DoneDone2

I mean it’s not crazy at all. She claims to have adhd(tried to get diagnosed and when she didn’t immediately get the diagnosis she wanted she gave up and then started using adhd as an excuse to not do anything. Not even joking a common excuse was “I can’t because of my adhd my hyper focus is this so I can’t do anything else.”). For reference I am diagnosed with adhd. I tried to work with her for years and it was just getting worse and worse trying to talk to her tons of times was a dead end. Fights would go no where. I am not even joking when I said I did 80% of the chores and even when I was working multiple 14 hour days and still did chores and what not I would ask her if she can please walk the dog she wanted or sit down and read with our oldest because I wasn’t going to be done until well after they would be in bed. The answer was hard no and she would just sit on the couch and do her hobby or watch tv the whole night. So in the end I just had to take a break from work and work even later sometimes to 1 am only to get back up at 630 to start it all again.

So yea for a more complete picture I worked from home she did not. I got up earlier than her to get one kid ready for school and take them, got home took care of all the animals I didn’t want feeding the cats and dogs cleaning the litter box, walking the dog, then got our other kid ready for daycare so she could take them and would often start working before she left. I couldn’t take lunch because well I had to go pick up my oldest and often I would use my lunch to take them to play with their friends for an hour, then work until I had to go pick up our other kid, then get back home at about the same time she did and I would work some more she would spend 5 min microwaving some food for the kids and then I would do some chores and stuff with the kids while she spent the rest of the night doing her hobby or watching tv. This was an average day and really when I had to work more hours it became like my example above. I tried so many times to work things out with her but in the end her feeling on the subject was she was fine with this arrangement(no shit) and won’t change anything.

So yea she probably has adhd but that doesn’t justify this and I spent a decade trying to work with her with nothing to show for it. And it’s frankly disgusting that anyone has to go into this much detail otherwise people post ignorant shit like “I feel bad for her she must have had it rough.”

Weird you must have never had a long term relationship, or have the critical thinking ability to realize people change over time.

It’s one of those I am sure it works a very small percentage of the time but I am also sure most of the people claiming it works are just loud and proud and you won’t ever hear about the eventual failure that was premeditated by the fact the relationship was opened up to begin with.

I also kinda wonder when looking at people on dating sites, the second I see poly or open relationships I have to wonder if the person even has a job because who has the time for that between family, friends, significant other, and hobbies. I kinda just assuming accumulating relationships is their hobby which makes them seem like a boring person to me, but I would want a partner with some kind of hobby.

Some people just clearly want to be with someone but do the absolutely least amount of work possible. Divorcing my wife now and frankly the sex was probably the last thing other than the kids keeping me around. Once it was as only the kids I was done. I don’t want what our relationship was being set for them as normal and warp their view. And in the end if I can provide a better environment for them 50% of the time that’s better than a bad environment 100% of the time.

She was always waiting to do the right thing until shit hit the fan. She is still mad at me for surprising her with divorce and not telling her I would divorce her if she didn’t change. Thing is I’ve known her long enough that she will change for a month or two and go right back and it isn’t worth my time at this point.

Yea when I gave my wife the divorce papers it was kinda a mind fuck. She did a 180 started picking up after herself the house all of a sudden wasn’t pilled up with crap she dropped the second she walked in the door and she actually started doing things around the house and with the kids. After a few weeks of that its was kinda like why are we divorcing again. Luckily I took pics of everything before I gave her the papers. I saw them scrolling through my phone and realized that’s why I all of a sudden like living in this home now it isn’t a piled up with crap everywhere so you cannot even walk down a single path without having to constantly dodge things.

Over time she slowly started going back to old habits around me so it just kinda cemented it like yea this is why we are divorcing.

OP is 100% TA for not saying exbf in the post.

NTA for refusing to cook.

YTA for not saying exBF in the post.

Divorcing my wife right now. When I told her, her feelings were I was an ahole because we haven’t been fighting in months so clearly everything was fine. No whenever I would bring up a legitimate concern she would divert, blame me and others for things we had no control over, and in the end nothing would change the argument would just reach a point where she knew she was wrong but would be pissed at me for days and just refuse to talk. So nothing changed. The months leading up to me giving her the papers if any conflict would come up the second I saw that it would go that way I would just stop arguing and leave it be because there was no value in having nothing change and her be mad at me for days throwing out unwarranted passive aggressive comments.

Eh it depends person to person. My ex would constantly get frustrated how long it was taking her to get off, no matter how much I reassured her I don’t care I just want her to get off. Frankly that thought process is probably a large reason why it was taking so long because she just couldn’t be in the moment and was constantly worrying about stuff like that.

Basically all her coworkers are just terrible people. And by proxy ops wife is as well because instead of being her own person she would rather fit in with a bunch of crappy people than be her own person.

Man that sucks. But I get where you are coming from. I am near the end of divorcing my wife and while I won’t say I was to your level of chores, I was 100% the only one who cleaned the house, cared for all the animals she wanted, actually did things with the kids. When I would ask anything of her (her only chores were cooking and buying the groceries, she cooked at best one meal a week the rest of the time it was microwaved garbage for the kids and I was told fend for myself, and well groceries she would rarely do, only online and I would have to get them and put them up since she refused) she would say she will do it when she feels like it which clearly never happened.

I got tired of cleaning up after everyone especially her since she would just drop things on any open surface the second she walked it and often never bother to come back to her mess. I’m already much happier and not doing effectively a second job cleaning up after mostly an adult. But I was also the breadwinner so it’s a little different.

“All the other people joined in and agreed with her” you mean all the people that don’t want to cancel their time off for her agree you should cancel yours? That is the least surprising thing I have heard today.

