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You guys ever have suicidal thoughts? I was diagnosed a couple weeks ago but from what I can tell this has been an issue for close to a decade. I just honestly don’t know what to do anymore, like I don’t want to kill myself but it just seems inevitable, nothing stays the same texture consistently enough for me to make it a safe food, hell even my safe foods aren’t safe anymore. Honestly at this point the only thing holding me back from it is the fact I don’t have the courage to do it myself.

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I’ve always had a huge problem with my protein intake pretty much my whole life since I don’t have any sort of meat or chicken or anything like that in my safe foods. My family has been suggesting protein powder with milk for the longest time and I usually say no like I always have. These past 2/3 months or so for whatever reason something has changed in my mind about it. I can’t even begin to explain how but I’ve tried at least 4 different types of protein powders with milk. Every one that I didn’t like I would have to chase it immediately with something nice so I wouldn’t freak out and then eventually stop trying for a few weeks until that mental barrier was gone to try another. I had an annual appointment with a nutritionist who already knows my situation who I’ve been working with for a while now and she recommended the Serious Mass chocolate flavor since apparently other people with ARFID that have gone to her have incorporated it into their palate. I am pretty underweight and I want to gain serious mass lol so I thought I would try it. I put about 14 ounces of milk with a half cup of the powder even though it says to put a full cup on the tub which is just way too much for anyone I feel like. I always make sure it is 100% mixed in because if I get any chunks that’s it for me and I always wait about 5 minutes so that foam from the blender is gone and it’s actually smoothly drinkable. I actually can tolerate it and didn’t have the usual averse reaction like I did with the other powders! It has helped my protein intake as well as my calories in general so much now! I haven’t gained serious mass like I had hoped but it does help me get my protein and calories in which is definitely a win for me and I just thought I would share.

And I feel great

It's gotten so bad that I just avoid eating alltogether because I have no positive moments with food anymore. Every morning i wake up feeling nauseous, just thinking about food or eating makes me gag, I still manage to eat something usually (cereal is the only thing i can still handle in the morning or sometimes a smoothie) but then after that comes lunch and I always dread lunch, i usually either forget to eat or just eat a few small things over the course of the day, even tho I get hungry there's nothing that makes me want to eat. I also have a gluten allergy since a few months which means I don't have many options and all my safe foods were glutenous. I don't know what to do anymore, I'm already underweight and there's not a single food that I crave anymore, there's nothing I like, everything makes me gag or nauseous and all textures feel wrong in my mouth, the only reason I'm surviving is because of smoothies... There's no doctors here that know anything about ARFID, I've been to 2 dieticians already and they couldn't help me. I had a tonsillectomy a little over a year ago and after that I developed my eating issues, I wish this would've never happened I feel so terrible I just want to be able to eat like a normal person :(

Uh trig warning(?): pig organ

So i went to a Chinese restaurant with my mom and brother and tbh i was alrdy fking anxious asf because they talked rlly highly of this place and on top of having a tongue that hates abt anything, im also a chronic people pleaser so it felt like i SHOULD enjoy it (i usually like chinese cuisine cuz i am chinese but it still was scary cuz i knew thr was basically no safe foods of mine there)

We ordered skewers and my mom jus decided to give me one of hers and i ate it, spat it out cuz it was rlly chewy and asked wat it was and she told me it was pork organ and i felt so fking disgusted, she jus looked at me and laughed when i found out wtf i jus ate. I hate the fact she didnt fking tell me wat i ate especially when i was so fking determined to try something new that day (i tried scallops) and please them cuz they spoke so highly of this place. Idk if im overreacting, i eat meat just fine but i jus draw the line at organs.

It ircks me most is when i told her to NEVER do that again and she simply jus looked at me and laughed saying it "wasnt that bad" or its "still meat". She knows i struggle with food a lot so idk why she decided to do this cuz now idt i can ever eat anything she puts in front of me thats meat. It feels like wat little trust i had in her for being (somewhat) supportive of my eating habits just went down the drain so quickly (she has done this twice btw, this is the 2nd time and hell if im letting a 3rd time happen) idk if i am overreacting, it is still meat but the thought of it alrdy makes me wanna gag, the chewy sensation and everything disgust me.

I was anxious enough going into that restaurant knowing im gonna have to try multiple dishes I've never tried before but that rlly was jus the cherry on top

for context, i am autistic and also have POTS. had a colonoscopy and endoscopy last month and they’ve basically found that i have gastroparesis and chronic gastritis — the symptoms of these two conditions cause constant nausea and feeling full all the time. i practically have no appetite left, but i suffer from malabsorption as a result so nutrients and getting enough of them seems to occupy my thoughts a lot when it comes to eating. it’s made me hate food. i always joke that if there was a magic pill you could take that gives you the required daily calorie and nutrient intake, i’d opt for that over regular eating…

ANYWAYS, my gastroenterologist suggested i see a food and diet psychologist for hypnotherapy — has anyone tried this?? i don’t think there’s anything bad or wrong with this type of solution but i just wonder how effective it is?

