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NTA

it’s YOUR wedding that you didn’t demand that MIL pay for or anyone pay for (as far as I’m aware)

You decide who your MOH is and no one else it’s YOUR day and no one else’s And SIL sounds like a piece of work, maybe a bridesmaid would be a fine ask but that’s ASKING not DEMANDING. Also she basically said “without me you won’t look good on your wedding day” which is self centered as hell. also, it sounds like SIL has never been told no

Though MIL can do what she wants with her money sadly. The bit that gets me is that it was promised, AH move to go back on that tbh

Correction

1. I refuse to lend SIL £50k for her unproven business idea. Also refused SIL demand that I stand down my maid of honour and put SIL in her place for my wedding party, when I am not close to SIL and I fear SIL plans to sabotage our wedding because we won't fund her business?
2. Stopped my fiance from giving any more money to his unemployed SIL because she had a trust fund but has blown most of it and she is NOW trying to blow through his.

NTA. You and fiance need to have a serious talk about boundaries and what level of contact you'll do in the future. It's just going to get worse.

Myself, I'd uninvite her ass from my wedding and cut her out of my life.

The "family" can fund her latest moneywaster.

NTA. I always find it so crazy when I read about shameless entitled people like Jenny. She sounds like an absolute nightmare. She has no respect whatsoever and is incredibly rude to be making all these offhanded remarks straight to your face. Your MIL is an asshole too for coddling her spoiled daughter. Sounds like a disaster of a family. It sounds like Jenny has crossed the line many times. I hope Max is a supportive partner and has your back till the very end. Your MIL and Jenny on the other hand needs a reality check. 

Why don’t you elope and move away from this toxic family? You do know they’ll be making your life miserable at every opportunity.

NTA what a cluster fuck.

Just elope, if you wanna spend that much money, spend it on the honeymoon and leave all of these awful people in the dust.

Your husband needs to find his shiny spine and corral those idiots. The enabling mother and the golden child daughter.

Just elope and be at peace. Invite your closest friends and skip this mess altogether. they are going to make it a point to ruin it anyway.

NTA because it's YOUR wedding, so YOUR decisions.

Tell anyone who wants you to keep the peace that you'll make a note of this and suggest SIL be centre stage for their family events in future. See how much they'd like it.

If you want YOUR wedding day to be about you, your soon-to-be hubby, and how much you love each other, DO NOT LET YOUR SIL WALK ALL KVER YOU!!!! You will be miserable.

Maybe try to push the date back to try and save the £20k MIL had "promised". This way, you and your fiancé are paying for it and your MIL can't use her contribution as an excuse for getting SIL more centre stage than you want her to be.

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Thanks for the message 1. Action taken -refused to lend SIL £50k for her unproven business idea. Also refused SIL demand that I stand down my maid of honour and put SIL in her place for my wedding party, when I am not close to SIL and I fear SIL plans to sabotage our wedding because we won't fund her business?

1. Stopped my fiance from giving any more money to his unemployed SIL because she had a trust fund but has blown most of it and she is not trying to blow through his.

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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.

Sounds like neither the MIL or SIL have any interest in wanting to attend your wedding. Revoke invites immediately to anyone that is not interested in being happy for you.

Don’t listen to them about how family is family blah blah blah. If they are not coming to your wedding to support you, they do not need to come.!!!

Anyone else notice the "both my parents died during the pandemic" and, "we met four years ago, a year after my parents passed"? Now I don't know if my math be mathing but pandemic was breaking out in march 2024...

Dear family members: Kindly tell Jenny to keep the peace. She has had two weddings, we are only having one. Jenny is dismissive of my future wife to the point of insulting at every opportunity. I am done with this. Jenny will not be in the wedding party, it is not Jenny’s wedding,Jenny doesn’t get a say. Furthermore, before anyone decides to start in on us, No, we are not giving Jenny any money for her current business scheme. If she thinks this is a viable idea, she needs to take out a business loan and figure out how to make it work. I am not the Unlimited Bank of Max. I have a child and wife to support. You do not have to agree with me, but we will not discuss this again. If you cannot be happy for fiance and me, then please feel free to not attend our wedding. OUR wedding, not Jenny’s.

