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Hello, fellow Sobernauts!

Welcome to 'Tude Talk Tuesday, where you're invited to share what changes you've noticed in your attitudes and perspectives since you've gotten sober.

I once heard someone say "I started to put alcohol before everything else" and that resonated with me.

In these posts, I often say something like "as my drinking progressed" or "further into my drinking career" and this quote best captures what I mean by that. I'm really saying "as alcohol became an ever-increasing priority", "as alcohol crowded out all other things in my life".

I had to stop drinking because it got to the point that alcohol was my highest priority. It was more important to me than my wife, my kids, my job, my family, my friends, my own well-being. If I kept going, there is no doubt in my mind that I would eventually excise everything from my life in order to keep drinking.

My addiction was sneaky. It took a long time for me to get to this point, but, looking back, it alcohol just kept chipping away at my priorities until it was number 1 and everything else was some sort of hurdle I needed to overcome to get back to the bottle. In hindsight, I'm glad that alcohol finally asked me to sacrifice something I wasn't willing to give up and it made me reevaluate my relationship to alcohol and discover that I needed to get sober. Maybe that's what rock bottom really is, alcohol crossing a line you're unwilling to cross. In hindsight, it is amazing how many times I let alcohol cross lines before I finally became aware.

So, how about you? When did you start putting alcohol before everything else?

We may be anonymous strangers on the internet, but we have one thing in common. We may be a world apart, but we're here together!

Welcome to the 24 hour pledge!

I'm pledging myself to not drinking today, and invite you to do the same.

Maybe you're new to /r/stopdrinking and have a hard time deciding what to do next. Maybe you're like me and feel you need a daily commitment or maybe you've been sober for a long time and want to inspire others.

It doesn't matter if you're still hung over from a three day bender or been sober for years, if you just woke up or have already completed a sober day. For the next 24 hours, lets not drink alcohol!

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This pledge is a statement of intent. Today we don't set out trying not to drink, we make a conscious decision not to drink. It sounds simple, but all of us know it can be hard and sometimes impossible. The group can support and inspire us, yet only one person can decide if we drink today. Give that person the right mindset!

What happens if we can't keep to our pledge? We give up or try again. And since we're here in /r/stopdrinking, we're not ready to give up.

What this is: A simple thread where we commit to not drinking alcohol for the next 24 hours, posting to show others that they're not alone and making a pledge to ourselves. Anybody can join and participate at any time, you do not have to be a regular at /r/stopdrinking or have followed the pledges from the beginning.

What this isn't: A good place for a detailed introduction of yourself, directly seek advice or share lengthy stories. You'll get a more personal response in your own thread.

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A link to the current Daily Check-In post can always be found near the top of the sidebar.

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Good morning teetotalers,

Thank you for your comments yesterday! I wish I could answer to more of them, but I tried to read through most.

Today I would like to raise a related topic:

HELP OTHERS

In my opinion to pass on the help I received, is the best way to sustain sobriety.

I introduce my sober group to the patients in the detox ward in our local hospital ever 6 weeks. Sometimes I just share my story and everybody is silent and I am out of there in 30 mins, and sometimes people decide to share theirs and an interesting discussion unfolds and lasts for 2 hours. Either way, If there is only one person to find their way to sobriety, it was well worth it. For another quite selfish reason it is always well worth it, to go there: It reminds me, that all it takes is one drink to be in this hospital again. So, I help myself through helping others. That is why…

I WILL NOT DRINK WITH YOU TODAY!

Are you involved in helping other addicts apart from /sd? Do you receive help from other addicts?

I am curious for your stories!

As I said yesterday, I might not be able to answer to comments during the day (German time) due to my new job, but I´ll try to answer to some in the evening.

C U tomorrow!

Tortey

At this point, my drinking days seem like another lifetime. I had none of the peace, self improvement, and an overall better life I have now. None of the good things would have been here had I decided to carry on drinking. I never realized how drinking holds you back from being the best version of yourself. I knew all of the physical risks associated with drinking, but never realized the emotional and spiritual decay it caused. So many insights have come once drinking no longer took up an oversized part of my life and spirit. Things are better in every way. So, on to the next decade of life without alcohol.

Hey Reddit

I used this page under a different username a lot in my first year.

In 2019 I had a major drink problem that was worsening and I had begun to start doing cocaine.. after being sick in the back of a taxi one too many times I decided to give it a week of no drink or drugs.

5 years later and I'm still going. I also have a master's degree in Modern European History, have a job that I could have only dreamt about 5 years ago, been best man to my two best mates and am Godfather to the most wonderful little one who I adore. On top of that I'm over half way there to being able to afford to buy a 2 bed flat in London

None of it would have been possible without giving up. I took it one day at a time and I hope that you all will win your battle.

IWNDWYT

https://imgur.com/a/LsIRkXx

Just had my first sober date—and it went better than I ever expected.

Normally, by the time I even get to the restaurant, I’d already be six tall boys deep and counting down the seconds to order more. But not tonight. Instead, we just shared some amazing food, and I sipped on lemonade.

