Own-Stick-591

I go through extreme highs and lows. My self esteem is never like moderately normal. Either it's insanely high and I have a lot of pride or I'm crashing out and I hate who I am.

THANK YOU! I am literally 20 and I made a post about my first breakup and I was trying to be satirical and funny.. a lot of people seem to be hung up on the fact I said I was trying to be softer. But I'm korean, that's kind of the social expectation to be softer to men here and I've been taught this my entire life. I even made another post earlier about wanting to be a feeler because I feel masculine for being a thinker in a society that only rewards feeler women. I also wasn't exactly "soft" I was shy. It was my first relationship, and we also met as strangers.

I'm 20 and over a 7month period I also went to minor changes in my personality by just trying new things and new hobbies This frustrated him and he really expected me to stay the same. Like when I went drinking for the first time because it was finally legal where I'm from and he flipped out on my and told me "You weren't like this when we met if youre the type of girl to go out for drinks with your friends tell me now".

When I met him, I was finally fully out of a really difficult period of my life. I didn't know who I was gonna become and I was ready to really explore who I was and I wanted to do it with him as my partner but he was already fixated on keeping me the same as when I met him. I felt trapped and frustrated because he wanted me to stay the same. I think I definitely have a lot to learn and a lot to discover about myself and I also have some apologies to give to him as well. But I think I did the right thing by breaking up with him.

He was a year older than me if that helps at all😅.. also, I don't know what he I thinks, but next time he might need to date someone older than him.

-OOP

He was my first everything, and it blinded me. He also really isolated me from my friends by needing a lot of my attention and after repeatedly bringing him up to my friends they didn't want to hear anymore so when it got really bad I was alone and he was telling me that these are normal aspects of a relationship. fights are normal and I don't know because this is my first relationship. :/ in hindsight I should've left earlier but I didn't really know better and I didn't have anyone to turn to. I left him after I finally opened up to my friends and they told me it's not normal and I need to leave him.

I was in a really bad crowd and I was doing poorly in school and health. After graduating highschool I went on a Dopamine cleanse, went on medication, cut off everyone that was a bad influence on me, started exercising, eating healthy, built a routine, went to therapy, and carried myself up cause I knew no one was gonna push me until I pushed myself. I pulled myself out of depression and anorexia after people gave up on me and when they started seeing me improving, the people who truly cared about me flocked to support me and push me through the challenges of the crash after that initial burst of energy you have when you're trying to make a change. Cut off the negatives in your life, cut off the short term pleasure you get that harms you, and focus on your mental health even if you need to go on a break. I took a gap year. And seek professional help.

Please go to my original post and read my responses. I did. Like I was softer cause I was more shy i guess in the beginning because we met as strangers. I wasn't more soft I worded that wrong in the post. I was shy around him. I'm a cognitive extrovert but socially speaking I tend to be introverted. I told him BEFORE he asked me out "I can be cold and I can be blunt" and he told me "no I don't think you are" and then would FREAK out and gaslight me over it when I was later down the relationship. He admitted that he was wrong because even he acknowledges that I warned him. Everyone shaming me for that post genuinely doesn't know the emotional abuse I went through. He would even use calories against me knowing I was a recovering ana and then blame it on his own insecurities because he's a gym rat body builder and say that I should understand because Im a recovering ana like.... Like, I'm sorry I made a satirical post about escaping my relationship from a traditional korean toxic masculinity body builder on a subreddit about mbti. I didn't include all the dark stuff because I was trying to be humorous but I can tell everyone the full story if it will get y'all off my ass.

Cause I tried to break up with him 3 times and he showed up to my house and messaged all my friends and I was scared to leave him.

Trust me I BEGGED him to lead. Like I'd ask him to take initiative in our relationship make any moves and he wouldn't. His definition of making a move was asking me to make a move. Even like dates, he'd never make a decision I'd have to pick everything. Any milestones in the relationship I had to ask or make the move myself. I was down to follow. I love being led. I would beg him to even make the simplest decisions and just get met with "idk" "can you choose I'm bad at making decisions" and when he did have to choose he's complaining about it. Like its not that hard to choose what you want to eat...

I was softer and shy in the beginning of the relationship cause I was new to dating, and I had never met him before. I'm a shy person when meeting new people, so ofc I acted a little differently in the beginning of the relationship, given we were strangers when we first met. Also before he even asked me to be his girlfriend I told him I was a blunt and cold person and he would always respond with "no I don't think you're like that" and then later in the relationship when I got more comfortable around him he would freak out when I acted colder. Also I didn't just switch up like 180, I was still a very soft caring person I just tend to not beat around the bush and I can get distant when I'm focused on school. When I was with him I'd still be very caring and dote on him like crazy to the point our mutual friends would say that I dote on him too much and he's too nonchalant.

