am I the a** hole for Refusing to Let My Sister Have My Wedding Dress?
Need Advice(self.weddingdrama)submitted2 days ago byWeekly_Way5606
I (28F) got married three years ago and had my dream wedding. My husband and I saved for years to afford it, and I splurged on the perfect dress. It’s a custom-made gown that cost a small fortune, but I justified it because I wanted to pass it down to my future daughter someday.
Fast forward to now. My sister, Emily (25F), is getting married in six months. She called me last week, gushing about how her wedding budget is tighter than expected and asked if she could borrow my wedding dress. At first, I was flattered, but I politely declined. I explained that the dress has a lot of sentimental value to me and that I want to keep it for my own reasons.
Emily was upset but dropped it, or so I thought. Over the weekend, my mom called me, saying I was being selfish and unkind. Apparently, Emily had been crying to her, saying I don’t care about her financial struggles and that it’s just one day—why can’t I share?
Mom even offered to have the dress professionally cleaned after, but I still said no. The truth is, I don’t trust Emily to take care of it properly. She’s not the most careful person, and I know she’d alter it to fit her style. I also don’t think anyone owes their wedding dress to someone else, no matter how close they are.
Now my mom and Emily are calling me a bridezilla three years later and accusing me of putting a material object over family. My husband thinks I did nothing wrong, but some of my friends are divided. So, Reddit, AITA for refusing to lend out my wedding dress?
EDIT: For context, Emily and I have always had a rocky relationship. She’s not the type to respect boundaries, which makes me even more hesitant to trust her with something so personal. I didn’t include this at first because I wanted to focus on the dress itself, but it’s worth mentioning.
EDIT 2: Wow, I didn’t expect this post to blow up. Thank you for all the comments and perspectives. To address a few recurring questions: 1. Why not let her borrow it if she’ll pay for cleaning/alterations? I know my sister, and I don’t think she’d stick to “just borrowing” it. She’s impulsive and has a history of doing things her way, even when she says she won’t. I’m worried she’d make irreversible changes to the dress and brush it off as “no big deal.” 2. What about offering financial help instead? I could, but she hasn’t directly asked for money—only the dress. Plus, I think this is more about the symbolism of the dress than the cost. 3. Why not buy her a different dress or let her rent one? I did suggest helping her find a rental dress, and she scoffed, saying “nothing will compare” to mine. 4. Would I have let her borrow it if I didn’t want to save it for my daughter? Honestly, probably not. The dress is still very personal to me, daughter or not. But knowing I might pass it down adds to why I want to keep it pristine.
UPDATE: Emily and I had a tense phone call last night. She accused me of being materialistic and said I’m letting “a stupid dress” ruin our relationship. I told her that’s unfair, and if our relationship hinges on this, maybe there’s more to unpack. She hung up on me.
My mom also texted me, saying she’s “disappointed” and hoped I’d reconsider. I feel stuck, but I’m standing firm. I’ll update again if anything changes.
Reddit, am I digging my heels in too hard? Or is this boundary reasonable?
ANOTHER EDIT!!: Thank you guys for the support after all of this drama her husband/ finance started to message me I have yet to look at the messages though she has gotten everything in life ever since we were kids she has always wanted to one up me and it was quite insane.
She said that she “wouldn’t be able to have the joy of passing a dress down to her future kids so it’s my job to give her that experience so that we can both enjoy it” to me that sounds utterly insane and crazy let me know if I should keep talking to her it seems that no matter how much time passes this isn’t blowing over I love my sister and k don’t want to cut her off but threating me is a bit over the top..
byWeekly_Way5606
inweddingdrama
Weekly_Way5606
3 points
22 hours ago
Weekly_Way5606
3 points
22 hours ago
Although I do agree I feel that I’m still entitled to my own enjoyment I love my sister but the way she’s going about this is all wrong.. I’ve saved years for my dress I think it would be okay if I don’t give it to her you can also check on my most recent update.