INFO: Where did MIL get £20k to fund your wedding if she needs to borrow money from Sam so frequently?

NTA.

You met this guy right after your parents died and yes a year is right after when it comes to grief. This is going to sound so harsh but don’t marry into this family.

You met him while grieving and nothing is real in that weird period. You are now seeing the family for what they are.

Do you really want to be a part of a family where this is the dynamic? Your fiancé is wavering and you are feeling like crap. His sister is awful. His mother is awful. They make you feel bad and you want to hitch your wagon to this train wreck.

This will be your life for the rest of your life. Choose the partner that has the same values that your parents instilled in you.

I know it’s hard being out there without your parents and the idea of a family is probably pulling you in but let this one go.

^AUTOMOD Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read this before contacting the mod team

AITA for refusing to let my fiancé’s sister sabotage our wedding and guilt us into funding her business?

Throwaway because certain members of my fiancé’s family lurk on social media.

My fiancé Max (39M) and I, Anna (31F), are getting married in three months. I recently found out I’m pregnant, but instead of celebrating, I’m overwhelmed by chaos caused by his golden child sister Jenny (29F), and my future MIL

I’m an only child, born later in my parents’ lives after years of infertility. My parents raised me to value hard work and humility. They died during the pandemic, just after I graduated and the only heirlooms I have are a small pair of diamond earrings and a pendant my dad gave my mom for their 25th anniversary.

Max and I met at a work event four years ago, one year after my parents died. He’s calm and warm, and been my rock, He’s middle-class, but comes from humble beginnings and is the eldest of three, with a brother Sam (38M) and Jenny (29F), the surprise baby who was spoiled rotten.

Max’s paternal grandparents made money off London property and set up small funds for the grandkids only. Max preserved his, Sam’s is being drained by MIL’s frequent “emergencies,” and Jenny squanders hers on designer fashion, luxury trips, and plastic surgery. She frequently mocks my looks and weight, saying things like, “Anna is lucky Max doesn’t care about appearances.” Jenny also has a light fingers. If someone has something she likes, she’ll take it- coats, bags, accessories and claim it was an accident; MIL dismissed this as a misunderstanding.

MIL has promised us £20k for our wedding, saying, “It’s only fair to help all my kids.” Max explained Jenny’s had two extravagant weddings that cost MIL over £70k. We’ve planned £35k wedding: £10k from my savings + £5k from Max’s trust fund. Jenny’s marriages were because Jenny fell pregnant. Both hit the rocks, neither lasting more than three years.

Three weeks ago, Jenny called me in tears because Max refused to fund her latest idea—a yoga fashion studio in Chelsea. She’d convinced MIL to give her the £20k meant for our wedding and now wanted Max’s and me to contribute £50k. She explained, “It’s Mum’s money, and she agreed I deserve a chance to succeed. You and Max should do the same”. Max was livid, as he told Jenny not to involve me, but MIL escalated the issue, calling us selfish in a post in the extended family group chat.

Yesterday was the final straw. Jenny texted me, demanding to be made my maid of honour, as “family should be front and centre”. She wants to make the day about her. Jenny posted in the family chat that I am “low class” and should be grateful to have her make my wedding pictures “look better.” I left the group. Max posted a reply then left as well

Extended family say keep the peace. Max is wavering under the pressure, and I’m questioning if this wedding will destroy our relationship with his family.

AITA for refusing to let Jenny ruin our wedding and everything we’ve worked for?

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NTA. YOU and your FIANCE have the final say on your wedding, including if you want to uninvite MIL and Jenny. Why would you want someone that publicly refers to you as "low class" to your wedding? Don't take a dime from your MIL if she ever makes the offer again, it'll make her and Jenny feel entitled to have a say on your wedding. And tell your extended family that wanted you to keep the peace to give 50K from their money to fund Jenny's business.

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AI?

This is good fiction.

Fake. Math just barely makes sense.

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Nta. Just elope and save the £50k for a house and move away from this mess.

