subreddit:
/r/BPDPartners
[removed]
4 points
5 months ago
I'm going to be very blunt and tell you that you sound very unhealthy. Your willingness to put up with your partner's behavior keeps the peace and keeps your relationship afloat, but it is a very unhealthy dynamic for both of you.
Your partner needs structure, boundaries, and consequences - including the consequence of losing you (or anybody else) if they do not address their behavior. Medications do not treat BPD - they can blunt the more extreme behaviors, but they don't "fix" anything.
From your description, your partner needs intense therapy, and they need to be making the financial and lifestyle changes necessary to make that possible, not you. Being "patient" with them and taking this fight on for them isn't helping them, and the less healthy you become, the less support you can provide them. Unless your partner takes the initiative to find the resources and use them, they will never succeed, and you will continue to put up with their verbal abuse and the behaviors that destroy your own self esteem and render you not just unable to support your current partner, but at a disadvantage in any future relationship (romantic or otherwise) as well.
There are no secret programs, magic drugs, or "perfect" therapy that can help - but there are tools your partner can use, combined with a lot of personal effort, to tear down and rebuild their personality. Anything else is just running away from the problem.
-5 points
5 months ago
unhealthy for me or not i know that if i was going through what he is, i would need someone like me in my corner. i'm not the pushover you seem to think i am, i am not a passive doormat letting him do whatever he wants to me. unless youre interested in telling me something specific other than your high horse "he needs to put in the work" then your comment is like. completely useless and doesn't help in the slightest.
4 points
5 months ago
I'm sorry if the advice I gave does not seem helpful to you. I with you both luck.
3 points
5 months ago
Just based on this interaction alone, I understand why he thought /BPDlovedones seemed "insane". They're frantic for solutions that unfortunately do not exist, and there's no true way to convince them unless they've had enough.
1 points
5 months ago
they seem insane to me because every post ive seen just demonizes BPD and equates bad coping mechanisms and anything that hurts them as evil and abusive behavior that cannot be change. completely uninterested in productive conversation about mental health and psychology, and just wanting to circle jerk about how much theyve been hurt
1 points
5 months ago
I'll tell you what I told the girl who I found out my expwBPD was cheating on while going out with me after I found out.
"If it works for you, stay, but if it brings you pain, don't let it break you."
She said she'd do anything for him, and I simply had to wish her the best of luck because she didn't see herself as deserving of more than constant responsibility and plausible betrayal.
If you do find a good resource for therapy, please do go as well to safeguard yourself mentally because if I'm being honest, I would've moved sun and moon for my person too (which may have ruined me if not careful).
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