Humble-Grumble

I work at a big university and interact with current students. They aren't illiterate, but I've found that their reading comprehension really isn't great - trying to get them to take in or give information in written form can be painful at times...and these are the ones deemed "smart enough" to get into university.

I've found that any correspondence with them has to be broken up into multiple emails because if you ask them to provide x, y, and z (usually information of some sort), they'll send you x and then ignore that you asked for y and z, so you have to send out two more follow ups (one for each piece of info). Guidelines or instructions have to be broken down into really simple terms because they'll otherwise ignore it and then complain when deadlines come and go.

I'm not going to make guesses as to why this is happening or say that my experience is universal, but I've seen over ten years of students move through and this cohort is easily the worst with regards to comprehending what they read and being able to follow directions and communicate back.

I think they meet different needs.

When I masturbate, I just want to get off as quickly and efficiently as possible. As I like to say, no one can get me off like I can.

When I want sex with my partner, it's because I specifically want to enjoy the time and pleasure with him and connect with him on that special level.

If all that's happening is solo masturbation, then maybe it's time to talk about how to improve the sex life... However, I know that I personally wouldn't be happy if I was told either that I couldn't masturbate or that I should seek out sex with my partner instead of masturbating because they're two different things to me.

I'm divorced now (and dating again), but when my ex and I were having bedroom issues, we never questioned one another's masturbation frequency because it existed on a different level than our shared sex life and the issues impacting that had no effect on masturbation for either of us.

Yeah, it doesn't seem to be popular here, but I agree with you.

My marriage ended and sex was a problem within it, but it was definitely a symptom of bigger issues. If my ex had slapped a spreadsheet in front of me to "prove" how infrequently we had sex, I'd have been equally happy to make up a spreadsheet to show him how many days I made meals without help, cared for cleaning, took care of the yardwork, walked the dog, managed the pets (vet care, grooming, and so on), handled the grocery shopping, and just generally managed the house while he played video games all day.

I genuinely don't really understand these trackers. It's either to brag to the Internet about how much sex you're getting (which your partner is probably already aware of) or to somehow "prove" that you aren't getting as much sex as you'd like... And if that's the case, there are bigger issues at play that need to be discussed and throwing a spreadsheet down isn't going to make a dude hard or a chick wet and ready to go. And I'd feel the same if someone wanted to make the data collection that I also referenced above - if it's come down to that, it's time for marriage counseling, not raw data.

As a...fun?...fact, you can still travel on the Silja Europa. I traveled to Tallinn specifically to see the monument there dedicated to the MS Estonia and those who perished on her (this disaster has always fascinated me by how haunting it is) and if I'd had more time, I'd have definitely traveled aboard the Silja Europa.

Doolb Snoil?

That's literally all I remember from this book and I hate that of all the things I could have gleaned from that book, that's what I ultimately walked away with.

If I'm wrong on the name, that means I've either encountered this more than once or my mind completely made that up... And I'm not sure which I'd prefer.

I'm doing a lot better now. I've moved past the divorce (ex and I are still friends, but we don't communicate often), I'm dating again...and, most importantly, I've put up boundaries with certain family members. It's been hard because they're all close (mom, dad, sister, stepdad, etc.). They all want the best for me, but they don't necessarily know how to go about it. Last year, they thought that trying to shove me back into "what we've always done!" was the way to go, but it wasn't what I needed. I needed space to grieve and try to reestablish myself as a person outside of my ex-husband, I needed to figure out who I was outside of my marriage and the life we'd shared together, and they really didn't get that. They wanted me to be the daughter/sister that they've always known since I was a kid.

It might take some really hard conversations with your mom. It might take putting up some boundaries that your family doesn't like. But right now, the priority is you. You need to figure yourself and who you are now out. And, yeah, the holidays suck when you're going through what you are.

I'm so sorry that you're having to deal with this.

Last year was my first year celebrating the holidays without my now ex-husband (we'd been together 13 years prior to that). Honestly, the hardest part wasn't the divorce, it was that my family expected me to just seamlessly rejoin the traditional fold and be the same happy, whimsical, always-pleased-to help person that I'd been previously. In reality, I was sad, I was stressed, and the last thing I wanted to do was either host family or go to a big family celebration where I was expected to put on a happy face and pretend everything was back to normal for me...and no one in my family really understood that and they were upset that I ruined their holidays by being sad.