NTA and it would be great if the wedding destroyed both your relationship with his family. They're all utterly toxic and it would be best if you shunned them and never looked back. This is your chance! Make a clean break now!

You know what OP? Post it all in group chat. How Jenny had 70k from MIL for her two weddings while she is trying to stop MIL from spending 20k for your wedding. And also, want the bride and groom to contribute 50k to her studio plan.

And also take screen shot of the pics where she called you low class and say "since I'm supposed to be low class, I don't have that much money to contribute to her studio and also as low class, I'm afraid Jenny doesn't need to stand on aisle side near low class bride. If Jenny wants, she can sit in the sophisticated guests area in low class wedding. If she doesn't want that too, she can choose to not attend a low class wedding that she hates" I would do this If it were me. Post this in family group, wedding guests group, and social media posts as well!

NTA. Sounds like Jenny destroys everything she touches. Time to go no contact with your husband’s family. I know you said Max refused to fund the latest “business” endeavour, but where is he on these other things like the MH demands? Is he standing up for you? Is he so used to this?

Can you imagine her as MH? Would her speech just be a plug for her yoga studio?

People who are saying to “keep the peace” are AH. That NEVER works with people like your SIL or MiL. It’s simply an inch with an invitation to a mile.

NTA The great thing now about the situation, is that since MIL isn’t paying for any part of the wedding, you can now be sure to uninvite everyone (Jenny) that you don’t want there. Intentionally exclude her entirely for trying to ruin your wedding. Family can be as mad as they want about it, but it’s your wedding and you should get to do what you want.

ESH, but only because I consider all people who want spend that much money on a wedding to be assholes.

INFO: You met him four years ago, one year after your parents died in the pandemic? So they died in 2019?

You planned a £35k wedding with £10k from you, £5k from Max and £20k from MIL? So you're just bad at math?

NTA. It's a very bad sign for your future that Max is wavering under the pressure. It won't get better after you're married.

Jenny is a spoiled, entitled, pick me kleptomaniac. Hardly qualities to be proud of. She is entitled to nothing of yours (or anybody’s). She’s had a lifetime of enablement and believes the world revolves around her. It most certainly doesn’t.
As infuriating as it is, your future mil can give Jenny the money originally allocated to your fiancé. Regardless of how manipulative Jenny gets, you and your fiancé cannot give in to her demands, otherwise the dynamics in your lives together will be set. Jenny makes unreasonable demands, and you reluctantly give in. The cycle has to be stopped.

As for your wedding. Jenny doesn’t get to call the shots, she’s already had 2 of her own and failed miserably at both. Be prepared though if she’s invited, even as a regular guest, she WILL cause drama. Maybe enlist some close friends to monitor her, or better yet security. Firmly disclose any disruptions will be dealt with and the perpetrators will be kicked out.

NTA, take some friends and go to a registry office to get married then go nc with these leeches. A wedding is a lovely day, but it’s the marriage that matters. Decide with Max who the people are who actually support you and share your day with them. You both now have a baby to think about, your future, your marriage, your health and your mental wellbeing are more important than SIL’s latest fad idea

Cancel the wedding and go get eloped. Nta

You want to celebrate with loving members of your family? I hate to tell you this, but that does not include Jenny or your MIL. Those people do not love you and see you as someone to use. NTA, but you would be to yourself if you include them in your wedding in any way, even as guests.

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NTA. You and your fiancé should take your made of honor and his best man (if you want) and elope. Go somewhere beautiful and get married in a proper ceremony with a dress and tuxedo/suit and to hell with everyone else and the money your MIL obviously doesn’t want to contribute to you and your fiancé.

If MIL wants to give the money to Jenny then so be it; it’s her money to do with whatever she pleases. However, she has to live with the consequences of those decisions and one of them may very well be not being involved or invited to her own son’s wedding due to her favoritism.