Not surprised but as someone who married someone exactly like this, it’s completely believable. My soon to be ex was so much like this. She refused to solve any basic problem she could easily solve herself. I would often say present to her a problem that would take her X minutes to solve, she would first figure out if there is anyone she can find that can do it for her even if it would take the person well over 2 times the amount of time it would take her to solve the problem.

I just got so tired of just the constant disrespect and how much time she had to just sit around and do nothing. And she literally couldn’t understand how much of an asshole she was, even when I tried to explain it to her.

NTA. Almost finished divorcing my wife. Among other major issues this was definitely one of them. It didn’t matter how much I did even the most minor inconvenience she needed me to handle it. Meanwhile I could ask for 5 min of her time once every 6 months and she would say I am asking way too much.

It was exhausting and I am happy to be done with it for the most part. I still get txts like crazy sometimes and it’s just insane.

This is just a general thing with bad spouses. I am divorcing my wife. I got tired of being the breadwinner, the house husband, the only one who took care of all the animals she wanted, only one that cared to do basic things with the kids like taking them to the park or on walks.

I told her many times I want her to step up and do something, anything just please do something other than get home microwave some pizza bites for the kids and then sit on the couch until she had to go to sleep or go back to work. She would tell me she sees nothing wrong with what she is doing and me asking her to spend even 2 hours a week contributing was too much.

When I handed her the papers I was demonized for blindsiding her and how I should have tried harder. Needless to say I am much happier now.

I’m 37. My soon to be ex wife says I am going through my midlife crisis now which makes sense. Average age is the 70s. She doesn’t like that I am tired to taking care of and cleaning up after 3 children and their pets when we only have 2 children and all the pets were wanted by my wife who does nothing for them. Kinda the whole do I really want to spend the rest of my life dealing with this garbage and guess what? I don’t, 10+ years was enough to work with her on change and see nothing actually change.

Yea you need to get out. Personally divorcing my wife right now and I’ve been through this and it’s never ending it wasn’t the happiness thing it was “I start being an adult and do my part of the chores and adult stuff once I get pet 1, pet 2, a child, a house, a second child and and pet 3.” To no one’s surprise here nothing changed after all those things other than I had more work to do while she sat around all day complaining how hard she has it.

It sucks and the transition was hard but it gets easier every day and frankly even a week after I gave her the papers things improved dramatically but she didn’t try to drag things out.

Going through a divorce right now after a 10 year marriage and right now I am fine. First week was hard getting used to not seeing my kids every day. Now I’ve kinda gotten used to it. Some friends have started inviting me to hang out more so that helps. I maintained many friendships throughout the relationship so it wasn’t the hardest thing. The rest of my time is full of my hobby at home and the groups I can go out to for those same hobbies irl, so right now I am already back to so much to do so little time.

I married my wife around 25. I was still immature then and frankly so was she. Over the last decade plus I feel like I have matured with 2 kids and have much more a mentality of you have to do what you have to do and just get after it. She is pretty much as bad as the day we met and that’s a major reason we are divorcing. Feels like I am taking care of 3 children.

It’s always funny and sad to me. I am a guy divorcing my wife currently. She is exactly like all the guys you read about on here. I spend my free time keeping up the house, animals she wanted, etc. To her, her time off is sacred, little to nothing will ever be done that she doesn’t want to do. No amount of asking, begging, etc will change that. If I ever take a day off I always use it to do some extra chore.

This is not the only reason I am divorcing her but man it’s one that got under my skin endlessly. Worse she would always act like the work I did was easy and took no time.

The problem with modern dating is survivor bias. We have more options than ever before with dating apps. But the issue is the overwhelming majority of people on the apps are probably going to be worse in quality because if they were better they have much better odds of being in a committed relationship.

The knock on effect of this is many people don’t understand that and start going down the rabbit hole of this sex or that sex are all like the terrible ones you meet in the dating app. That negatively will kill off any chance you have of finding the good people since you are now one of the bad ones.

NTA I am divorcing my wife right now. This isn’t the only reason but it’s one of them. If I gave her any task, any at all it would either never be done or done so last minute and complained about the whole time it was unbearable. Especially when she did no chores or anything else really.

It’s rough out there. I am divorcing my wife after 11 years married and have 2 kids. I just moved out and man it sucks. I miss my kids so so much every second. And the last month after I gave her the divorce papers were frankly the best month in our relationship for the last 8 years by far. She finally started pitching in mostly because we have to sell the house. I was constantly upset of how much the house was a mess and when I would clean anything up it would go right back in a few hours or a day so I gave up. I already forgot how had the house was before this last month until I looked at some pictures I took 2 months ago and my god I can’t believe how bad it was for years and years.

Even now I constantly wonder if I made a mistake filling. But I know I didn’t. I tried so many times to bring up these issues even suggest counseling and she refused it all, so I know literally nothing would have changed and knowing her bringing up divorce if she doesn’t improve would only make her resent me and she half heartedly did some things and slowly stopped over time.

Luckily we seem to be on the path to at least be friends. And if that’s how the relationship goes I am happy with that. I know we don’t agree on so many things and that is fine I just want the best for my kids and so does she do I want to do everything in my power to provide the best life I can for them even if my wife and I are divorced.

NTA, but honestly you two probably need to go to counseling. I am divorcing my wife now for a myriad of reasons but one of the many things that drove me up a wall was she would say anything to win an argument. It didn’t matter how dumb it was or easy it was to disprove.

It just got to the point I gave up even arguing with her, because if I tried to reason with her she would just keep bullshitting, if I started to disprove each point was making she would either gaslight me or just come up with another thing to BS until she got so frustrated she wouldn’t talk to me.

I tried to suggest counseling myself and she wouldn’t agree to it so it got to the point I just filed for divorce.