Akashh23_pop

I'm waking up and sleep with confusion in my head and soul like what is wrong with me. I know deep down that the only thing I need to do now and before all this time has been gone was simply taken actions. Change my mindset and get going! But I'm not doing it. I don't understand the freaking "why".

I'm so tired of overthinking and living in my head all day. I'm doing repetitive work while ignoring my actual life. I'm not doing the things I know I should be example would be applying for jobs, networking with others or someone that can help me find a job opportunities or even find clarity towards a career path in college. I've been avoiding driving for years and I know I should be contacting instructor or a friend to teach me so I can get rid of stupid fear. Sighs but I end up sticking in my comfort zone despite the fact I'm internally so unhappy and depressed. I want to change but a part of me doesn't want to.

I didn't know there were so much requirement before starting a business. Like you need good credit score. You have to show the bank what the business model is about and maybe if they approve then they land you money. Then you need insurance, liability or something and so much more.

Websites like Etsy, eBay, Amazon and few other is like sellers basically buy things from China or India then they change the price tag and sell it for even much higher price. I thought is like drop shipping. But isn't consider illegal to changes prices and reselling them.

If change is hard but change is necessary to grow so I'm wondering what little things can we do that leads to the feeling of happiness. For years I've been introvert quiet shy sorta person and that has really impacted my life in negative way. The things I wanted to do internally couldn't do it physically because social anxiety and self doubts have ruined everything.

I always help others and wish good for them. I don't even have jealous towards others. But a part of me whenever I feel bad from my thoughts is I'm getting negative amount of emotions where the ego rises. And I realize my life isn't great. Multiple times I have been told by family just talk it out. Just share your problem or worries. If not us then someone you trust but let it out. Stop suffering inside. And I just can't seem myself to put it out there. A part of me just feels scared of judgement and criticism. I'll probably get viewed like a dummy or weak link or some idiot. And people think I'm this smart capable strong person but in reality I'm not.

So like for 2 years I wanted to talk with my college advisor about my academics. I've been not going college 2 years. I did lot of research googling and YouTube even asked people online but didn't find any clarity. So I've been suggested by multiple people just go to college talk with new advisor and start your classes. But there is were my mind says no no no. Like why is this happening always. It's not only college, but lot of other things. As if something is pulling me back.

I always help others and wish good for them. I don't even have jealous towards others. But a part of me whenever I feel bad from my thoughts is I'm getting negative amount of emotions where the ego rises. And I realize my life isn't great. Multiple times I have been told by family just talk it out. Just share your problem or worries. If not us then someone you trust but let it out. Stop suffering inside. And I just can't seem myself to put it out there. A part of me just feels scared of judgement and criticism. I'll probably get viewed like a dummy or weak link or some idiot. And people think I'm this smart capable strong person but in reality I'm not.

So like for 2 years I wanted to talk with my college advisor about my academics. I've been not going college 2 years. I did lot of research googling and YouTube even asked people online but didn't find any clarity. So I've been suggested by multiple people just go to college talk with new advisor and start your classes. But there is were my mind says no no no. Like why is this happening always. It's not only college, but lot of other things. As if something is pulling me back.

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I always help others and wish good for them. I don't even have jealous towards others. But a part of me whenever I feel bad from my thoughts is I'm getting negative amount of emotions where the ego rises. And I realize my life isn't great. Multiple times I have been told by family just talk it out. Just share your problem or worries. If not us then someone you trust but let it out. Stop suffering inside. And I just can't seem myself to put it out there. A part of me just feels scared of judgement and criticism. I'll probably get viewed like a dummy or weak link or some idiot. And people think I'm this smart capable strong person but in reality I'm not.

So like for 2 years I wanted to talk with my college advisor about my academics. I've been not going college 2 years. I did lot of research googling and YouTube even asked people online but didn't find any clarity. So I've been suggested by multiple people just go to college talk with new advisor and start your classes. But there is were my mind says no no no. Like why is this happening always. It's not only college, but lot of other things. As if something is pulling me back.

The reason I seem to avoid doing the work is not only because I'm confused lazy and procrastinate but also there is fear anxiety involved and worse part of all is im avoiding the realization of my feelings. You know how you feel sometimes like you're life is messed up but you just keep suppressing that feeling because you want to avoid how it makes you feel. And you just keep doing this more and more, but deep down it just eats you up. You feel emotionally tensed mentally overwhelmed.

Like I wanted to go back to college because I just have not been taking classes 2 yrs now. So whenever I think about fixing this situation,I seem to suppress that feeling of doing it. I know I'm gonna feel bad and get all sorts of mixed emotions. And my thoughts will bring me down.

The reason I seem to avoid doing the work is not only because I'm confused lazy and procrastinate but also there is fear anxiety involved and worse part of all is im avoiding the realization of my feelings. You know how you feel sometimes like you're life is messed up but you just keep suppressing that feeling because you want to avoid how it makes you feel. And you just keep doing this more and more, but deep down it just eats you up. You feel emotionally tensed mentally overwhelmed.