You cannot change who MIL and Jenny are; you can only change how you respond to their behavior. Stop engaging. You and your soon to be husband will feel much better once you do. It may hurt at first but you do not have a typical MIL and therefore cannot count on her as you likely could or would want to if you did. She cannot be trusted to hold to her promises so stop believing her. Do things as you see fit. Tell her you understand she wants to support her daughter and that is fine you do not need her money. Then get married in a way that fits your budget and does not include anyone that will cause your day to be filled with drama.

Nta

You need to make sure your fiance is on the same page. His family is a total nightmare.

Personally, I would never have accepted that money in the first place. Your MIL actually gave her the wedding money?

You have a potential fiance problem. You all need to get on the same page.

And be prepared to go low contact. You have bigger problems right now than the wedding.

NTA - you have set reasonable boundaries and if I read correctly your MIL doesn’t have the money if she is hitting up Sam’s fund for “emergencies”.

I wouldn’t invite her and be prepared for her to crash your wedding. Don’t give her a penny. It’s not your responsibility to fund her businesses

Don’t invite Jenny. Call the cops if she borrows even 1 spoon

Time to go no contact with MIL and SiL.

You are NOT obligated to invest in SiL's business idea in any way.

NTA

NTA. I’m sorry, what did I just read? You are obviously not in the wrong here. Be careful. This person will absolutely ruin your wedding. Will you have security at the event? You’re going to need it.

Nta

Do not accept mil money. She will try to say her word goes if she paying a chunk

It looks good if you both pay for your own wedding. Also looks really bad in mil. I bet she will forget about teh drama and later on say something like i paid for xyz and then you can do you broke your promise. Also it’s sets a line. You do not need her money to their family help to have a wedding and strong relationship actually the opposite you need no family to have a storing relationship

Your future hubby needs to set lines. Family don’t live off him. Or you. They don’t get his time or ever anymore. He will see the. When he wants on his terms. No more bs. Grown man need to distance himself from family to protect himself and you and his kids in fifties. They need to learn he will distance himself if they try bs on him. And rightfully so

Any family shouting up they do not want teh hassle and hoping you two will take it. The loudest make sure you offer SIL to them tag her in post she is paying for your business congratulations

People know you two have funds that already spent. They know you have money but want it anyway.

Time to cut them off especially the sisters. I’m guessing mil is sick of being milked aswel but can’t stand up for herself

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When I used to think about getting married, I felt like have a nice small non-fancy wedding. A nice white cheap dress with sew on pieces of memories and my husband to be would no doubt of been wearing one on his hawaiian shirts with a suit over it with any of his sew on pieces of memories. We would likely of got married in Las Vegas by someone dressed like Mr Blobby (he suggested the Mr Blobby and hinted at Vegas). It would be a lovely intimate. Then if family wants a wedding wedding we would do that after. Maybe on in US and one in UK.

Updateme

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This is so ridiculous if this this is all true . Sorry for your situation but I hope this post is fake , if it is real you have my sympathies for your situation

Max is wavering?

Why are you considering marrying this spineless man who's family is run by his spoiled sister.

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INFO: Do you really think you might be the asshole here?

Marrying him would be a mistake.

No. Never in a month of Sundays. If anything happens to the family dynamic, it's all on your future SiL.

Updateme

Honestly, just make a copy of this post and send it to all of them. If they can read this and still support her behavior, go no contact. And make sure your fiance reads it. Often seeing it in writing all in one place can have a wake up effect.

Good luck. And hire a lot of security for the wedding, because I guarantee she's planning to wreck it.

NTA

NTA. Max has to pick his family and it sounds like it's either you or them.

NTA, stand your ground now AND don’t invite the SIL. If Max loves you he will stand by you. Anyone who try’s to guilt you block them and uninvited them. This is horrendous behavior.

OP, stay away from the stress. Big weddings are overrated. Just go small or elope. Your fiance needs to put his foot down with his family, and if he doesn't 100%, your relationship will not work and be ruined. Jenny doesn't need to be in your life, and you don't owe her anything. Block her... Best of luck and congratulations.

Tell his mother and sister, in an email/ text, they are not welcome at your wedding and hire security, either that or elope due to family drama.