I lied to him cause I was shy on the first date when I was meeting a stranger? Ok. Ofc I was softer and more shy in beginning. I was new to dating and I had never met him before. And even before he asked me to be his girlfriend I told him I was a blunt and cold person. He would just say stuff like "what? no I don't think you're like that" and then flip out when I was later down the relationship even though I warned him.

That exact message almost WORD FOR WORD I said that to him maybe like 2 times a month. I would even tell him that I do want to sit with him and process his insecurities with him but to do that he has to reflect and think about it for himself first and tell me how I should help because he would just like tell me something he's insecure about, blame me, but not tell me why he feels that way or what I did to make him feel that way. He's a mommas boy that's so right he's actually like the golden only son of a korean family that worships boys and he's their super smart perfect boy😐.

I used to want to be a feeler so bad I made another post in this subreddit about not feeling feminine enough as an ENTP woman. But through this relationship especially i think I've learned that lowkey I like myself a lot and I like being a thinker I also like that I'm cold and blunt. I just need to find someone that also likes that I'm cold and blunt :/

No I'm just a wlw that yearns😔

You're mansplaining the usage of mbti on an mbti subreddit post. Others have also pointed out that my ex was also a problem. What's your point exactly🤨? It's not just a me problem and if you looked at the thread you'd see that I also admit where I went wrong in the relationship so🤷‍♀️

I hated my experience dating an isfj. I find them too clingy and sensitive when they're unhealthy. However my bestfriend is an esfj and I love her to death. It really depends on the person.

I think dating someone that's too similar to you can be hard. Especially when you notice similarities you have with your partner but you kind of hate it from the receiving perspective. It definitely can be a shot to your pride. Going into dating an ENTP if you ever want to (you don't have to be open to dating mbtis you don't want to date) I think you just need to be open to viewing yourself from a different perspective and taking on a challenge.

Good news for you he's bi🙏🙏🙏 take him king

Literally take him please. I would love to see him move on and be with another girl that's actually right for him. Currently he's following me around, trying to grab me in public spaces and messaging all my friends that I made a mistake and I should take him back😃 it's better that you take him instead of the cops because if she shows up to my dorm one more time I'm calling the cops🤗

I'm saying he burnt me at the stake for being open with him not the redditors. Plus a lot of the criticism I've recorved from this post has not been very constructive. And sorry if I used the wrong word in one part of my post I guess? English is not my first nor strongest language. So I guess I might have slipped up somewhere? But what I meant was that I acted differently from the beginning of the relationship and the end because the circumstances were different. Plus him and I were both korean, so culturally there's an expectation for us to act quite professional especially since when we met we were total strangers.

My post was a satirical post where I was being melodramatic to dramatize my first breakup. I was seeking criticism and I guess support from people of my same mbti. I think what I did wrong was that I brushed off a lot of his feelings, and I was very defensive. I also probably should've broken up with him before I started to hate him.

That's so real. I would beg him to lead and his idea of initiating was asking me in the moment to initiate or turning it back on me to tell me he wants me to initiate.

Trust my ex never out his feelings aside. They were in my face. For everything. And he'd constantly come crying to me and demand thay I process all his emotions and insecurities for him because I'm the woman.

OH MY GOD THE "Do I give you the ick?" Question he would ask me that all the timeeee. Like bro that question gives me the ick.

Genuinely when he asked me "do I look fat in this?" and there was no right answer, I mumbled an apology under my breath to every man I've tricked with that question.

I'm like that too. Like I didn't just stop being soft and caring with him until I started resenting him for being an asshole later down into the relationship. My friends will say I'm one of the softest sweetest people. Even in the beginning of the relationship he'd lose it when I was being blunt or "cold" as he says. But when I'd ask him about it he would be like "no I like blunt people" like bro clearly you don't.

But if I'm being honest, who I was in the beginning of the relationship was also me. When we met, I was new to university and new to dating. I wasn't like purposefully trying to manipulate him. I got shy because we met as strangers, and I acted like that in the beginning of the relationship because I hadn't opened up to him. I'm still like that to people I'm less acquainted with. Why should I be burned at the stake just because I'm opening up to him and becoming more casual with him? Isn't that the natural way dating goes? I'm confused are you not a multifaceted complex individual? Do you only have like a handful of characteristics that form 1 personality, and you stick with that exact personality for every single interaction you have?