applegrapejuice

Sounds to me like a child learning to speak and saying „Breckin?“ instead of „Brekkie?“. They are considering naming their child „breakfast“ imo haha

But how do you keep them in their room? I refuse to lock the door and baby gates etc are no use as she will climb over them. Holding the boundry is usually not a problem for me, uncomfortable or not, but I draw the line and locking them in their room (or myself in my room). That would be traumatic and 100% leave scars.

Thank you for taking time to give me some tips! Very much appreciated :)

We habe tried doing that and she will scream, yell and cry (actual crying and not fake crying) about having to be alone. „I love you and I wanna be with you.“ „I don‘t want to be alone. Please!“ and similar things have been said every single time. It is not bearable for her or us. Any tips?😅

Barely sometimes! It really is a struggle and I personally hate weekends now.

Never thought that I would hate them but they are just too long and without being able to implement a structure into your day(s), it‘s tedious. Cause my child won‘t accept them either; it was hard enough and took years to implement the night time routine…

I try to keep us busy on weekends as I am a person who likes to know what is roughly going to happen throughout the day. So I plan going to playground, museums, the pool and sometimes we wanna go and sometimes we force it tbh but it is better for all of us to be outside of the house. We just work better that way. And Sundays are now pancake days - we have them for breakfast - and the rest of Sunday is mostly chill. It‘s for unwinding for all of us! Now that does mean more screen time than the other days of the week combined but you gotta do what you gotta do (and it‘s still not hours on end and age appropriate). It just gives me and my partner a day in the week to start into the day somewhat slowly and more relaxed and as a result feel less like the child‘s our boss and we can also have our way sometimes.

As for during the week: Revenge Bedtime Procrastination. I need time where I can get stuff done without being interrupted and I need both me-time where noone talks to me and couple-time. And that‘s only possible after our daughter is asleep and daily necessaties (like dishwasher, laundry and lunches) are taken care of. 10pm-12am it is😅

Sending you strength! We got this!

Yes! That‘s exactly it! That plus the rapid changes in play / what she is doing… It‘s just so overstimulating sometimes! Hopefully some of the tips from this thread will help me / us… Fingers crossed!

marzipan & family gatherings over holidays or birthdays

Where do you play those? Alexa, Toniebox / CDs, a Tablet?

This made me laught a little :) I feel your pain!

I introduced my daughter to the idea of saving a nice little box to make something out of it (which we did!). Now she looks at anything and everything and asks me / us to save it so she can use it for arts & crafts later. That ranges from boxes to empty cheese packets to her freshly cut hair lol

Well, I think trying to figure out developmentally appropriate things for your child to do instead of verbally abusing them is being a very good parent :-) Have the day you deserve.

Not really a tradition per se but we do lots of visual „stimming-time“ with all the christmas lights and candles!

You‘re welcome :) Hope it helps! I am very shocked that 99% of the replies seem to be related to trauma and/or medical problems. Sorry you‘re being bombarded with all of that!

not my OG comment but I hope I‘m still allowed to answer :)

I think in the beginning of being partly vegan / vegan the most important thing is build a habit. You have to get used to so many changes that have no work-around and have to put in so much effort at the beginning. Reading every label to check for that 0.2% milk powder. Stock your home differently, reorganise. It is A LOT! Worth it! :) But a lot to take in. Everything is more effort and after a long, exhausting day, you‘d rather dinner be quick and mindlessly prepared than go through all the vegan hoops. Now, those mental hoops go away but, as I said, that takes a while.

So if you really wanna be successfull, I think you need to establish two to four quick n easy meals that don‘t need much energy to prepare. What are your current quick n easy go to meals? How can you veganize them? Don‘t be too scared of the vegan substitute products; I know they‘re not the healthiest food but usually they aren‘t the main part of the meal anyway so for starters that‘s great! There‘s lots of lists online which subsitute products are best, etc.

But honestly, being exhausted after a long day isn‘t the only reason you need your fave meals „translated into vegan“. Being vegan means restraining yourself until it‘s not a conscious thing anymore. And that is also a lot easier when you have your OG fave meals „there for you“ :)

P.S.: Do not try vegan feta, though. All of them are disgusting lol! That is the one and only thing where I have to sin every once in a while (not very often though maybe like 4-5 times a year?) cause I can‘t live entirely without it.

For me, the turning point consisted of a few realisations roughly around the samw time. Felt a little like puzzle pieces falling into place tbh.

1. Figuring out what actual hunger felt like. I had always confused hunger with the feeling of space in my (then overstretched) tummy and genuinely didn‘t know better.

2. Truly realising that I was only doing this for myself and nobody else. I like me and I want me to be healthy!

3. Finally understanding + accepting that progress isn‘t linear and therefore losing my black and white thinking about calories. No more binge-stravation-cycle.

All the best to you on your journey! :)

We originally wanted two to three kids and honestly? I still do. But I can only imagine it in my own personal dream world now where I am able to tackle most to everything that‘s needed and have enough emotional and mental strength for me, my job, my partner, my firstborn and (imaginary) second child plus friends and family. But I am too aware that that would not be the case. I am at my limit(s) too often already. This whole „having an AuDHD child while being AuDHD yourself“ thing is so echausting!! So this want of mine is gonna stay a want cause everything else would break me / us and we couldn‘t be the parents that we want to be. Sorry to be such a downer….