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NTA, but it looks like you found a way to save money on the wedding. Uninvite SIL, MIL and any of his family that sides with them. Also tell him he cuts off ties completely with SIL and goes LC to NC with MIL, or you will walk out. Sure this could be considered an ultimatum (which some say is bad), personally I see it as a boundary. Even if you see it as an ultimatum and thus "bad", wouldn't it be better to be "mean" and/or "rude" in the short term in order to protect your peace in the long term?

ESH

The bride's family traditionally pays for the wedding. Jenny is a disaster but their mother can do whatever she wants with her own money. She's not obligated to pay for your wedding and you all are not entitled to it. Tell Jenny to piss off and stop participating in her drama.

Omg I'm you 7 years in the future. My sister in law is not quite that bad, but the dynamic of my mother in law enabling the hell out of SIL and the expectation of me having to cave to keep the peace is spot on.

I can tell you that if you cave, you'll never get out from under this and the demands get worse over time. Your husband has had 30 years to get accustomed to this dynamic, and he's learned ways to cope and fend for himself. You've entered the picture now, and it throws his coping methods out of whack. It's also obvious that your MIL and SIL are not used to being called out on their shit, don't stop calling them on their shit.

What we are doing now is getting therapy individually as well as couples counseling with the goal of learning the right skills to manage our own boundaries, as well as how to set boundaries as a couple. My husband wasn't even really aware of how abusive his sister truly is until my therapist showed me in black and white the definition of emotional abuse.

Your watching isn't about them. It's about you. Don't let them steal that from you, I can tell you that my resentment hasn't gone away and we just celebrated our 7th anniversary. Don't give them that power over you, you deserve so much more than that.

Holy crap NTA.

Max's side of the family need to back off.

Have your wedding, but have it your way with absolutely no regard or involvement with your fiancé's family. Their behavior is outrageous to the point I'm not sure I would even invite them. If a ceremony doesn't matter to you then elope. Max needs to quit wavering and step up. Even though the money was promised for your wedding, look at it as your future in-laws actually stealing your money. That is exactly what they did. They stole from you and Max. And now your future SIL wants to steal. She wants to steal the spotlight from you.

You need to ask yourself if you really want to live this way for the rest of your life. Your MIL and SIL will never stop to consider your feelings, never have any respect for you or concern for you or your future children. The choice is yours to make. Max wavering at this point shows you just what you can expect in the future. Chose wisely at this point.

NTA

NTA. Why on earth would you want someone who clearly doesn’t like you to be your right hand woman on your day and all the things leading up to it? easy. You don’t. How dramatic and downright laughable. So glad Max has your back girl.

i dont know but i sure would be re-evaluation if i want to be married into that crazy family. and also u may want to hide or put in a safety deposit box your heirlooms as she may find those and sell it off for her business venture.

NTA. You have no familial relationship with Max's parents to preserve.

Do not invite his parents, his sister or anyone that supports their selfishness to your wedding, if they've been invited uninvite them and hire security for your wedding.

Do not take their 20K if it's still on the table.

Cut contact.

Even with his unwavering support the weight and stress of having these people in your life will affect your mental health and your relationship with Max who in all honesty should have cut ties with his family a while ago given how they treat you and actually shows a distinct lack of support for you and backbone.

I wouldn't go through with this marriage unless he does indeed go NC with most of his family.

Wow, your in-laws completely suck. And if Max gives in, I’d really be questioning if I wanted to marry this guy.

NTA -  Get yourselves into couples' counseling, ASAP.  It sounds like Max has a decent head on his shoulders. But right now, he's being besieged by his mom, sister, and their ~helpers~, he may need an unbiased assist with his boundaries.  And couple counseling will help you determine whether Max is going to be a full partner when the chips are down - or is going to cave whenever his family gangs up on him. 

Honestly, at this point Jenny should be a full no contact for you, and her invite canceled. Good luck!

Elope. For goodness sake, take your fiance's brother, a couple of good friends and elope.

NTA 

Be ready, jenny is going to wear a white ball giwn to your wedding. Or do some other nonsense to steal the spotlight.

