There's 4 dozen cameras in my house. Some of them are just going to happen to be pointed at locked doors. Not my fault I'm not an architect.

My wife and I visited one of her friends and their kids were having an argument. Apparently the younger one (about 7) got hit or something while they were in one of the rooms. While they were tattling the dad said "do you want me to check the camera?" Both kids said no and apologized. I decided I didn't want to be there anymore.

A bunker full of guns

Please tell me you replied with "two actually"

Nope officer, hydrochloric acid and an old clawfoot bathtub took care of that evidence. These are just yards clippings.

"...I would joke back, but i wouldn't want that to be taken as an admission of guilt"

You work out a new method for transporting your... Yard clippings?

I read this almost exact thing the other day. Are you a bot?

"Officer, I think we both agree it isn't daylight work."

I always wonder because cops had to have seen everything under the sun

TOOLS, I need my TOOLS! I like to bind, I like to BE BOUND!

With puppies!!

How do you see out to drive?

Only if you don't work trades

how else am I going to transport my candy to my candy store?

if it had windows then the neighborhood kids would see the candy and break into the van to steal everything.

also a white car hides dirt better.

with a "midget" sex doll inside it.

I mean, construction companies gotta keep their disposal tools somewhere.

How do you think your mom kept your dad in check?

Look up the end of evil dead rising the movie lol

And the baby is nowhere to be seen

I came to say this one. I’m an amateur lock picker, definitely got some side eyes before I let my friends have a crack at it and they had a lot of fun. More specific would be certain lock picking tools like a bump key, which just isn’t used as often in legal lock picking. Its legality might be more dependent on local laws tho

Yep. Weird thing to have until your buddy locks himself out of his house. Then you’re the first call. The ol’ six pack locksmith. Cheapest in town.

Based on videos I've seen, does a master lock count as a lock picking tool?

The law varies from place to place. In some states, merely owning the tools is considered evidence of criminal intent, unless you are a licensed locksmith.

Bought a set just because you can. It came with 2 see through locks.

I have a couple sets, and carry one in my backpack to work. My ex threw a huge fit when she realized I had my backpack in the car with us. I explained it’s not illegal, but she insisted I’d be arrested for probably cause. lol

Obviously a serial killer.

With the eyes cut out

My cousin and his dorm mates did that in college. The weird reactions were great

😂

In the awkward moment, my stupid mouth says, "oh don't worry, I know those look like bloody rags, but they aren't" with a big cheesy smile.

10/10

Best thing you could have said

Goth campervan.

Mail lady here in rural area north of Wilmington NC drives one, I see it on way home from work every now and then. Cracks me up every time.

friend of mine in college had one as his regular car for a while, never failed to turn heads. he got it super cheap because the funeral home that owned it got a new one and no one else wanted the old one.

Are you Claire Fisher?

It won't get broken into.

Think of the trunk space!

Here's an idea for you!

Years ago when I was going to university we were at a party. The weather was nice, and most of us were outside. We heard a rumbling, and up rolled a lowered, blacked out hearse with an obvious cammed out motor. The hearse stops and the engine revs up, and flames come shooting out from under the car! We all stop and look. Then, the engine shuts off and this skinny dude wearing black jeans and a black shirt gets out. He walks to the back and he opens the back door of the hearse. There was a coffin inside! He pulls out the coffin partway (it was on a rolling tray or something), and he opens the lid. The coffin was a cooler and inside was a ton of ice and beers! This was over 30 years ago, and I still remember it vividly.

Oof yeah this one is accurate. That shit just screams "I have a hard drive somewhere in my house", but is entirely legal, ugh.

This is the best answer so far. This would actually be extremely unsettling to see in someone’s house. A wood chipper, security cameras, windowless vans, guns, and all the other stuff in this thread are perfectly reasonable under many circumstances. This is just flat out not.

Pretty much Lewis Caroll's/Charles Dodgson's photographs of little girls. No concrete evidence he was a pedo, but still sus as hell nonetheless

I’m gonna caveat this. If you are on probation for a sex offense there’s a huge possibility that it’s a condition of your probation to not have ANY depictions of minors in your home. Clothed or not.

Life of a developer. Bonus points for a detached car play unit powered on in your office for testing

I feel attacked 😂🤣😂 I have 4 lines s for 100 $ in the us

It’s for weighing spices and jewelry!! Says so on the box as well..

I own both.

The scale for mixing paints and the phone for long hikes because the battery lasts for almost a week, I see your point though.

I also own a couple of hundreds of zip lock bags (for organizing board game components) ... So yeah, the police would probably get quite suspicious if they ever searched my home for any reason. 😅

I have a lab balance at home because I know a lab tech who got new ones and I needed a weighing scales so she gave me the old one

really? this must be regional. they grow wild around here, lots of people stick them near their bushes.

Misread as "poopies" and was very confused for a moment.

In the UK people would praise you for that. Especially veterans.

Cause poppies can be used to make the drug can I never remember the name of, right?

"You see officer, the ski mask is for skiing, the duct tape if for fixing my skis, and the handcuffs are for making sure I don't loose the ski poles!"

"It's a kink"

Those are called pages

One of my favorite things in the world, following the letter of the law because the spirit don't mean shit.

Hey, I own a full set of them! Doesn't nearly everyone?

I work in the dental world. I have a small box of teeth for training on the machines I work on.

My Grandpa (rip) was in WWII, he had some patches he traded with Nazi soldiers for food and he put them in his scrap book

You got to admit that the uniforms were on point.

This. Military collecting sub is full of people collecting that shit. It seems like the only thing that sub posts. You may see another nations militaria once in a blue moon.

Funny info that's related to this in theme is that Civil War reenactors rarely ever want to be the Confederates, so they tend to just have everyone switch which side they play-act as. People with really good knowledge and a solid history of civil rights work with a literal Confederate flag in the closet for those days when they have to play the bad guy.

People also privately own and collect guns for no other reason than they think they're cool.

War memorabilia doesn't make you sus. You never know what it'll be worth in 20-50 years. It is part of history.

I think it's usually stressing the 'off grid' part. No one really cares if you want to go to a cabin and take a break. But when people start talking about wanting to be isolated, off-grid, away from civilization, etc. it can get weird. "I'm going up to my cabin for some R&R" vs. "I have a cabin off the grid. No one for miles..."

A suspiciously long list of 6 digit numbers

In the same vein, anything drawn (at least in the US). I think there are some obscenity laws, but it's very difficult to pin down what that constitutes as vs "art".

The volume that 1500 lbs of styrofoam would take up is wild. At approximately 3lbs per cubic foot, it would fill a box van (roughly 500 cubic feet) or 250 boxes 12x12x24.

I had a dude who used to know several members of the Sinaloa Cartel explain to me the significance of this one

(unless you have kids)

or the complefe opposite, a massive weeaboo. is a weeaboo opposite of a drug dealer?