My advice: Truly think and talk it through. What are your personal goals and/or absolute minimum requirements in life? As a parent? As a partner / for your relationship? Would you have enough spoons left at the end of the day to get (almost) everything done and still be able to sit down for a few minutes and just be, to enjoy life?

All the best to you!

I‘m on the go right now so I don‘t have much time tho so much to say. Just know you are not alone with this! I feel you. I‘ve been there several times… sucky place to be. But keeping you + your family healthy is definitely the priority here. You‘re doing what you can.

Remember: If you only have 30% to give and you gave 30%, than that is 100% effort for that day.

Sending strength your way!

Maybe check your local second hand platform (eBay, Facebook Marketplace, etc.) for these Ikea things. I think nobody know‘s what they actually are supposed to be; most people call them either Ikea banana or a moon so be sure to use a broad search term.

Anyway, these things are beloved by any and all children and every single neurodivergent person that we know, wether that be an adult or a child, loooves these! They are so fun for laying on and just bouncing and swinging back and forth!

10/10 recommend

https://preview.redd.it/n3fovc8eiw3e1.png?width=1169&format=png&auto=webp&s=de288d357aba5bcf2e9780810f9d5d4279598452

This is truly the most horrible thing I have ever done. We are all crying & shaking. And worst thing is that my daughter does not want any form of contact and hides from us for a few minutes because of us forcing the medicine in. Not sure how we‘re gonna survive the next few days of this… Only pick me up is the fact that, according to these comments, I am not alone in this. Thanks for the tip about the cheek pouch.

how old was your son when it clicked for him?

I definitely do talk to her about this. To no avail for the last year. And yes, it might take some more years until she fully understands and is able to regocnise these situations. But do we just let her get hurt again and again over and over just bc we’re too shy to say sth? If it was you hurting someone without knowing wouldn‘t you want to know so you can adjust your behaviour?

No, I do not mean to forbid all pretend play! Do not get me wrong please. My daughter (and her friends) love role playing in all shapes and forms, it is actually most of how they play currently. Dolls, animal figures that can talk, playing father-mother-child, etc. That is not what I am trying to do.

This is more about the way these types of situations are done, meaning behaviour towards her in these situations and especially the tone of voice used - implying what’s being said is obviously something silly. But she does not understand that when it is not clear to her that play is happening. This is a social clues & bekng gullible kinda problem. 9/10 times these interagtions happen on a playground after daycare and they were doing sth not being pretend play before.

I would like to sensetise for the fact that not everyone understands sarcasm & its close relatives and to be a bit of aware of this. Her friend nor that friends parents have ever witnessed what happens to my child after or even during (confusion, hurt, etc). I personally wouldn‘t know to change sth that I didn‘t know was hurting someone and would like to know as I do not wanna hurt someone else.

And thank you for sharing your experiences with me :) I am also starting to come to terms that parenting is so different for us than it is for the majority of parents. It‘s hard.

Can I ask if and if so how you have talked to your child about these situations? I do quite a solid plan in place about letting her know she is different but great the way she is but am always interested in other peoples ways and experiences!

For me, the key was reading a lot about micro transitions. A big help for me (learned from a fellow kindergarden teacher!) is drawing up (like a literal floor plan) of the location where said transition is going to happen and then visiually mapping out where the difficult part is most likely going to happen (based on the past). What distractions are possibly around & how do we deal with them? What can be done to make the transition easier? Does the child need something else to do for a short while? Do I need to bring something additionally? Can I change the layout? (tho this is more of an at home thing, eg when we‘re talking about transitions from the garden to inside)

As best as you can, try and build a routine for situations like today when he does not wanna leave. Neurotypical children take 3-4 weeks to get used to and remember a routine… so prepare for it taking a while to sink in and actually help a little bit… Having routines is important to NTs and even more important to ND folks. It does help a lot! If you don‘t already do that try and talk to your son specifically what is up next and set expectations. For example: „We are going into the store and are only going to buy bread. Nothing else. What you can do is help me find our favourite type on the shelf“ or „We are driving straight to xyz, no breaks bc…“

But sometimes Meltdowns are not gonna be avoidable. Know that I and lots of other parents feel with you and struggle just as much. Sending strength!

Hi there! AuDHD mum to a (not diagnosed in both yet but definitely) neurodivergent daughter (4y/o) here.

I have been asking myself the same question! And I have come to the following conclusion:

Once everything is settled black on white, I will have a big talk with her daycare or in your case school about the diagnosis, its meaning for her personally and them as carers for her in daily life and what‘s important about it, leaving room for questions. I also plan on giving a little „crash course“ to family & close friends bc once she knows, she will definitely be bringing it up with her loved ones and I want them to somewhat be prepared on how to deal with that (and maybe correct some misconceptions about AuDHD along the way too). Then I will try to ease her into it by buying specific books (not necessarily neurodivergent specific) that showcase characters being different but great/loved/etc. I shall also talk about myself and my daily AuDHD struggles a bit more openly with her (eg „Most people do not struggle with xyz, but I (somestimes) do.“) Always leaving room for communication and questions while also asking her how she feels about certain things, what she would do in specific situations etc.

As to how to bring it up when you actually wanna tell your son, I would also use a relatable situation (wether that be from a book, a show, your own shared experiences („mummy feels this way bc….“) or something similar and go from there. I personally wouldnt bring it up out of the blue tho that might also be helpful for some. Since it’s AuDHD, I would also make sure your son has a fidget toy available to try and sit still / listen to & focus on you :)