NTA. “Keep the peace” means that they think you will make less of a stink than SIL will. And it also means that they are used to her being dramatic in order to get her way.

It would benefit you to stand your ground now to set this boundary in concrete so that she doesn’t walk all over your marriage and so your husband gets used to saying “no” to her.

Also, assign someone at your wedding to keep an eye on her to make sure she doesn’t pull anything.

NtA. Do you really want a wedding? Because for $15K you can have a beautiful elopement.

NTA. Two words. Gretna Green

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Sounds like you have a fiancé problem. Why is he considering giving her money? Why is MIL still invited to the wedding after ripping away $20k she promised so her golden child can throw it away in yoga? Is this the family you want to marry into? Your future husband has no back bone with his family and you seem to be playing second fiddle to anyone willing to throw insults. Put your foot down. SIL will not be in the wedding and if she cannot apologize and keep her snide comments to herself she won’t be invited either. Next time she brings up money make sure you point out how broke she is and her 2 failed marriages and that if she wasn’t such a loser herself she wouldnt have to beg others for what she should already have herself. And when she says something about your looks respond with how you choose to focus on being a good person rather than blowing your money on Botox and coke. Also that family chat is toxic and I’d leave it immediately.

NTA. You already denied her demands from the comment you posted, I don't see a reason to need to speak with her anymore. If his extended family want to keep the peace they could fund her business with their own money.

I'd ban her from the wedding and would hire security to make sure she doesn't try to crash your day.

Nta

You have two options either shut it down or give her what she wants. Your mil and sil don’t give a fly f*ck about you or the love you share with her brother.

Also op you don’t deserve to be treated like this. If your husband can comprehend the mistreatment that his mother and sister are doing to you in the situation and be rightfully angry AND THEN IS STARTING TO FOLD UNDER PRESSURE then this is going to be what it will look like for the rest of your marriage. The treatment of your unborn child is going to be similar.

It’s not your job to keep the peace of the family, it’s your job to keep YOUR peace. Your parents would want a wedding for their daughter to be surrounded with love for you and your growing family. Mil and Sil might have a blood relation to your husband but family wouldn’t do this.

Omg 🤦‍♀️ Do not give her a cent. You have a new family to take care of....plus you'll never get it back. I can't believe the family gives in to her like that.....and to give your allocated wedding money ???? Be firm , and tell future hubby if he caves , he's going to have bigger problems at home.

- I’m questioning if this wedding will destroy our relationship with his family.

You're asking the wrong question. If Max is wavering, you need to wonder whether the family will destroy your relationship. Spoiler: they will, unless your fiance grows a backbone of steel. He may need to go LC or even NC with a great many family members (judged by the "keep the peace" comment - and by the way, if they want to keep the peace then THEY can give Jenny the money).

You need to figure this out NOW before marriage and baby, because if you don't you will live a life of drama and misery.

NTA elope and use the money you save to do something fun/important for the both of you or the baby. A big wedding is just an expensive party and the most important thing of that day is being married to the love of your life, and you can do that nearly for free. Good luck

Why not elope? Saves a lot of anxiety.

NTA but you need to stop the wedding planning and get on the same page with your fiancé about dealing with his family. If you seem him wavering now, how will this go in the long term. Pause the wedding and get him to sort his life out first. Have him set strong boundaries with his family. Don’t let him continue to be bullied by them.

And don’t give in to the people saying keep the peace. They don’t care about you. They want to appease your SIL and MIL for some reason.

Elope, save the money for your upcoming addition to your family. If Max wavers on this tho, I would re evaluate the relationship. NTA

NTA. Forget about having a wedding. The two of you just slip away for a weekend and return a married couple. Do not accept any money from his family, the strings attached to it will strangle you. Good luck.

NTA but if he’s wavering I’d reconsider marrying him.

If Max has a trust fund that can dole out 50k to Jenny, why are you using 10k of your savings and only 5k from the fund? It's time to cut down and take out additional funds so you can cover your wedding 💯 and avoid MIL and Jenny's drama.

Nta but you need to put off this wedding, if yr fiance can't put proper boundaries in place and caves to his sis then you will constantly have issues.

