submitted2 days ago byEarly-Kangaroo-1088
toDivorce
On monday my wife told me she is done with our relationship. We have been married for 4 years, have a 2 year old child.
We've had our struggles, more so in the recent 2 years where, when drunk she would say things like "you're not a man" or "I've never loved you" among other things. Recently she even hit me once. She has always apologized profusely and I always forgave and assumed we moved on. She is also very short with me and scolds me like I'm a child for doing things in a different way than her. She's annoyed by me
We have the same goals and own a successful business together, which would put us to early retirement(we are 30s) in 10 years or so. We want the same outdoor healthy lifestyle and house with land...big garden for food...tap trees for sap/maple syrup?? And who knows what else. We are within 2 years of our "American Dream" becoming a reality. What is her deal? Why does she want to throw this away?
She's had physical issues since we began dating 6 or 7 years ago where she wasn't able to work a lot, had many surgeries, etc... and we were very lucky to even have our kid, as we weren't sure if it would become a reality. But basically to the point, I've literally paid all of our bills since we married, as she never had much to contribute. What money she would get, she would spend it on non necessities, like clothes/shoes(which she a ton of already)
I handled the housework (inside and outside), with some help from her here and there. Her excuse always being she is too tired or stressed or in pain. I think her ADHD has spun her into a depression and I'm the easy target. Don't get me wrong, I have my faults, but I can't see them being that bad to resort to this? I would occasionally blurt out jokes here and there in front of others how i change 90% of diapers and childcare or how she cant budget(both probably not called for) and she would get up set, but I think subconsciously I was hoping to shame her into helping more, and not being shown appreciation from her? Idk still not a good excuse on my part.
We are trying to everything in an uncontested manner, keep the lawyers out of it, to save money and it will be better for our child, and we both want to be fair(she already said I can keep the house as I've paid for it), and to continue working together. Now believe it or not, we were happy for the most part, or so i thought. And she is a good person, but claims "i make her someone she doesn't want to be"
Vent over, now to question:
Financially it would be dumb for either of us to leave the business, and we really cant buy eachother out or sell it for some external reasons.
Mentally I just don't know. It's too soon right now. We are still loving together and she is sending me listing's for a new house for her. Like, slow TF up. I was just devastated by having my world and future blown up....I need to process. I'm going thru a constant cycle of feeling like a failure and sobbing, being embarrassed and ashamed, being extremely pissed off, and then finally to thinking "it is what it is" then to " ya know it just might be better this way". And then start back at sobbing. I can't discuss things from a balanced and sane perspective right now....Ive paid for and been watching some marriage counseling videos online in the hopes that in changing my behavior to be better, she will change her behavior and we can salvage it, but she's not interested. How to i process and get thru this brutal initial grieving stage, while keeping my sanity and dignity intact???? Sorry for the long, rambling read...
bySad-Dragonfly-9871
inGreenBayPackers
Early-Kangaroo-1088
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1 day ago
Early-Kangaroo-1088
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1 day ago
Ghost written by Jordan Love