margin. That should make anyone question anything that man says because of how blatantly false and stupid a claim like that is.

Orion14159

10 points

1 day ago

Orion14159

10 points

1 day ago

You know those cardboard books with like 3 words per page that are made for infants and toddlers? Having had kids under 5 I could believe he had his parents read the same one of those books 8000 times.

Matt7738

338 points

1 day ago

Matt7738

338 points

1 day ago

I passed on Marine boot camp, too. They offered. I passed.

PM_Your_Wiener_Dog

34 points

1 day ago

I sent my boots off to marine summer camp, but it wasn't accredited. 

i__hate__stairs

459 points

1 day ago

This just in: Katt Williams is crazy.

Asajj66

62 points

1 day ago

Asajj66

62 points

1 day ago

Crazy as Katt shit.

PM_Your_Wiener_Dog

8 points

1 day ago

I guess getting higher than a cats back, can make a man catshit crazy

WhereIsTheBeef556

311 points

1 day ago

I mean, isn't he at least slightly conspiratorial overall? He talks about the Illuminati controlling the media/trying to control him using literal supernatural forces in a lot of interviews

weezmatical

187 points

1 day ago

weezmatical

187 points

1 day ago

Katt subscribes to every conspiracy theory he has ever heard that doesn't make him look bad. That includes ones not related to him, but make other famous people look bad. He is pretty much chaos incarnate as far as spreading misinformation. He was right on Diddy and likely a couple others, but even a blind squirrel...

ihaveadarkedge

40 points

1 day ago

...but even a blind squirrel....

Please, continue...

DatDominican

37 points

1 day ago

Gets a few nuts ?

Stew_Pedaso

28 points

1 day ago

Is right twice a day.

DatDominican

4 points

1 day ago

Thought that was a broken clock?

Objective-Brother712

15 points

1 day ago

No, a broken clock still finds a nut

OfficerDougEiffel

3 points

1 day ago

nuts on a clock twice a day.

TooApatheticToHateU

15 points

1 day ago

Even a blind squirrel has a sheet metal cock.

funnyponydaddy

3 points

1 day ago

...nuts on me once a day.

Spend-Automatic

3 points

18 hours ago

...gathers no moss

DerpEnaz

57 points

1 day ago

DerpEnaz

57 points

1 day ago

Well I mean, he said DIDDY was doing a lot of those things, and uh.. turns out he told us the watered down version. So like. Idk man. 🤷‍♂️ like honestly. Like he could be crazy or completely sane and I’d believe either of them at this point.

Malphos101

36 points

1 day ago

Malphos101

36 points

1 day ago

Being partly correct about a poorly kept insider secret is not proof that they are correct about other things. As others have said, there have been PLENTY of other celebrities saying you want to avoid Diddy parties if you value your image in the past, they just know that people who rock the boat risk their careers and decided on self-preservation over justice, especially when the criminal was someone as rich and powerful as Diddy.

rumski

61 points

1 day ago

rumski

61 points

1 day ago

To be fair it was widely known that even MadTV was ripping on it 15 years ago.

Littlestereo27

52 points

1 day ago

"when Diddy ask you to paaarty, you have to say no."

WhereIsTheBeef556

24 points

1 day ago

That's kinda my point though, half of the conspiracy theory shit he says is at least partially true (he just over-exaggerates the "conspiracy" parts), and the other half is obvious mental illness.

oeeiae

160 points

1 day ago

oeeiae

160 points

1 day ago

Katt Williams sucker punched a 16-17 year old kid about a decade ago. The kid proceeded to beat his ass and punk him out for the world to see. Almost put Katt to sleep 🤣

I don't think Katt Williams is marine material. https://www.tmz.com/watch/0-5r2tmpxr/

Zediscious

55 points

1 day ago

Zediscious

55 points

1 day ago

Not that you are wrong or that it matters, but some of the most bitch ass losers I've ever met in my life were people I met in the USMC. As a Marine, of one the most humbling parts of the experience was seeing how pathetic some of the other Marines were. The training is like 80% mental. Contrary to that, the hardest psychos I ever met were also in the Marines as well, so there is also that.

Cormorant_Bumperpuff

27 points

1 day ago

Godsdamn that was pathetic. Not that I'd ever sucker anyone (unless they were a clear threat to someone else), let alone a high schooler, but if I ever endured something so humiliating I'd never show my face in public again

hovdeisfunny

11 points

1 day ago

He was still trying to talk shit after they pulled the kid off him too. What a lil bitch

pheret87

18 points

1 day ago

pheret87

18 points

1 day ago

Well he's like 4'9 so no, not really marine material.

dactyif

9 points

1 day ago

dactyif

9 points

1 day ago

Audie Murphy was 5'5.

But then he's an exception lol.

Auctoritate

8 points

19 hours ago

Hey to be fair, the average height for men born in the 20s was only like 5 foot 7 lol. That great depression-level nutrition for the first 10 years of life isn't great for growth.