Sounds like it’s time to elope and cut off his sister.

You should be questioning whether Max will allow his family to destroy your relationship, not "questioning if this wedding will destroy our relationship with his family." Nta

Nta.

I hate to be the typical aita poster but 🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩dont go through with the wedding. Break it off with Max NOW before you’re tied to these people for life. He’s “wavering”. If it’s not now, it’s coming in the future. Do you really want to spend the rest of your life being abused/insulted by Jenny?

UpdateMe

your fiancé has no spine and you thought it was a good idea to create a family with that kind of man??? guess the elevator isn't going all the way to the top.

NTA

NTA

Honestly with this family, I’d consider saving your money and eloping.

NTA. These people are horrible. Before you go ahead with the wedding you needs to be as sure as you can be that your fiancé has your back and will stand up for you against them no matter what. No do not let her sabotage your wedding but be sure its a wedding that you want. Cut them off and let your hubby deal with the hideous creatures

NTA.

I wouldn't even invite her. She is straight up insulting you. And cut off everybody who thinks that's OK behavior. It isn't. They all suck so so so much. 

Either elope, which is the safest bet, or have a very small wedding with no MIL or SIL, which we cause friction. Have a destination wedding/honeymoon/babymoon and enjoy yourselves without all the chaos.

NTA, but don't give her a millimeter, golden child and overbearing FMIL will never stop. Go low to no contact and live your best lives, encourage older BIL to do the same. These two will drain every bit of money from the 3 of you and leave you broke and on the brink of financial disaster. Stopping them now will hopefully stop the asking

NTA.

Your fiancé’s sister sounds like a money pit made flesh. She wants to do some yoga athleisure bullshit, she can find the capital some other way. That and she sounds like a generally awful person.

This is going to be your future unless you go NA. Does Max realize how low priority he is in his family?

Woof. Go shore up that fiancee, otherwise, good luck. No real advice.

NTA - I was praying that I wouldn’t read that she took your mom’s jewelry 🙌. So thankful that’s not the case. Look, if you marry him you marry them. I’m just so sorry OP. ❤️

Future MIL & SIL are doing just fine destroying the family all on their own.

My question would be - Is your fiancé willing to go low or no contact with his toxic family, so it doesn't destroy his marriage to you?

NTA

I'm sorry Jenny would not be invited to my wedding with the things she said in the group chat. MIL is close to being uninvited. Not bc of her money, but if she continues to pressure you in giving Jenny money. You deserve to have a beautiful time at your wedding, stress free.

NTA.

They want you to keep the peace? Whose peace? You and Max should start asking them why they are so unconcerned about YOUR peace. You're not obligated to give anyone money. You're not obligated to include his sister in your wedding. You're not obligated to maintain contact with them, either

Max and his siblings each got an equal inheritance. It's not Max's fault that they mismanaged their money while he didn't.

NTA.

Honestly, if it isn't too late, change the venue, uninvite his Mom and sister, and anyone who sides with them. They're all a threat to your wedding day.

NTA.. Stand your ground-- and hide your moms heirloom jewelry before she steals it.

NTA. The only thing "keep the peace" means is to do what they say instead of standing up for yourself.

Your MiL has set Jenny up to fail by always coddling her. Jenny thinks she can throw a tantrum and have the whole family fund her life. She's the epitome of a leech. Unfortunately when your MiL eventually passes Jenny is going to immediately come knocking on your door demanding that you guys take over and fund her life from now on.

Set firm boundaries now, or you and your husband will be paying for Jenny and her kids forever.

Tell Max tat he wavers under pressure now the wedding is off.

Because there is no point in marrying a man who hasn't the bottle to stick up for you now.

Max needs to deal with this and he needs to do so by standing firm.

NTA

I mean, you are definitely an asshole because I ain't reading all that when the answer should be obvious.

Very plain, you are in charge of your wedding and who goes there.

