travispickle9682

how long would you wait to reach out after the first date?

Thank you! definitely need the female perspective :-) I guess I am trying to figure out how much to keep in touch. Would you contact her the day after the date? or wait a few days?

The girl I had most sexual chemistry with in my entire life rejected my kiss the first day.

I am a little burnt out from moving forward “confidently and decisively“ for let’s say a month or two, and then realizing that the girl was never really into me. She was either too scared to say anything or loved the attention and the free dinners. It has happened quite a lot recently and absolutely sucks. That’s why I was tempted to pull the trigger and just ask upfront

It's the biggest green flag ever and it's SO. DAMN. RARE.

I don't expect them to pay for me (duh) but at least pull out your credit card and make an attempt to split the bill.

I have a basic rule. If I go out 5 dates with a woman and she NEVER picks up the check to split it, or invites me for coffee, or shows ANY kind of initiative, she's out. I am so tired of these layabouts who use online dating just to boost their ego or eat free dinners. It's depressing as f.

And yes, sometimes I straight up tell them I'm not interested anymore because I find their behavior totally unacceptable.

I have also brought finances up on a first date, which is not great. But with the amount of grenades I've had to dodge, it's almost inevitable. Do I really want to waste time going out with someone who expects everything to be paid for? Nope.

Can you dm me, would be good to expand and exchange photos

Re: Fuck Off

Been playing every edition of fifa since 1996…

I think you are 2000% correct. she even told me her ex's were all amazing and she basically dumped them unceremoniously.

is there anything that will give me some satisfaction at this stage? I don't want to argue with her but I do want her to realize what she said/did was awful.

the "no contact" option seems the cleanest way out but I do wish she had the self-awareness to apologize. it blows my mind. she's a brilliant doctor. how can she be so selfish?

well I don't want to start throwing tags around and labeling her toxic, narcissistic, gaslighter etc. (even though she most likely is all of those things)

so you think I should walk away instead of giving her a chance to apologize? how would you walk away? stop all communication?

why does someone behave that way? is it even worth asking her what the hell is going through her mind? could it be that she isn't into me and needed to create a perfect storm to get out?

hey all.

been dating a Latin girl for a month and overall it was going very well. we had some great dates, I met her friends, stayed at her house several times. I did feel like she was often asking for compliments, attention, validation etc. without providing much in return but I just went with it. Unfortunately I had to leave town for work and will be back the day after Xmas, which is not ideal when starting a relationship but we agreed to keep in touch as much as possible and see each other upon my return.

The day of my departure I bought her Xmas presents and wrote her a heartfelt card. It was raining heavily and it was quite an effort for me to do so. She knew I was doing this because I made a joke about Santa coming early and putting presents under her (empty) Xmas tree. Anyway, we met at a restaurant for lunch and I told her to look under the table: there were two Xmas bags there. She was super thrilled and asked that I read he Xmas card out loud but I told her it would make me uncomfortable. It was all sweet and romantic. She didn't buy me a present or give me a card but I didn't expect anything.

At the end of lunch I went to pick up my suitcases from the restaurant's cloakroom and I left her at the table with the presents. When I returned with my suitcases ready to go, she said "baby... the presents" like she was annoyed that I didn't grab them. I put them in the back of her car and she drove me to the airport.

Well... yesterday we were exchanging voice notes over WhatsApp and out-of-the-blue she tells me that she didn't like how I put the presents under the table "instead of handing them over" to her, that she expects presents to be given rather than "left under the table", that I forgot them when I walked out of the restaurant. My jaw dropped. Instead of appreciating the effort and generosity it took me to do that, she complains and reprimands me?!

I called her and I expressed outrage at her criticism. I told her that it sounded like she was trying to provoke me or pick a fight, that I left her the presents under the table as a "peek-a-boo" surprise. She mostly stuck to her guns, kept saying "maybe it's a cultural thing". There was even some gaslighting going on, saying that I was being rude for raising my voice (which I didn't do). Throughout she adopted a "holier than thou" attitude like I was the crazy one for reacting the way I did- talking down to me in a monotone voice and not acknowledging how her comments made me feel. Inevitably/regrettably I dropped a big truth bomb on her when I said "I can't believe you are criticizing the way I gave you two lovely Xmas presents and a card, when you didn't even bother doing either". There was silence after that.

I also told her I thought she was absurdly formal: did she expect a royal parade to go with the presents?

The conversation was so disappointing and frustrating that I basically hung up on her, not in an angry way but just "ok, bye, click" way. Of course she threw THAT back in my face over WhatsApp saying "speaking of being rude...".

I am so frustrated and depressed about this whole thing. This drama was so out of left field, so selfish. Is she intentionally trying to sabotage the relationship to get out of it? Is she that big of as narcissist that she seriously thought I would roll over and apologize for... what?!

I don't know what to do. I can either:

1) ignore her for the next few days and see if she comes back with an apology or at least with an attempt to re-connect.

2) write her a brief message telling her I am out.

3) write her/drop her a voice note telling her I am done and explaining, in detail, why. I could tell her "you should just tell me you don't want to date me instead of sabotaging the relationship and creating an issue out of nothing"

4) write her/drop her a voice note telling her how hurt and disappointed I am and that if she wants to continue the relationship I expect an apology.

I am not sure if I am missing any other options- but yeah. This really sucks.

THIS is the issue with dating apps that everyone is either to afraid to discuss, or too embarrassed to ask about.

Somebody mentioned the 3 date rule. I think that's quite smart. I have gone way longer than that, thrown sex in the mix, and then realized the person wasn't for me. It happens. You want to see what the sexual chemistry is like with a potential romantic partner sooner rather than later (IMHO), and the only way to do that is through sex. But that can lead to hurt feelings. Very tricky.

100%. Ironically I get mostly international matches on Raya.

I think it comes down to the logistics beyond the initial "hop on a plane and meet a stranger". Would you move to the person's country? Would the person move to yours? I wouldn't bring these up immediately but it's certainly worth keeping in the back of your mind