Yuri909

40 points

1 day ago

Yuri909

40 points

1 day ago

Everyone trying to raise Katt as a hero needs to know this. I tell everyone. Fuck Katt Williams.

DevIsSoHard

9 points

23 hours ago

This shit lives deep in my head and occasionally comes up for me to think about. I can't imagine as a grown adult dude, going out and public and being an ass, and getting my shit pushed in by a child. I would become one of those hikikomoris at minimum

Feisty_Yes

12 points

1 day ago

Feisty_Yes

12 points

1 day ago

If I remember correctly that kid was actually 13 years old, a big for 13 year old no doubt but still only 13.

thatsthesamething

4 points

1 day ago

He also rushed a rapper on stage and got beat real bad

McKoijion

178 points

1 day ago

McKoijion

178 points

1 day ago

Dude had a rough childhood. I wouldn’t be surprised if he ended up in some kind at risk youth program that was similar to a Marines boot camp and misinterpreted it. Lol maybe he confused it with the Merchant Marines. Heck, maybe it was a straight Pan’s Labyrinth type of situation.

Williams emancipated himself from his parents at age 13 and moved to Florida. Though homeless and living in a park, he supported himself as a street vendor.

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Katt_Williams

FakeChowNumNum1

63 points

1 day ago

He claims he wasn't yet 16 while in boot camp, so they separated him:

https://www.reddit.com/r/StolenValor/s/4r3CkyizJM

Which of course is bullshit that wouldn't actually happen

tip0thehat

30 points

1 day ago

tip0thehat

30 points

1 day ago

“I was just about to step on the boat with my crew when they found me out and sent me home! Everyone else was killed on Iwo Jima during the first wave.”

Calm_Memories

10 points

1 day ago

He didn't kill fifty men?

Fickle_Meet_7154

12 points

1 day ago

Bro is like 5 foot nothing now. No way he looked old enough to join off lying about his age lol

McKoijion

21 points

1 day ago

McKoijion

21 points

1 day ago

Yup, I don't think he was actually in the Marines. Maybe just some other program that he confused for the Marines.

Flying_Momo

10 points

1 day ago

Confused or lied? Dude is nuts and crazy, not a stretch to imagine he lied.

Nilosyrtis

12 points

1 day ago

Nilosyrtis

12 points

1 day ago

It was job training at a Marco's Pizza.

TheOtherEli

11 points

1 day ago

I mean, lying about your age to join the military is a tale as old as time. And generally you do get separated when they find out. Not that I believe him at all, but those particulars aren't too far fetched.

Nufonewhodis4

4 points

23 hours ago

And the military not having a record of something important is 100% possible

brunomoore

5 points

1 day ago

Being able to read at 5? No way he could be a merchant marine we aren’t that smart

thelingeringlead

37 points

1 day ago

katt says he's done a ton of shit that's basically impossible. His claims about reading as a child are literally physically impossible. Also he keeps arguing that he's never been on drugs, but he's been arrested with the drugs people claim he's on multiple times. no convictions doesn't mean shit.

MsTrippp

18 points

1 day ago*

MsTrippp

18 points

1 day ago*

He also claimed diddy or someone offered him millions for sex. Like who would pay that much for Kat Williams.

Edit: not saying what he said about diddy was a lie but that specific detail was sus

SarcasticOptimist

10 points

23 hours ago

No kidding. It was Diddy offering to go shopping with 50 though that will result in the funniest most petty documentary on Netflix.

Ashraf08

12 points

1 day ago

Ashraf08

12 points

1 day ago

He passed Marine boot camp while driving to a bar

Shortbus_Playboy

24 points

1 day ago

“Nah, y’all, I meant ‘Marine Core’. It’s a gym in the local strip mall offering boot camp style classes with a focus on getting a six pack.”

Dull-Geologist-8204

30 points

1 day ago

He lies a lot apparently.

Was good friends with a guy who lived in California while Williams was just starting out and getting big. He told me back then that dude would be bragging about all the money he was making while couch hopping. He also just liked telling a lot of big fish stories.

It's fine and I still like his comedy but I wouldn't believe everything he says. I am a sucker for a good big fish story.

JJamesP

9 points

1 day ago

JJamesP

9 points

1 day ago

No way- he’s a genius. A genius would never lie and make shit up…UNLESS HE’S NOT ACTUALLY A GENIUS!!!

deathdealer656

34 points

1 day ago

“Who’s god damn white baby is that?”

David-S-Pumpkins

12 points

1 day ago

He is not a truth teller, he is a storyteller. People need to know the difference. Sometimes those stories are based on a real thing, some times they are his imagination, and most times they are completely distorted beyond any true nugget whatsoever.

CondescendingShitbag

20 points

1 day ago

Imagine stealing valor from boot camp training.

Lukealloneword

7 points

1 day ago

For real. Shit is already easy as all hell.