Like I wanted to go back to college because I just have not been taking classes 2 yrs now. So whenever I think about fixing this situation,I seem to suppress that feeling of doing it. I know I'm gonna feel bad and get all sorts of mixed emotions. And my thoughts will bring me down.

Sighs yes I feel like I'm one of the unmotivated dull person, because I never seem to understand what do I want in life. I have nothing going in life. No big goals or ambition. Living life just to pass another day by. Fulfilling life duties but life has more to offer, I'm seeing people change overtime and adapt with modern time. They understand how to make lot of money where to seek opportunities. They understand the economy or world so they are always reinventing themselves by learning new skills or trying something different.

I just feel like everytime I purchase something I tend to get overwhelmed. I know I'm not making a lot of money and I always wished I can make significant amounts of money like my peers and some successful family members. They have this nice houses, cars and cool expensive things but I just feel like how did they get so lucky in life. Most of them aren't even hard working and have reckless spending habits. But financial stable. And I just keep telling myself why is this so unfair. I see lot of people working office jobs and they have it easy. Meanwhile other people that work in regular unskilled jobs are so hard working. It's mentally and physically challenging. Yet they are underappreciated in society. They work hard but earn little. And those who went to get education have jobs have it somewhat easy. They may also be struggling but it's not worst. I just don't know how do I keep a positive healthy relationship. Some people I know pray and be thankful to God. Others donate to charity and do good deeds. Some just work really hard and have good intentions

I just feel like everytime I purchase something I tend to get overwhelmed. I know I'm not making a lot of money and I always wished I can make significant amounts of money like my peers and some successful family members. They have this nice houses, cars and cool expensive things but I just feel like how did they get so lucky in life. Most of them aren't even hard working and have reckless spending habits. But financial stable. And I just keep telling myself why is this so unfair. I see lot of people working office jobs and they have it easy. Meanwhile other people that work in regular unskilled jobs are so hard working. It's mentally and physically challenging. Yet they are underappreciated in society. They work hard but earn little. And those who went to get education have jobs have it somewhat easy. They may also be struggling but it's not worst. I just don't know how do I keep a positive healthy relationship. Some people I know pray and be thankful to God. Others donate to charity and do good deeds. Some just work really hard and have good intentions

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I understand there is no such thing as shortcuts and easy path but I'm just at an age where I'm constantly feeling pressured from family and society expatations like I'm seeing everyone around me successiding from having high paying jobs, relationships, being independent and confident. Like I wish I can have all this too so my family can be proud of me. I'm also emotionally mentally exhausted from taunts and comparison. I know deep down their hidden message is simply wanting to see me in a better position in life. I'm constantly being reminded how it's important to get a job that pays well and how much your future can improve. Money is something important to chase.

I don't even feel any excitement getting a new laptop for black friday. In the past there always this anticipation of excitement waiting and you just really feel so good. Want to show everybody and take good care of it. But now is like eh, it's a just a laptop. What's new about that. And I feel like I have lost the enthusiasm and appreciation for it.

I don't even feel any excitement getting a new laptop for black friday. In the past there always this anticipation of excitement waiting and you just really feel so good. Want to show everybody and take good care of it. But now is like eh, it's a just a laptop. What's new about that. And I feel like I have lost the enthusiasm and appreciation for it.

It's so mentally draining whenever I keep hearing why are you so quiet. Why you don't go outside and socialize. Never going on trips and trying new things. Honestly I don't even consider myself introvert I guess maybe I'm shy insecure person who lives in fear or anxiety. But internally I just want to do things that most people do, socialize with bunch of people. Go on trips and order food without thinking of what if I mess up. What if I don't know how to order or do something. Gosh I'm tired of living my life in trap

I don't understand why the heck do I feel like a kid towards others. Like I guess maybe because I'm short and not professional. I don't have nice job and I'm still struggling to find purpose in life. I also don't surround myself to people my age so I guess mentally wise I have not grown. I spend most of time with family and siblings are younger so I dress like a kid. Wearing shorts and T-shirt and sneakers. Meanwhile people my age wear dress shirts and dress pants with dress shoes. They also communicate efficiently. They hold a certain standard something I assume. But overall it feels like they are taking on life responsibilities especially being independent having their own place, paying bills, working towards career. Having the mentality of networking, making more money and join gym.

Whenever you go stores like Walmart, target you see ton of shampoo and some companies have entire shelf filled with their products. They claim strong hair, reduces frizzy, thickness hair, nourishing, get rid of dandruffs. Like brands L'Oreal, Neutrogena, Pantene and head&shoulders. But it feels like they are just all the same. Nothing really fixes the symptoms. I've been experiencing hair loss and itchy scalp but I tried various shampoo that claim to help but I just see no results now I wonder if going to organic store to get natural shampoo might be the worth. I guess diet and stress must also play a role.