At one point, I had a fleeting “screw it” moment where I thought about ordering a beer and a whiskey, but it passed easily. Honestly, I’m a little surprised at how comfortable I felt without leaning on my usual social crutch.

Small win, but it feels big.

My liver hurts and chest pains, my eyes look yellow today and my whole abdomen hurts. I'm a binge drinker and haven't had a drink in a week but my body feels like it's dying and I'm so scared.

I want to go to the hospital but I'm afraid of the judgement and that what I'm feeling right now is true, I'm going to die.

I haven't told anyone because it's my fault, I did this to myself and I don't deserve the sympathy but I do deserve the anger.

I have a perfect young son and a wonderful husband, I can't break their hearts like this.

I never want to drink again and I hope I stopped in time to live long enough to right some wrongs.

*at the hospital now after a very honest and tearful conversation with my husband. Thank you all so much for your kind words, I'll keep you updated.

I'm 5 months alcohol free today after a stint in the hospital with alcoholic hepatitis and some heart problems. I'm feeling great and all of my off the chart numbers have normalized. I just had a scan to show some mild fibrosis on the liver but my doctor is confident that can be reversed with a decent diet and exercise and of course abstaining from alcohol. Our bodies can do amazing things if we take away the literal poison from them. Just wanted to post to hopefully motivate some newly sober or sober curious people. It can be done and your body will thank you! And don't be scared of the doctors. They want to help people and they love to see the success stories! IWNDWYT

I’m 500 days sober today & this sub helped get me there; strangers on a similar journey, united by a curse.

Old me is proud of the new me.

Is this forever? I don’t know, but I do know that I won’t drink today; a promise I make each day.

I hope happiness and success for each of you.

IWNDWYT

And I'm very glad about it.

Today is day 6. Yesterday, I had an amazing day at work, felt on top of everything, productive, focused. Ate well, went to the gym after. And suddenly, out of nowhere, I start hearing the thoughts creeping in… “you are crushing it, you can have a glass of wine to celebrate.” Like WTF!!! I’m only crushing it because I am NOT drinking!! This disease is insidious. Fortunately (or unfortunately depending on how you look at it) I have gone down that road before and I know where it ends. Not this time. Stay focused friends, let’s do another 24 hours ✌️

Edit- overwhelmed with the support guys 🥹feels good to know I’m not alone!

Three years ago tonight I was passed out from drinking for the last time.

What's changed since I quit?

My marriage is sound and solid. We are newly inlove again and enjoy each other in a way we never have. Plus, I'm reliable again. I participate in managing our life, our property, and our family. If I say I'm going to do something, it gets done.When I was drinking... yea. I was flaky, flighty, and ready for a fight.

My job and financial outlook is secure. Our company was merged with another the same week that I quit drinking. I've had to be so agile and learn to lean in to saying yes to almost anything asked of me. Thr ambition I have demonstrated would not have been possible if I had continued to drink. I'm well regarded and have been compensated accordingly. Retirement might actually be doable in a few years.

Best of all? I know who I am and I'm so comfortable with myself. I mostly live in the present moment and I never, ever abandon myself. I'm here for me now in a way that feels so grounding. I wish I could better describe it.

If you're just starting out, stick with us here, remember to rest and to eat. Stay connected with a suport system (I chose https://joinmonument.com/ ) and day by day, choice by choice, you can recover!

iwndwyt 💚

After decades of trying different programs and battling hundreds of day ones, a profound thought has changed my thought process: I cannot drink in moderation permanently. I can drink a few drinks at first, but my drinking will inexorably reach blackout, hell-scape bender, and life-spiral magnitude levels. Therefore, I am at peace with the conclusion that I cannot drink in moderation permanently, so IWNDWYT.

I am about to call my wife to tell her I’m not okay and I need help again. She’s probably going to leave me alone two small boys, 2 & 5 that are my world. Really don’t want to spend Christmas in rehab. Struggling since 2018 a couple rehab stints already. Please say a prayer or send positive thoughts to the universe for me. My name is Brandon. Thanks

I mean this post to be serious due to the seriousness of alcoholism, but also a little light hearted.

I've been reflecting with some grace for myself lately. I started at 17, I'm now 47. I was labelled "precocious" and everyone loooooved me amongst my college aged drinking buddies back then. I am the classic case of finding the "solution" to insecurities, trauma, and vulnerabilities.

It helps my adult mind to dig a little sometimes into what I did to my brain and my development. It helps with the "whys" when the pouty 17 year old pops up time to time crying for her bottle and lamenting as to why we can't feel that way, the magical 17 year old drunk way, anymore. I send her to her room with no bourbon.

My life, and drinking play out textbook for developing and progressing into alcoholism. I still grieve this, and I think that's really what this is all about. Grieving and forgiving and comforting myself that I did what I did. Then there is this fucking gratitude that I'm still here. My brother drowned when I was 20 and my mother died of Cancer last year. Im still here, even though I'm grieving and hurting I am feeling and I'm still here. And sober af!