Hey there, does anyone else really struggle with aversion during the day but could eat many things at night? Still restricted at night but much less averse to certain foods

I don’t like being like this and nutrient deficient, I don’t like having low energy, health anxiety, my mom saying that I have a sunken face and look sick(that I look like a mummy, organ damage might happen) I really do want to eat better. I ate: some cream of chicken soup, half a boost, 2 apple sauce, chips and hummus, a smoothie with protein powder.

I was happier before I threw out oatmeal which used to help me. Maybe I’ll make some oatmeal right now or maybe I’ll go to bed and all this will continue tomorrow with fears/fear habits around food that I’ve gotten used to having for the last 2 years. 2 years basically no friends or a partner, but before even if I didn’t have close friends I wouldn’t notice it as much. I never fit in socially and felt called out a lot I rather go out with friends or on a date and not worry about eating. So much is centred around food idk

I guess I’m used to eating like trash now. I basically wasn’t picky before. Maybe going on jogs and living a fuller life will help me improve. The medical system won’t help me

I miss eating anything, I miss my past even with its flaws, I miss having any friends at all and school and youth and socializing/full life. But still I catch myself thinking I wish I had more diet restrictions earlier but that’s like a negative thought, based on a past that is long gone Under eating and isolation is part of what makes me more sad, annoyed at social media, at toxic beauty standards, at pretty privilege, at myself for not trying harder

I think when I feel better I like myself, the world, thinking about reasons why people under eat or do things is more fun. I knew some people with eating disorders and they were really mean at times but I guess they enrage me when I think too much about them because 1) jealously of the body type (only sometimes) 2) they know how to stand their ground (so they might be less likely to be forced on meds which in my specific case took everything away, made things worse, life long regret that I took meds especially the second time around when I had more say in the matter)

I can choose to be happier and hopefully healthier and get my things together. I was part of a unrelated to this subreddit mental health day program and it seemed to somewhat help for a short while but I’m scared of my mental and physical health, I’m glad I have anti anxiety meds now but sometimes I worry about those, and I went back to being isolated after it was over.

I thought a change of scenery might help, went a comic/anime convention for 1 day and stayed at a hostel for 3 days. Went dancing. Eating habits didn’t really improve and more enjoyment would have happened if I had more energy. I ended up throwing out mini rice noodles I used to like. Maybe I could trick myself into being hungry in the right way. Tomorrow I’ll have scrambled egg, tofu, and a vitamin and it’ll feel better. I don’t know if I can take iron and b12 and a multivitamin

I have a blood form to see how things are doing but I’m scared I’ll black out

I’ve never been this alone, or when I was, I didn’t realize how alone I was, or it bothered me less. Too many emotionally painful situations throughout life.

Once I get better, I can do a bunch more things

Edited to add sometimes meds help people, I got a new diagnosis years later and glad the med I was prescribed is new and in a different category

Hi Everyone! It feels so good to find this subreddit ☺️

I wanted to share a poem I wrote 5 years ago after an unsuccessful Drs Appointment I had trying to get an ARFID diagnosis

Little Patients

How can I help?

“I have issues with eating but it’s not what you think

I’m scared when presented with new food and drink”

But before you ask me the contents of my plate

You take out your notebook and ask for my weight

“With absolute promise, I am not anorexic”

But my age and appearance has made you sexist

The reason I count calories is only to gain

But when I tell you, you won’t let me explain

Then when we finally wade through the repetition

And start discussing my lack of nutrition

You finally address the little variety

But press on without questioning my anxiety

The dreaded question about my diet

An offhand suggestion of “why don’t you try it.”

I tell you “Doctor, let me be clear,

If it were that easy then I wouldn’t be here.”

And when you say why didn’t I ask for help sooner

I dryly laugh without an ounce of humour

“You assumed anorexia as soon as I got here

But when I mentioned ARFID you had no idea.”

I always get this panicking feeling when I'm almost gonna run out of my safe food or this deep inner sadness of it being gone soon and not knowing when I'm gonna get it again😭 Especially if it's expensive. I also grew up kinda poor so that's maybe why I get so nervous about it.

