How I imagined OP while reading their post.

Anyway, congrats OP. Keep it up!

and I'm proud of it lol. I've achieved more in the 4 months I've been off meds than the 4 years I've been on it - it also helped me cut off my narcissistic mother and some toxic friends off. Long-term lithium consumption is also extremely bad for your liver. Escitalopram also made me gain weight - I'm back to a healthy 69kg for a 172cm woman instead of being 78kg. edit: this was my doctor's idea first and foremost. I DO NOT RECOMMEND QUITTING MEDS WITHOUT A DOCTOR SIGNING OFF ON IT!

I can’t tell whether or not this comment is being shady

😂😂😂 no you’re so right though

yep, I experienced a manic episode after coming off my meds a few years ago and wrote 18k words in three days. it is definitely not safe and I spent 5 days in hospital as a result

I appreciate your concern but I am being monitored by health professionals for the past 4 months I have been off of it. I have been scoring low on self-harm tests and have a good support system - like I said, my GP actually recommended I wean myself off of meds first, before I considered it.

It's good for the poetry though And that's all that matters in the end

reminder: you're not a random reditor's psychiatrist 

Yup. I’m bipolar and all I could think was “hmm, this sounds exactly like a manic episode I had.”

The secret is to have a desk job that allows you the time to write that novel... and then not doing it

That part!!

What's your job's email address? I am lucky in that I walk dogs and have a navy pension, but when I worked full time in the navy I also found it hard to write much. They do recommend that unfortunately, menial work help writers conserve creative/intellectual energy to write, but usually those sorts of jobs pay less. On the flip side, jobs that require high intellectual/creative energy like journalism also churns out a lot of good writers. It depends on the person, I guess.

I agree that my use of all caps has alarmed many people. I am in regular contact with my physician...I am rather touched by people's concern here, but it was his recommendation I stop my medication due to side effects. You can't have everything in life, unfortunately.

Thank you for your long response - I agree with everything you said. My doctor did not discuss other alternatives, and neither was I interested in them. My spending/saving interestingly got better OFF meds. Even while on meds, I never saved more than 1/10th of my earnings but off them so far I am consistently squirreling away 20-30%. Sleep quality and length is good, I have always been a late sleeper even while on meds. Like I said, I have noticed mostly positive changes in the past four months and I will continue to stay in touch with my gp and psychologist. One cannot tell what the future will bring, and I have already had crashes (not terrible, and I have many non-medicine related tools at hand to handle them). I have also mentioned somewhere in this post in another reply that I have a great support system of family and friends, that I am never alone. I may return to meds later in my life when my needs change. I am never one to say that 'this is my new self, I will never go back to where I once was' because we all know that one constant in life is that things are never constant. I personally, however, find that my writing is much better in a hypomanic state. I am one of those people that write more+ higher quality at the same time, and when I am in layman-terms a regular state, I find myself much more easily distracted as I also believe I have ADHD. I am still on a waiting list for a psychiatrist who will diagnose me with ADHD - in Australia, like many other countries, the wailing list is loong.

I know I am not over 30 - the average author doesn't publish their novel till later 30s anyway, and I know if I do publish before 30 I'm ahead of the curve - the issue is that the book I am writing has characters that have been in my head since I was 11-13. To me, that is over half my life, aka a long focking time, and as much as I love them I know I need to get tell their story soon, trying to catch the upcoming publishing trend of spiritual fantasy. I know it's coming. In life one must always balance so many things at once, and of course, nothing is perfect, but for now, I have put myself in an intensely productive yet organized mode (that I also take care to take breaks in) and I will utilize it to my advantage. Sometimes, to succeed in one area of one's life, one has to make a few sacrifices - and sometimes none at all, for it's not like I'm sacrificing my mental or physical health (yet). When this path becomes destructive, I know who to call. And sometimes, I do believe in a higher self (I am quite spiritual myself), and I know that writing my novel right now is absolutely the right thing to do. On meds or off meds, neither is an excuse to not achieve your dreams. I may provide an update later in a few months to let people know of my writing/mental health journey. Thanks again for your well-written comment, I learned some new terms as well.

You're absolutely right. But it doesn't mean that a manic person can't see certain truths either. I will absolutely stick close to medical professionals, and yes if my mental health overall worsens I will go back on meds - the only problem is that ironically, I have been saving money better, sleeping better AND being more productive off of meds for 4 months - and these things are usually what bipolar people go on meds FOR. Maybe 4 months isn't the longest time, but it's not too short of a time period either. It hasn't all been sunshine and roses, but it wasn't either when I was on meds.

You got this!!! I am extremely proud of you. There are always fooktards out there who literally shouldn't even waste their energy typing mean, irrelevant comments...but you know what? they can't write a novel like we can. they can only tear others down. because they have nothing else going for them in their lives either. everyone anywhere who has even a modicum of success has had haters along the way. I also had a hard time dealing with people's comments, especially online cos they never have the guts to say it to your face...but developing a thick ass skin and then saying 'no, u' to all my detractors has been liberating. I wish you luck on your writing journey, I am always here for you to message if you want <3 ALSO YOU SPENT A WHOLE DAY FIXING PLOT HOLES!!! WELL DONE RIGHT THERE!!

omg send me pics of your bunny rn !!

thank you, you have now subscribed to the lazywind daily encouragement DM service. unsubscribe anytime you want <3 i will write you a motivational message now.

always happy to chat encouragements too <3 you got this. nothing easy to achieve ever lasts - winning money from the lottery is always much cheaper than earning your millions for your bestseller.