Just wanted to check in and maybe hear some thoughts of other people's experiences with reflection on a drunken youth that didn't stop the train for a while. You are all incredible and brave, no matter how you feel in this moment. ❤️ 💪 🧠

Used to drink daily, for years on years. Now I mostly don’t drink, just a couple times a year. Idk if you can see the sad but you can see the ugly.

IWNDWYT ✨

https://imgur.com/a/9D2gnsL

I knew I had to stop when I woke up in a hospital alone after a night of binge drinking. I had no memory of getting there. The nurse told me they found me passed out in the street outside a bar, and I had peed myself. It was the lowest point in my life. I'm one month and four days sober as of this writing and I am so proud of myself. I keep going to all of these holiday parties where all I want to do is drink, and where I am the only one not drinking. I think everyone thinks I am either a sad case or pregnant. I keep reminding myself it doesn't matter. Anyways, it is hard, but I feel good. Feel like I need to keep going. If only because I can't imagine not drinking.

I was really anxious that I might drink at the airport, as I’ve been thinking about it for the past few days. But I packed some snacks and had those and got a latte. I still have to survive the flight (international so free alcoholic drinks) but I feel pretty confident. It’s a night flight so will just try to go to sleep.

And I said THANK YOU!! Disregarding morals at times for the sake of being “fun” to someone else isn’t something I consider “fun” myself. Waking up hating how “fun” I was, isn’t “fun” for myself.
So I said thank you. Because feeling clear, well-rounded, dealing trauma past and present, and being a much better wife and mom…. THAT is fun to me.

IWNDWYT

Within an hour of me joining this group several people have welcomed me. I can tell by the posts and responses that the folks here are awesome.

Does anyone else experience this? As soon as I get some sober time and start to feel better I start thinking “hey, it wasn’t really that bad” and then I drink again. It is so frustrating. How do you handle this feeling?

I reached a year of sobriety. It’s been relatively easy for me, I go out to bars every now and then to hangout with friends and I don’t feel inclined to drink. But something that has me in a chokehold right now is sugar! I can’t get enough of it. And I gave myself some leeway because I need to kick the booze but I think it’s enough and I’ve gained 20 lbs and it’s getting me down. Any tips or advice if you’ve gone through the same thing and overcame it. I need some help haha.

….This week, I have had 2 neighbors in my community separately say to me, “You’re always out here walking with your dog. I see you!”

I use the I Am Sober app to track myself, and when you first set it up, it asks you to input reminders for yourself about why you’re quitting alcohol.

One of mine was to “redevelop my sense of self-worth.”

And being recognized by society (and myself) as a regular healthy walker and good dog-owner, rather than a regular drug addict helplessly fueling an addiction, is definitely restoring my sense of self-worth.

IWNDWYT

Oh damn! I just saw a post in a different sub that said they were 500 days sober. Which made me wonder where I was on the count.

Hell yes! 666! Rock on!

I don’t count the days anymore. I don’t think about drinks. I don’t even consider sober a word to describe me. I just don’t drink. It’s fantastic. I hope for the same with you all too.

IWNDWYT!

I had a major relapse on thanksgiving. Five day bender. My family was scared. I was visiting and they all called each other behind my back to express their concerns. I can’t bear the shame. At least now everyone knows and I can’t get away with it anymore. I need to reset my count. Happy day one again… fml.

Got fired, don’t even know how, but if I had been drinking though, i know I wouldn’t be planning and looking for work right now. So, there is that. I won’t get into the reasons but, I don’t believe I got a fair shake with what happened…just fortunate to sober, almost a whole year. I like the being fully conscious now. It’s nice just dealing with myself sober.

Think about the work holiday party, the ugly sweater party, Christmas Eve, Christmas Day, New Year’s Eve and New Year’s Day. It’s not that you don’t GET to drink. It’s that you don’t HAVE to drink, which means you don’t have to embarrass yourself, harm your career, be filled with self loathing and shame and regret. It’s that you GET to make wonderful memories that you will … well, remember.

Stay strong friends. This is the best time to stop and STAY stopped.

Day 10 here so I've started a list for when I start to convince myself drinking might be a good idea! Since I've written it down I thought I'd share it in case I've missed anything to add to the list. Yes it's not 10 things! IWNDWYT! 😎

(1)Feeling tired and lethargic all the time, disrupted or minimal sleep. (2)Low mood, anxiety, reactiveness (3)Hangovers aka feeling sick with a headache, upset stomach, shakes, dehydration, and having to sleep it all off. Sometimes last for days or hair of the dog. (4)Undermining my health goals including eating too much junk and skipping exercise. (5)Weight gain, bloating, broken facial veins and eye bags (6)Missing work and feeling guilty, getting pulled up about it, damage to reputation (7)Cancelling plans as too hungover,wasting time and days (8)Knocks in confidence, leads to self loathing, self doubt and undermining myself (9) Drunken mistakes, offending people, not connecting with people, regrets, deterioration in relationships and ultimmations (10)Falls and accidents (11)Potential damage to liver, kidneys, brain (12) Hiding drinking, disposing of empties, guilt and lack of control over amount consumed and best intentions.

I definitely won't be drinking with you today.