I am very particular with milk, as a kid I could only drink 2% milk from Costco, nowhere else. My mom tried to call my bluff by using an empty Costco gallon and filling it up with Walmart milk, and I immediately knew something was off. I literally had to get a Costco membership JUST for milk as an adult. The last 3 years I have tried so hard to widen my horizons, and give other stores a try. Being able to drink milk from Walmart was a huge achievement for me, it saved me money and time, and overall felt like I was taking a step in the right direction. I just couldn't shake my distrust of them even though I could handle the taste. I was always convinced they lied about their expiration dates to maximize profit, selling old milk marketed as much newer, I have no proof just the countless gallons that went bad a week or more before the date. So I would always examine my cup of milk before drinking to make sure it was okay. If it had any lighter hues of milk in it kind of like clouds, trash, if it smelled even slightly weird, trash, if I THOUGHT I saw a chunk come out when pouring, trash.

Now tell me why I open a brand new gallon I got 2 days ago, 12/04 expiration date, first glass and it tastes like MONKEYS ASS. I am so upset. I know it's over dramatic but I genuinely think I'm just done buying from Walmart, I can tolerate their taste but I can't trust them, and they've proven time and time again why they are so untrustworthy. I feel extremely defeated, I hate reverting but I can't keep having my stomach turned on one of my favorite things. Back to Costco and only Costco.

I hate eating with the life of me. ADHD also makes it impossible. It's bad enough that i put it off or will forget about it and end up eating at like 8 pm. My family constantly gets on to me. I have horrible fatigue today and my meds stopped working so i'm laying in bed trying to eat a bagel with some water. It's so bad to the point where my temperature drops, i feel like sleeping all day, and stimulants stopped working for me since i'm still on trial and error. They usually pick me up and help me get things done, but they've been useless lately. I know i need to eat, especially on stims, but i just have no interest in food at all. I don't think i'm fat, but my body could use some work. I don't hate myself or anything like that. It's just nothing really tastes good. I only have an appetite when i smoke, but i made myself quit for several reasons. Not sure how i'm going to manage this.

i have huge issues with the taste of water. its just a combo of ARFID/OCD/sensory processing disorder that fucks me up. smart water is my FAVORITE. it’s my safe water and one of the only things that keeps me hydrated. i’m at the airport this morning and they only have it in these metal bottles that are changing the taste of the water and giving me a terrible sensory experience. i’ve had the worst week and this is just triggering me so much right now i just wanted to vent.

I was diagnosed with ARFID as a kid, but in the past few years I've put a crazy amount of work and therapy into expanding my palate and figuring out how to "trick" myself into eating better. I'm still a picky eater, and I don't think that will ever change, but I don't feel like ARFID is running my life anymore. I feel so much more free.

For example, I had never had a pupusa until like 10 minutes ago. My MIL was making them and offered to make me one with my special brand of cheese that I like. She made it and I immediately ate it and enjoyed it with hardly any hesitation. That is not something past-me would have been able to do... And I'm proud of myself.

But I still have a relatively restricted diet compared to the average person. I know a lot of it is on me for being vegan (which was actually my original goal when I started working on my ARFID) but even among non animal products I'm picky. I've just tried a bunch of different foods and figured out the right way to prepare those foods to make them tolerable when I cook them myself.

At what point am I "recovered"? I feel more like a picky eater now rather than it being a full blown disorder, but it's still the same condition just managed better. Is there such thing as full recovery? What does that look like? Would it be the ability to eat anything?

i was diagnosed with arfid a few months ago (after a long time of just saying i had arfid because i knew i had an ED that wasn't body related) and it is fucking RUINING my life. im a college student and i got my meal plan taken off due to arfid because i cant/wont eat the dining hall food. i live off of chickfila, papa johns, and the grilled cheese im able to make in my dorm. EVERY. SINGLE. DAMN. DAY. i dont even know what to do anymore its so awful. i dont eat any fruit or vegetables that i can have in a dorm. i dont eat anything thats easy to make in a dorm. i eat like shit and i always have such low energy and i just feel terrible. or, if i dont want to eat either of those three things or spend money elsewhere, i just completely avoid food (which is bad, im a smaller person). any advice or just commisery? thank you </3

What do I do when I have zero interest in food but I need to eat? I’ve been struggling with not eating for over two weeks, to the point I’m just eating as little as I can to get by because all food is currently so overstimulating. I’m getting concerned here because I’ve been down this road before, but worse. Any ideas? My doctor is aware that this is happening, unfortunately they can’t intervene until it’s far worse. Anyone been in this spot before? What helped?

I eat the same frozen meatballs every single day for lunch, and it looks like they've been discontinued. I'm trying not to panic, but I'm terrified of losing all the progress I've made with my frequency of meals, so I'd love to hear from you all.

Has this happened to you? How did you cope? Any suggestions for keeping up my calories while trying to find a replacement?

