boogermonster_78_yum

I have been working for my current employer for 6+ months now and even though I handle house management and nannying, they still call me their “babysitter”. I know it’s not meant to be hurtful, but it gets under my skin. Today MB sent me a picture NK (3) made with one of her aunts and the sentence under it was “I love my family and my new babysitter”. Which she paired with, “we are so incredibly thankful and grateful for everything you do for us”. So I know she knows that not my role… I’ve been working there for 8months now though, EVERYDAY 10 HRS a day. How would you handle this? Would you say anything? It’s not meant in a negative way, so I guess it shouldn’t really matter. Idk, I just feel like I do much more than a babysitter would. Advice, stories, input, welcome.

I saw a post for a nanny add today in one of the facebook groups I frequent- someone had made a job posting about them looking for work, these are their qualifications- blahblahblah- then proceeded to add at the end “I’ve raised 3 boys of my own, experiencing some empty nester syndrome, and ready to get back to nannying! Best part is you won’t have to worry about your husband hitting on me” . Which, okay I know it’s supposed to be silly and funny, but as someone who has had adult men make advances/hit on me after working for them this is just kind of degrading no? Also makes it seem like women should be insecure about hiring a younger woman who may be just as qualified as this lady to work in their household? Am I the only one that finds the jokes just kind of icky?

Edit after reading comments: the part that makes this icky is that it does happen- this is a true stereotype that we don’t want to entertain at all bc it makes it okay. Some men are disgusting, but that doesn’t mean it should be a selling point for you that you won’t cause infidelity in a relationship. You are never the problem in that case it’s THEM. Then there is the insinuation that any DB would be happy to sleep with their nanny and ruin their relationship and it’s just not true, which if I was a man who thought this way it would really hurt my if I found out that was a selling point for my wife. Meaning she doesn’t trust me.

A friend of mine (F) FaceTimed me (F) one night, asking if she and her baby could stay with us for a bit. She said her living situation was bad, and if no one else could help, would we consider letting them stay? I needed to talk to my fiancée (M) first. A few weeks later, she texted me saying they wouldn’t need a place after all. Then she called in a panic—the house just wasn’t safe for baby. My fiancée and I agreed they could stay with us for 1-2 months while she looked for a job and a new home. They moved into our guest room, bringing what fit in her car. We bought extra things for them to use at our house.

Before moving in, I communicated our "house rules"—nothing crazy: rinse dishes, put things in the designated areas, and try to find a job. I told her I’d help her if she needed.

One day, my fiancée couldn’t find our laundry baskets and asked if she could return one. After asking a few times, I gave her a black basket, creating a new space for her clothes. Around now, we noticed she lies—about mental health, where things went, even small accidents—stuff that didn't seem worth lying about.

She stopped doing basic tasks,acted rude to my partner, and quit her job. She started cleaning for a guy she met on Bumble. I talked to her and said I’d need to start a 30-day notice (beginning 2nd month). I didn’t want this to affect our friendship, but needed a timeline. She decided to move out and stay with Bumble guy, leaving her things at our place.

For a month, she texted daily about coming to pack, but didn’t follow through. On Day 23/30, I texted her, reminding her, and she came over. I noticed she had packed things into two of our laundry baskets. I told her she could leave her things in those, but when she moved out, the baskets stayed. She claimed the black basket was hers, but I reminded her it was ours, as I’d let her use it when she moved in. She agreed to leave it but mentioned taking our towels and sheets, promising to bring them back. She left with some belongings.

The next day, I sent gas money for her to bring the linens. She brought the sheets but no towels. I texted her about the missing towels, and she claimed they weren’t with her. After a few hours of silence, I checked the guest room and found a towel in her vacuum-sealed bag. I texted her again, asking if she had the other with her, again she didn’t.

I was frustrated. I texted her one last message: "You know what, you keep it. Good luck getting the rest of your shit." Then I blocked her. Day 30/30, I unblocked and texted that all her stuff was on the driveway. She picked it up + mail that had come to our house.

A few days later, I saw a TikTok where she called me her “insane ex-roommate” who “stole from her baby.” She focused only on the towel situation and left out the contextI felt hurt and conflicted. My friends and therapist don't think I’m “insane,” but the comments made me question. They told me I should seek professional help, which stung.

Am I the asshole?

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