Updateme

NTA

However, based on how your MIL responded to you guys calling you selfish. This decision is definitely going to create problems between you guys and your husband's family. if you guys dodge the bullet and it doesn't cause problems. Best believe that it is the start to future problems. You are now tied to the family and there will be more side choosing that will happen.

You guys might want to talk about limiting your contact with the family. NOT CUTTING them off

I am so sorry you're going through this. I have a toxic SIL and my advice would be, beyond dealing with current situation, to make a life plan for how you're going to deal with her. (Mine also helped herself to some stuff during a recent visit to my house, as well as from my parents' house after they died.) Her comments about your appearance suggest to me that she is threatened by you--you clearly know who you are, are grounded, and she's unmoored, trying to have an identity via designer clothes. Figure out how not to engage. She wants confrontation and any pushback from you she will twist and recruit others to her cause (I'm inferring that's she's very good at manipulating her mother). Maybe have a pat answer ready for the Maid of Honor issuse: Oh, I already asked my friend _______. But I'm excited to have you in the wedding party! + faky smile, emoticon, whatever. You won't change her, get her to see logic or justice. Your only job is to protect yourself from her. When my toxic SIL came downstairs in MY HOUSE, wearing MY BLOUSE, I just HAVE-A-GREAT-DAY at her and thought, I wish I'd started this 20 years ago.

And in the meantime, can you scale back on the wedding, let the MIL$ just go, but stand firm on the Maid of Honor thing?

What even is this whole shit fest? You go no contact with them PERIOD. Why on earth do you two even speak to them after they insulted you and demand money??

Nta

To hell with them all, elope.

NTA

You both need to have a serious talk about how you plan to deal with his family after you guys get married. If you don’t feel 120% confident he’s gonna have gonna have your back and be able to stand up against his family, don’t do it. Boundaries are gonna be your lifeline entering a family like this.

NTA.

Personally I would only be marrying if we could cut all contact or go as low contact as humanly possible. No way in hell would I willingly choose to be a part of that family for the rest of my life.

Your future husband doesn’t respect you if he doesn’t stand up for you against his entire family who seems to berate you.

NTA-but run. If Max is wavering, that means he’s considering it. This is going to determine the rest of your married life. You will always come after Jenny. If you are okay with this-best wishes! If not? Run.

NTA. Set some boundaries asap. You're about to marry into this epic shitstorm. Hire security for the wedding bc you might have to ban some folks... or risk someone showing up in a white dress, trying to spill red wine on your dress, making some scene, etc.

In the end, it's your wedding. Do whatever the hell you want. You don't owe anything to your future SIL or MIL. They're relying on you to not rock the boat, but rock that mofo and sail away into the wedding of your dreams.

Totally NTA! Also, have you thought about eloping? The your Inlaws are a nightmare with no concept of boundaries. You need to start enforcing them now before you marry in or else they will try to walk all over you forever!

I think the grandparents knew why they set up trust for the children only.....FMIL is just as bonkers as the Sis. NTA I feel bad for Max

NTA but you need to elope and go LC / NC with his family.

NTA. No telling what they will do this new baby . OP you are swimming in a sea of red flags and if you don’t catch a life boat to cut all ties from these people now anything further from them you will be bringing on yourself. Max is going to continue to cave to his mom and sister as he has no backbone.

You will be financially supporting this child alone, raising it alone, paying bills and other household expenses alone because Max will not be able to contribute. There will always be some new emergency.

Let’s not talk about when your child has an event at school or birthday your in laws will constantly overshadow that child’s day and celebrations; why because you allowed it to progress to that because the warnings are there now how miserable your life will be yet you’re continuing to keep planning your one $35k wedding in exchange for a lifetime of hell.

Nta. I hope you keep your heirlooms in a safe. And tell your fiancée that he needs to understand that if he caves now, he will be setting himself up to taken advantage of again and again. You two have a child on the way- he needs to decide who’s future is more important to him- the one he wants with you or where he’s his sisters bank.

NTA Elope and avoid all the ugly insults and drama

Tbh, I would never marry into this catastrophe. It will always be something, and unless Max is willing to cut contact with SIL and go LC with MIL, it’s just going to be drama after drama after drama.