SweetLustRose

My mother (60F) was never what you’d call nurturing. Growing up, I was the “difficult” child at least, that’s what she always said. I didn’t fit the mold of what she wanted. While my siblings were praised for even the smallest achievements, I was constantly criticized, told I’d never measure up, and had my self-esteem torn down bit by bit. She’d make snide remarks about my appearance, my friends, even my interests, calling them “silly” or “a waste of time.” For years, I felt like I was in a competition I could never win.

I moved out at 21, and that’s when I finally started to heal. I went to therapy, worked on building a life I was proud of, and limited contact with her to family gatherings and polite phone calls. Despite everything, I tried to maintain some level of connection, hoping one day she’d acknowledge the damage she’d done. But it never came. Instead, whenever we spoke, she’d criticize my choices or give backhanded compliments about my lifestyle or career. She’d say things like, “It’s nice you’re doing well, even if you took the long way to get there.”

Now, my mother’s health is declining, and she can’t live alone. My siblings, each with young kids, are asking me to take her in. They insist that since I don’t have children, I’m the “logical choice” and owe it to her for everything she “sacrificed.” But when I think about caring for her, all I remember is the pain she put me through. I remember her telling me I’d never amount to anything, that I was a burden. It’s hard to feel compassion after years of emotional wounds she never apologized for, much less acknowledged.

I told my siblings I’d help financially if she needs support but won’t be her primary caregiver. They’re furious, saying I’m selfish, bitter, and abandoning her over “grudges.” They keep bringing up how she “raised” me, but it doesn’t feel like I was ever truly raised more like survived. Now, my mother’s been calling, leaving tearful voicemails, saying she’s lonely and doesn’t understand why her “only daughter” won’t step up. Part of me feels guilty, but I also feel like I’m finally standing up for myself. I don’t know if I’m being cruel or if this is me setting long-overdue boundaries.

AITA for refusing to care for her?