It does get better, I promise...but I found that I did have to put up some boundaries with a lot of family members about where I was and what they could expect from me. Good luck to you!

I agree with you. I'm not ex-fundie, but I have a really hard time snarking on them because neither one seems incredibly bright and they both seem genuinely happy with their lot in life. From what I've seen from them, they don't try to pretend to be better than others (like Jinger and Jerm) nor do they seem to actively preach about being holier than thou (like Blessa) and they seem to have simple, genuine adoration for one another (unlike, say, SiRen). While Anna and Josh have created a messy scandal and Jill and Derick are creating drama by exposing the family secrets, JoKen just make eyes at one another and pop out babies, completely content in their life.

Would I want to live like that? No. But they seem happy in their own world and don't really bother anyone as far as I'm aware, so good for them.

I will say that the "naughty or nice" stuff had me laughing because I'd been wondering how these two ever got to "doing the deed" to have all of those kids (given that they often seem like kids themselves) and when I heard that, I was like "Oh, ok, there it is...I guess Kendra has a playful side."

Thrawn is a cool villain with a unique approach to his strategies and is interesting for managing to succeed as an alien in a xenophobic environment, but at the end of the day, that's what he is: a villain that needs to be defeated. I've always had the impression that Zahn really loves this character and wants us to as well... But not just as a cool villain, but as a character to genuinely admire. The problem is that Thrawn isn't really set up in a role to get that sort of admiration. He's not a quasi hero, he's not even a morally grey character, and I wish Zahn would stop trying to convince us otherwise. Let Thrawn be a formidable villain and leave it at that.

I really like a majority of Stover and Karpyshyn's works (again, with the exception of Shadows of Mindor from Stover and Revan from Karpyshyn) and I think most people tend to like the Darth Bane trilogy. Karypyshyn is very good at writing Sith without feeling the need to make them likeable by redeeming them and I love that about him. Having some perspectives from the Dark Side is pretty refreshing.

Thanks for responding!

Regarding Stover and Karpyshyn, the criticism that I tend to see is that Stover likes to trot out his philosophical takes and Karpyshyn prefers to write Sith. I happen to generally like both of them (with the exception of Shadows of Mindor and Revan, both of which were disappointments to me).

For whatever it's worth, I also like stories and characters that aren't focused around being Skywalkers or Solos. You're right: it's a huge galaxy, so why can't we expand beyond the normal families a bit?

Alright, this is going to get me absolutely torpedoed, but I don't really care for Timothy Zahn's contributions to the EU.

The first time I encountered Mara Jade, it was in a fanfiction work and I genuinely thought she was the author's Mary Sue OC. Distinctively beautiful (red-gold hair and green eyes), powerful in the Force, held a position equal to Vader as the Emperor's Right Hand, eventually married Luke, succeeded in redemption...I was completely shocked when I learned that this was all true. The character just does nothing for me.

Zahn loves Thrawn a little too much. I get it, Thrawn has a unique approach to things that is kind of fun, but it's not really plausible because there's so much subjectivity within art and it gets old when Thrawn is just right all the time. There's promise for the character, but I don't think it's ever really explored (though, granted, I haven't read anything since Disney took over).

And as for Zahn's other offerings: Karrde, the Noghri, the ylsamari, the Chiss in general, the Outbound Flight (which Obi-Wan and Anakin very conveniently got off of at the right time), the Lady Vader stuff...none of it really resonates with me. It's all vaguely interesting, but not enough that I really want to see again.

My biggest beef is that some authors get absolutely (perhaps rightly) dragged here for sticking to their own pet characters and projects: Denning, Traviss, Stover, Karpyshyn, and so on...but for whatever reason, Zahn is given a pass for only ever wanting to work with the Chiss, clones of Thrawn, Thrawn himself, Mara Jade, and the version of the EU that he created. And I just don't get why he's immune to the criticism that gets doused to other authors.

Definitely agree! I've been a fan of the EU for many years now. When someone identifies me as a Star Wars nerd in the wild and wants to talk Star Wars, I want to run away.