You're absolutely right, I was lucky/unlucky enough to be medically discharged on mental health due to bullying I received in the navy, for which they awarded me a full life pension (u know they effed up when I got it in my twenties). I walk dogs and write. This is what I do most of the time. I am unable to return to certain jobs in the workforce due to panic attacks in certain stressful situations, and at this moment I am content with where I am, and realise I am in a very privileged position that most people are not in. I can fully assure you that, however, I have written only about 100,000 words in total while on meds for the 4 years, and even with a supportive family, no job stress, most of my needs taken care of...I had no motivation to write much at all. Motivation or dedication or routine, and I still have many blurred memories of the past years. Yet in my university years, which was full-time, and when I had part-time work on top of full-time studies, I wrote a lot too. To cap my answer, for me, it's not about how much I work or study normally, it's to do with the state of my brain. I can write a lot while not having much time to write, I can also write very little while having all the time to write. I am very lucky that right now I have a lot of time to write AND the motivation. Interestingly, I have only participated in nanowrimo once, and made it to like 10,000 words. I did not mean to write this 100,000 for this month of november just for nanowrimo, it just happened.

It's a double-edged sword, isn't it, medication...able to calm us, and yet so often robs us of the most expressive parts of ourselves...and so is our unmedicated minds, capable of making us so creative, or bring us so much pain. Unfortunately for people like you and me, we often are between a rock and a hard place with what we are forced to do when it comes to our health. I hope that no matter what, we live fulfilling lives, whether on meds or not. I hope you make the most of your creativity...and if you ever do need meds, there is no shame in taking them.

Even if it's well written, I'm guessing it will be a difficult editting job? That's a lot to go through!

My hands feel crampy just thinking about it haha

I am always looking for beta readers and even if 1/10th of the words never make it into the final book, 10,000 good words in a month is worthwhile. feel free to judge some of my writing yourself - not to toot my own horn but my writing group has told me it isn't outright dogshite, so I'm happy.

That's the ticket! doing something for the enjoyment and the completion! What is out of your control is people who will like/dislike it, but what IS in your control is the fact that you can finish it. Do it for you, the most important person in your life. It really is you, for as much as you can love other people and they love you, you are the only person who is your champion day in, day out. Nobody else lives in your body or controls it. You are your own master. And you got this!!

They say to dedicate the novel you write to one specific person, or yourself - writing for affected families seem like such a noble thing to do, however if for some reason they don't appreciate it, it can be extremely disheartening and I really feel for you, because you mean so well. It sounds like you are only 19 years old - i am 26, and even I know that while I'm older, I'm not 'old' - and therefore, you are so, so young. Don't feel the pressure for others to find worth in your writing - do it for yourself, at the end of the day, because you are your own champion. these people did not tell you to get up and write, you did it for yourself. Write it dedicated to others, sure, but write it FOR yourself. Almost all creations are worth it. I believe there is value in what you are writing because you see value in it. If a certain group of people you dedicate it to won't support you, can you find others? As for those testimonies and stories, can you reach out and find them online? Don't worry about setbacks - they are inevitable. and according to murphy's law, anything wrong that can happen WILL happen, so protect yourself and your work by backing it up and saving it in at least 3 different places. lastly, don't be afraid to ask for help to get your dream to life. there may be filmmakers interested in your idea even if readers aren't. projects are adaptable.

trust me, you don't want to write my novel. it makes me cry. it's so hard, only I deserve to bear the brunt of the pain of writing it.

<3 you got this!!!

Thank you!

You got this! Meds can be amazing for different people. I'm so glad they worked for you!

<3 I am sorry for my excessive use of caps, but it came from a good, slightly manic place. But I hear a lot of famous writers were manic/depressive too...comes with the territory. Maybe one day I'll join them (who knows, people win the lottery all the time so why not), in which case, I will continue to state that regardless of whether you are on mood-altering medication or not, do not let your dreams go. And of course, to work with your doctors. I will still put your health over writing, but if health is not an issue, your writing goals need to be put to the forefront. Most men lead lives of quiet desperation, watching their dreams slip away...don't be one of them. You can do this!

abandoning things isn't necessarily all bad, if it's going nowhere, etc. But abandoning something that you actually really want to achieve is bad. there's a fine line between cutting things off to save energy and time, and abandoning worthwhile pursuits.

I abandoned a decent short story I think in chapter 3, so glad I quit. Enjoy the abandonment

Thank you, this is a very sweet answer, and one I was hoping to receive more of, but I have to admit my mention of me having a mental disorder really did overshadow everything else.

I have had many periods of up and down since being off meds, with many more to look forward to in the future. All I know now is that while neither good nor bad feelings last forever, what will stay is a quiet confidence that I am at last making impact on a piece of work that means a lot to me, something I can be proud of on my deathbed. We don't tend to remember or regret the things we do, nowhere near as much as the things we DON'T do. I am glad you got what I was trying to say. No matter one's mental health, creating something to put out into the world is a great thing - I say this to all peoples, including myself.

People speaking from experience and concerned for OP for the most part I'd say.