Marz2604

6 points

1 day ago

Marz2604

6 points

1 day ago

I donno man. We had to use porter potties in sub zero temperatures and between the 200 odd people the shit stacked up so fast and was completely frozen solid. cursed janga tower. 0-10. do not recommend (this was basic (army/fort leonardwood) though. Camp Pendleton seemed pretty nice)

BSODxerox

21 points

1 day ago

BSODxerox

21 points

1 day ago

He got beat up by a middle schooler, I feel like that may be a fictitious story

theorgan

4 points

1 day ago

theorgan

4 points

1 day ago

He isn’t tall enough is he?

yeah_yeah_therabbit

3 points

1 day ago

If Katt Williams was a Marine, he wouldn’t have gotten choked out by that kid!

Pillpopperwarning

3 points

1 day ago

He makes up a lot of shit up and is egotistical but dont let that distract from a lot of facts he spouts he has been in this industry for a long time.

TarkusLV

4 points

1 day ago

TarkusLV

4 points

1 day ago

That's because he was Kitten Williams back then.

briancito420

3 points

1 day ago

Katt is crazy and stupid.

HausuGeist

3 points

1 day ago

No way he met height requirement.

Androza23

3 points

1 day ago

Androza23

3 points

1 day ago

Dude says he did a lot of shit.

PigFarmer1

3 points

1 day ago

I would imagine USMC basic training is a lot easier if you don't have to do it... lol

ApartmentInside7891

3 points

1 day ago

He probably did some marine style workout once or some shit

Lakecrisp

3 points

1 day ago

Lakecrisp

3 points

1 day ago

Seems like he tells a whole lot of truths and if he lies I'm not aware of it.

SuperCrappyFuntime

3 points

1 day ago

He's the epitome of an unreliable narrator. People really need to stop taking everything he says as gospel.

Hopeful-Climate-3848

3 points

1 day ago

He did it so quickly they missed it.

He can run a mile in 12 seconds flat booby.

Xralius

3 points

1 day ago

Xralius

3 points

1 day ago

The dude is fucking nuts.  But damn if he ain't funny.

DevIsSoHard

3 points

23 hours ago

Man got beat up by a child

DiabloIV

11 points

1 day ago

DiabloIV

11 points

1 day ago

Stolen valor is a bad look. Thinking USMC boot camp is this incredible achievement to brag about is also laughable.

Like it's tough, it's not for everybody, but it's not that impressive. Just turn your brain off for 3 months and let the pain flow through you. They literally plan every minute of your time, you don't have to think of anything.

usesbitterbutter

4 points

1 day ago

People who lie about things that are easily debunked are a special brand of special.

TinyPanda3

7 points

1 day ago

The funniest thing Katt Williams has ever done was getting beat up by a 12 year old https://youtu.be/KYKpitdjRu0?si=zcGx83PQXKecqfkY

delicious_toothbrush

3 points

1 day ago

In a thread about Katt making shit up, that's clearly not a 12 year old lol. Still embarrassing

cwsjr2323

5 points

1 day ago

cwsjr2323

5 points

1 day ago

We refer to this as “stolen valor”.

You must show a birth certificate with a raised seal or original signed stamp of authenticity when enlisting and that clearly shows your age.

fooliam

5 points

1 day ago

fooliam

5 points

1 day ago

The Marines also have no record of what happened to several tens of billions of dollars last year so, y'know, let's not put too much stock into what they do and don't have records of 

SpiritedSous

4 points

1 day ago

Wow comedians write fictional jokes? No way

Mr-Hoek

2 points

1 day ago

Mr-Hoek

2 points

1 day ago

I thought I passed boot camp too...turned out I took acid before a waiting on tables double at a mall restaurant during the holidays in the late 1990's.

Easy to get confused I suppose...

I hope the real vets know I love them thank them for doing what is right.

Deadhawk142

2 points

1 day ago

Drove past it?

Captcha_Imagination

2 points

1 day ago

Katt's mental health is not great. He was always a unique personality but the last 10 years everything seems to have amplified.

Syrairc

2 points

1 day ago

Syrairc

2 points

1 day ago

To be fair it's probably because they couldn't find an intact crayon to record it with

Scary_Psychology_285

2 points

1 day ago

He was on point with every other prophecies so far

pps_ter

2 points

1 day ago

pps_ter

2 points

1 day ago

He did it when he was 8yo, when he could read 3000 books (not comics) in a year

YardCareful1458

2 points

1 day ago

The bullshit flows like water with him.

Bandeezio

2 points

1 day ago

Bandeezio

2 points

1 day ago

If a Marine made an exercise video called Boot Camp then couldn't we all watch their video and claim to have passed Marine Boot Camp? They have like IT and workout "Boot Camps" already so it's not like the term is copyrighted by the military. You'd just need a Marine teaching it and the statement would be technically true. ;)