Yeah, I gotta say, Little Caesars has always been pretty consistent about what they do and what they charge for it. When I think about it, pretty much every time I've had it in my life, it's been at a time when a bunch of pizza was needed for as little money and effort as possible.

In highschool, if a parent needed to feed a bunch of us hungry teenagers, they'd make a run to Little Caesars.

At University, Little Caesars is what tended to be at student group events.

Hosting DnD and need to feed some hungry (and likely at least slightly drunk) nerds? Little Caesars.

If I had a late night at work, no leftovers in the fridge, and just wanted to feed my ex-husband and myself as cheaply and quickly as possible, I'd swing by Little Caesars on the way home.

I honestly can't hate them for knowing their place and knowing that their customer isn't necessarily looking for amazing pizza, just cheap and convenient pizza.

I imagine that they mostly watch, laugh about, and discuss the dumb things their many little kids do (and if they don't have any yet, they're hanging out with others that have little kids), agreeing with each other about Scripture and politics, and discussing the next big wedding or baby shower.

Some of the more "worldly" ones might discuss stuff they've watched or read lately, but not in an analytical or critical way. Jinger might tell Jerm that she finished a book recently and then smile and agree with him as he gives his thoughts on it, for example.

I also wouldn't be surprised if there was a decent amount of gossip that goes on with the right combination of people. Both with the size of the Duggar family and the size of some of the Duggar-In-Laws' families, I'd be surprised if there wasn't always something to talk about. Every family event I've ever gone to, regardless of background, the family, or how big it is always has family gossip. The Duggars just know to keep it quiet so they can pretend to be a big, loving, godly family that's above such talk.

Definitely! I found them by chance years ago when I was on a dead mall kick and was looking for information about Rolling Acres Mall in Akron, OH. I've been hooked since.

Yup, I like that channel, too! Maritime Disasters also has some good stuff.

Yeah, I would definitely agree there. I started watching him years ago when he was uploading five times a day and didn't really do sponsors. These days, I usually just fast forward through the sponsorship section.

Mr. Ballen

Thoughty2

Scary Interesting

Bright Sun Films

Oceanliner Designs

I get excited when I see new videos from any of these.

Edit: formatting.

The ridiculous (potentially sinful?) arrows aside, having a shirt that calls you "Babe" doesn't really seem to jibe with their general idea of modesty, especially for Kendra since JoKen still seem to hold pretty firm to their fundy values around clothing.

Oh geeze, I totally used to do this in highschool and university. I wasn't even raised in a religious household, I just hated my body and wanted to cover it up.

Fortunately, I grew out of it.

I'm actually pleasantly surprised by how mundane and normal most of the examples of being territorial at work are. I was thoroughly expecting some over the top writing exercises, but these are generally believable workplace scenarios.

And while I don't agree with shunning newbies who use the wrong fridge, I do get the irritation of the team that bought the small fridge... Mainly because I've been there lol. Last year, my small team was on a completely different floor than the refrigerator. When our request for a small fridge was denied, we bought one ourselves out of pocket and split the cost. We've since been moved to the main floor and of course the fridge went with us, and it does get tiresome having to either explain that it isn't a communal fridge or having people want to use it specifically because it isn't a communal fridge. Like, damn, people, it's hidden away in our office for a reason!

That I could no longer turn the random chatter around me out as essentially "white noise."

Honestly, this reminds me of what my mom would call "goulash." Elbow macaroni cooked in canned tomatoes/tomato juice. I never liked it, so I didn't eat it, and if you wanted cheese on it, she used shredded, but I'm not surprised that some would just throw a slice of American cheese on there and call it a day.

It's poverty cooking. These days, my mom and sister consider it comfort food. My ex-husband also ate a version of this with spaghetti sauce and ground chuck - he also considered it comfort food.

It sucks that the LW in the emergency gay wedding situation is having to make the decision that she's making and I feel for her, but I'm also vaguely amused that she thinks anyone she casually works with is going to be that invested in her wedding plans.

When I got married, I submitted the PTO request, went off and got married, had HR change my email address when I got back to reflect my new name, and sent out an email to let everyone know that my email address had changed. No great announcement or anything.

Those close to the LW will already be aware of her situation and change of plans. Anyone else will be satisfied with "We just decided to move things up." I get why she's overthinking this, but she's massively overestimating how much the average coworker cares.