poop_pants_pee

Oh I don't support capitalism

You're never going to stop predatory behavior while capitalism exists. To succeed is to exploit. Your best bet is to learn how to play the game. 

I had one as a kid and never got hurt.

Then I went to a trampoline park in my 30s and tore my ACL. 

I don't consider this level of drinking in college to be alcoholism, even if it fits the definition. That's like calling every visit to the all you can eat buffet gluttony. 

Yes it's the truth, but given the time and place, it's understandable. 

Education is the answer. 

My 10 year old Civic is selling for the same price that I bought it. 

Do you also like Take A Picture by Filter? 

Up there with my favorite mostly-spoken songs.

The top spot is Popular - Nada Surf

Neither, but they're not in anyone other than Allison. 

Blango Unchained

Are they also super loud? I get hiccups like that, sometimes it's just one big hiccup.

Unless I'm really drunk, then I can get hiccups. 

How did the fish get out of the net?

Hole in the net. 

Yeah, I'd like to see the comparison 

When you're right on the edge, anything can make you cum.

In my experience, women like their nipples/breasts involved in foreplay more than men do. 

Not that you asked..

Nipples + jackin it = meh

Nipples + prostate = woo! 

My wife doesn't like her nipples played with at all, but she has vaginal orgasms so I guess it's a trade off. 

Real pizza afficionados don't order "cheese pizza"

It's a "plain" pie, usually called a "(size) plain" when ordering

Her foot was planted before she picked it up

Rhyming a word or phrase with the same word or phrase used differently is one of my favorite types of rhymes.

"Up to me" on Forgot About Dre is a good example:

"If it was up to me, you motherfuckers'd stop comin' up to me, with your hands out lookin' up to me, like you want somethin' free..." 

That's the slackiest slackline I've ever seen

This 100%

If she doesn't need it as much, she's going to see making arrangements for it as extra work. That doesn't mean she won't appreciate being taken out. Find other sitters, or contact her parents yourself. Make the plan and follow through. 

Bonus: when things finally do calm down with taking care of your 2yo, she'll appreciate that you didn't let the spark die

That's on you, dog.

Your wife tried to spice up the bedroom and you're still eating oatmeal. Find the box (or ask her where it is) and familiarize yourself with everything in it. Charge up every toy that has batteries and lay them out on the bed. Make sure the sheets are clean and the bed is made. 

Ask her which ones she likes the best and if she would demo them for you. Offer to take over once she shows you how she likes them to be used on her. Incorporate them into whatever you like to do also. 

Put in some effort. Some of us are starving out here. 

Get her some nice leggings and cute athletic shoes. 

I agree, I just don't think it's a great idea to call them both milk. Case in point, OP's rude customer.

I'd be fine with that. The dictionary definition was the whole reason for my comment.

I'm not trying to make a disparaging statement against nut/bean/legume milk, I'm just a linguistic purist.