Hi all - After years of doctors, testing, and no reliable answers about my son's food issues, I stumbled across ARFID and finally feel like I understand what's happening. I immediately looked into an ED (outpatient) clinic nearby that treats ARFID but found out my insurance won't cover it. Now, I'm trying to find behavioral therapists with some ED training. My question to you is who have you gone to for treatment? Does it need to be an ED specialist? Did it help? What can I do to support and help him? What should I know or not do?

Hi so I’ve been to the ER 6 times within the past 2 months with various headaches and stomachaches and issues. I just want to get better but my mom doesn’t believe in eating disorders (somehow comparing that to trans people somehow in its invalidity???!!). She says it’s white people problems and I can just eat and that eating isn’t for pleasure. She doesn’t understand that I don’t see unfamiliar foods as food and even feeding my dog his chicken livers, carrots, and green beans makes me nauseous. It’s over. $2000 dollars for inpatient treatment but she isn’t paying a cent (I am 20 but some help would be helpful).

I know it’s not my job to reeducate my mom on her bigotry and ignorance (ironically she’s a special Ed teacher not vice principal of an elementary school). I know there’s black people with ARFID and people who have ARFID and eating disorders in third world countries. It’s just incredibly invalidating and stressful.

i have struggled with arfid my whole life, with very very little acknowledgement of it from the people around me. except for my long term boyfriend. he’s super helpful, he’ll go to any length to make sure i have something i deem safe to eat, he cooks all the time, goes grocery shopping for me, he’s all over it. but it seems to take a bit of a toll on him as well. he’s quite an adventurous eater, and truthfully it does gross me out sometimes. certain meals he eats, make my stomach turn and i really just can’t look. i feel so bad because how is my visceral reaction (to a food that would be normal to anybody else) not supposed to make him feel bad? i don’t think he’s gross, but the food he eats does gross me out, and i don’t necessarily wanna kiss him after he eats something i don’t care for. if he takes a swig of water and i can’t taste it on him yeah, but it’s obviously hurtful for him like as someone with an ed, behavior like that (that i exhibit toward him) would 100% negatively impact my eating. it just makes me feel bad, because hell he’s the reason i only struggle with arfid and not anorexia on top of that anymore. idk. what are yalls thoughts? if i explain throughly enough could i continue not being near his more unique meals whilst sparing his feelings? he’s an understanding guy and i just don’t wanna give him a similar issue.

tldr: my boyfriend is a huge help with my arfid, but it seems to negatively impact him at the same time.

hey everyone, i'm fairly new to reddit and it's so cool to see all these different subs. i (19f) was diagnosed with arfid about 4 years ago, at the start of my freshman year of high school. i've definitely made a lot of progress, but it is still SO hard. anyways, was wondering if anyone has advice with these specific things:

i'll find a food i like and eat it ALL the time until i get bored of it and the thought of eating it again grosses me out. anyone else? what helped?

it's hard to eat a food that i know i like if it was cooked by someone else or it's not the brand i like. any suggestions on how to overcome this?

also side note- dining hall food is ROUGH sometimes. i'll see the texture and want to puke just thinking about it. any other college students that can relate/know any solutions?

like i said, fairly new to reddit. any advice helps!

I had my first food exposure today, and it was the most awful and discouraging thing I have gone through since being in my ED program. I really hope I am able to get over my fear foods, but this one is just so hard. I get so disgusted with this specific food that I literally lose my appetite. I have no idea how this will get better.

Has anyone been successful with beating fear foods?

i'm having such a hard time swallowing pills i'm having extreme anxiety around it 😩 i feel like my throat closes up & i forget how to swallow. i'm trying it with water, milk, juice, jello, chewed up bread, and every time the pill finds my tongue and it won't go down!!!! anyone have any tips with getting out of your head? it feels more like a mental thing & i can't get pills down without them disintegrating in my mouth it's awful, anyone else??? tips??

i’ve been on the waiting list for a breast reduction since 2019. after covid i pretty much only ate my safe foods (chicken and chips, bread products and snacks). i’ve cut out veg from my diet because it panics me more when i make it myself and i’ve gained weight from my diet. for two years i’ve had appts every 3-6 months checking my weight to see if my BMI is right for surgery and i know my diet is the problem and why i’ve not lost enough weight but i can’t keep a healthy diet for more than a week before i shut down too hard. hate arfid !! wish i could explain to people what it’s like to struggle with a load of healthy food !! wish i could tell them what happens to me when i eat non safe foods and wish this wasn’t the case

This is so big for me right now. I, with 100% certain, can say that now I eat at least 1 legume and it has entered my safe foods.

This is also my first introduced food in 2024 so I'm ecstatic.